CHAPTER TEN
Amelia crumpled the napkin in her fist, its texture rough against her fingers.
It was a beautiful evening. The temperature was warm, but the slight breeze in the air kept it from being too hot. The scent of nature was more apparent now that the aroma of their food had diminished.
If only she didn’t have the thrum of pain running through her body. And if only she hadn’t told Ben everything, bringing him into the very small circle of people she’d trusted with the full details of her health struggles.
She could have used the excuse that his company might be able to help her, but the truth was something else had prompted her to tell him even more than he probably needed to know.
It was something she might come to regret if he started looking at her with pity in his eyes. She didn’t think she could handle that.
Thankfully, she hadn't seen pity in Ben's expression yet, just concern. But maybe that would change now that he knew how weak she truly was. She no longer viewed herself as the strong person she’d once been, so it was likely that he would also see her as weak.
It felt inevitable, and she wanted that moment of pity to reveal itself sooner rather than later, so she had a definite reason to keep Ben at arm’s length.
"Oh," Ben said suddenly, "I almost forgot." He reached into a bag that rested beside him on the bench of the picnic table and pulled out a bag of small, individually wrapped chocolate almond bars. "I picked these up for you. You used to love them."
Amelia stared at the familiar packaging, her throat tightening unexpectedly. She remembered how he would sometimes slip one into her training bag when she wasn't looking. A little treat for after practice.
Reaching out, she took the bag from him, slowly sliding it toward herself across the rough surface of the table. “Thank you.”
“Do you still like them?” he asked.
“Yes. I do.”
“I got some of the chocolates I used to eat too,” he said, pulling another bag out and holding it up.
Amelia should have been surprised that he’d remembered what she liked, but she wasn’t. He’d always paid attention to details, especially details about her. No one had known the little things about her the way he had.
That might have been why it had been so easy to tell him everything. She’d known that he would pay attention to what she said. He hadn’t been asking frivolously.
She hadn’t realized back then that the virtue he had for paying attention wasn’t one necessarily shared by other boys his age. It made her feel… secure knowing that it was still something he valued as an adult, even though he had plenty of other demands on his time and thoughts.
“Are you going to have one now?” Ben asked as he unwrapped a piece of his own.
“I’m full,” she said. “But I’ll definitely have a piece later.”
Ben smiled as he popped his candy into his mouth. His eyes sparkled in the evening light, and Amelia couldn’t help but be drawn in by the warmth in his gaze.
For a moment, she wanted to believe that he was interested in her, the way he’d been in high school.
But immediately she dismissed the thought. Her life then had been dominated by her training and the career goals she had set for herself. Her life now was dominated by her unstable health and how she had to manage her life around it.
No sane person would willingly involve themselves with someone who couldn’t be with them one hundred percent. Her health would always have to be at the forefront of her life, which meant that would be the case for any man she got into a relationship with.
She couldn’t do that to Ben.
She wouldn’t do that to Ben.
“I should probably be getting home,” she said, wrapping her fingers around the plastic bag of candy.
Ben nodded. “I appreciate you agreeing to join me here for a little while. And for sharing about your health.”
“Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime.” Ben smiled, then reached out to consolidate their trash, shoving it into the bag their food containers had come in.
When they got to their feet, so did Luca. She was glad he’d given them some privacy, though she knew that he wouldn’t have shared anything she’d told Ben with anyone else.
Still, she was thankful that Ben had made sure they had privacy for their conversation.
They made their way to the car, Ben veering off slightly to drop their trash into a wire receptacle lined with a black garbage bag.
It didn’t take long to get back to the church, where Ben pulled in beside her car. It was the only one still in the parking lot.
“Thank you for dinner,” Amelia said as they stood beside her car. “I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” Ben reached out and touched her arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’ll be there in the afternoon.”
It was a somewhat awkward goodbye, and Amelia was glad to slide behind the wheel of her car. She had almost wrapped her arms around him in a hug like they used to share whenever they said goodbye.
Not doing that had felt… wrong.
When she reached home, Amelia sat down on her couch and stared blankly at the doors leading out onto the balcony. Now that she was home, her energy seemed to have flooded right out of her.
She slumped back on the couch, knowing she needed to do a few things before bed, but having no energy whatsoever to tackle anything.
At one point in her life, evenings had been a time she enjoyed. Training was done for the day, so she could retreat to her room and unwind.
Even if she’d had a tough day training, she’d still had enough energy to shower and do some final stretches before going to bed at a reasonable time so she could be up early the next morning.
Now, it seemed that no matter how early she went to bed, it was a struggle to get up in the morning. That was why she was so grateful that the position at the church allowed her to work part-time in the afternoon.
Amelia sat for several more minutes in the quiet of her apartment. She tried to organize in her mind what she needed to do before she fell into bed, but her thoughts kept going to Ben and the time they’d spent together.
Would he ask her to have dinner with him again? And if he did, what would she say?
The next day, Ben was already in the gym when she arrived at the table. He must have been watching out for her though, because she’d no sooner set her things down on the table when he appeared.
"Hey," Ben said, smiling at her. "How are you doing today?"
"I'm fine." Amelia busied herself arranging her laptop and the folder on the table as she gave voice to the lie.
She'd woken with a familiar ache in her body that had gotten a bit worse throughout the morning. Still, at that moment, it was manageable, and she was grateful.
"Would you be interested in joining me for dinner again tonight?" Ben asked, leaning against the edge of the table.
Amelia noticed the casual way he stood, arms crossed, weight shifted to one leg. “You want to have dinner together again?”
Ben nodded. “And maybe afterwards we can talk to Julian about your situation. He knows more about the medical research that’s being done in the company than I do.”
Amelia rubbed her arms, not sure if she was ready to reveal her issues to someone else. Especially someone like Julian.
The man always came across as stern and aloof. Kiara, his wife, was pretty much the opposite, and their kids were great. But Julian?
Ben must have picked up on her reluctance about confiding in his brother. “He’s really caring.”
“You used to hate him.”
“Hate’s a strong word,” Ben said with a laugh. “But I didn’t like him much, that’s true.”
“Apparently that’s changed.”
“It has,” Ben agreed. “I can’t say it happened right away. But once Julian got sober and became a Christian, things got better. And yeah, he’s more serious than I’ve ever been, but he’s got a good heart, and he really does care.”
“So you’re getting along better now?”
“Definitely,” Ben said with a nod. “And his son, TJ, is great. He reminds me a bit of your brothers when they were that age. How’re they doing these days?”
“They’re both off at college,” Amelia said. “Seem to be enjoying themselves. A bit too much if you ask my dad.”
“And Shiloh?”
“She’s doing well. Enjoying life in Seattle.”
Amelia hated to admit she wasn’t all that close to her younger siblings. So much of her teen and early adult years had been focused on her skating that she hadn’t spent much time with them. And over the past couple of years, her health had dominated her life.
Layla was the only one she was close to because they’d been close even before she’d gotten involved with skating. And for a bit, they’d both been taking skating lessons from Lexi. But then, Layla had decided skating wasn’t for her, while Amelia had discovered her life’s passion.
“It’s hard to believe they’re all grown up,” Ben mused. “Time flies.”
“It does indeed,” Amelia agreed.
Kids began arriving for the clinic, drawing Amelia’s attention from Ben. From the corner of her eye, she saw him turn and head for the gym.
As the afternoon progressed, she mulled over Ben’s invitation, trying to decide what she should do. She needed a few more details.
Was this just her and him for dinner, or was he inviting her to the estate to have dinner with his parents as well?
She wasn’t altogether sure which she preferred. Having dinner with just him would be nice, but it would also be dangerous for her heart. Dining with his parents would be safer, but at the same time, more stressful.
His parents, especially his mom, were nice, but there was a clear difference in the type of people they were.
The Burkes—particularly the parents—were polished to a high shine. Amelia, on the other hand, could portray elegance on the ice, but that didn’t really spill into her everyday life. Especially not anymore.
She should just say no, right across the board.
She should… but would she?
As it turned out, she wouldn’t. As soon as Ben approached her at break time, she knew that she would agree to the dinner, regardless of what the arrangements were.