16. Miri
16
Miri
I came back to reality with a start, homing in on a bright indigo stare.
“There she is,” Carter said, holding me to his chest. “There’s my Juliet.”
Tears streaked down my cheeks as I clenched my eyes shut and gripped Carter tighter, praying that this was a nightmare, that I’d wake up back at our cabin on Solstice and remember none of this was real. When I opened them again, I focused on a woman and a man clawing at each other in a desperate frenzy, their nails dripping with each other’s blood.
“Oh, God,” I cried, closing my eyes again. “What the bloody hell is happening?”
“It’s okay,” Carter said, holding me tighter while Ivy tried to wake Siobhan by smacking her.
“Are they tearing each other to pieces?” I tried to keep my voice stable, but it trembled anyway.
“Yeah,” Carter said. “Just…don’t look.”
Instead, I watched Ivy put her hands on Siobhan’s head to enter her mind. A few moments later, the fairy blinked back to reality and Donnelly soon followed. The weight of the magic in the air pressed in on me from all directions, coaxing me under its spell. I wanted to let it. I wanted to fall under and let it consume me, never to wake up again. I assumed that had to do with the fairy magic as well. Ambrosia had been designed by the Gods to make a person never want to leave Olympus.
I had to stay strong. My beloveds needed me. I had to see this through.
“Fuck,” Siobhan groaned, clutching at her head. “What day is it?”
“Beltane,” Ivy told her. “We need to move.”
“Two days!” Donnelly groaned. “We lost two days?”
“This isn’t normal magic,” Siobhan said, glancing around. “It’s been corrupted.” Her stern brown gaze found Ivy’s. “How did it go? Did you fix my lady?”
Ivy nodded, but ran a hand over her neck when she focused on Finn arguing with Diana in the distance. “She’s back, but I wouldn’t say she’s on our side.”
Siobhan and Donnelly turned in time to see Finn walking back with the queen, her hair as wild as the rest of the party, sticking out at all ends. She looked feral, as much a beast as anyone else here.
“I’m unable to break the spell,” Diana said, gesturing around. “This is powerful magic, ancient. We best let it be.”
“We have to help them.” I swallowed down my disgust at the carnage, at how what had once been festive and joyous had turned so wretchedly violent and horrendous. Groans of ecstasy mixed with screams of pain, the sounds of tearing muscle and cracking bone mixing with the first stirrings of summer wildlife. “We can’t let them destroy themselves.”
“Help us,” the trees called again, stealing my attention from the queen’s response. I glanced behind me, branches rustling in the wind, just barely audible over the crowd. “He is coming. He is coming.”
Trembles skated down my spine and up the back of my skull, and I hugged myself tighter, feeling the weight of the ruby dust in my pocket. Pressure sat on my chest, warring emotions bubbling up inside of me. But I sensed it, that dark presence over the crest of the valley. It rattled through me, an icy wind on the worst winter day, freezing my nerve endings.
Run, a part of me hissed.
Fight, cried the other.
The trees were wrong. “He’s already here,” I whispered, more to myself than anyone else, but Carter heard me.
“What?” He ducked down so he could be eye level with me. “Did you just say he’s here?”
“Little Thistle.” Alberich’s voice echoed through the bristling leaves like a monster calling out to its prey. “Have you missed me?”
I grimaced and grabbed my head, shaking it to get him out.
Imagine your fortress. Go to your tower.
I mentally stood inside the stone walls of my safe space, reinforcing the thick walls with my energy. He couldn’t get me here. He couldn’t?—
“Little Thistle,” his deep, wicked voice called from outside the cinderblock walls. “I can smell you. You can’t run from me; you never could. And after we had so much fun together.”
No.
He couldn’t reach me here.
He’s a monster, and I’m the princess who has to save herself.
Hands clamped around my cheeks, dragging me back to reality and forcing my gaze into Ivy’s steel-gray counterparts.
“I hear him, too.” She nodded, imploring me to stay strong. “You’re not alone. Stay with me.”
For one heartbreaking moment, I considered running. She was wrong; we weren’t the same. He had pinpointed me for some reason. He had attacked me. Perhaps it had been because I was easy to attack; perhaps I would always be easy to attack.
“Remember how strong we are together,” Ivy whispered inside my head, suddenly standing next to me in my stone tower. Because we were soul mates, because we’d built this tower together, she could come and go as she pleased. I gave her permission. She wrapped her hand in mine, squeezing my fingers tighter, almost to the point where it hurt. But it was a painful reminder that I simply couldn’t fight him alone. Not anymore. I never could. I needed them. “Remember that I love you.”
She loved me, and I loved her…I loved them all. I would do anything to protect them.
Adding Ivy to my safe space warned him off, and his presence retreated, allowing me to focus on the present.
Diana eyed me warily, a deeper knowledge passing just behind her eyes. I would have given anything to be able to read that expression and know what she knew. Instead of explaining, she gave us a small, almost pitying smile and said, “I have sent Poppy ahead to Faerie, but I believe it’s time we headed home as well.” Then, she took off into the tree line, the same that had once led to the creek we bathed in on Midsummer.
Following the queen into her native realm hardly compared to the first two times we’d done it. At Midsummer, we had been so intoxicated on fairy wine and Siobhan’s gift, we’d stumbled into a different realm without knowing it. At Samhain, we’d heard ghosts in the woods, voices from our dead loved ones that called us to the realm like sirens, beckoning us to what should have been our deaths. This time, Diana floated over the undergrowth, her white robes nearly glowing in the moonlight, her long golden hair alive and electrifying with magic.
The queen held her hands out as she walked, streaks of pale shimmering wisps cascading behind her, coating the forest floor with life and vitality. In response, what remained of the plant life perked to attention, soaking in her wild essence as if the very proximity could heal their wounds.
Perhaps it could. Diana had once called herself the Great Source. Everything and all of it existed within her. Carter’s words then rushed back to me.
If we’re like them, they’re like us.
“My lady,” Siobhan said, interrupting my train of thought as she rushed by me to get to Diana. “The battle maidens and the Fianna will be standing by in Faerie. We are all with you.”
The queen turned to Siobhan and ran a hand down her cheek, tenderness in her eyes. “Thank you, Siobhan. Tell them to prepare. We will need a show of strength. I will need their energy.”
The banshee straightened her spine, shifting her shoulders and nodding as the weight of the queen’s words settled around her.
“He is alone.” The queen kept walking, her magic continuing to pulse and swirl from her palms. It reminded me of the king’s dark tendrils in the way that it moved like mist and engulfed anything it touched. But the king had always terrified me, his magic entrancing people, making them think and believe whatever he wanted.
The white light emanating from the queen’s fingertips soothed me, reaching down inside to find the most rotten part, the piece that believed I shouldn’t be here. It wrapped itself around the shattered remains and stitched it back together, throbbing as if giving me a spiritual hug.
“My dear girl.” Diana’s voice spoke inside my mind, her tone that of a mother soothing a child with a skinned knee. I glanced around, thinking she had said out loud, but she continued to talk to Siobhan like nothing else had happened, her attention remaining on her banshee soldier. “Stay strong. It is almost the end.”
I swallowed and hugged my sweater tighter around myself, ignoring the way Lex walked quietly at my side, equally lost in his own thoughts. I hadn’t forgotten how he’d lied when he’d come out of the conversation with Diana, and once we had a moment alone, I planned to let the others know. Whatever she said, he couldn’t face this on his own. No more secrets.
“What do you think we’re gonna find on the other side?” Carter whispered to Ivy as they walked a pace or two ahead of us.
“Utter fucking chaos?” Ivy said, shrugging. “An orgy full of bloody fairies?”
“How am I ever going to get that out of my head?” Carter rubbed at his temples, and I agreed.
“I can’t believe we left them there,” I said, grimacing as we kept walking.
“What were we supposed to do? Go around, smacking them all until they woke up?” Lex scowled, his frustration clearly getting the best of him.
“We don’t have time for that,” Ivy said, glancing at me. “Alberich is close. He’s already in Killwater, if not in the woods.”
The echo of his voice chilled me, sending another shiver down my spine. Focusing on the image of Ivy and me reinforcing the tower together, I psychically gripped her hand and sent another bout of energy to my mental fortress.
Diana seemed unperturbed by it. She said she couldn’t fix it and we’d best let it be before wandering into the forest. To her, people desiring each other so much they literally tore themselves to pieces was no big deal.
One day in the future, I would probably look back on this night and wonder how I could live with myself. It wasn’t like I had other options, and I certainly didn’t want to get ripped apart myself. But shame burned up my neck and into my cheeks all the same.
What would my father think? What would my mother do?
Despite the horrors that would undoubtedly haunt me to the grave, I wanted to stay strong for Diana…for my spouses and Siobhan…for myself.
We reached what had once been a veil in front of a giant wall of thistles, nearly thirty stories high, wrapping kilometers around in either direction. Now, there was nothing, just scorched earth and a broken shimmer to the atmosphere.
The veil.
When we’d left on Samhain, it had been damaged from the king’s magic, fragile and unpredictable, but certainly still intact. We weren’t sure we’d make it back. It should have been imperceptible, only visible to those who were fairy or had been invited. Now, it appeared unstable, like any second it might cave in on itself. Its sharp edges shimmered with brilliant jaded magic in the shape of an oval several meters in diameter.
“Fuck,” Finn said, drawing my attention. “The gateway is fraying.”
He walked around us to stand next to Diana, reaching his hand out to the border, but the queen stopped him, tsking her teeth. “Do not touch that.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Diana eyed the opening, tilting her head to the side as she considered. Her face remained annoyingly stoic, revealing little of what she thought or determined about the unstable magic. Finally, she straightened and turned to the rest of us. “Come along. It will allow our entry.”
She held her palm out, gesturing us to go ahead of her with Siobhan leading the way. Ivy went next, followed by Lex, Carter, and Donnelly. I held back, a sickening weight lining my stomach as dread crept up the back of my spine. I looked over my shoulder one last time, whispering a silent goodbye to the trees.
“Be careful,” came their solemn reply. “ And fare well.”
Perhaps I knew, even then, it might be the last time I ever heard them answer back.
* * *
Crossing into the realm of fairies always skated over my skin like being dropped into a warm tub of pure ecstasy. There existed no other feeling like it. Despite missing its queen and king for months, the air still buzzed with euphoric energy. I could stay here forever and never know another problem.
The great fairy village, however, looked entirely different. At Samhain, white tents had been set up in a grid pattern, forming a sprawling community that had stood for centuries. Now, it had expanded, stretching much farther in either direction.
Fairies stopped and stared when we walked by, Diana and Finn at the head of our small party, Siobhan and Donnelly bringing up the rear. And in the middle, four lowly humans looked around like we had any right to be here, like we were just another part of this conflict.
Did they know about our gifts? Did they know about the promise we made in their sacred ruins, how we’d taken their magic and mutated it without knowing how or why we’d done it?
Some grimaced. Some shot angry stares. Others dropped to their knees in recognition of the queen and her chosen court. Diana walked with her chin tilted up, her shoulders pulled back, her arms out to either side, wisps of her magic coasting behind her like a train on a wedding dress.
Siobhan suddenly broke away from the crowd and darted into the arms of another female fairy. Ashley. Her sister. When we’d come here last time, she had been the one to escort us around the village, the one who gave us her tent and her bed for the evening. She had the power to distort reality, to make people see whatever she wanted them to believe.
I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that she was here.
“It’s been so long, sister,” Siobhan said as I passed her.
“Don’t leave me again.” Ashley gave the banshee one last hug before Siobhan came back to our procession, falling in line behind us again.
When we reached the enormous platform in the center, Diana climbed the stairs and crossed in front of her giant canvas tent to the two thrones on the far end. Her eyes met ours, and she nodded, indicating we should join her on stage.
Heart pounding and hands shaking, I followed Ivy up the stairs, Lex and Carter behind me. We walked to her right, Finn, Siobhan, and Donnelly arriving on the other side. The valley extended as far as I could see, all the attention focused on us. Murmurs drifted up from the crowd, whispers of confusion or disgust mingling with anticipation and joy.
The queen took a step forward and raised her hands, quieting the thousands… no, hundreds of thousands that had gathered in support of her…in support of us.
“I know,” Diana said. “I know.”
The crowd waited for her to continue, every single fairy hanging on to the edge of their sanity while Diana paused for their attention.
“It has been a rough journey,” she continued. “The last time I was on this stage, my beloved husband tricked us.”
I clutched the plastic bag containing the ruby dust in my pocket, inhaling deeply to clear the trepidation in my lungs. Instinct had told me to collect it, to keep it safe in case we needed it. But I didn’t know when or how to use it. I prayed I didn’t need to.
“He has become needlessly violent,” she continued. “And he will descend upon us by tomorrow morn.”
Gasps echoed all around me, followed by hushed murmurs. The populace couldn’t believe he would show his face again after all he’d done.
“To my battle maidens, I owe you my appreciation. You tried to protect me then, and you stand to protect me now.” The queen smiled in the direction of a group of female fairies, tattoos stretching down their left arms in twisting ivy patterns that matched the ones on Siobhan. “To the Fianna…” She said something in a language I didn’t understand, but it sounded like old Faero-Gaelic, like the language she had been uttering only a few days ago.
Finn walked forward, holding his hands up as half of the crowd shouted in unison, nearly deafening the entire valley. Metal swords beat on shields as screams of allegiance echoed from all around us. Siobhan had undersold the strength of the Fianna. Judging by the number of bodies praising Finn’s presence, I’d say he controlled a military larger than some first-world countries combined.
“To my human friends,” Diana turned to us, a soft smile on her face as she eyed each of us individually, her gaze ultimately landing and staying on Lex. “You kept me safe when I was at my lowest. For that, I will never be able to repay you. I owe you my thanks.” Then she muttered something in Faero-Gaelic that none of us understood.
A hush fell on the crowd again, and when I ventured a glance in that direction, I noticed they had all placed their hands on their hearts. Every last fairy, human, changeling, and halfling in the crowd looked at us with affection and adoration. Evidently, it meant a great deal for the queen to personally offer a debt of gratitude.
I widened my eyes, glancing to Ivy next to me. She twisted her fingers in between mine, her palm trembling as she squeezed my hand tighter.
“Ivette Washington, Alexei Fairfax, Carter Scott, and Miriam Stuart will be treated like most honored guests while they remain on our lands. And if they should not, you will answer to me.” With that, Diana turned back to her followers and raised her hands again. “We will show my beloved husband how strong we are when we are united, and we will make him see reason.”
She smiled when Poppy emerged from the tent behind us, nearly a foot taller than when I’d seen her a few hours ago. How long had passed in Faerie while we were entranced in the woods? The changeling wrapped her arms around Diana’s waist and hugged her close, and the queen reciprocated by tucking her under her arm like a mother protecting her child.
“Make no mistake,” Diana continued. “He will try to gain your allegiance. He will play his mind games and make you believe things have happened when they have not.” The queen’s eyes cut to me when she said it, not long enough for anyone else to notice, but it still sent a chill through my veins. “Our noble king has always been mercurial.” Diana twisted her lips into a rare smile, the glimmer in her eyes hinting at both a sadness and a desperation that only she could know. “But the time has come to put this argument to rest. Stay strong. Do not let him win.”
Cheers and shouts of encouragement rose up from all around us, the battle maidens and the Fianna both in agreement. They were done fighting each other. They were done being two separate entities. Finn had once explained that the two had lived as one unit for centuries before this split. Regardless of whether their tattoos marked them as belonging to the king or the queen, they were members of Faerie first. Like the royals, they needed each other to survive.
“I beg of you, stand by me tomorrow,” Diana said. “Stand by me. Lend me your energy, your reverence, and we shall know peace once more.”
The crowd’s cries grew even louder, more pronounced in their acceptance. They wanted it to end. They wanted to go back to the way things were before the king grew too radical, before he threw their entire existence into peril because of his outdated ideas about humans.
“Be with your loved ones tonight,” the queen said, eyeing the four of us again. “Revel in what it means to be alive. We will need that reminder come tomorrow.”
With that, she gave the crowd a nod, turned to us with one final smile, and retreated inside her tent. In the valley below, everyone dispersed, their sneers no longer furious or contemptuous. Now, they smiled when they passed us, making eye contact with congeniality. Siobhan walked closer, putting one hand on Ivy’s shoulder and the other on mine.
“Come with me,” she said. “I’ll show you where you can rest tonight.”
I hated the waiting. If we knew where the king was and when he would attack, would it not make more sense to go after him before he could get to us? Perhaps we could blindside him and detain him before he hurt us. But whatever we proposed would get no support from anyone else. The queen had already announced her plan, and now it was time to pause. We would deal with the king tomorrow.
As we walked through the camp, I smiled at anyone who met my eyes, but most were focused on their levity. I thought I spotted Smythe and Victor in one tent, hugging each other while they drank from chalices, but I couldn’t be sure, and I didn’t want to interrupt. I remembered when Victor had helped us earlier this year, we had asked him if he would support us when the time came. He said he’d like to think he would, and it pleased me to see him here, back at home, back where they started. Smythe had been exiled for falling in love with one of the queen’s ladies, but now, bygones had been put to rest.
By the size of the crowd, it appeared she had welcomed all the fairies and fairy sympathizers back into her fold. Siobhan and her lovers had spent a lot of time corralling everyone to support the queen, but now that we were here, something seemed off about it. Why had the queen openly welcomed everyone home? Had she gotten over Smythe’s prior indiscretions?
I ignored my skepticism and followed Siobhan under the canvas folds of a tent much like the one we’d stayed in last time we were here, much like the one in Diana’s mind. It looked small on the outside, but it opened up into a grand space. Off to our right sat a large dining table with a feast on top. The smell of fresh fruit and garlic-roasted turkey hit my nose, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten since the plane ride here. A grumble echoed from my stomach next, making Carter turn to me and snicker.
“I’m starving, too, Juliet.”
“Of course you are.” The man was six-three and two hundred fifty pounds of muscle, requiring a high caloric intake. An enormous bed rested on a raised platform, furs and pillows decorating the top. To our left was a small kitchenette with more food spilling over the countertops and cupboards.
“Please feel free to make yourselves at home for the night,” Siobhan said, her drawn features and the bags under her eyes hinting at her exhaustion. It echoed the same radiating from me.
The impending doom glowed on the horizon, reminding me that this was almost over, that on the other side of this lay heartbreak. We would have to make a sacrifice, whatever that was, and once the end came, all of this would truly be done. Lex likely knew more than he would tell us, and I aimed to rectify that.
“If we eat the food,” Ivy said, “will we be stuck here?”
Siobhan forced a tight laugh and shook her head. “Has that happened before?”
“The wine makes us”—Carter cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders—“ different .”
“I promise, should you survive the king’s vengeance, you will be returned to your realm unscathed.” Siobhan met eyes with me, lingering for a moment longer before returning to Carter. “You heard my lady, mates. You are honored guests. No one will harm you, not so long as you are under her protection. And mine.” Siobhan gestured to the food. “Eat. Rest. We’ve been through a lot these last few days, and there is still much left to do.”
“What did she mean?” Ivy said. “We will need this reminder tomorrow?”
Yes, I had latched on to that as well. The queen seemed determined and assured that we would beat the king, but she had ended on quite a somber note.
“Beltane raises the sensuality in our spirits. A lot of power can come from the energy of love. If I were you”—Siobhan took a deep breath and let it out through her nose—“I would spend tonight like it’s my last in this world together. It might very well be.”
“Do you hear yourself?” Carter balked, crossing his arms. “You just promised to escort us back to our world unharmed and then you tell us it might be our last night on earth?”
“Should we survive the king’s vengeance,” Lex cut in, letting the suggestion hang between us. I went back to my earlier suspicion, to the way he’d looked when he’d come back from that conversation with Diana, to the way the trees had bristled when I stepped through the veil. They knew then, and so did Lex.
I hung on Siobhan’s exact phrasing. She had said, “last in this world together .” As if we wouldn’t be together after this. This furthered my melancholy because I had the sinking suspicion Lex had gotten secret knowledge from the queen about his stakes in the final battle.
But I knew better. Ivy would never part with Lex, nor would Carter. He was our king, our leader, the sun around which we orbited. If there were an expendable one, well…hadn’t these last few weeks proved it was me?
Lex didn’t believe in silly things like fate or destiny, but I did. And the horrible truth settled in my gut like lead.
I was the sacrifice. I wouldn’t be returning. I would make sure of it. I wouldn’t let any of them do it in my stead. The thought weighed a ton on my heart, damn near yanking me down into the depths of despair. There was a part of me that wanted to let it.
Perhaps that would be better for me in the long run. I wouldn’t have to marry Reginald and I wouldn’t have to worry about the Stuart reputation. Things like joining the royal family seemed so trivial now by comparison.
Fine, then. Let it be me.
Siobhan gave us one final nod and murmured, “Have a nice night, my friends.”
With that, she turned to leave us alone, but I’d come to a final resolution. If tonight was going to be the last I spent with my spouses, the last time I got to hold them and worship them and love them the way I wanted, then goddamn it, I was going to bloody well take it.