7. Chase
SEVEN
CHASE
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the picture of self-control.
Since finding out about Goldi’s date, I’m starting to understand people who let emotions rule their life.
I guess when it comes to her, I’ve always been weak.
It was a dick move to say what I did when I found out, and I knew it. I could see the confusion in her eyes as my words promised things my actions contradict.
Swear to God, I tried to stay away tonight. I attempted to drown out the thoughts with the sound of hammers and drills, but nothing worked, so here I am, waiting in her room, leg bouncing and gut burning.
There’s a clock on her wall that ticks loudly, and it’s the only sign the night is getting shorter, which means her date is getting longer. The otherwise silent air leaves me space to ruminate in thoughts of where they are…what they’re doing.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
I’ve been torturing myself for years. Creating boundaries. Keeping her placed firmly as “little sister’s best friend,” refusing to let myself have her because it will hurt too bad when she leaves.
And everybody always leaves.
But I didn’t realize it would be like this. Like my world is breaking apart at the thought of someone else getting to touch her, feel her, love her.
A car door slams.
My feet move before I can stop them, taking me to the window. Reed helps her out of the passenger side and they walk up to the door, the dim yellow porch light highlighting the way she’s beaming at him.
My stomach twists.
Fuck.
He’s tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
I grip the windowpane, physically restraining myself from jumping through the glass and making sure the motherfucker can never throw a football again. My chest grows tight, exhaling choppy breaths.
Don’t kiss him, Goldi.
She does.
And I’m in a special kind of hell.
Must be karmic retribution from when I sat across from her while Suzy Abbott had her hand on my dick, whispering how she wanted my cum on her tongue.
I ignored Goldi on purpose that night, pissed off she was cozied up to Ricky Walker, and clearly trying to prove a point, although I’m not sure to whom .
But I saw her watching. I saw her stand up and drag Ricky away, disappointment and hurt marring her perfect fucking face.
I’m brought out of my regrets when she breaks the kiss. Finally, goddamn.
Reed says something that makes her smile, and I don’t have to imagine the blush blooming on her cheeks for him. I can see it happening, live and in person.
My arms strain, fighting the urge to reach out and steal the color for myself.
They linger for another few minutes before she finally— finally— disappears inside and he drives away like the douchebag he is.
I watch until taillights disappear down the street.
Her bedroom door opens and then, “Chase, what the heck are you doin’ here?”
I spin around, my chest squeezing at the sound of her voice.
She has no idea how much she affects me.
Running a hand through my hair, I force a cocky grin. “Thought I’d stop by…see how your date went. Get the gossip before everyone else.”
She makes a sound of disbelief. “Really?”
A thousand words are on the tip of my tongue, dying to break free. He fucking kissed you. Did you like it? Did you think of me at all?
Instead, I lie on her bed and pat the space next to me, resting my hands behind my head like I couldn’t give a fuck that she just had her tongue down another guy’s throat.
She glances toward her door before walking to it and flicking the lock, then heading to the stereo and turning on music, most likely to drown out any noise so her parents don’t try to walk in.
“Well, it went great, if you must know.”
“Where’d he take you?”
“Down to the lake. We had a picnic.”
“Original.”
She smirks. “It was romantic.”
The sting of teeth biting through my cheek is the only thing keeping me from losing my shit. “You going out with him again?”
A halo of hair whirls around her as she spins to face me.
Damn, she’s pretty .
“What’s it to you?” she questions. “You know, this overprotective big brother act is old, Boy Scout. You might want to spend more time worryin’ about your real sister, instead of who’s dippin’ in my panties.”
There’s a brief moment where I focus on her bringing up Lily, but the visual of someone getting anywhere near her “panties” pumps rage through my blood until I can’t think of anything else.
I jump up from the bed, stalking toward her. “Did you let that motherfucker touch you?”
She scoffs, propping her hands on her hips. “So what if I did?”
I chuckle, but I’m feeling anything but amused. “Answer the question, Goldi.”
“That’s none of your business.”
“ Everything about you is my business, don’t you know that?” I argue. “Don’t you get it yet?”
“What is there for me to ‘get,’ Chase?” She throws her hands up, her tone exasperated. “I can’t do this anymore. You don’t want me in the daytime, and I don’t want to be your dirty little secret at night.”
Fear of losing her chokes me and douses some of the jealousy stewing inside me. I soften my tone. “I’m not the right kind of person for you, Goldi. Believe me, I try every day to become something better. Something more.” My fist smacks against my chest, and she flinches like I’m hitting her . “Whether I want to be around you has nothing to do with it.”
“Oh, please.” She rolls her eyes. “You only want to be around me when it’s beneficial for you.”
My brows raise, her words hitting my chest like a sucker punch. “You think it’s easy for me to stay away from you?”
“Yes! I think it’s easy!” she explodes, stepping forward and shoving me. “I think it’s easy for you to climb in my window, as long as no one sees.”
She pushes me again. “I think it’s easy to drop my friendship and then pick it up when it suits you.”
A third push. “I think it’s easy for you to mess with any girl that has a pulse, and not care how it cuts me up inside.”
This time, I grab her hands before they hit, jerking her body until she’s flush against me.
She whooshes out a breath.
I can taste it on my lips.
The thread holding my restraint frays and snaps.
My hand grasps the nape of her neck at the same time she surges up, our teeth clacking together as we fumble to get closer, to taste deeper, and then she’s climbing my body. It’s clumsy, and new, but I don’t care. I hoist her up, her ass fitting fucking perfectly in my hands, and her ankles locking around the back of my waist.
We move until I hit the edge of her bed and fall back, and then she’s on my lap, and everything is… fuck … It just is everything.
My fingers thread through her hair and tug, pulling her mouth from mine because I want to look at her. I need to see every inch of her in this weak moment, but when I do, the pure adoration that’s bleeding from her gaze makes my chest ache too bad, so I dive back in and press soft kisses to the nape of her neck, moving up across her jaw until I capture her lips again.
Goddamn.
My hand slides up her thigh and under her dress, teasing the edge of her cotton panties. She whimpers and shifts, and the tips of my fingers brush against her.
With my other hand, I tighten my grip on her hair, and she gasps, her perfect mouth popping open as I pull on the strands and expose her throat.
I cup her over the cotton between her legs. “Did he touch you here?”
“What?” she asks breathlessly.
“Did. He. Touch. You. Here?” I repeat.
She moans, and I trail a line of kisses up her throat, unable to keep my lips from her skin now that I’ve had a taste.
“Answer me.”
“No,” she admits.
The relief is sharp, even though deep down I know I have no goddamn right when it’s my fault she wasn’t with me instead of him in the first place.
I tilt forward, nipping her lips. “I want you so goddamn bad, but I want to take my time. I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for.”
She shimmies a little on my lap, like she’s testing the waters, her movements unsure, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from thrusting up, or doing something even more embarrassing like ending all of this before it can really begin.
Her lashes flutter and I think my heart might explode from how stunning she is. Her hair is still fisted in my hand and I lean up, tugging on it until her head tilts to the side and I can suck on her neck, making sure to leave a mark.
Mine.
My abs contort under my shirt as her hand sneaks down my torso, like she’s about to touch me there, and while I know it would feel good, I don’t want her to think we have to go that far—do anything beyond what we’re doing now.
Honestly, I could kiss her for the rest of my life and die happy. I release her hair and cover her hand with mine, stopping her descent.
“Please,” she whispers. “I want to.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want your first time to be like this. We’ve got all the time in the world, baby.”
She freezes, teeth indenting her lower lip, and suddenly her gaze is everywhere but on me. “You… I…” She runs her fingers through her tangled hair. “Chase, I’m not a virgin.”
Her words hit my solar plexus so hard I can almost feel it physically breaking, and I shoot up from the bed, making Goldi fall to the side from the sudden movement. “I know you didn’t just say what I think you did.”
She rolls onto her back and looks up at me. “Well…what’d you expect?”
Running my fingers through my hair, I pull harshly, the pain doing nothing to ground me. “Who the fuck was it?”
Fire blazes in her eyes, her palms slamming on the mattress. “No! You don’t get to ask me that. I’m not over here askin’ for your list of a thousand hussies.”
My teeth grind so hard, they’ll turn to dust any moment, and I breathe deeply, my nostrils flaring as I attempt to calm that ever-present rage that simmers inside, but right now, it’s a damn near impossible task. Even though I know everything she’s saying is true; I have no right.
But I feel sick .
I was too much of a pussy to take what should have been mine, and she gave it away to someone else.
Exhaling, I crack my neck and admit, “You’re right.”
She props up on her elbows, surprise flickering in that big, blue-eyed gaze. “About time you realized that’s usually the case, Boy Scout.”
I smirk, moving toward her and leaning over the bed until she’s forced back and my arms are caging her in. “You may have more… experience ”—I grit the word out—“than I thought, but that doesn’t mean anything needs to happen tonight. Okay?”
She nods, reaching up a hand and cupping my cheek.
My heart flutters like it’s sprouted wings.
“You promise to never leave?” I ask.
“Cross my heart and hope to die,” she replies, craning her neck and sweeping a kiss across my lips.
It’s just a peck, but my chest cracks wide open, flooding with happiness I’ll never deserve.
I can’t offer her anything, can’t give her the world, but I can’t let her go, either, so I’ll lay my bruised soul at her feet and hope she tends to the wounds.
It’s always been hers anyway.