CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ben threw punches at the bag in the gym at the rec center on the estate, trying to work off his frustration and anger at himself.
“What did that bag do to you?”
Ben landed one last punch before turning to face his brother, his breaths coming in short bursts. He lifted his shoulder to wipe the sweat from his face.
Julian stood a short distance away, also wearing workout clothes. He was on his own, which wasn’t too surprising as it was after nine in the evening. The kids were probably in bed.
“It didn’t do anything,” Ben said, turning back to tap the bag with one of his gloves. “Just needed an outlet.”
“Something happen?” Julian asked as he walked around to the other side of the bag.
Ben landed a couple more half-hearted punches as he tried to decide if he wanted to confide in his older brother. He was tempted.
“I asked Amelia out earlier,” he said. “Which was stupid, and I probably shouldn’t have done it.”
Julian regarded him with his blue-green eyes. “I have several questions.”
Ben stepped back from the bag, placing his gloved hands on his hips. “Like what?”
“Like, why did you ask her out? Why was it stupid? And why shouldn’t you have done it?”
Ben sighed and used his teeth to undo the converter strap he’d used to tie the glove by himself earlier. He worked it off, then walked over to the bench that sat against the wall and dropped down onto it.
He put the glove beside him and took off the other one as Julian sat beside him, stretching out his legs as he leaned back against the wall.
“I asked her out because I wanted to spend more time with her,” Ben said.
“So you have a romantic interest in her?”
“Yes.”
“So why would asking her out be stupid?”
Ben shrugged. “I suppose it’s because I should have known she’d turn me down. She was the one who broke things off last time, after all.”
“And you think that’s why she turned you down now?”
“I don’t know. She said that she didn’t think it was a good idea because her life is a mess, and because my life isn’t here.”
“Both of those are valid reasons.”
“Yeah, they are.”
“She is dealing with a lot right now,” Julian said, as if Ben needed reminding.
Although maybe he did need a reminder. Without an obvious physical reminder that she was dealing with pain, it sometimes slipped his mind.
“I’d like to help her deal with everything,” Ben said.
“You can do that as a friend.”
“I know.” Ben dragged a hand through his hair. “But I want to be there for her as more than a friend.”
“As long as she doesn’t have answers to what’s going on with her health, she’s probably reluctant to get involved with anyone, let alone you.”
Ben figured that was true.
“You have to realize that her health issues might have a long-term impact on a relationship.”
Turning his head against the wall, Ben said, “What do you mean?”
“What if she’s dealing with something that prevents her from having kids?” Julian asked. “She probably wants to know information like that before considering a relationship. That way she and the guy can make an informed decision about getting more serious.”
“You think I’d not want to be with her if she couldn’t have kids?”
Julian shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just using that as an example. The bottom line is that she probably wants to know what’s going on with her health before making a big decision like getting into a relationship with someone. Even you.”
"Even me," Ben echoed, the words tasting sour on his tongue.
He wanted to be someone special to Amelia. Someone she could lean on during this difficult time.
But was that for her sake? Or for his?
He rubbed his thumb across his knuckles, feeling the sting from where he'd hit the bag a bit too hard. The truth in Julian's words resonated, even if he didn't want to admit it. Amelia had every right to want clarity about her own body before allowing someone else a place in her life.
"Have you heard anything back yet about the tests?" Ben asked.
Julian shifted on the bench. "I've made some calls. We should be able to get her in for comprehensive testing sometime next week. Do you think she’d be willing to travel to New York for it?”
“I don’t know,” Ben said. “Though I’m not sure she’d want to miss work to travel.”
“I was thinking that maybe we’d line everything up on a Saturday, and she could fly in on Friday night and then back on Sunday. Or Saturday night if she didn’t want to miss church.”
“I could ask her,” Ben said. “And let you know.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
The pair sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Ben was grateful for the advice of his older brother in a way he wouldn’t have been in the past.
“If you’re serious about Amelia, you need to just be there as a friend. Show her you care through your actions. And pray about the situation.”
Ben glanced at his brother. “It still comes as a surprise when you talk about spiritual matters.”
Julian’s mouth lifted in a brief smile. “I’m sure that’s true. It’s a big change from how I lived when you were a teen.”
“I didn’t like you much back then,” Ben said.
“The feeling was mutual,” Julian admitted with a frown. “It wasn’t anything that you did. It was just hard to see how Dad treated you, how he interacted with you, compared to how he’d dealt with me. And of course, I was carrying around a lot of guilt over the girls’ kidnapping.”
“I’m glad we’ve moved past that,” Ben said. “You’ve turned into a great big brother.”
Julian reached over to punch him on the shoulder. “And you’re not a bad little brother.”
“Do you enjoy being a husband and a father?” Ben asked. “I didn’t think that would ever be something you’d want.”
“Those two roles are the most important things in my life, and I really count it a privilege to be Kiara’s husband, and father to TJ, Sophia, and Crissy.
I never realized how fulfilling those roles could be, and I’m glad that God gave me the opportunity to experience them.
I don’t know where I’d be without Kiara and the kids. ”
Ben stared out across the gym floor, pondering his brother’s words. They were somewhat surprising to hear, and yet not. Julian might not say stuff like that often, but his actions backed up his words.
“Don’t rush things,” Julian said, his hand landing on Ben’s shoulder. “Pray about it, and just be there for Amelia. She could probably use the support. Just remember that she’s different from who she was as a teen, just like you’re different.”
“I’d like to think I’m basically the same person I was, but I guess growing up does change a person.”
“Yep. It does.”
“One thing that’s still the same about Amelia is her strength. She was so strong and determined in her younger years, and I see that in her now. It’s something I’ve always admired about her.”
“She’ll need that strength,” Julian said. “For whatever the tests show.”
“I’ll be there for her, too.”
“I know you will be.”
Silence settled between them in the expanse of the gym. Ben was grateful for the conversation he’d had with Julian. It had helped him gain some perspective. To let go of the hurt and frustration that had swelled within him when Amelia had shut down his suggestion of a date.
He had to put all that aside and just be there for her.
“Well, I’d better get to work,” Julian said. “I usually work out for about an hour.”
“Thanks for taking the time to chat.” Ben turned to look at him. “I really appreciate it.”
“Anytime.”
The next day, Ben didn’t have to be at the school until after lunch. That week, they were only running the afternoon teen clinic. He went to the school just after lunchtime, hoping to catch Amelia before the kids arrived.
He spotted her car in the parking lot when he and Luca pulled in, so he was hopeful she’d have a little bit of time to talk.
When they walked into the hallway by the gym, he immediately spotted her behind the table. Smiling, he walked ahead of Luca to the table.
“Good afternoon, Amelia,” he said.
When she looked up, he could immediately see that she wasn’t having a good day. Her face was pale, and her features were drawn.
“Bad pain day?” he asked as he bent down on one knee beside her. “Maybe you should have taken today off.”
“I can’t,” she said. “I can’t let the pain drag me down. I need to learn to live with it. I still have to be able to do what I need to.”
He reached out and took her hand, grateful when she didn’t pull away from him. “No one would blame you if you took time off when the pain is too much.”
“I’ll lose myself if I do that, Ben,” she said. “I’ll retreat and never come out. Coming here to work is sometimes the only time I leave my apartment.”
Ben looked at her tired blue eyes, then nodded. “Okay. I understand. Can I do anything for you? Get you something?”
Amelia sighed. “No. I’m okay.”
“Do you want a coffee?” he asked. “Or a latte? I think I have time to dash out and get one for you.”
A smile flitted across her face. “Thanks, but I don’t need one.”
“This isn’t about need,” Ben told her. “If you want one, I’ll get it for you.”
She gazed at him for a long moment before she said, “Okay.”
Ben grinned as he straightened to his feet. “Same as before?”
“You remember?” she asked, her eyes widening.
“I do.” He paused. “Mocha latte. Do you want it iced?”
“Sure. Thank you.”
Winking at her, he turned and headed to where Luca stood. “Coffee run, Luca. Let’s go.”
It didn’t take long to get to the nearest coffee shop and pick up Amelia’s drink, along with a sweet snack for her. He would normally have gotten a drink for himself and Luca, but since they were going to be playing basketball, they wouldn’t be able to enjoy them.
Back at the school, he wove his way through the teens who had arrived for the clinic, then set the cup on the table, along with the small bag containing the treat. “Here you go.”
Amelia looked up and smiled. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said.
“Is she your girlfriend, Ben?” one of the teenage boys asked.