CHAPTER TWELVE #2
Jessi seemed to have the weight of the world on her shoulders, and Amelia felt for her. At least she was trying her best to still be a part of something she enjoyed.
Maybe the clinic was a bright spot in her life. Amelia glanced toward the door and spotted Ben talking with one of the teens.
And maybe it had become a bright spot in hers too.
The next day, her pain was marginally better. Enough so that she seriously considered accepting Ben’s invitation to hang out at the estate.
However, in the end, she declined. Again. This time it wasn’t so much her physical state but her mental one.
She was worried about getting too attached to Ben. About enjoying their time together too much.
He was offering friendship, and while that might be okay for the moment, she was already feeling the tug of desire for more.
She wouldn’t be doing herself any favors in her current situation if she allowed herself to fall in love with Ben, the man, as opposed to the love she still harbored for Benji, the teen.
He’d actually looked disappointed when she turned him down again, and for a moment, it had almost made her reconsider.
“Is there an evening this week that you might be available?”
“Available?” Amelia rubbed her arms. “For what?”
“I thought maybe we could go into Coeur d’Alene and catch a show at the theater?”
“The musical theater?” she asked.
“Yep. I checked and they have a show going on right now.”
“Which show?”
Ben’s brow furrowed. “I can’t remember the name. It had to do with stuff that happened in Newfoundland on 9-11.”
“A musical? About that time? That sounds like an odd mix.”
“Yeah, it does,” Ben agreed. “But I think it might still be good.”
“Why?”
“Why do I think it might still be good?”
“No.” Amelia shifted on her seat behind the table. “Why do you want to go to a musical? Are you bored or something?”
Ben’s expression turned thoughtful, and he leaned his shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms. “It’s not that I’m bored. It’s more that I’d like to… spend some time with you.”
Butterflies fluttered in Amelia’s stomach. She swallowed, then rubbed her hand on her arm. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
He tilted his head, then nodded. “I think it is.”
“So this is just us as friends going out, right?”
His hesitation filled her with both hope and dread. “And what if I’d like this to be more than just friends going out?”
“So it would be a date?” She hated to put it so bluntly, but she needed to be sure.
He straightened. “Yes. I’d like it to be.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Amelia said, though it took considerable effort to say those words.
“Why not?” Ben asked with a frown.
“Why not? Really?” Amelia sighed heavily. “My life is a bit of a mess at the moment, and your life… Well, your life isn’t here.”
Ben looked away, his expression going distant for a moment before he looked back at her. “Then let’s just go as friends.”
Amelia pressed her lips together, caught in a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. She wanted to go—of course she did—but the idea of spending more time with Ben while trying to maintain boundaries felt like walking a tightrope. A tightrope she wasn't sure she had the energy to navigate.
"I don't know, Ben," she said finally. "Even as friends, it's…"
"Complicated?" he offered.
"Yes." She looked down at her hands, noticing how tightly she was clasping them together. "It's complicated."
Ben moved closer, kneeling down next to her chair to better meet her gaze. "Look, I know you're going through a lot right now. But maybe an evening out would be good for both of us. No pressure, just a show and maybe dinner beforehand. If you're feeling tired or in pain, we can leave at any time."
Amelia's heart skipped at his nearness. She could smell his cologne—something woodsy and clean that mixed with the scent of the workout he’d just finished in the gym with the clinic.
"I just…" She paused, trying to collect her scattered thoughts. "I don't want to end up getting hurt," she finally admitted. "I'm just not sure I can handle that right now."
"Fair enough," Ben said, the warmth in his eyes fading slightly as he stood back up. "The offer stands if you change your mind."
Amelia nodded, feeling a wave of relief mixed with regret wash over her. "Thank you for understanding."
"Of course." He glanced toward where Luca stood near the doorway leading outside, his attention on his phone. “I should probably go.”
As he walked away, Amelia stared at her laptop, the words on the screen blurring.
Had she made a mistake? Had she been too cautious? Too protective of herself?
She’d already had heartbreak after being involved with Ben. Last time it had been of her own making. This time, however, it would be Ben who broke her heart when he ended things.
And he would end things. Sooner or later, he’d get tired of having to work around the restrictions her body placed on her life.
She couldn’t open herself up to the pain that she was sure would inevitably come. Or worse, she’d have to watch Ben grow to resent her. He’d probably stick with her in the long run, but he wouldn’t be happy.
How could he be? She wasn’t.
Slowly, Amelia reached out and closed the laptop before leaning over to unplug it from the wall outlet. She gathered up her things and left the table to go to the office for the last hour of her workday.
And she tried her hardest to put the interaction with Ben behind her. She wanted to forget the disappointment she’d seen in his beautiful green eyes.
She hoped against hope that she hadn’t made the wrong decision. Her feelings were such a mess that she didn’t have any idea whether she had or not.