CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Ben settled down on the loveseat with the binder Amelia had given him. He’d felt a twinge of hurt when he realized that she’d received the results on her own and hadn’t told him for a couple of days.
But he’d put that hurt aside, accepting that she didn’t owe him that information.
It was clear though that she’d intended to tell him about the meeting with the doctor since she’d brought the binder with her. So while he would have liked to be with her when she’d received the test results, he was just glad she’d decided to tell him at all.
He knew that, for whatever reason, she was determined to protect everyone from the burden of her health issues, which could have included him.
But it hadn’t, so now he had a bunch of reading to do.
Before opening the binder, Ben prayed that God would give him wisdom to understand what he was reading and how he could help Amelia as she dealt with the knowledge of her diagnosis and what it meant for her life moving forward.
As he read, Ben kept his phone close at hand so that he could jot down any questions he might have. Thankfully, with his connections in the medical field, he knew people he could ask for clarification as well.
Time slipped by as he read. He didn’t just read the binder, though. There were things he looked up on his laptop, which led him to videos.
All in all, by the time he got to the last page of the binder, he felt well-informed about the diagnosis that Amelia had received.
Well-informed, but also devastated for her. It was definitely a complicated situation, and he better understood her reluctance to get into a relationship.
Still, he was determined to show her that he was there for her for the long haul.
What it meant was that Amelia would be dealing with a chronic condition for the rest of her life. There was no cure that could give her back her old life.
The binder had given him a good idea of what lay ahead for Amelia.
The symptoms could be managed to some degree with medication, lifestyle changes, and careful monitoring, but there would never be a complete cure.
Her pain levels would fluctuate, sometimes predictably with triggers they could identify, but often seemingly at random. Her fatigue would be an ever-present companion, sometimes receding to the background, other times overwhelming her completely.
Ben closed the binder and sat back, rubbing his tired eyes. The clock on the wall showed it was nearly 2 AM. He hadn't realized how long he'd been reading, researching, and taking notes.
Setting the binder on the coffee table, he stood and stretched, his joints popping after hours of sitting in the same position.
The information swirled in his mind. Medical terms, treatment options, potential complications, lifestyle adjustments.
It was overwhelming, and he wasn't even the one living with the condition.
He walked to the kitchen for a glass of water, his footsteps echoing in the empty house. Annie’s house that had become his in the past day. At least temporarily.
The coolness of the water felt good on his parched throat. Ben leaned against the counter, his mind racing with everything he'd learned.
Amelia's condition wasn't necessarily fatal, but it was life-altering in ways he hadn't fully grasped before. The unpredictability would perhaps be the hardest part—never knowing from one day to the next how she might feel.
His mind kept returning to Amelia's face on the boat. The way she'd looked at him when she'd handed over the binder, a mixture of fear and resignation in her eyes.
He set the glass down with more force than intended, the sound echoing in the quiet kitchen. This wasn't about him or what he was "taking on." This was about Amelia and what she needed.
And what she needed was someone who wouldn't run at the first sign of difficulty. Someone who would stand beside her through the unpredictability of her health.
He wanted to be that someone for her.
Ben wandered back to the living room and sat down heavily on the loveseat.
Even though it was late, he picked up his phone and scrolled through his notes again, organizing his thoughts.
There was so much to consider. The medications she'd need to take consistently, the potential side effects, and the lifestyle adjustments that could help minimize flare-ups.
The binder had outlined the things that could exacerbate her symptoms. Like stress. Or a lack of sleep. How even changes in the weather could affect her body in ways most people would never realize.
It was as if Amelia's body had become her adversary rather than her ally. For someone who had once been an elite athlete, whose physical capabilities had defined her, that must feel like the cruelest betrayal.
Ben ran his hand through his hair, his heart aching for her. No wonder she'd been so hesitant to let him back into her life. She'd been protecting him, yes, but also protecting herself from potential rejection once he understood the full scope of her situation.
The binder also included information about pregnancy, which had been of interest to him because she’d once talked about having children. It was something they’d discussed back when they’d been starry-eyed teens and assuming they’d get married one day.
The information in the binder indicated that pregnancy was high-risk but not impossible.
Though Ben hadn't even thought that far ahead, he had a feeling that Amelia had. If she’d given some thought to how sex might be impacted, she had most likely considered how a pregnancy might be impacted as well.
It would take a conscious effort on the part of each of them to navigate this together.
Amelia would need to be honest about how she was feeling, and he would have to be understanding when plans needed to change at the last minute. They would have to find their own rhythm.
Ben rubbed his eyes again, feeling the weight of fatigue. He hadn't felt this tired in a long time, and it struck him that this was probably just a fraction of what Amelia experienced on a daily basis.
As he walked up the stairs to the loft, Ben hoped he could fall asleep quickly. It was already much later than he usually stayed up, especially on a Saturday night with church the next day.
The next morning, as Ben walked into the church with Luca, his attention was immediately drawn toward the café.
“I’m going to get coffee,” he said. “And to see if Amelia is working.”
The need to see her was strong, and he hoped that she was feeling well enough to attend the service that day.
As they neared the café, he saw that she was there, and his heart filled with warmth at the sight of her.
There was a short line, so he and Luca joined the end of it. As he waited for their turn, he watched Amelia, observing her movements and trying to judge how she might be feeling.
He’d learned that his assumption of how she might be feeling was usually way off base because, unfortunately, she’d become a master at hiding how she really felt.
Still, he could see that she was focused on what she was doing, and her movements, though slow, were steady. Ben guessed that maybe her pain and fatigue were around a five.
When they finally reached the front of the line, Amelia looked up and her eyes met Ben's. Her expression brightened for just a moment before she schooled it into something more neutral.
"Good morning," she said, her voice soft but clear. "What can I get for you today?"
Ben smiled at her, trying to convey all his feelings in that simple gesture. "We’ll have two regular coffees."
Even though there weren’t any other people waiting behind them, he moved to the side and watched as Amelia prepared their drinks with careful movements.
When she carried them over to the counter, he said, “So… I think you’re kinda cute. Can I sit with you during the service?”
Amelia stared at him for a moment, then laughed. “Sure.”
“Old people flirting,” the teen working with Amelia said, then gave a shudder. She wasn’t the same teen who’d been working with her previously. It seemed that Amelia was the only one who worked every week.
“Old people?” Ben pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m not even old enough to be your dad.”
“Well, you’re acting like you are.”
“I’m so wounded.” Ben sighed. “I’m not sure I’ll survive.”
“Pretty sure you will,” the girl said. “Even if you are old.”
“I’ll have you know, I dated Amelia in high school, and she had no issues with my flirting back then.”
The teen lifted a brow. “And yet… here you are trying the same moves on her twenty years later.”
Amelia let out a huff of laughter. “Maris. It wasn’t twenty years ago. I’m not that old.”
Maris gave her a grin. “I know. But maybe you go for older men.”
“Not that much older,” Amelia told her. “Ben’s only a year older than me.”
“We’d better let you two get back to work before my pride is dented forever,” Ben said as he picked up the cups.
“I’ll see you in a few,” Amelia said.
“You definitely will,” Ben agreed.
He and Luca moved to where the cream and sugar were and doctored up their coffee. They stood off to the side, waiting for Amelia to finish up.
By the time she was done, they’d finished their coffees and dropped the cups in the garbage can provided.
When she joined them, they made their way into the sanctuary. Knowing Amelia’s preference for sitting near the back, Ben guided her over to a few empty seats a couple of rows down.
Luca settled in the row behind them, preferring to be able to keep an eye on anyone who might move in Ben’s direction. Even in the church.
“How are you feeling today?” Ben asked, keeping his voice low as he bent closer to her.
She gave him a soft smile. “I’m at about a four for pain and a five for fatigue.”
Ben was pleased that he’d come pretty close to guessing what she’d say. Maybe it meant he was getting better at judging how she was feeling.
“Are you ever a zero?” he asked, realizing that he’d never asked her that.
She shook her head. “Not anymore.”