CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Amelia set her phone on the counter, then poured herself a glass of water. “I’m not sure I should have agreed to go tonight.”
Tracy gave a laugh, the sound drifting from the speaker of the phone. “From what you’ve said, every time you’ve been presented with the option of spending time with Ben or not, you’ve decided to do it.”
Amelia sighed as she picked up her phone and carried it along with her glass to the couch. Sinking down, she lifted the glass to take a sip.
“Yeah. I know the best thing is to keep my distance from him, but it’s hard.”
“Why don’t you just go for it?” Tracy asked. “He seems quite determined to be with you.”
Amelia couldn’t argue about that. “I’m just not sure that’s the best thing in the long run.”
“You’re asking him to understand your reluctance to have a relationship when he doesn’t have all the details,” Tracy said. “Now that you have answers, you need to tell him. Maybe that will be enough to get him to back off.”
Amelia’s stomach clenched at the thought.
Though she might have felt that it wouldn’t be good to saddle Ben with all her issues, clearly she didn’t want to consider no longer having him in her life.
Which was probably why she kept accepting his invitations to spend time together when she should have been saying no.
“Just give him all the info,” Tracy encouraged. “From what you’ve said, he wants to know the details.”
“He does,” Amelia agreed.
“You’re lucky. My former boyfriend didn’t care much about the details of what was wrong with me. All he cared about was that I couldn’t do all the things I used to be able to do. I guess that’s why he’s now my ex.”
“I’m sorry about that,” Amelia said.
“In some ways, it was a relief,” Tracy said.
“The way he treated me showed that he wasn’t the man I fell in love with, and he’d say I wasn’t the woman he fell in love with either.
Once our relationship was officially over, it felt like a burden had been lifted, though.
I no longer had to continually manage his feelings as well as my own. ”
“That’s what I’m worried about with Ben,” Amelia said. “That he’ll start out fine, but as reality sets in, having to deal with my health will wear on him. On our relationship.”
“There are no guarantees,” Tracy agreed. “However, Ben sounds like he’s a good man.”
“He is. That’s why he deserves better than me and my situation.”
"And yet he seems determined to make his own decisions about what he deserves," Tracy pointed out.
Amelia stared down at her water glass, watching the light catch on its surface. She'd been making decisions for Ben since high school, hadn't she? Breaking up with him then so they could focus on their futures. Pushing him away now to spare him from her reality.
"Maybe that's what tonight is about," Amelia said quietly. "I need to tell him everything and let him decide for himself."
"That's all anyone can ask for," Tracy replied. "Complete honesty. Then whatever choice he makes is informed."
Amelia bit her lip, weighing Tracy's words. Her friend had been such a support since they'd met in that online group. Unlike everyone else in her life, Tracy truly understood what living with chronic illness meant.
"You're right," Amelia said finally. "I'll tell him tonight. Everything."
"Good. Let me know how it goes. I'm here if you need to talk afterwards."
After ending the call, Amelia stared at the clock. Three hours until Ben would be there to pick her up. Three hours to prepare herself for a conversation. Or maybe she’d just take him the binder and let him read through it.
That would explain things better than she could. She was still trying to wrap her mind around everything herself.
Rachel had emailed her a copy of everything that was in the binder, so she’d still have something to refer to even if she gave Ben the binder.
With a sigh, Amelia got off the couch and returned to the kitchen. She still had a few things she wanted to get done before Ben picked her up.
When the buzzer sounded three hours later, announcing Ben’s arrival at the front door, Amelia pressed the button to let him in, then picked up her bag from the floor beside the door.
She hadn’t wanted to climb onto the boat with the binder in hand, so she’d found a floral duffle style bag to put it in. She’d added her purse and also a sweater because the last time she’d been on the boat, once the sun had gone down, it had gotten a bit chilly.
She’d just slid the strap of the duffel bag onto her shoulder when Ben rapped on her door. With butterflies in her stomach, Amelia opened it
“Hey there,” Ben said, a smile lighting up his face. “Ready to go?”
“I am,” she said, then stepped out into the hall with him.
“What have you got there?” he asked, gesturing to her bag.
“I’ve just brought my purse, a sweater, and a couple of other things.”
“Let me carry it for you.”
When he reached for it, she didn’t resist. Though she did smile a bit at the sight of him walking along the hallway with the flowery bag bumping against his hip.
Luca was waiting at the SUV for them, and he opened the front passenger-side door for her as they approached. It was a lovely day, and Amelia was glad that she’d decided to accept Ben’s invitation to spend time on the boat with him.
She’d specifically taken it easy that day so that she’d hopefully have the energy to enjoy the evening, even though it wasn’t going to be a physically demanding time.
When they reached the private marina where Ben kept his boat, he parked the SUV, then the three of them walked to the slips where his boat waited.
The marina was busy with lots of other people out enjoying the nice weather. Ben lifted his hand in greeting to a few, making Amelia wonder if he knew them or was just being friendly.
When Amelia glanced at Ben, she noticed his relaxed posture, the easy way he navigated the marina. He seemed completely at home there, just as he did everywhere. That had always been one of the things she'd admired about him—his ability to fit in anywhere, with anyone.
"Here we go," Ben said as they arrived at the boat.
Luca stepped aboard first, then Ben followed, turning back to offer his hand to Amelia. She hesitated for just a moment before placing her palm against his. His grip was warm and secure as he helped her onto the deck.
Once on the boat, Ben set her bag down on one of the cushioned seats, then moved to help Luca with the preparations to leave the marina. Amelia settled herself on the seats at the back of the boat, watching as the men moved with practiced efficiency, checking gauges and untying ropes.
"All set?" Ben called to Luca.
Luca nodded from his position near the controls. "Ready when you are."
The engine hummed to life beneath them, a gentle vibration that Amelia could feel through the deck. She gripped the edge of her seat as the boat moved away from the dock, slowly at first, pulling away from the marina with a slow, steady motion.
Amelia relaxed as they glided away from the dock and into the open water of the lake. The late afternoon sun cast a golden glow across the water, creating a shimmer that caught her eye. She breathed in deeply, enjoying the fresh air and the gentle breeze that played with loose strands of her hair.
Ben came to sit beside her, leaving a bit of space between them. He stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles. Lacing his fingers across his abdomen, he tilted his head back. The breeze lifted his curls, while the sun turned his skin a golden bronze.
He had always been the most handsome man in the world to Amelia, and that hadn’t changed. But he was so much more than his good looks, and she was blessed to know that.
"You look beautiful today," he said, turning his head to smile at her.
Heat rose in her cheeks. "Thank you."
He’d always told her that. No matter what she’d been wearing, he’d told her she was beautiful. She could be made up for a special date or just finished with a workout. It hadn’t mattered.
"I'm really glad I could come out tonight," Amelia said. "The weather is perfect."
"It is," Ben agreed, his eyes still on her face. "It was so cloudy this morning that I was worried the forecast was wrong and that it might rain."
“Guess they weren’t wrong for a change.”
Ben grinned. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m not starving, but I could eat if you are hungry.”
“I am, actually. Connie prepared some steaks for us,” Ben said, drawing his legs in as he sat forward. “I hope you’re in the mood for that.”
“I haven’t had steak in awhile,” Amelia said. “So this will be a treat.”
“I still have to cook them, so they might not be quite as good as when Connie makes them.”
Luca glanced over his shoulder as Ben and Amelia moved to the small cooking area. “Do you want me to anchor?”
Ben looked around. “Find us a spot not too close to other boats, then drop anchor.”
“Will do.”
Within five minutes, Luca had slowed the boat to a stop and dropped the anchor. Amelia took a seat at the table, watching as the men got the barbecue going.
“How do you like your steak?” Ben asked as he removed things from the small fridge and also an insulated bag.
“Will it offend you if I say medium-well?”
Ben laughed. “I’m not a chef, so all I care about is cooking it the way you’d like to eat it.”
“How do you like yours?”
“I’m medium-rare,” he said. “Not quite bloody.”
Ben put a couple of foil-wrapped packages on the grill, then added the steaks. Just as he had their previous time on the boat, he moved with confidence and ease around the barbecue. She wondered if he did a lot of grilling in his life.
Once the steaks were done, Ben brought them over to the table with the rest of the food.
Amelia was amazed at the spread that Connie had provided for them. Steaks. Twice-baked potatoes. Roasted carrots. A salad. And golden dinner rolls. They looked freshly made.
“Everything looks delicious,” she said as Ben shut down the grill.