CHAPTER FOURTEEN #2
"You okay?" he murmured.
Amelia nodded slightly, not trusting herself to speak. The simple question threatened to unravel her careful composure. She'd become so practiced at pretending everything was fine that genuine concern sometimes felt more painful than helpful.
“Would you like to go grab some lunch?” Ben asked as people stood up all around them and began exiting the rows.
She was tempted—oh so tempted—but she shook her head. “I think I need to just lie low today. It looks like I’m going to have a busy week ahead, so I need to take my rest while I can.”
Ben nodded his understanding. “But if you change your mind and do want to hang out, we’ll be at the pool on the estate later this afternoon. You’re welcome to join us. Just let me know so I can alert the guards that you’re coming.”
Amelia knew she wouldn’t go, though she really wanted to. Back before her health had taken a downward turn, decisions had been made in the moment, without consideration for much else.
Now she had to look ahead, to see what might be coming up that she needed to take into consideration. She had to make sacrifices for the immediate future so that she didn’t completely debilitate herself.
It was exhausting and demoralizing. She wanted to be able to do everything. To be able to live her life the way she wanted. She used to train, go to school, and still have the energy to hang out with Benji.
“Let me walk you to your car,” Ben said as they filed out of the row into the aisle.
Amelia had no reason to deny his request, so she nodded. They wove around groups of people, eventually making their way to the large doors of the church. A glance over her shoulder revealed that Luca was trailing them.
“Take care of yourself,” Ben said when they reached her car. “What are you going to have for lunch?”
“I’m not sure yet,” she said as she opened the door and put her purse and Bible on the passenger seat. “But I’m sure I’ll figure something out.”
She slowly slid behind the wheel, then looked up at Ben and gave him a smile. “See you tomorrow.”
“Definitely.” He returned her smile, then closed her door and stepped back to stand with Luca.
Amelia struggled with a sense of despair as she drove home. She wanted to spend more time with Ben in the way she once had, and it was hard to accept that she couldn’t.
It probably wouldn’t take long for Ben to realize that he’d dodged a bullet. When he saw how often she had to turn down opportunities to hang out, he’d be relieved she’d turned him down for the date.
Back at the apartment, she changed into a pair of loose cotton shorts and an oversized T-shirt. She was standing in front of her fridge, trying to figure out what she wanted to eat when her security panel intercom buzzed.
Frowning in confusion, she walked over and answered it.
“I’ve got a delivery from the diner for Amelia Madden.”
Amelia was confused, so she didn’t reply right away.
“Hello? Can I bring this up?”
“Oh, yeah.”
She pressed the button to unlock the door, then moved to her door and peered through the peephole. Soon enough, a lanky teen appeared and approached her door.
After he knocked, she opened the door to see what the delivery was all about.
“Here you go,” he said. “Enjoy.”
She watched him walk away and disappear down the staircase at the end of the hall. Once he was gone, she stepped back into her apartment, letting the door swing shut.
Walking to the kitchen, she looked down at the bag she was holding. It was the same as the one they’d gotten when they’d gone to the park to eat.
Had Ben ordered this for her?
She set the bag on the counter and opened it. After lifting out the food and drink, she discovered that it was the same food she’d had the previous Sunday along with a chocolate milkshake.
Ben knew that both were things she really enjoyed, so it had to be from him.
Warmth flowed through her at the thought of him placing the order and arranging for it to be delivered to her.
She pulled her phone from her pocket and sent a quick text to Ben.
Did you send me lunch?
A minute later, her phone pinged with his reply.
Ben: Thought you might enjoy it.
The thoughtfulness of the gesture brought a smile to her face. How had he known she'd be standing in front of her fridge, struggling to decide what to eat?
Thank you. You didn't have to do that.
His reply came quickly.
Ben: I know. But I wanted to. Enjoy!
Amelia carefully arranged the food on a plate and carried it to her small living room. She settled onto her couch and tucked her feet beneath her, balancing the plate on her lap.
The chicken burger was still warm, the fries crisp. A perfect Sunday lunch without having to cook or even leave her apartment.
Ben's thoughtfulness touched her in a way she hadn't expected. It was such a simple gesture, but it showed that he was paying attention. That he cared about her comfort and well-being, even when she couldn't join him.
As she took a bite of the burger, savoring the familiar taste, Amelia found herself wondering what Ben was doing now. It was hard not to wish that they were sharing a meal together. However, she’d had her chance and said no.
When she was done eating, she got to her feet to carry her plate into the kitchen. As she put her dishes from breakfast and lunch into the dishwasher and wiped down the counters, she began to feel a familiar weariness.
What she’d done shouldn’t have made her feel tired, but that was just the nature of how things went for her sometimes.
No, not sometimes. Always. And she hated it. Hated it with a passion.
Pain and exhaustion… neither were ever completely gone from her body, and she hated it.
She just wanted her normal life back. Even if she couldn’t skate competitively anymore, she just wanted life to be normal.
Tears pricked at her eyes as she flung the cloth she was using into the sink and headed toward her bedroom. There was nothing more for her to do but give her body what it demanded, which was rest.
Even though she was also experiencing pain, she didn’t bother taking any medication, knowing nothing would ease it away.
In some ways, she thought maybe her skating had prepared her for this life. When she’d skated, she’d experienced pain from falls or other injuries. If she fell, she had been trained to get right back up and keep going, regardless of the pain she might be in from hitting the ice.
The only difference back then had been that the pain would eventually fade, and it would often respond well to pain meds. Now, she just had to endure and hope that the burning pain in her muscles and joints would ease enough that it didn’t overwhelm her.
As she curled up on her bed, stinging tears spilled over. She hadn’t cried in awhile, but right then, she felt so frustrated and depressed over her current state that she didn’t try to stop the tears.
But when the sobs finally calmed, she took several deep breaths and prayed that she could sleep and get a reprieve—even if it was brief—from the pain and depressing thoughts.