Chapter 11
I found the Gym weirdly quiet. I had been on my own for a long time.
Since Lara had passed upon our arrival to Haven, I had grown used to my solitude.
But in less than a moon’s time, the thing I claimed I wanted so badly felt…
off. There were no signs of Unit Seven. Unsure what else to do, I headed to the living quarters.
I made the final turn and approached the door. I reached out to open it, but voices caught my attention. I froze.
“He has a point,” Patrick was saying.
“You had all week to figure it out,” Tristian responded. “Someone has to be her partner. I just got confirmation that the weather is stable. We have three days, and we go above. Unit Five moves out in the morning for restock. Unit Twelve will be right behind them. This needs to be decided now.”
“Hayes—”
“Save it, Sorenson. No one expects you to be her partner. You’ve had multiple partners over the last six moons and none of them have worked for you. You’ll be stuck with one of us. You should have stayed with her earlier.”
“I didn’t know Murray would attack her,” Ingrid protested.
“Lyssa put a damn bounty on her,” Tristian fired back. “Even if she didn’t, we protect our own.”
A beat of silence, then Rumi said, “Patty and I aren’t changing.”
“Didn’t expect you two to split up,” Tristian said.
“I’d like to stay with Damien,” Isla said hesitantly.
“Back at you, baby girl,” Damien chimed in.
“Why isn’t she your partner, Hayes?” Isla asked.
Silence lay heavy among them.
I pushed the door open. “Does anyone care what she has to say on the subject?”
They all watched me. Rumi sat in her typical spot on the mat. Patrick and Isla were on one of the sofas, their knees touching. Damien perched on the arm of the other sofa, where Ingrid sat bristling.
“I do,” Tristian said, leaning forward in the chair. The words he had said, begging me to try for the people in this room, clung to me.
The door behind me opened again. Levi entered in his patrol uniform. His gaze swept over everyone. “What did I miss?” he asked as he removed his boots. I followed suit.
“We were all debating on who should be Sasha’s partner for our mission above,” Rumi said from the mat. Levi strode over to the sofa Isla and Patrick sat on, leaning against the arm.
“Well, Cadell?” Levi asked. He held up a hand as Damien had been about to talk. “I want to hear from her.”
I swallowed, searching for my voice. Levi looked at Hayes, an unspoken conversation passing between them.
“It’s you or Hayes,” I said to the room at large.
“What happened with Murray and Burdon?” Levi asked, evaluating me, his face giving nothing away.
Everyone jumped in. I was amazed at how much had occurred while I had been taken to Burdon’s office, at how quickly they had snapped into action.
Patrick had been woken up by Damien and fetched the legal information for my case.
Meanwhile, Damien had thrown on his patrol uniform and searched for Tristian, splitting up the sectors with Levi and Rumi.
Ingrid had escorted Murray to a holding cell.
Isla had rushed off to the intel departments, demanding video footage.
Levi had found Tristian, and they had met Patrick, who had the case information in hand and informed Tristian of the laws so that he was fully prepared by the time he reached Burdon’s office.
Then everyone fell silent, waiting to hear what happened in the office.
Tristian waited, letting me lead the conversation. I didn’t want their pity for the papers Burdon had shoved in my face. I didn’t want to tell them about Kaleo’s taunting or the fight between Tristian and Burdon.
“Burdon tried to tell me I was done in the Force until Hayes arrived,” I said. “He had all the information, and she had to let me go.”
Damien whistled. “Bet that pissed her off.”
“Good,” Patrick said.
“I wish I had seen her face,” Rumi muttered viciously.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. No one moved. The room stilled. “Thank you for being there. For helping me.”
The silence that followed was uncomfortable, almost painful. I refused to meet Tristian’s gaze I felt searing me.
“Did you hit your head when Murray took you down?” Damien demanded. I snorted, shaking my head, though my cheek throbbed.
“So, who’s your partner, Sasha?”
My eyes locked on Tristian, heart beating against my chest. Tristian searched my face. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be what Tristian wanted. I couldn’t silence my demons. He would realize that. He was good. He deserved someone good.
“I’ll be her partner.”
I tore my gaze from Tristian to Levi. His face gave nothing away but steel determination.
I waited for relief to flood me from avoiding being Tristian’s partner.
“But I need to know, are you going to try?” Levi asked. A deep seriousness settled into every facet of his face.
Hate me for ruining your life. Hate me for being here. Blame me. Fight me…I can handle it. I can live with your hate…I am begging you to try for them.
“Yes,” I said, my heart slamming into my ribs.
“Okay then, Sasha Cadell, I’ll be your partner,” Levi said, extending his hand.
I placed my hand in his, and he shook it, an understanding there and a challenge.
“Now that that’s settled, I’m going to go eat,” Levi said, putting on his boots. The air in the quarters thinned until the others began conversing and moving among themselves.
Isla and Patrick began talking as Ingrid headed toward the bunk room, the door closing behind her. Rumi sat, eyes closed, meditating. Damien tugged a pack of cards from his pocket and began shuffling. Patrick’s eyes snagged on the cards.
“Four-hand game?” Damien asked.
“I’m in,” Patrick said, scooting forward.
“Yeah, I’m in,” Tristian said.
“Me too,” Isla said, settling next to Patrick. Damien glanced back toward the bunk room, where Ingrid had shut herself in. Rumi sat meditating, still as night.
“Should we play for clothing?” Damien asked, wagging his brow.
“You never grow up, Dame,” Patrick said with a laugh.
I stood frozen among them. The ease. The closeness. The loyalty. They weren’t just in a unit together. It was more. They were family and I was a festering wound, completely out of place.
“Someone has to keep it fun around here,” Damien said with a shrug. Everyone grabbed their cards from the table and inspected their hands. Tristian’s green eyes found me over the cards. I had no excuse to give him for not being able to be his partner, just my cowardice and brokenness.
“I’ll play for clothes,” Tristian said, watching me. I swallowed.
Damien hooted. “There he is. Let’s do it, Commander.” He vaulted off the couch and ran into the bunk room.
“Rums, you going to join? Don’t leave me alone,” Isla pleaded. Rumi didn’t move from where she meditated. “I know you can hear me.”
“Get your boots on, Cadell,” Levi said.
“I’m not hungry.”
Damien returned with several bottles. Patrick laughed. “Who’d you go down on to get all the booze, Dame?”
“A gentleman never tells.” Damien winked, laying the bottles on the table.
“I need a sweater,” Isla muttered, running her hands down her shirt. “Layers.”
“Against the rules. You play in what you’re in,” Damien told her, and she glared. “You wanna be dealt in, Sasha? No better bonding than booze and nudity.”
Tristian’s eyes flickered my way again. Patrick took a long swig.
“It was Henderson, by the way,” Damien told Patrick, who proceeded to spit some of his drink out.
“No,” Isla exclaimed, swatting at Damien. “You kept that from me?”
Damien shrugged. “Sorry, Sunshine. He bought my silence.”
“He doesn’t know you well enough. This isn’t nearly enough for your silence,” Patrick said.
“I was slightly offended,” Damien said, feigning outrage.
“Hey, partner.” Levi tossed my boots at me. “You’re with me. We have seventy-two bells to get to know each other.”
“I’ll go first,” Tristian said, grabbing the bottle.
Damien grinned. “I love off-day Hayes. Shame you all can’t join.”
“You could wait until tomorrow, Levi,” Isla said, moving her cards around. Patrick passed her the bottle. She scrunched her nose but took a sip.
“We should at least toast to the end of a legacy,” Patrick said. “You two have been partners for, what?”
“Seven years,” Tristian and Levi said together. I wished I missed the look between them—the resolved acceptance laced with a heaviness I knew.
“Stay, Levi,” Damien coaxed. “Come on, I swear I won’t make one joke this time about you not drinking.”
Levi opened the door. “We are going to eat and then spar. Then Cadell is going to climb that rope.”
“Bet you wish you picked Commander Day Off as your partner,” Damien said. “Hit me.” He tapped the table as Tristian took another long drag from the bottle.
I waited for the relief to fill me that I had avoided being tied to Tristian.
I waited.
And waited.
Relief never came. Something else did.
I shut the door on the merriment within.
Damien’s taunts of regret over my choice of partners reverberated in every one of my bones as Levi’s weight crushed into me.
“How do you get out of this?” Levi demanded, my body contorted as we sparred yet again.
We had walked in silence back to the mess hall where Levi filled two plates, placing one before me as we sat.
“I’m not hungry,” I told him.
“Eat anyway. You still need weight on you,” Levi said between mouthfuls. Only after I cleared my plate, my stomach stretching to the point of pain I hadn’t experienced since I was a kid, did he allow us to leave.