CHAPTER TWELVE
As she lay in the darkness, trying to ignore the throbbing pulses of pain in her body, Amelia replayed the evening over and over.
Though she’d been nervous about being around Ben’s family, it had gone better than she’d thought it might. Well, except for that moment when Dani had asked if she was Ben’s girlfriend.
Ben had been honest in his answer, but the question had thrown Amelia for a bit of a loop. She’d been reminded of a time when, if asked that, he would have looked at her with a wink and proudly claimed their relationship.
He’s always been so happy to let people know they were together. While she’d thought she was the lucky one to have him as a boyfriend, he’d insisted that he was the lucky one
And even now, although they were no longer together, he seemed happy to claim her as a friend.
It was that thought—along with the pain—that kept her awake for longer than she wanted to be. Also in her mishmash of nighttime thoughts was everything that had gone on with Julian.
She was so afraid to hope that not only would she finally have some answers, but perhaps she’d also get an effective treatment.
But for the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel a complete sense of discouragement when she thought of her health.
That didn’t mean that she’d replaced her discouragement with hope. She’d struggled too much over the past couple of years to be so easily swayed by possibilities.
And she hadn’t decided yet if she was going to say anything to her family or Tracy about what was going on. She didn’t want to get their hopes up either.
Depending on how things progressed, there was really no need for them to know anything about the conversation with Julian until she had some definitive answers.
The next morning, even before she got out of bed, Amelia knew it was going to be a day of intense pain. That wasn’t surprising. She usually had one day per week that was worse than all the others, and this one was going to be bad.
It was most likely because the past two days had been longer for her than usual. Usually, her most stressful time was the stretch she was at the church for work. When she got home, she could just relax and let her body wind down.
With the past couple of days extending into the evenings with Ben, she’d had less time to give her body the break it usually had. She hated that the craziness with her body was so limiting for her.
Though the pain made her want to stay home in bed, she knew she couldn’t. It was going to be a day when she’d need to put on her strongest front.
Slowly, Amelia pushed herself up to sit on the edge of the bed. She sat there, eyes closed, just praying that God would ease the pain.
She didn’t expect Him to. After all, He hadn’t answered any of the prayers she’d prayed since her health had begun to fail her. Why would He answer this one?
Feeling a familiar sense of frustration building, Amelia got up and made her way to the bathroom to begin her routine for the day. She took some painkillers, well aware that they would barely put a dent in how she felt.
By the time she got to the church, Amelia had her pain mask firmly in place, the one that had been in her life, even prior to her deteriorating health.
No matter what she’d been feeling off ice, whether something was hurting her or she was upset about something, when she skated onto the ice, the only thing on her face was a smile.
Everything is fine.
The ability to portray that emotion had stood her in good stead over the past couple of years. And it would get her through that day.
She sat down on the chair behind the table, flipping open the folder to find the labels that she’d hand out to the teens when they arrived. At this point, it was likely the kids all knew each other’s names, but they still handed out the sticky name tags.
The sound of basketballs bouncing on the gym floor was subdued for the moment. She knew that Ben was there, but she didn’t look toward the gym, choosing instead to focus on getting her laptop set up for the church work she needed to do that day.
“Hey, Amelia!”
Hearing Ben’s voice, Amelia steeled herself before looking away from the laptop. “Good afternoon.”
“How’re you doing today?” Ben asked.
Though fine was on the tip of her tongue, she also experienced a strong urge to be honest with him. However, she couldn’t.
“I’m okay.” That was as honest as she could be with him that day.
Ben stared at her for a long moment, then nodded. He didn’t seem to really buy into her response, but thankfully, he didn’t push for more.
“How are you doing?” she asked. Not just because she wanted the focus off herself, but because she really did want to know how he was doing.
“I’m doing good,” he said. “Ready for another day with the teens who make me feel old.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you don’t look old.”
That got a grin out of him. “Is that your way of saying I look good?”
Amelia rolled her eyes and gave a huff of laughter. “Like I need to say that.”
“Well, let me say that you look very nice today.”
Amelia looked down at herself. That day, she’d chosen her outfit for comfort. That meant she wore a loose-fitting dress with light gathering across the bust. The flutter sleeves were elbow-length. It was cream-colored with a tiny print of flowers in blue, purple, pink, and yellow.
“Thank you.”
“Do you have plans for after work today?”
Excitement and disappointment shared space inside her. She knew there was no chance that she could handle a third day out. If she was lucky, one day would be enough to get her pain under control. But there was no guarantee.
“I do,” she said.
“That’s too bad,” he said, his smile fading. “The kids decided that today would be a great day for a pool party at the estate.”
“Oh, I’m sure that’ll be fun.”
“It will be,” Ben agreed with a nod. “Especially for the kids. I think the moms are going to sit around and enjoy some time in the sun.”
“And let Uncle Ben keep the kids entertained?”
Ben grinned. “Yeah. Probably. I don’t mind, though. I haven’t really spent a lot of time with them.”
She thought of her own nieces and nephews. So far, it was only Layla who had had kids, but she had four. Two of each. Amelia enjoyed spending time with them, though it was only in the past couple of years that she’d had the opportunity to do so.
Unfortunately, the most she could do was read books, color, play with Legos, or watch movies with them. In the summer, she would often sit with Layla on the back deck, watching as the kids played in their large backyard.
“Maybe another time you can come hang out at the pool with us.”
“Maybe.” Though she actually enjoyed swimming, the thought of getting into a swimsuit wasn’t something she even wanted to consider.
She never voiced her unhappiness with her body or her weight gain to those around her. Tracy was the only one she’d mentioned it to. Both Layla and Charlotte had talked about their struggles with their weight, but she knew neither of them would consider her fat.
And maybe she wasn’t by conventional standards.
All she knew was that the body that had been forced upon her by illness wasn’t the body she knew. It wasn’t a body she felt comfortable in. It wasn’t a body she could rely on. It wasn’t a body she liked at all.
“Hey, Ben!” A group of teen boys approached them, several calling out the greeting.
Ben helped Amelia hand out the name tags, then he followed them into the gym since it was almost time to start. More straggled in in groups of two or three.
But then a solitary figure appeared and approached the table.
“Hi, Jessi,” Amelia said with a smile.
“Hi.” The girl clasped her hands together. “I wondered… I wondered if it would be possible for me to come late to the clinic.”
“Late? What do you mean?”
“I signed up to come to the clinic next week, but my employer told me I need to work and I don’t get done until two. Would I still be able to come?”
Amelia observed the young girl’s tense frame and wondered what her story was. It was clear that basketball meant a lot to her, but it was also apparent that she was weighed down by a burden that the other kids at the clinic didn’t appear to be carrying.
“Let me go ask Cole, okay?” Amelia got up, trying not to wince from the increase in pain the movement brought. “I’ll be right back.”
Thankfully, the clinic hadn’t officially started yet, so she edged around the court to where Cole stood, talking to one of the teens.
When he finished, he spotted her and smiled. “What’s up, Amelia Bedelia?”
Amelia glowered at him. “Don’t call me that.”
Cole chuckled. “Okay. What’s up?”
“Jessi, one of the kids who came to the clinic last week, stopped by to ask if it would be okay for her to arrive a little late each day for the clinic next week.”
“Late?”
“Yeah. Apparently, when she signed up for the clinic, she didn’t realize she was going to have to work. She said she wouldn’t be able to make it until after two.”
Cole looked past her to the hall outside the gym, then nodded. “That would be fine.”
“Thanks. I’ll let her know.”
Jessi had a worried expression on her face when Amelia returned.
“He said it would be okay,” Amelia told her.
“And he wasn’t mad about it?”
“Not at all. Cole is easygoing. He’s my uncle, so I know him pretty well. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Thank you for asking him,” Jessi said, a smile briefly brightening her thin features. “I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.”
With a little wave, Jessi turned and headed for the doors. Amelia watched her go, wondering what her story was.
As she’d dealt with her own issues over the past couple of years, she’d become aware of how privileged her childhood had been. She might have had a stressful life, but it had been a stress she’d chosen and even welcomed.
But through it all, she’d had a supportive family. They might not have been wealthy in the way Ben’s family was, but there had always been food on the table, clean clothes, and a home full of love.