Chapter 30
My legs hit the edge of the bed. The only thought that lingered began and ended with the man before me.
Tristian steadied me before tugging my underwear down.
I shimmied out of them as my hands found his hips, pulling his briefs down until he sprang free.
My breath caught at the sight of him, at the size. At every inch of him.
His fingers hooked under my chin, pulling my gaze from him until I met his eyes.
His lips met mine, tender and slow—an exploration like we might have all the time in the world to stay right here.
In a place where there was no countdown on the days we had left to live, no illnesses—just the feel of his skin against mine.
I trembled against him as his hands found my sides, lifting me and gently laying me on the bed before him.
His gaze roamed over my naked body, missing nothing.
No one had ever looked at me the way he did.
He slid down, eyes locked on me as his hair fell forward, concealing all but those deep green depths.
I gasped as his mouth met my hip bone. He smiled against my skin as his lips moved leisurely.
He trailed reverent kisses up my navel, over my breast, until I was left writhing beneath him, pulling him toward me.
The bed shifted as he followed my need, my legs spreading for him, and his mouth captured my nipple.
His other hand traced delicately over the peak, teasing, his teeth scraping the tender flesh.
A moan slipped from my lips. The tips of his fingers ghosted over my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.
His hand dipped between my thighs. I choked on my breath as his fingers ran through my wetness.
His mouth pulled from my breast. I arched off the bed, chasing his lips in vain. He ran his fingers up my center, stopping just before the bundle of nerves. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. His lips pressed against my skin instead.
I undulated toward his fingers, desperate for contact.
His thumb pressed into the apex of my thighs as two fingers dipped into me. I moaned against it, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted what I had been denied the first time. I ground down, but his free hand gripped my hip, denying the friction I desperately needed.
I panted against the stillness, my body screaming as the flames raged within. I didn’t want the teasing, the play—not tonight. I needed him. All of him.
“I need…” I began, but the rest was lost as he ripped another moan from me. His fingers found that place that made me see stars. “I need…”
His fingers slowed, giving me a moment as I squirmed beneath his touch.
“What do you need?” Tristian asked. He stared at me, his pupils blown from just his hands on my body. “Tell me what you want, Sasha.”
“You. I want you,” I breathed. The confession tore me apart. Tristian’s jaw flexed as he withdrew his fingers, his hand resting on my inner thigh. Warm and wet. His green eyes were depthless, as the thing I couldn’t give words to shone before me, pure and real. I held his gaze—helpless to it.
You can’t go back once you do whatever it is you’re planning.
That was the thing with Tristian. I had never planned for him.
He had barreled into my life and my endless procession of death.
He had stayed instead of following death.
Stayed in my viciousness. Stayed when the beast within won.
Stayed as I tore myself apart. He stayed even now when I couldn’t give him the truth.
He clung, unwavering, to the eye of my storm as I raged harder.
I had always thought it was because he was good. Good in his soul. But now with everything I had learned I wondered if he stayed because he understood. That maybe his demons saw mine and sought a home with something they recognized.
His fingers pressed into my skin, anchoring me. My heart galloping, threatening to burst through my chest, and his eyes never left mine. I held them, trying, so I leaped into the depths, unconcerned if I ever made it back.
“I want you, Tristian.”
A million emotions flickered across his face at a dizzying speed.
He shuddered as he leaned down, his forearms bracing him on either side of my head as he settled between my thighs, nudging my legs wider.
Making room for all of him as his hard length brushed against me.
I shivered at the briefest of touches. He hesitated, hovering before my drenched entrance, searching for permission.
“I want you.” A pray. A plea. A declaration. A truth.
His eyes locked with mine, but he waited as he asked, his voice low. “Truth or lie?”
I swallowed, unable to answer. I pulled Tristian’s mouth to mine, conveying the words I couldn’t give him.
He reached between us, lining himself up until he nudged against my entrance.
I pushed down, squeezing my eyes closed, needing him in me.
Tristian pulled away, his lips leaving mine, his hand holding my hip.
“I want to see you,” he urged.
I stilled at his words, at the intimacy of being seen in this moment. I closed my eyes against it, my need for him burning me alive. He waited until I looked at him. A shaky breath rattled my soul. The fire raged in my veins at all the unspoken words that filled the room.
He flexed his hips, pushing into me, the broad tip stretching my entrance, leaving me gasping. He moved once more, easing himself in. It was torturous in the most intoxicating way as he took his time, inch by inch.
His eyes never left mine as my body shook against the stillness. He retreated almost to the tip. His eyes flared fiercely as he thrust in to the hilt, seating himself fully, deep within me.
I panted against it as his mouth claimed mine, the fullness all-consuming. His tongue swept my mouth as he swallowed my wildness, giving me a moment to adjust. His kiss grew gentle as my breathing leveled out.
He was moving; I sighed into his mouth at the friction, his next thrust morphing my sighs into moans as he slammed into me. My fingers scraped against his shoulder, slipping against the smooth skin of his scar—wishing I could place my lips against it.
He withdrew again, and I tilted my hips, my legs coming up to bracket his thighs. He groaned as he hit deeper. I met it with desperate sounds of my own as Tristian fell into a rhythm. Our hands, our sounds, our needs desperate.
I chased it while my world shattered, blasting apart the broken remnants of what I had clung to. Tristian was far from my first, yet nothing had ever felt like this. No one had ever laid me so bare. My thoughts all began and ended with the feeling of him buried in me.
I had once thought I would regret this. I would pay for this. That this—that he—was a bad idea.
But as he moved in me, his eyes glazed and hazy on his body joined with mine, I found myself willing to lay all of me, everything, at his feet. Pay any price. I shifted. My hand pushed his shoulder as I rolled my weight until I straddled him.
His hands ran along my sides, settling on my hips as I lifted myself to his tip before sinking down.
Hard and heavy. The depth in this position was almost painful.
A moan tore from my throat, matching his groan as his hand held my hips tightly, letting me lead, following my pace as I rolled my hips.
Tristian pulled me down, harder and harder, until I clenched around the length of him.
My breathing staggered as release floated toward me.
His hands left my hips as one grabbed at my breast, toying with me as his fingers followed suit against my clit.
I couldn’t breathe. He was everywhere. I panted, chasing my release.
As I ground down hard, his fingers stroked while he rolled my nipple.
I fractured around him, his name on my tongue.
Wave after wave of pleasure crashed through me.
“You’re fucking beautiful when you come undone,” Tristian confessed as his hands found my hips again, working my body against him, dragging out my pleasure until I was whimpering.
He pulled me off of him, withdrawing entirely; the abruptness of it left me clawing at him as he lifted me, placing me on the bed, balancing above me.
He smiled at me, a wolf of a smile, as he grabbed my left leg, swinging to touch my right.
He lined himself up. He didn’t go slowly this time.
In a single thrust, he buried himself to the hilt.
My leg position left me twisted, but the feel of him sent my eyes rolling.
His hand grabbed my ass as he chased his own release.
His thrusts became more reckless. My hands shot out as pleasure masked his face, pulling his mouth to mine like I could devour his need.
The pressure of his body pulled down on top of me left me moaning.
I gasped into his mouth as he slammed into me.
Again. Again. I couldn’t breathe around him as he thrust in once more; hard enough, I came again, pleasure thundering in an earth-shattering release.
I might have cried out as he twitched deep within me and found his own climax.
I kissed him deeply through his release, my hand finding his chest.
My eyes stung against my will. The thing I had been desperate to outrun since I met Tristian dragged me under. My very soul trembled against what he meant to me.
I had someone to lose.
He broke the kiss but didn’t pull away, my hands woven into his soft curls.
His forehead rested against mine. His hand worked its way up until he cradled the base of my skull.
His other arm braced his weight, my legs trapped between us, his weight heavy upon me.
I relished all of it. As his breathing evened out, keeping me beneath him, I shifted just slightly.
“Please,” Tristian got out; it sounded pained. “Stay for a minute longer.”
I brushed his hair back, tucking it behind his ear. “Okay.” I closed my eyes.