Chapter Fourteen #2
Perhaps they’d understand one day that no one is awarded participation medals in war. No, your gift is your life. Not dying is the badge of honor you wear. I knew that from what we learned about the conquerings. Every elite who died was a reminder that no one was ever really safe in the end.
“Just shut the fuck up so I can fix what I’m sure you messed up,” I spat, rolling my eyes. Then, just to annoy them, I shadow walked to the edge of the cloak. They wouldn’t make it back before I’d begun, and that was enough to have me grinning as I shoved my hands forward and cleared my mind.
***
Bad company aside, the cloaking went rather well.
As in, the cloak was up and I was under the tree farthest from where I’d be meeting Nova, blissfully alone while I lost my mind. I had about ten minutes, which was more than enough time to rot in my discovery.
I couldn’t stop thinking the word. Love. What even was that? How did I just know that it was how I felt? Maybe I was wrong. Stars knew it was rare, but even I was fallible. Even I got things incorrect sometimes.
I couldn’t be in love with her. It was impossible.
Or it was entirely possible and I was in denial.
“You really know how to hide when you want to,” came a whisper.
“Leave me alone, Celeste,” I groaned out, scooting around the tree like a petulant child.
Definitely couldn’t be in love. No one in love acted so ridiculous. Didn’t love make you better? Or was that just a thing in the books Pri and Quinn would sneak behind their parents’ backs?
“No.” She sat beside me, her knees against her chest, placing her boots near the thigh of my trousers as she leaned her face into the shadows. If I wasn’t already sprawled out in the dirt, I’d be annoyed. “I only have a couple minutes. Just give me that.”
“You know, this is a form of torture.”
“Of all people, you would think talking through problems is torture, Az.” Huffing, I let my head fall against the tree. “I’m sorry for how I acted. I shouldn’t have yelled. Or hit you. Or called you useless.”
“I’ve experienced all three of those things my entire life. Don’t worry, I’m not offended anymore.”
“Yet, you ran off.”
“That was something else. It had nothing to do with you. Not really.”
“Regardless, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.
I just…” Celeste’s deep exhale had me tensing against the tree, readying for something I likely didn’t want to hear.
“I know I was wrong a lot of the time with Nova. I’d get so angry at the world, and then she’d be there celebrating it.
Inviting in the hateful nature I wanted to weed out. ”
“She had no choice. She was part of it.”
“Obviously. But I couldn’t—wouldn’t—see that.
If I’d taken even a moment to look at her, I would have understood that she was facing her own internal battle, one with a lot more pain than I was.
And that’s why I want her to choose this rebellion on her own.
More than my hope that she’ll fight even if I die, I just want her to have the chance to make her own decisions.
Ones that aren’t weighed down by the burden of us on her shoulders. ”
“Yeah, well, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Not when she feels like she has to honor you.”
“That’s where you come in.”
She shifted, turning towards me and grabbing my forearm. I wanted to tug my entire arm away, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She looked so…sincere.
“I need you to convince her that the rebellion is the right choice.”
“Might as well ask for the moons in your palm, too.”
“Az, I’m serious. Look, I know you don’t want to admit it, but you clearly have feelings for her.” Stars, it just gets worse. “Don’t cringe. You’re like a hundred years old, act like it.”
“Believe it or not, I’m trying. And I’m not that old.”
“Well, old man or not, I’m okay with you being with her. Just…treat her right.”
“Celeste, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but—“
“I hope one day you see the good in yourself that I see.”
My head immediately flung forward, my eyes finding hers. I didn’t like the sound of those words. Not one bit.
“Stop talking like you’re going to die.”
“I might.”
“You won’t.”
“I could.”
“Don’t go. Just this once, tell Maitoza to fuck off.
Come back to my cottage with us. Introduce Desi to your sister.
Find some peace before everything falls apart.
” There was a whine to my words, like a dog begging not to be left behind.
That’s what I felt like these days. A guard dog being trained.
Celeste leaned to the side, letting her arm press into mine as she stretched her neck and placed a gentle kiss to my cheek. Startled, I froze, my eyes so wide I feared they’d fall out of the sockets. Her hand cupped my cheek, tears pooling in her eyes.
“You have to convince her that the right thing to do is fight for the rebels. That it’s not her only option, but it is the best option. Give her the choice and help her choose right.”
Nodding, I whispered, “I will.”
“I’m counting on you, Pretty Boy. Maybe along the way you’ll convince yourself too.”
With that, she took her hand away and threw her fist into my arm, ripping baffled laughs out of my throat. As she stood, she added one last request. The one that made me realize why she seemed so scared.
“Take care of Desi, too.” She was walking away before I really had time to process what she’d said.
Desi wasn’t going with her.
But she was already weaving around a building, quickly escaping the reality of her choices.
Groaning, I reached into my pocket and fished out another note, this one reading to the dumb fuck I call my best friend.
Ouch.
Unfolding the lion-shaped note—how obvious of Cal—I prepared myself for the hostility.
Az,
I always knew you were a fucking idiot, but I never pegged you for suicidal. So imagine how surprised I was when I found Nova in the Sham District accompanied by none other than YOU.
Do you think I don’t know how shift works? Please. You really love to piss me off, Altair.
Anyway, I’m working on finding the rebellion now, because the only possible way the two of you are together and attacking officials is if you’re working with the eadi rebels. At least, that’s the only thing I can think of at the moment, and I’m rolling with it.
Looks like we’ll change the world or die trying.
See you soon.
Cal
Aggravated beyond belief now, I crumpled the note and shoved it back into my pocket. Of course Cal knew it was me. My luck would have it no other way.
So Caleb was risking his life trying to find me, Priya was in danger for just knowing me, and Quinn was pushing it with Talon.
Tugging in my knees, I put my arms up and let my head fall between my legs.
What am I going to do?
And then, as if the stars were offering me divine intervention, Nova’s voice rang out from the distance.
“Altair? Where did you go?”