Chapter Forty-Eight #2
Despite my better judgment, I turned to Azazel again, “All this time, you knew. You told me you loved me and yet you hid my sister’s existence from me? How could you do that?”
Tears freely streamed down his face now, his jaw flexed as he seemed to consider his next words. Desi didn’t give him the chance.
“Az came to me more than once saying he didn’t want to keep this from you. I asked for a little more time while I waited for your sister to return my letters. If there’s anyone worthy of your forgiveness right now, it’s him.”
That got my attention. “You haven’t heard from her at all? How do you know she’s safe? Where did she even go? Why was she, of all people, sent on a mission in the first place?”
Az choked on his words, stuttering as he took a turn answering. “Maitoza has taken Celeste under her wing. She leads drills and takes high level missions regularly. Every meeting Maitoza attends, Celeste sits in on. They work together closely. We don’t know what the mission was this time.”
“But the commander has told me that Celeste is fine! She probably just doesn’t have time to write,” Desi said, ringing her hands and scrunching her nose.
Even I could tell that Desi seemed unsure of the truth to the statement, but it was Az who said, “Of course she’d say that. Anything to keep her favorite little pet pr—“
“Don’t even start with that!”
“I’ll start with what I want when you and I both know that the only reason Celeste even thought to hide from Nova was because of Commander Sucks, who is also the reason Celeste isn’t here right now!”
I watched them bicker, now far less angry and much more terrified. Celeste was missing then. I’d had a chance to have her back, only to potentially lose it before I could even grab at the opportunity.
She was alive, but I might never see her again.
Slowly, I slid my legs off the bed, standing and walking stiffly to my bag where it sat on the right side of the sofa. Bending down, I unzipped it, feeling as if I was watching myself from outside of my body.
My fingers sifted through the contents, stumbling upon random items until I grabbed the three I wanted. When I pulled out Celeste’s portraits book she gave me and my parents’ journals, I nearly broke down into tears.
Opening the book of art, I flipped through the portraits, my heart beating slowly but fiercely in my chest. Mama.
Celeste. Me. Me. Dad. Mama and Dad. Celeste and I.
Me again. Mama in the apothecary with greenery surrounding her and the biggest smile on her face.
Dad cooking and sticking his tongue out. All four of us.
We looked so happy.
Closing the book, I picked up Dad’s journal, letting the pad of my finger glide across the deckled edges until I got to the last entry.
He, like Celeste, had written the day of his death.
I fear we’ve failed Nova. Perhaps we’ve even pushed her into this.
She becomes more of a shaytan every day, and I fear what that means for her future.
When magic pours from the sky, what will come of the histories?
Of the truth? I should tell her them. Not only to save her soul from the barbaric nature of the stars’ magic, but to explain my own stance.
To be honest about what happened all those years ago.
Maybe even to explain what lurks below. I think that I
The sentence ended abruptly, forcing me to imagine what he might have said next. What had he meant by the truth? It reminded me of what Dad had said to me that night. That there was so much he needed to tell me. Was this the same thing?
Sighing, I opened Mama’s, flicking to the last entry. Again, it was the night of their deaths. My family was nothing if not consistent with our love of writing things down.
Instead of her feelings or thoughts, the last entry was a letter. Not just any letter. One to Az.
Az,
You know, I had a bit of a suspicion about you. Maybe I didn’t outright guess you were from a core family, but my gut was telling me that something wasn’t right.
Sorry, no, that’s not what I meant. I could tell you weren’t in a good situation.
But, I stand by what I’ve said. I know you’re a good person.
And the way you look at my Nova…well, I don’t think even you understand it yet.
Seeing as it’s the exact way Seamus looked at me when we were young, I have a feeling you aren’t going anywhere any time soon, regardless of this Talon boy.
With that being said, I’m going to ask you for a favor.
A rather big one. I need you to fight against whatever has been taught to you in the name of cruelty and power.
Nova isn’t a mistake. She’s one of the most extraordinary people to exist on all of Dajahim.
Don’t let the world convince you otherwise.
Don’t let them ruin your chances at the happiness I know you can find with my daughter.
Don’t let your ancestors choose for you.
Fight for something better. You’ll never regret it.
Love,
Octavia
As I lifted the journal, tears streaming down my face, a folded up piece of parchment fell out. Sucking in desperate breaths, I set the journals down and opened what looked like a letter.
Octavia,
I hope the three of you are well. I know you probably don’t want it, but the attached bag has gold.
Maybe you could spend it on a decent healer from the Star District for your husband.
I can probably source a good connection for you if you’d like.
Or you could fix that broken shed you mentioned in your last letter.
Do whatever you’d like with it. Please. I was just going to waste it anyway.
How are you feeling after that cold? I can send a tonic if you need one. Or maybe I can mention it to your daughter? Let me know.
Also, yes, Nova is well. She recently ran her fastest course yet. She’s easily in the top half of our trainee class. Don’t worry about anything over here. We’ve got it handled.
All my best,
Az
Of course he was sweet and considerate with my mother. It was so very him to woo everyone in his presence—if he wanted to that was. No, that wasn’t fair. He did care about Mama. I knew that much.
Gently, I lifted the bound pages and kissed the leather spines of each, wishing I could hold my family one last time. My parents, that was.
I might still hold my sister. That was no longer an impossibility.
I just had to find her.
“Okay,” I said, pulling a deep breath down my throat before standing and pivoting their way.
Neither had moved, both staring at me with half-lidded eyes and quivering lips.
“Our first step has to be speaking with the commander. We need to know what Celeste’s mission was and why she hasn’t responded to your letters.
From there, we need to get her back. Immediately. ”
“Nova, I think we should talk first,” Az said, stepping my way.
“No.” I wasn’t ready. Probably because I knew I couldn’t blame him. Not when he’d agreed before we became…whatever we were. But I didn’t want to be rational or understanding. I wanted to be angry and determined and focused.
“Please?” He held out his hands, reaching for me as if he could will me to fall into his grasp.
Desi cleared her throat, saying nothing as she headed for the door. “Desi, no. We need to get to the commander. We’re all leaving.”
“I’m going to go check on the others. I’ll be right back
“Don’t you dare,” I said, my voice lowering in pitch. But she didn’t bother to even act scared. Instead, she let her head fall forward and left, closing the door softly behind her.
All I could do was stare at the wood grain, wishing I could stop myself from feeling the agony and fear. Fingers glided across my arms, the touch a known and—surprisingly—welcome thing. Like returning home.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, leaning his head against mine. Stars above, how was I feeling calmer and more at peace? What was so different about us that I couldn’t even consider walking away? “What I did was wrong. I should’ve told you. There are no excuses. I’m selfish and cowardly.”
Ugh.
“Azazel,” I muttered, unsure what else to say. I could yell, but stars, I was losing my energy. I was so exhausted.
“Please, don’t leave me,” he begged, his hands gliding up my skin until they settled along my jaw and neck. His breath smelled like smoke, his clothes holding a sweet, warm vanilla scent. He forced me to face him, tilting my head back and staring into my eyes. “Please, baby.”
Feeling the defeat, I scrunched my eyes closed, my lips following the motion and my entire face tightening. “I won’t. I just need…time.”
“Time I can give,” he said, leaning down until his lips ghosted across mine, as if he was waiting to see if I’d pull away. Instead, I pressed forward, deciding that I was mad, but not enough to lose someone else I loved.