Chapter 21
“What the actual fuck?”
The entire unit sat crammed on the sofas as Tristian filled them in on the new member of Unit Seven. Burdon and Jaxon had remained in the Exploratory Room. Tristian and I didn’t exchange a word as we walked. The anger that spilled from Tristian was palpable.
“I thought we were reviving the rent-a-cadet,” Damien exclaimed.
“Didn’t Henderson say we could use a unit member?” Patrick demanded from the middle of the farthest sofa.
“They’re people, Patty. You don’t use people,” Isla shot at him from the opposite sofa.
“In this case, you do. We have a full unit. Levi is coming back. We aren’t getting a new member,” Damien said.
Patrick ran his cross back and forth along his gold chain. “I need to look through the laws. There has to be a way around this.”
“Jaxhole, really?” Damien asked from the arm of the sofa next to Isla.
“Really,” Tristian said. He stood, his arms crossed to the right of where I had fallen into the chair. My leg bounced constantly.
Rumi huffed a breath next to Patrick. “I don’t understand why any of you are shocked by this. Jaxon has been waiting for an opportunity to get into the Exploratory Units. He’s performed well every Auction.”
“It was bad enough having one new member here, but having her fuck buddy? It’s bullshit,” Ingrid spat next to Patrick.
I had, for a moment, thought things with Ingrid were different after the mission. I was wrong. I didn’t try to defend myself. Surprisingly, I didn’t have to.
“That’s not fair,” Damien said. “Sasha ended it a while ago.”
Rumi leaned forward past Patrick, zeroing in on Ingrid. “What would you have done if you had been with Levi when he got hurt?” Rumi asked, barely above a whisper. My leg went still.
“That isn’t the point,” Ingrid began angrily.
“It is the entire point,” Rumi countered. “What would you have done? What would any of us have done?”
The room fell silent.
“That’s what I thought. Levi would have died out there.
Levi sits in the Ward with full use of his arm.
” The air whooshed out of my lungs. Levi had full use of his arm.
“Because of Sasha. You still act like she did something wrong.” It was more than I had ever heard Rumi speak as she gave voice to everything she saw—bluntly.
“Rumi—” Ingrid began.
Rumi cut her off. “You once begged to get to her. You demanded we get to Sasha to help Lily. You’re angry with her because Lily died.
That wasn’t Sasha’s fault. Lily should have told us before leaving on that mission that she didn’t feel right.
You’re mad at the wrong person, Ingrid. If I learned anything above, it’s that if Sasha could have saved Lily, she would have. We are lucky to have her.”
Patrick shifted uncomfortably, sandwiched between them.
“We’re all here because of her,” Rumi continued. “She tried with Lily. She tried with Hayes before she even knew him. She tried for Levi. The least you can do is try for her. That applies to everyone in this room.”
Patrick opened his mouth but Rumi rounded on him. “You have no right to judge anyone on how they keep going. Any of you.” Rumi made her way to her usual spot on the mat.
Still no one spoke as she sat, crossing her legs. “I don’t think I have to tell you that if Levi heard any of this, you would all be fucked.”
The ghost of a chuckle escaped Tristian; I glanced up to see a small smile there.
“Fine, Rums, we admit the Beast is useful,” Damien claimed, grinning widely.
I whipped my head toward him. “Beast?”
“Yeah. You are a Beast. I’ve decided it’s your call sign.”
The beast in me purred its approval. I didn’t know how to feel about its recognition. Was the thing that lived beneath my skin obvious to everyone around me?
Damien winked. “Masochist just didn’t have the same ring to it, you know?
Tested out Venomous Bitch as well, VB for short.
’Cause you spit venom when you’re angry.
Felt wrong—too long. Isla had a shorter word for it.
” Isla whipped her head toward him, her face bright red. “So you’re Beast. Any objections?”
I felt eyes on me, but no one said anything.
“Beast it is. And for the record, in case Levi does hear about this, I didn’t say shit against Sasha.” Damien turned to Rumi. “But we can all agree that Jaxhole has no use. He’s deadweight, and we are all better off without him, right?”
There was a grumbling of agreement. Tristian fell into Rumi’s vacated seat.
“I gotta get dressed for patrol.” Patrick dropped his necklace. “You coming, Ingrid?”
Ingrid hadn’t moved as she stared at her lap, her hands mindlessly tugging at the hem of her shirt. I knew that look too well.
“Ingrid, you’re off witching hour,” Tristian said. “Rums, if you aren’t locked in already, you’re back. Ingrid, go to the Kitchens and see Bretta.”
Ingrid crossed the room without a word, slamming the door on her way out. Rumi’s dark brown eyes popped open as she smiled. She sprinted off to the girls’ room.
“You’re not going to get back with him, right?” Damien asked as he stood, stretching.
“No,” I muttered. I refused to look in Tristian’s direction.
“Good. All jokes aside, you’re better than he is in every way. I’ve got your back if he tries anything, Beast.”
My throat felt tight. “Thanks, Buddy.” His call sign was hesitant and quiet as I said it. Isla stared at me in disbelief.
Damien beamed. “That’s our medic.”
Thankfully Rumi and Patrick returned, saving me from responding. The partners grinned as they left for the witching hour patrol.
“Fucking weirdos.” Damien shook his head as a bell dinged. “We better go, Sunshine.”
“Where are you two off to?” Tristian asked. I still couldn’t look at him.
“I’m off to the bars, on the hunt,” Damien claimed, shaking out his black waves. “Isla is going to visit Levi.”
“Strange,” Hayes muttered. “Henderson canceled our meeting tonight. Said he had more important matters to tend to.”
Damien laced up his boots, his cheeks flushed. “I have no idea what could be so important.”
They left. The air in the room shifted as Tristian and I looked everywhere but at each other. Everything we had said before Burdon interrupted bounced around the empty room.
I had so much anger in me, so much hatred. It was safer to hold, easier. I didn’t know if I would ever not be consumed by it.
My gaze finally found Tristian. He had asked me to hate him twice now.
Begged even. Why couldn’t I? The list of things I hated was endless, the things he had done for me to hate him just as long.
His throat bobbed as he swallowed, his brows heavy as if the last week had worn on him.
I found myself wanting to cross the distance between us.
I should leave before I did something we would both regret.
As if reading my mind, Tristian said, “I need to go track down Taylor for processing, schedule, and paperwork.” He ran a hand down his face. There were smudges beneath his eyes. Was he sleeping poorly too? “You don’t have to be his partner if you don’t want to. We can move things around.”
“I can’t ask that of Rumi and Patrick or Damien and Isla.”
“You can ask it of me,” Tristian offered.
“And be Ingrid’s partner?” I asked incredulously.
Tristian blew out a dejected sigh. “We can figure something out.”
“You’re really going to let Burdon force him on us?”
“I’m going to have a war on my hands getting Levi back after this injury. I can’t waste my ammo on something trivial like Jaxon.” Always the soldier. “No matter how annoying I find it. Lyssa is still pissed about the Murray thing.”
“What happened with Murray?” I never thought to check in on the man who had attacked me.
“I had him thrown out of the Force. He’s in Expansion now.”
My stomach swooped. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I did. That’s not what Lyssa’s really pissed at. I took a page out of her book. She’s mad at me for going behind her back to get you and for our mission proving your worth. She hates being proven wrong, especially publicly. I attended a sector meeting after we got back—”
“Have you rested at all?” I asked, stunned. Tristian had pulled Levi more than anyone, donated blood twice, and yet he had been working since we returned.
“Some.” He dismissed my concern. “Dr. Uri confirmed after what you did for Levi, if you had been on more missions, Unit Twelve might not have lost at least two members since we started searching in the Abyss. He’s on board with training medics. Dr. Kumar is gathering recruits.”
“That’s good for you guys.”
I should have ended the conversation there and walked away from him, but I couldn’t seem to move away. His gaze held mine. The searching look in those dark green eyes scared me. There was nothing of worth for him to find.
“I’m sorry, Sasha,” Tristian said quietly.
My brows pulled in as my heart began to pound.
“I’m sorry I pulled you from Expansion. I’m sorry I took away what you wanted.
Selfishly, I am happy I did. If just for above.
For Levi. Thank you for saving my best friend.
As much as you hate me for everything…I am”—he cleared his throat, his voice thicker—“I am so fucking thankful you were with him.”
Emotion clogged my throat. I stood speechless, with no ammunition to fire, my feet unwilling to move away.
“Once we have enough medics trained for the Exploratory Units…” He shifted uncomfortably. “Even if we haven’t completed the mission, I will see to it that you are permitted back in Expansion.”
“But I know about the mission. I can’t leave, right?” I said, despite Tristian granting me what I had wanted this whole time. Did I want out of the unit now?
“I will do everything in my power to get you out. I’ll personally petition before Command. I rescind my previous offer. I will let you go as soon as I can.”
My chest tightened. “Thank you.”
“Right, have a good night,” he said, turning to leave.
“Hayes,” I called. Tristian stopped. “I don’t hate you.”