Chapter 3
Michael
Iscrub my palms over my face with a groan.
Sleep has never come easily to me, but it’s been even worse since I made that stupid fucking declaration to Adalaide.
I can’t stop picturing her face when she got out of my truck. She looked like a deer in headlights, trying to decide which way to run for safety. Then the memory morphs into a fantasy of her staying in my truck and asking me to fuck her right then and there.
I slept for maybe four hours last night. Not great when I need to be sharp on shift today.
Thankfully, the bullpen is quiet this morning.
The other deputies must be out on calls or doing something for the chief.
I’ve been staring at this report all morning, trying to get it finished up.
One of our frequent callers believed someone was trying to break into her house.
It was a fucking raccoon. While it was a hilarious diversion at the time, I’m now facing the consequences.
Just because nothing serious happened doesn’t mean I get out of writing the report.
I push through the fatigue until I can finally click submit, then I’m shoving out of my rolling chair and grabbing my stuff to head out.
Peeking around the open door of the deputy chief of police’s office, a smile ticks up the side of my mouth.
“Hey, old man. Need some help there?”
Dad’s narrowed gaze turns on me from where he’s frowning at his computer. “Just ’cause you’re my son doesn’t mean I won’t put you on desk duty for a week.”
“Mean. I was only doing my duty as your deputy officer.”
“Little asshole.” Dad’s smile breaks free, and I can’t help but chuckle with him. His dark hair and eyes are a shade lighter than mine, but most people don’t notice. From the moment I was adopted at eight, people have told us he could be my biological father.
I wish it were true. My father was Todd’s opposite in every fucking way possible.
“I was going to get some coffee. You want some?”
“Yes. Mind if I join you? I need a break from staring at this stupid thing.”
“Not at all.”
He stands from his chair, stretching his long, thin frame to work out the kinks. We’re both in the standard navy uniform, our tactical vests making us look bulkier than we are.
Dad’s been the deputy police chief since before I joined the family. He’s been my hero from the first moment I saw him in his uniform. Police officers saved my life in more ways than one. That’s why I am one today.
“Anything on your mind?” Dad asks once we’re in his SUV.
I make a noncommittal expression. “Not really.”
“You don’t normally get coffee this late in the morning. Figured you had a sleepless night.”
“Turn your cop brain off. I’m fine,” I tease.
Despite my words, my stomach clenches, knowing Dad can see right through me.
He’s always been able to do that. I’m not about to tell him I fucking offered to take Addie’s virginity, though.
He’d skin my hide right here. Verbally, at least. He’s never physically done anything of the sort.
“That was my dad brain, but still, I’ll turn it off.”
I snort. “Mama okay?”
“Of course. She’s working on another book.”
“I thought she was going to scale back.”
My adopted mom is a children’s book author, and a very good one to boot. She writes fantasy stories for young kids to help them fall in love with reading.
“Bah. You know her. She’s all bluster and no follow-through. The story plots will never stop coming.”
Warmth radiates through me, thinking about Mama.
I’ve never met someone who could wrap you in a hug with only their words.
When I moved in with them, I couldn’t stand to have even a hand on my shoulder, let alone be cuddled.
Mom made it her mission to never let me feel like I was lacking affection. And since then, I never have.
“The way her brain works will never cease to amaze me,” I muse.
Dad laughs. “I was teasing her about it the other day, and she told me if I wasn’t careful, she’d write a character for me and then kill them.”
“Vicious.” She’s written the occasional adult fantasy book, so I wouldn’t put it past her to write one just so she could get revenge on Dad.
“I love that about her.”
I roll my eyes at the dopey look on Dad’s face. Their love story would’ve been hard to believe if their entire friend group hadn’t confirmed it for me. After cancer almost took Mom out when she was eighteen, they managed to beat the odds as high school sweethearts and have been together ever since.
There wasn’t a single happy relationship in my life before I came to Sonoma, so seeing my adoptive parents and their friends in positive partnerships was almost too hard to believe.
I thought they were all lying. That maybe they were putting up a front, as if they were perfect couples on the outside but hid an insidious evil behind their smiles.
It took a long time to get comfortable around the family and truly internalize that I was in a safe place.
Dad parks in the lot behind The Café, and we walk side by side down Sonoma’s Main Street.
We’re in the thick of tourist season right now.
They’re clogging the sidewalks and shops like gnats around a rotten banana.
It takes a lot of mental gymnastics to keep a straight face.
I want to snarl at them for the noise and mess they create.
We get so many fucking calls during the peak of the season.
Half of them are bogus; the other half are legitimate issues that would never have happened if we didn’t have an overabundance of people in town.
Maybe I’m a little salty about having strangers in my hometown, but they make life inordinately harder than necessary.
The Café is busy for mid-morning. While Dad and I stand in line, I scan the restaurant.
I have no doubt Dad’s doing the same thing.
There are too many people in here not to get a read on the room.
Experience has taught me that all it takes is a heated argument, and we’ll have a massive fucking problem on our hands.
We order our coffees and move out of the way for the other customers. Neither of us got the fancy shit, so we’re picking up our cups in no time.
As we move to the exit, curly brown hair catches my attention.
Adalaide sits at a two-top with Vivi, her dark gaze locked on mine. I keep moving, even though I should go over to say hello. I doubt I could get a word around the tightness in my throat while my fantasies are still so fresh in my head. I don’t drop her gaze until the door blocks my view.
Something’s moving between us. Shifting.
I set it in motion with my demand, and I can’t take it back now.
I don’t think I want to.
Addie has always been the girl I picture when I think about my future.
When I was young, I figured it was because she was familiar.
As I moved into my teens, I understood it was because I had feelings for her.
Then she tried to kiss me, and instead of finally giving in to my feelings, I fucking recoiled because I’d never let anyone get that close to me before.
It was an instinctual reaction instead of consciously doing what I wanted.
And Addie thought I was dismissing her. I very clearly hurt her feelings, and she never showed an ounce of affection toward me afterward.
As much as I hated hurting her, it was for the best. What seventeen-year-old boy pulls away from the girl he’s hot for instead of kissing the hell out of her?
A broken one. That’s who.
I’ve always known something inside me wasn’t right. That day proved I’d never have a normal future with a gorgeous wife and maybe a couple of kids.
I accepted it. Adapted to it, even.
But then I went and told Addie I was the only man allowed to touch her. She seemed appalled, despite nodding her head in agreement—it probably wasn’t consciously done.
Maybe she’ll let it go.
Psh. Adalaide Jackson doesn’t let anything go if it directly affects her.
But…I can’t subject her to my level of depravity. What I’d have to do in order to fuck her isn’t what she deserves. Especially not for her first time.
I can’t believe I’m even fucking thinking about this.
No. I’m not thinking about this.
What if she finds someone else?
Fuck.
I’m doomed.