Chapter One #2
I hadn’t heard back from Jason when I texted to let him know I didn’t get the grant.
Now, the deep thrum of bass hits me before I even open my front door, and I force myself to swallow my irritation.
When I push the door open, early 2000s rap—something from the Get Rich or Die Tryin’ era—blasts from the living room.
I step into the foyer, and I don’t know why I’m surprised.
Jason isn’t neat by any means, but the place is a mess and smells like takeout.
I nearly trip over his loafers in the entry way, and it doesn’t take me long to realize his buddies are here too.
Anger floods my cheeks, but I do my best to push it aside.
It’s Friday, after all. He’s probably just blowing off steam. Something I could stand to do.
When I walk into the living room, Jason and three of his friends are crowded around the sectional, yelling at each other over the music, stuffing their faces with wings and pizza.
Beer bottles and take-out containers litter the coffee table.
Jason is at the center of it all, tie loosened, sleeves rolled up and beer in his hand, laughing at something his buddy Chris said.
Video games are paused on the flat screen, and Jason’s headset hangs around his neck like the incessant over-grown gamer he is.
If I wanted to unwind with my boyfriend and lament over yet another rejection, I came to the wrong house.
I drop my bag with a thud, hoping he’ll hear it. No one turns. I walk over to the Bluetooth speaker and turn it off. That gets their attention.
“Whoa,” Jason says, whirling. “Hey, babe.”
I frown, the frustration in me rising quicker than the tide. “Seriously?”
“You’re back early,” Jason stands, moving to kiss me.
I cheek him.
“It’s after seven.” I set my hands on my hips, anger bubbling just beneath the surface.
“Whoops.” He lets out an awkward chuckle, turning back to his friends. “We ordered from Pat’s. There’s probably some left.”
I stare blankly at him. “I texted you three hours ago.” Right after I got my rejection.
“Must’ve missed it.” He shrugs. “It’s Friday—we cut out early.”
“I got the NSF decision today.” My voice comes out sharp.
“Let me guess, another no?” Jason doesn’t even pretend to be empathetic.
“That’s your response?” My voice catches, and I don’t bother to force my anger back down now.
“What do you want me to say, babe? You’re smart, yeah, but maybe they just don’t want what you’re pitching.” Jason looks at his friends and chuckles like some kind of hot shot.
Something inside me snaps.
“I spent the last six months teaching a full course load and writing that proposal in all my downtime. I’ve barely slept.
And all I was looking for was a little sympathy from my partner.
” The word tastes bitter. “But I walk in here to this? My thirty-five-year-old boyfriend and his friends, drinking and playing video games.”
Jason holds up his hands defensively. “Relax. It’s just the guys. Why are you always so wound up?”
“I’m wound up because I do everything around here. You crack open a beer and coast. And you didn’t even ask if I was okay.” My throat tightens, and my wavering voice threatens to betray me, but I hold strong.
Jason smirks, his eyes rolling upward. “You seem okay enough to yell at me in front of my friends.”
I glance at Chris, Vinny, and Evan—all wearing shiny wedding rings and avoiding my gaze.
I shake my head. “God, grow up, Jason. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realize what this is.” I say, my voice ice.
That gets his attention.
Jason straightens, eyeing me carefully. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I swallow hard, my pulse loud in my ears. I know that once I speak, there’s no pulling the words back. And yet rather than be stunned by what I’m about to say, I’m more surprised that I don’t stop myself.
“I’m taking a research sabbatical. Six months. South Carolina. And we”—I gesture between us—“are done.”
The second the words leave my mouth, something unhooks inside me. A mix of relief and adrenaline. Not the devastation I expected. Instead, I feel lightheaded and terrifyingly clear, like I’ve just stepped off a ledge and discovered I can breathe on the way down.
Silence hangs in the air until Pete or Vinny, one of them, starts picking up the takeout containers. Another grabs his jacket, walking behind the couch and patting Jason on the shoulder.
“We should probably bounce,” he calls behind him. “Sorry, Em.”
Jason looks stunned, as if our problems the past year just snuck up on him. “Are you really doing this right now?”
I nod, my voice calm. “Yeah. I am.”
The front door clicks closed, and Jason lets out a defeated sigh, ripping the headset off his neck.
I brace for a fight, but it doesn’t come.
I inhale a shaky breath and turn away. I’m already halfway to the bedroom, when I hear his muffled apology. I roll my eyes, reaching in my back pocket for my phone.
Opening a text to Alan, I tap it out quickly before I chicken out and tell Jason I overreacted.
Me: I’m in for Tidehaven.