Chapter 44
Fuck!
I overslept. I meant only to nap, but the warmth in Jedidiah’s arms was too sweet. I kissed his forehead and made my way toward the entrance once I was dressed and free of the wax.
I only had one shot at this, and if I wanted to keep both my son and my ōkami alive, I had to get this right.
Kaito had to die…tonight.
The hallway smelled of bleach and cigarette smoke when I arrived at the hotel.
It was a sterile, cold, unforgiving scent that reminded me of a dead body, stripped of everything.
My hand trembled around the baggy in my pocket. The stolen heroin would have to be enough to finally end Kaito’s reign.
Please…let this work…
Every step toward Kaito’s suite twisted my chest with fear and anticipation.
Tonight, I had only tonight to trick him and to save my son.
Every second counted.
I cursed at every sound, even my shoes on the marble floor felt like it would echo through the world and give away my plan.
The elevator chimed, and my pulse jumped when the doors opened.
One…
Two…
Three…
So many floors passed, and the ding of the bell as each passed made my anger and resolve to this fate rise.
I stepped out, keycard in hand and silent as a shadow. Facing the door to his suite, I took a deep breath.
This ends now. I will be your oni. Your soul has taken too many, and now it is time to repay with your own.
Cold metal under my fingers felt like a gun.
One slow turn, and I was inside.
It was quiet inside, no music blasting, and no gruff laughter heard.
He is asleep…perfect.
I tiptoed slowly into the hallway, trying to guess which room the monster slept in, the largest of course.
His pride and arrogance would not allow anything else. I opened the door, but the beast was not asleep.
He looked up from his desk, calm, predatory, amusement curling at the corners of his lips when he saw me.
“Something tells me this isn’t a booty call, doll? Clever…but dumb. Very dumb.” I stiffened and discreetly put the baggie inside my shirt sleeve before clearing my throat.
“Kaito. I came here to tell you I need more—”
“Time? Nah. I warned you before you had two weeks left, and you knew what was held in the balance.”
I bit my lip. “You raped him, Kaito! You expected me to seduce a man you brutally raped in two weeks? He barely allows me inside the room without flinching. If you wanted me to complete my mission, you should have left him alone.”
Kaito laughed like it was so amusing to break a man in the worst way. He cracked his neck and yawned exaggeratedly. “Hmm. Guess you aren’t as irresistible as you thought, darling.”
I tried to keep my composure. “I need more time. I can’t force this, or I am no better than you.”
Kaito laughed and stood from his desk. His height loomed above me, and I stiffened, trying to think of a way to get the damn drug into his system when he was awake.
“I need some water.”
Kaito shook his head and pointed to the hall. “Go to the kitchen then.”
I hurried out to the bar, turned on the water, and got two glasses. One, I poured the contents of the bag into the water. The other, I made for myself.
Kaito will suspect something, but maybe I can trick him.
“Here. I thought you may want some, too.”
When he saw me enter, he eyed the glass suspiciously.
“Hmm. I’ll be the one drinking the one you’re keeping for yourself. You drink this one. All of it. Wouldn’t dare try to poison me now, would you?”
My heart skipped, and I reached forward and switched the glasses with him.
“Of course not.” I tipped the glass back and drank the entire glass of clean water.
Kaito smiled when I finished the glass, waiting for a moment before he put the glass to his lips.
I waited with bated breath.
Recognition flashed across his eyes, and he pulled it away laughing. “You think I don’t know my own fucking product?”
He grinned cruelly. “Not poison. You tried to kill me? Ballsy Yakuza Queen…”
Before I could react, his iron grip slammed my arm into the wall, and the glass fell to the ground and shattered. Pain shot through me, but fear was stronger.
“You’re reckless,” Kaito hissed, pressing me toward the bed. “Do you think killing me solves your problems? It makes them worse, Sayuri.”
My body tried to curl and pull away. Memories of helplessness and violation rose like ghosts, but I forced them down, trying to anchor myself to avoid a repeat.
No!
I pressed my back against the mattress, my heart hammering, and my mind screaming.
Survive. Protect Jujiro.
“What do you mean?
“You really don’t know? Why do you think our son hasn’t had a spike through the head yet?”
I balked at the imagery and shook my head. “I…What do you mean?”
“Me. I have kept his identity hidden from the clans. Neither The Onyx nor The Crimson knows about him. But if you kill me, I am not the leader they are scared of anymore. They’ll come after you, and who do you think they’ll find you running off into the sunset with?
My son.
The leader of our clan. You will be the reason he was killed, not me.”
I tried to comprehend his words, and I faltered, his big body crushing me to the bed I couldn’t escape.
A sound broke through the chaos, small and hesitant.
“Daddy?”
My blood froze, and my heart nearly stopped. I looked toward the doorway, scrambling away from Kaito.
He’s alive!
My sweet boy.
Jujiro.
He is alive.
He’s here, and he’s safe.
“No…oh my god…” I whispered, my hands trembling as I reached for him, but he pulled away from me.
I am a stranger to him.
He looked over to Kaito, and his little body stepped forward, uncertain but brave. “Daddy? Who is this?”
My knees hit the floor, and tears blurred my vision. Relief, joy, and terror all crashed over me at once. Jujiro was alive.
But he doesn’t know who I am.
Kaito’s laughter was a jagged blade through the room.
“Still want me to drink that water, Sayuri?” He stood and forced my head to look at my son. “Guess who has a target on his head if I’m gone?”
I froze, staring at my son. He was so tiny, terrified, and painfully innocent in this cruel world. My chest constricted. I wanted to scoop him up and run far away, but Kaito’s threat kept me frozen.
“You really think your priest can keep him safe?” Kaito hissed. “The second I am gone, they will look for you…and when you lead them to him…”
I swallowed, tears running freely down my cheeks now.
I looked at Jujiro, safe in my vision, unaware of the monsters always circling us. The rage in Kaito’s eyes didn’t stop the truth in his words. The impossible weight of survival pressed down on me.
This is it. I can’t kill Kaito. I can’t escape with my son because if I do, I am putting the nails in his coffin.
“I…I’ll do it,” I whispered, my voice raw and breaking, thinking of the beauty Jedidiah and I shared just hours ago. “I’ll do what I have to with Jedidiah…I’ll do whatever you want…Please…Just…Keep Jujiro safe.”
Kaito’s smirk was victorious, and my stomach soured.
“Good girl. So smart, Sayuri. Your obedience is accepted…for now.”
I stumbled back, grabbing Jujiro in my arms. His little hand reached for mine, and when I held him, my world broke apart. Relief and terror collided in a storm that left me shaking and sobbing.
“Who are you?” Hearing his soft whispered words made me cry harder. My own son hasn’t known me.
“I-I’m your…”
Kaito laughed and pulled him from my arms.
“That is your Mommy. Say bye-bye for now. Mommy has to do something, but she’ll be back soon. Right, Mommy?”
I swallowed the bile rising in my throat and nodded, forcing a smile for my son.
“Yes, my sweet, akachan. I will always come back for you.”
Kaito led me to the door with his evil smile intact when he shut the door in my face. It made me want to scream.
Jujiro was here.
He was safe.
And now…
I got into the car, thinking of Jujiro pressed to my chest, his warmth against my cold hands, and his beautiful, pale blond hair shining brightly back at me. His eyes were so hopeful when he learned I was his mother.
He had so much hope and trust in me. I can’t fail him. Not when I have failed him his entire life so far. The city lights streaked past me as I sped back to the parish. They were melting into blurs of orange and white with speed. I cried until my sobs were ragged and uncontrollable.
The weight of what I had to do next hit me in waves.
Jedidiah.
My ōkami…
“Forgive me….I’ll get you back, Jujiro,” I whispered into the dark car. “I swear. I’ll survive. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back in my arms.”
Every mile back to the church felt like a knife in my heart. Every sob etched the truth deeper into me.
I will do anything for Jujiro.
He is my son.
I have to.
Even if it means blackening my soul beyond repair.
Even if…I have to break my own heart to save his.