Chapter 41
Kaito’s words bounced around in my head. My two weeks were almost up. Jed was finally becoming more human.
Whatever he was doing with Jerry every day really seemed to help him.
I wasn’t sure how, considering he looked like a train had run over him every single time he came back to the parish house.
But…
Even through the blood, he was finally smiling again. I heard his laughter and saw the joy return to his eyes. I’d spent weeks helping this man heal, and his simple smile shifted my whole world.
I can’t kill him.
I had to save my son, with my options so limited, it was a fact I couldn’t ignore any longer.
Kaito had to die.
But how?
Tick, tick, tick.
The clock on the back of the wall was relentless. If I didn’t find out how to kill Kaito and free Jujiro…
I won’t be able to save Jed.
“Hey, baby. Jerry just got here. I’ll see you tonight, okay? You said you have a surprise for me?”
I smiled, truly letting myself be happy for the moment because Jedidiah looked so human and calm.
“I did, ōkami. You will have to wait until tonight to know what it is.”
A slight smirk appeared on his face, and that small action of teasing gave me butterflies. He had been so scared and jumpy. All the usual teasing and innuendos were gone.
I fussed every time Jedidiah made those dumb remarks, but now I was missing them so much it hurt to see even a fraction of that same energy.
“It’s not your variety of gifts, Junshin. Don’t get any ideas. You are still healing.”
Jed’s smile widened, and he traced my lips with his fingertip. “Of course, Doctor. I’ll behave…today.”
I tried to find my breath as the handsome man in front of me walked away and out the door to his friend.
Tick, tick, tick.
The clock didn’t stop just because Jed was gone.
It kept ticking inside my head, louder than the parish bells, and louder than my own pulse. Every second scraped against my nerves like a dull blade. Kaito’s voice replayed itself with cruel patience.
“Two weeks.”
Not a threat spoken in anger, but a deadline delivered like a damn courtesy.
Seduce him. Break him open. Or lose everything.
None of this is fair.
I locked the parish house behind me and walked to Jed’s, as they had taken Jerry’s truck.
I am calm.
I have a plan, or rather, I will soon.
I know I can kill him.
David defeated Goliath.
Lies are easier when you repeat them often enough.
I knew one truth.
I have to try.
For them both.
In the car, I let my mind wander.
At first, I aimed for Kaito’s hotel without thinking, muscle memory more than anything else. Maybe I could beg him for an extension.
It could give me time to think of a way to end him.
My hands knew the way even when my mind didn’t want to go there. Each mile tightened something in my chest, like an invisible leash pulling me back toward him.
I am nothing but a slave to his cage.
Jedidiah flashed in my mind, and I smiled.
“No. I need to feel human tonight. He’ll be waiting for his treat.”
I stopped at the market outside of town, intent on focusing on the daifuku ingredients.
I was grabbing the flour when I saw another ghost of my past.
Miranda.
She didn’t look real at first, more of a cautionary image pasted into my day. She leaned against the side of the aisle under the buzzing fluorescent light above us. Her skin was dull, and her movements were twitchy.
Oh god…
Her arms were bare despite the cold, and marked in ways that didn’t need explanation.
“Miranda?” I said.
She flinched when she saw me coming toward her, as if I was going to strike her with my outstretched hand. Just as quickly, her flinch turned into a wide smile. It was too suspicious, like the smile of someone who needed something.
“Heyyy,” she said, her voice thin. “Didn’t expect to see you here, foreigner.”
I stepped closer, my eyes tracing the damage she hadn’t bothered to hide. “What happened to your arms?”
She laughed, but it was sharp and defensive. “You mean besides life being a complete fuck? Wouldn’t you like to know, China? Life happened. Life. Real life, not the cushy bullshit you’ve been living.”
If she only knew my life had consisted of bars and pain. No luxury except the second I was able to hold my sweet son before running to save his life.
“You had a job,” I said quietly. “You loved that place. What happened to the woman’s shelter?”
Her gaze flicked away, and she scratched at her arm. “People don’t stay clean forever. Those girls are too judgey. Them people need help, not judgment! I couldn’t do it no more. I left.”
I watched her carefully and the way she kept shifting her feet. Her pupils swallowed the color of her eyes, and she was already halfway gone.
“Can you help me out?” she said suddenly. “Just a little from your priest friend. You know he owes me. Nothin’ much. Gas, food, whatever. For my boy, ya know! Sweet little Ronan. I’ll pay you back.”
“I can help you and your son find support,” I said. “ Someone to talk to.”
She snapped. Her smile turned wicked, and she scowled.
Her face hardened, with something ugly flashing across it.
“God, you’re such a bitch. Always acting better than everyone else.
You took my only person to talk to. You did this, you stupid twit.
Swayin’ your damn hips and takin’ my only means of savin’ my son and me. You wanna help? Fucking die then.”
She turned and walked away before I could answer, smacking the flour out of my hands and running away while it choked me.
I stood there long after she disappeared, looking at the white that coated my body and the floor.
Powder…
Something happened at that job. Something bad enough to push her back into the dark she’d fought so hard to escape.
They had drugs at the woman’s shelter. The females surrendered themselves to receive the care and safety they needed.
I looked down at the flour on my clothes again.
Maybe…
After gathering the materials for Jed’s dessert, I got back in the car but…
I didn’t drive to the hotel.
I turned the wheel the other way and headed to my Hail Mary.
The women’s advocacy center sat quietly on its street, a modest, almost invisible place. Inside, it was warm with soft voices and the smell of coffee that had been reheated too many times.
As I walked through the hall to the front desk, I saw all the women with tired eyes and careful hope. They looked so fearful every time the door opened. Little children were playing nearby, and the mothers kept a watchful eye on their loved ones.
I belonged here more than I wanted to admit.
If I could ever find Jujiro, maybe we could live here at least until I could make enough money to have a real home.
Home…
Jedidiah flashed in my mind again, but this time I shook my head and continued on my way.
I listened and shared just enough truth to earn the front desk workers.
I talked about fear, about control, about how the men acting as my wardens didn’t leave marks where people could see them.
“Oh, hunny, I know what you mean.”
Trust was forming little by little, and with it my guilt—not because I lied, but because I didn’t tell them everything.
I didn’t come here to make friends.
Everything I said in these walls was enough of the truth that their smiles and kindness hurt.
But I had to do this.
For the one stable truth in my life.
Jujiro.
“And people leave the drugs behind? That’s amazing. I have not been afflicted with addiction, but everyone has their own vices.”
“Yes, dear. Unfortunately, we have had some people recently betray their knowledge. She was stealing hundreds of drugs, specifically heroin. We do fear for her safety but we had to report it. The problem is her husband is an awful man, and he’s a cop who made every charge disappear.”
The puzzle clicked into place regarding Miranda’s behavior, and my heart broke.
“Ever since we kicked her out of here, her damn husband has been making it hard for the girls and us. We used to have a ton of resources to help so many, but now we’ve lost our apartments where we used to keep children and women. Jack—I mean that man took them away on some bogus technicality.”
“How can someone be so cruel as to steal from those with nothing?”
My heart squeezed, and I felt the guilt trying to eat me alive.
“People do some crazy things for those they love.”
Yes. They do.
Beatrice and Gertrude took me back to the medical area where the drugs were held. It killed me, and I felt my soul darken.
“You two are good people.”
“We do what we can. Gertie knows how shitty the world is because her deadbeat husband tried to kill her. We’ve been friends for a long time. She helped me build our little home here. We’re family, all of us. And now you too, hun.”
“Yes. You and your son are welcome here anytime.” Beatrice agreed.
“I got my boys, Callahan and Georgie, but my husband hasn’t been my husband for a long time.
Georgie wants to be a war hero when he leaves us, and Cal.
Oh, my sweet baby boy. He said he wants to live with me forever to keep me smiling. ”
I am going to hell.
“Oh, dear! I think I left my wallet on the office chair. Do you think someone would take it?”
Beatrice and Gertrude looked alarmed and hurried out into the hall.
“Don’t worry, sweet girl! We got you one second!”
I am going to hell.
Swallowing hard, I wasted no time in opening the cabinet and swiping a tiny bag of powder and what looked like a pack of needles before closing it softly behind me.
“Where’d you say you left it?” Gertie hollered from outside the room.
“Oh, uh, on the chair by the door!”
I had to hurry.
Shoving the contents into my bra, I chucked my wallet into the dark corner and walked toward the area.
“I don’t see it out here, hun! You sure?”
“Oh! I think I found it!”
The woman reappeared, and I leaned down in time to snatch the wallet and clutch it to my chest.
I waited for them to catch me, scold me, and make me give them my only lifeline.
But they didn’t. They hugged me and told me they would be waiting for me to bring my son back.
These sweet belles deserved nothing but grace and kindness, yet here I was lying and stealing from them.
I’m no better than Kaito and Jack.
When I left, the sky was dark, reflecting my heart. My hands didn’t shake when I gripped the steering wheel. My decision had settled into me like a second spine, and I had to accept the consequences no matter what they were.
I sat in the car and stared straight ahead, willing myself to stay strong because now more than ever it mattered most.
Kaito thought the clock belonged to him.
He thought of seduction as if it were the only language I spoke.
It turns out. I speak many more.
Love changes your heart.
I grew up with very little, but now I had more than I could even handle.
Jedidiah Franklin was a variable I never imagined.
I saw Jed’s face in my mind, bruised, exhausted, still trying to be good in a world that kept punishing him for it, and then I thought of my son. His small hands. His voice calling for me in dreams, I woke up screaming.
I wasn’t doing this for revenge.
I wasn’t doing this because I wanted to, even if a man like Kaito deserved it.
I was doing this because I loved my ōkami and because I was done letting monsters decide who lived or died.
My son wasn’t a damn bargaining chip. I missed his first words, his laugh. God, I didn’t even know what they named him.
I started the car and drove back toward the parish, the weight of what I’d chosen settled heavy yet confidently in my blood.
The deadline was still here.
But now…
So was my answer.