CHAPTER NINE #2
“Our company has been part of many medical breakthroughs in the areas of pharmaceuticals and medical technology. That has been the focus of the company since my grandfather started it. We have other interests as well, but those are the primary ones.”
He felt a bit like he was giving a presentation or something, but he wanted Amelia to know that he wasn’t just making something up.
“And you think your company can do something for me?”
Ben really wished he could say yes with total confidence, but he didn’t want to make false promises.
“I don’t know for sure,” he finally said. “We’d need to know more about your health issues.”
She tilted her head, and the fry she held drooped between her fingers. “Is this just a ploy to get more information about my health?”
Ben frowned. “Do you really think I’d do that?”
Amelia stared at him for a moment that seemed to stretch out forever. “I guess not.”
The length of time it had taken for her to answer pained him. The implicit trust she’d once placed in him… in the knowledge that he’d always do what he could for her… was gone, apparently.
“If you’d rather not tell me, I could give you the name of someone in the company you or your doctor could speak with.”
She took a bite of her burger, her gaze going distant. It seemed like she was contemplating what he’d offered. Though in his mind, he had no idea what there was to contemplate.
He continued to eat as well, not pressuring her with more assurances or suggestions. This had to be something she wanted.
“Do you work for the company like Julian does?”
“Not in quite the same capacity,” he said. “Julian is very… committed to Burke NeuroTech, and he’s always on the lookout for the next medical breakthrough.”
“And you’re not?”
“No. I work in a small division that gives grants or loans to small businesses.”
“In the medical field?”
Ben shook his head. “Not just in the medical field, though we do give priority to those. We’re looking for passionate people with viable ideas who lack the funding to bring those ideas to fruition.
Sometimes all a person needs is a chance, you know.
Preference is given to people who have ideas that will benefit communities. ”
“So you’re not giving loans to people with magic hair bows or stuff like that?”
Ben gave a huff of laughter. “Nope.”
“What types of businesses have you given money to?”
He thought back over some of the people they’d partnered with through their program.
“We’ve worked with people who are focused on environmental issues like pollution and clean water. One company was working to bring a new type of water pump to places where clean water is difficult to come by.”
“That’s a good investment, I would assume.”
“It has proven to be,” Ben agreed. “But not financially.”
“Why would you invest in things that aren’t financially profitable?”
“Dad believes in giving back to the community. We don’t really need more money for ourselves. We try to find a balance. Some profitable ventures offset the help we give to companies like the one I mentioned, which aren’t necessarily about making money.”
Ben was glad that she was showing some interest in what he did and in his family’s business. Maybe it would make her more willing to share about herself.
They continued to talk about what he did as they ate, finishing off their meal with the extra large chewy chocolate chip cookies the diner was known for.
“My doctor thinks I probably have an auto-immune disease.”
Ben lowered his cookie. “Probably? You don’t know for sure?”
“Unfortunately, reaching a diagnosis can be a lengthy process with many tests.”
“There’s not a definitive test for it?”
“For some. For others, it’s more a matter of being tested for other things in order to rule them out.”
“What are your symptoms?” Ben asked. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
Amelia hesitated, taking the time to gather up the trash left from her meal. Her silence dragged on so long that Ben wasn’t sure she was going to answer.
"It varies from day to day," she finally said. "But the main ones are fatigue and pain in my joints.”
“So are you in a lot of pain all the time?”
"It varies," she said softly as she curled her fingers into fists, then relaxed them. "Sometimes the pain is manageable. Just a dull ache. Other times it's… overwhelming. My joints ache a lot. Sometimes they swell. Mornings can be rough."
Ben's brow furrowed with concern. "That must be a hard way to live your life."
She shrugged. "Some days are better than others."
"I'm sorry you’re suffering like that," Ben said.
Amelia's gaze dropped. "It is what it is. I've had no choice but to try to adapt."
Ben thought about what she'd just shared. The fatigue explained why she seemed to pace herself so carefully, why she'd mentioned needing a day to recover after social events. The pain explained the careful way she sometimes moved, as if testing each step.
"How long have you been dealing with this?" he asked.
"The symptoms started showing up about two and a half years ago," she said. "Suddenly I was feeling exhausted after training. And not the good exhausted that comes from giving my muscles a hard workout. I was feeling completely worn out even on my lightest training days.” She paused, then cleared her throat. “After that, I lost my jumps. I just couldn’t do them anymore.”
Ben’s stomach clenched, knowing what that meant for an elite athlete like Amelia. She’d worked so hard to attain the highest level of jumps with consistency. To lose the ability to do them must have been crushing.
“Lexi got frustrated with me, and I couldn’t seem to explain to her what was going on. It didn’t make sense to her because it didn’t make sense to me.”
That revelation gave Ben a bit of insight into the fractured relationship between skater and coach.
“I tried to train more throughout the summer, but it was a struggle. Doctors did a few tests, but nothing showed up. So every day, I got up hoping that that might be the day I’d be able to jump again and that spinning wouldn’t leave me off-balance. But it never got any better.”
Ben could hear the despair in her voice, and he knew how deeply that struggle must have hurt her. To have lost control of her body in that way.
“I’m just thankful that it started at the end of the season.
It meant that these issues didn’t interfere with any competitions.
I would have hated to end the season falling all over the place.
” She paused, the silence heavy, then cleared her throat.
“I had no choice but to announce my retirement before the start of the next season.”
“Was Lexi on board with that decision?”
Amelia’s hesitation before she answered told Ben all he needed to know.
“She didn’t understand why I couldn’t just get over it, especially when the tests weren’t revealing any problems.”
“I’m really sorry that you’ve had to deal with all this, Amelia.”
Her gaze met his for a moment, then drifted away again. He wondered if she regretted telling him so much.
“Just so you know, I won’t be upset if there’s nothing your company can do for me.”
It pained Ben that she was so willing to accept disappointment. That told him that she’d experienced enough of it that she no longer got her hopes up.
He wished he could guarantee they’d be able to help her. To give her some new medication that would ease the pain and give her her old life back. But it wasn’t possible, and the last thing he wanted to do was give her false hope.
If he were meeting her for the first time, he would have had no clue that she was dealing with so much.
Was that true for others? Did they wonder if she was really telling the truth because her health struggles weren’t clearly obvious the way a broken leg might be?
He realized then that if she didn’t come to trust him with her true reality each day, he’d never know for certain how she was really feeling. That felt wrong on so many levels.
He wanted to be there to help her. To support her on the days when she was struggling the most.
Something came to life deep inside him. A longing to be the one she could rely on. Day or night. Good or bad.
The problem was that he didn’t think she was looking for a person to fill that position in her life. And even if she was, it most likely wouldn’t be him.
But there was no harm in doing what he could to help her in the time he was there.