Chapter Forty-Eight
Nova
“Life would be so much better if people were actually good.”
When Celeste and I were little, Mama would tell us that the only thing we had in common other than our looks was our anger. We both had a temper that we struggled to tame, which led to vicious fights and brutal arguments.
Sometimes, when she got angry, Celeste said she’d picture painting.
She’d imagine the strange shades of yellow, red, and blue that would somehow merge to make the exact color of her skin.
What strokes would it take? How long would it need to dry?
What would it smell like? She swore it helped her calm down.
So when I got angry, I’d think of different tonics and elixirs. The ingredients. The colors. The smells. The consistencies. I’d imagine them until I no longer felt the fury that seemed to envelop me.
As I stormed towards the group that stood around a blazing fire, not even alchemy could save me from my rage. Unsurprisingly, Azazel was the first to notice me. He’d probably been waiting, watching, wondering.
Just when his head did a quick set of turns my way, his eyes lighting up, I reared back my fist and swung. My punches had never been anything impressive. I wasn’t much of a combatant. However, I’d always possessed a talent for hitting Az.
His face whipped to the left, blood splattering out of his lip almost instantly. I didn’t bother to hit him again. Instead, I screamed. “You sick fucking bastard! You knew she was alive and you let me mourn her! You listened as I broke and watched as I sobbed! All the while, you knew!”
“Nova, hold on!” Desi shouted, stepping between Az and I with her hands raised. Behind her, he stood straight, his fingers touching his mouth gently and his eyes wide.
“You’re no better!” Shoving my hands into her shoulders, I knocked her to the ground, running at Az again. Someone caught me around the waist, forcing me to kick and thrash. I was a woman possessed as I clawed towards the man I loved. Because, yes, I loved him still.
“Calm down, Nova,” Quinn said, his stern voice deep and his grip around me firm.
Zura stepped into my line of sight, her green eyes large as she reached up and held my face, not letting go even when I shook like a rabid animal. “It’s going to be okay. Tell us what’s wrong and we can help. Who’s alive?”
I couldn’t respond. Nothing would leave my lips but monstrous growls as I tried to free myself. Az only stared on with a sort of numbed look to his face. Desi was at his side, tears pouring down her cheeks as she sobbed.
Get in line you lying bitch.
“Tershetta,” Priya said, her voice cold and face stiff as she shoved Zura to the side and stared me down. “I want you to know that I’m genuinely sorry for this. Especially because I’ve decided I do like you.”
Then she swung, smashing her fist into my forehead. I instantly grew dizzy, my vision spotting before going all black. The last thing I heard was Az’s shout, the two syllables so painfully perfect coming from his mouth.
“Nova!”
***
This time, when I awoke, it wasn’t with the bliss and peace of before. My head ached, my chest clenched, and my fury burned.
The second my eyes opened and his blonde hair came into focus, I sat upright and pressed into him, wrapping my fingers around his throat. “You fucking b—“
“Nova, stop!” Desi’s hands yanked me backwards, forcing me off of Azazel. I swung out my closed fist, trying to hit her hard enough that she’d release me, all the while I kicked my feet towards Az.
“Where’s my fucking sister? Where is she? Bring me to her or I’ll kill you both!” I was losing my sanity with every passing second, the image of Celeste smiling at me propelling me forward again. I elbowed Desi in the collarbone, earning a grunt of pain before I once again jumped onto Azazel.
Instead of letting me hit him or choke him, he caught me, grip firm on my biceps as he twisted me mid air and pressed me into the mattress. I thrashed beneath his hold, screaming Celeste’s name like I might summon her there.
My sister is alive. She’s alive, and they kept her from me. Somewhere on this stars-forsaken planet she still lives and breathes. Celeste is alive. Alive. Alive!
“Nova, please! Calm down, and I promise I will tell you everything!” Az sounded panicked, his voice strained and the veins in his neck adding extra curves to the shadow marks on his skin. “Please, Little Void!”
Something within me caved in at that moment. Maybe my chest. Regardless, I suddenly deflated beneath him, my head falling to the side and my breaths slowing almost instantly. Was I dying?
“I’m so, so sorry, Nova,” Desi said, her voice a choked cry as sobs barreled out of her so violently her body shook.
Her long hair was loose, her clothes and face clean now. The tattoos on her cheeks stood out against her brown skin even more as I stared at her then. That was the woman my sister loved. A shaytan. Celeste was alive and in love with a magic-wielder. Celeste was alive.
“Apology not accepted,” I moaned out, the agony straining my voice and adding an odd rasp to it. “Please, just take me to my sister.”
“It isn’t that simple.” I looked back up at Azazel, glaring. “She’s…”
“Commander Maitoza sent her on a mission not long after you arrived,” Desi cut in.
“Liar!” As if I’d believe them after all they’d done. After the lies.
“Nova, I swear, that’s the truth! I can take you to the commander now and she’ll confirm that Celeste has been on mission for quite some time now. I can get my letters from her if you’d like. Anything.” I looked away from Desi, my eyes focusing back on Az.
He looked nauseous, as if every word Desi said pushed him closer to vomiting. Or maybe it was the way I’d attacked him. I wasn’t sure, though I couldn’t lie to myself and say I didn’t care. Why did I always love the things I knew I shouldn’t?
“Explain. Now,” I ordered, speaking only to Azazel. Because, honestly, it was him who owed me that. Desi wasn’t much to me at all. Her lies barely hurt. It was his dishonesty that stung.
Sighing, he sat back on the mattress, his weight leaving me. His grey eyes watered, darkening until they resembled Celeste and Mama’s. Until they suddenly merged into one, and it felt more like I was listening to my sister talk.
“When I first got taken by the rebellion, I was content to just rot here in my cottage until the time came to kill my father. Honestly, I didn’t have many plans for before or after that.
” A soft smile lifted the corner of his mouth, his eyes flicking over to Desi.
She hadn’t let her face relax from the strained, horrified expression that tugged at the edges of her skin and stretched it.
“Then one day, after I’d finished fixing up the cottage, someone burst through my front door. ”
“Celeste,” I guessed, my heartbeat speeding as I sat up and pulled my knees against my chest, listening intently.
“Celeste,” he agreed, grinning and shaking his head.
“She’s a lot like you in some ways. She guessed I hadn’t hurt your parents when I became visibly surprised by her presence.
After we talked and she left, I figured I’d never see her again.
Turns out, Desi was on the hunt for a new pet, and Celeste had taken quite the liking to her by then.
Enough that when Celeste started hand-delivering me supplies, Desi came along.
That evolved into me going to trainings with them, eating with them, talking with them. ”
“You and my sister are…friends?” I was too stunned to even attempt to picture it. Celeste was not only in love with an of eadi, she was friends with a core heir? Had I died and ascended after all? Was this a dream? My imagination trying to picture a world where I could have Az and my sister?
“She calls me pretty boy, so I think we’re at least good enough acquaintances for nicknames.” He shrugged, reaching up and massaging his neck. “Then you showed up, and everything changed. Celeste came as soon as she found out, and she was here when Desi healed you. But…”
I waited with bated breath, eager to hear what he’d say next. What excuse would he have for not telling me about Celeste? How could he redeem that? Make it sound less awful? After a few beats of silence, I couldn’t help myself.
“But what?”
“Celeste told us we couldn’t say anything to you about her,” he finally whispered, his brows knitted together and his mouth downturned. To my left, Desi looked like she might begin outright wailing.
“Bullshit! I don’t care how mad Celeste was, she would never let me think she was fucking dead! You’re lying!” Stars, I wanted to hit him again. Hit both of them. Maitoza too, that conniving bitch.
“He’s not lying, Nova, and Celeste didn’t keep herself from you as a punishment.
” I let my glare fall to Desi, hoping I could summon Dad’s menacing stare he used to give people who’d make remarks about me when I first got magic.
I had his eyes again, after all. “You can’t possibly imagine how hard it was for her to make that decision.
She was devastated every day knowing you were mere moments away.
But she also believed that you had to choose the rebellion for yourself.
She didn’t want her presence to interfere or sway your allegiance. ”
Stars-dammit, that sounds just like her.
“So you’re telling me that my sister let me think she was dead just so I’d choose to support the rebellion on my own?
And you two went along with it?” My tone had softened, a bit of a whine beginning to stretch the words as I realized what was happening.
“Do you understand how fucking insane that sounds?”
Celeste had picked the rebellion over me. She’d let me drown in grief because she wanted me to pick her side. The side that was clearly corrupt in its own way.
“Az said it was a bad idea. He argued with Celeste and Commander Maitoza more than once. But it wasn’t his choice. It was hers, and she only made it because she felt like it was the right one.”