CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX #2
“A one?” Another shake of her head. “A two?” Another shake, which made Ben frown. “A three?”
“Occasionally. Usually, I’m a four or higher.”
“So never a day without pain?”
Her gaze dropped as she shook her head. “No.”
Ben's heart sank at her admission. He'd known her pain was chronic, but the reality that she never experienced a single day without it hit him hard. Even at its best, pain was still her constant companion.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms right there in the church pew.
"It's okay," Amelia said, though her voice betrayed that it wasn't. "I've gotten used to it."
The worship team took their places at the front, signaling that the service was about to begin. The worship leader invited them all to stand as people found their seats.
Ben stood, then offered his hand to Amelia. She took it, gripping it as she got to her feet. When she didn’t let go right away, Ben gently tightened his grip on her fingers.
Her hand in his felt as right as it ever had.
He didn’t know what was going through her mind with regards to them, but she wasn’t outright rejecting him, so he’d take some encouragement from that.
Though Ben had shifted his focus to the lyrics displayed on the screen at the front of the sanctuary when the service began, he found it difficult to concentrate on the music.
His mind continually drifted to Amelia. Never a day without pain. The thought kept circling in his mind as they sang about God's goodness and faithfulness.
How did she reconcile that reality with her faith? They’d touched on that topic briefly once before, but he wanted to know more about how she was dealing with it.
The pastor’s sermon that day focused on the foundation of their faith and how it was important to have a strong foundation so that regardless of what came their way, it wasn’t shaken.
When they sang the final hymn, Ben couldn’t help but think about Amelia’s situation as they sang one of the verses of How Firm a Foundation.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
the flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
Ben was sure that Amelia felt like she was going through fiery trials, and he hoped that she could see that God’s grace was sufficient to help her through the trial she was in the midst of.
After the final prayer, Ben sat with Amelia, waiting until she stood up before he did. They walked out of the sanctuary and were quickly waylaid by Amelia’s sister.
“Hey, you two,” Layla said with a wide smile. She gestured to the man beside her. “Ben, have you met my husband, Grant?”
“No, I haven’t.” Ben held out his hand to the dark-haired man. “It's a pleasure to meet you.”
“You too,” Grant said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Ben looked at Amelia, who shook her head.
“From Layla,” Grant added.
“Well, then I’m not sure if all of it was good,” Ben said with a grin.
“It was mostly good,” she assured him. “No worries.”
“That’s good to know.”
“So what are you two up to this afternoon?” she asked. “Going out on the boat?”
Ben glanced at Amelia, then said, “We haven’t decided yet.”
“If you end up without a plan, you’re always welcome to come by the house. We’ve got a pool set up, and Grant is going to barbecue some hamburgers and hotdogs.”
“We’ll keep that in mind,” Ben said, though he hoped that Amelia would be willing to have a meal with just him. He really wanted to talk about the contents of the binder, and to do that, they couldn’t be hanging out with anyone else.
Layla gave Amelia a hug. “Give me a call later. I haven’t chatted with you all week.”
“Will do.”
As they moved away from Layla and Grant, they ran into Cole and Annie. After another invitation for the afternoon, which they declined, he and Amelia headed for the doors.
“Well, that felt a bit like running a gauntlet,” Amelia said as they walked down the front steps of the church.
“At the risk of making you continue to feel that way,” Ben began, “would you be interested in having lunch with me?”
She looked up at him, squinting as the light hit her eyes. “What’s on the menu? And where?”
“I was kind of thinking about having lunch on your balcony again,” Ben said. “I enjoyed that last time.”
“It was nice,” Amelia agreed. “With food from the diner?”
“Actually, I was thinking of getting an order from The Steakhouse at the resort.”
“That would be nice.”
“Well, let’s go check the menu,” he said.
He drove her car, while Luca followed in the SUV. Amelia pulled up the menu on the phone and read out the options to Ben. No surprise, he was heavily leaning toward the steak.
“I think I’d like the grilled steak salad,” she said.
By the time they’d reached her place, they’d each decided what they wanted, so it was just a matter of asking Luca what he wanted. After they placed the order, Ben had Luca drive them out to the resort in the SUV to pick it up.
“It’s such a beautiful drive out here,” Amelia said as she looked out the window. “I miss that.”
Ben reached out and took her hand. “Have you been to the rink at all since you stopped skating?”
“No.” She glanced at him, then back out the window. “I was out here to meet with the doctor, though.”
“At the hotel?”
She nodded. “He and his assistant were staying here.”
Ben still wished that she’d let him know so that he could have gone with her, but he understood that she’d needed to do it alone. He was just glad that she’d shared what the doctor had told her with him.
“Do you like the doctor?”
She shifted away from the window to face him. “I do. He was very kind. I’ll be in more contact with his assistant, Rachel, though.”
“I saw that in the binder.”
“Did you read it?”
“From cover to cover.”
Her eyes widened briefly. “You must have been up late.”
“I was,” he agreed. “But it was worth it to have all the information.”
Luca swung the SUV to a stop in front of The Steakhouse. “Want me to go grab the food?”
“Yes, please,” Ben said. “Put it on my card.”
Ben decided to let the subject of the binder drop for the time being. It wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with an audience.
Much as he liked and trusted Luca, this wasn’t his business they were talking about. It was Amelia’s. And Ben had a feeling that she would rather keep things between the two of them.
It didn’t take long for Luca to reappear. He set the food on the front seat, then slid behind the wheel and headed back to town.
When they reached Amelia’s building, Luca pulled to a stop. “You still want me to leave?”
“I don’t think there’s any reason for you to sit out here,” Ben said. “It’s hot today, and a running car will be suspicious.”
Luca didn’t look terribly happy about leaving, but he, Ben, and Jude had had a conversation about the situation and assessed the risk. They’d deemed it acceptable, but Ben had promised to carry his gun.
After they got out of the SUV, Ben took the weapon out of the lockbox in the back of the SUV and slipped it into a holster. He never enjoyed carrying a weapon, but if it was what gave him time alone with Amelia, he’d do it.
He handed the binder to Amelia, then took the bag of food from Luca. “I’ll call you when I’m ready for a pickup.”
Luca nodded, then got back into the SUV. Knowing that Luca wouldn’t leave until he was inside the building, Ben walked with Amelia to the front door. After she’d unlocked it, he lifted a hand to Luca, then followed Amelia inside.
Once in her apartment, Ben carried the food out onto the balcony and began to unpack it. Amelia came out with two large glasses filled with water and ice. He smiled at her as she set them down on the table.
“I really do like the view you have from up here,” Ben said.
She gave him a skeptical look as she settled herself on the bar-height chair at the small table. “Even though you have that amazing view at the estate?”
“I appreciate all kinds of views.” As he sat down across from her, he gave her a smile, then gestured to her. “But perhaps the one I like best is this one.”
Amelia let out a huff of laughter. “Boy, you’ve upped your flattery game.”
“Is it working?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Well, then clearly I haven’t upped it enough.”
Ben laid his hand on the table, palm up. When she placed her hand in his, he said a prayer of thanks for the food. He was reluctant to let her hand go, but eating steak one-handed was definitely a no-go.
“Are you up for a discussion about the binder?” he asked after they’d been eating for a few minutes.
He expected her to brush him off, but after a brief hesitation, she said, “I suppose now is as good a time as any.”
Something about the tone of her voice told him that he was going to have his work cut out for him. The binder had revealed the full scope of her diagnosis, and he had a feeling that she was going to try to convince him that a relationship would not work between them.
He just hoped that he could get her to see that he wasn’t scared off by what he’d learned. If anything, it had given him hope because now he knew what they were up against.
She hadn’t wanted him going into a relationship blindly, and now he wasn’t.