Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Devon?” his mom cried. “Where are you?”
“In here.”
He was slumped on the couch in the living room, feeling sorry for himself. He sat up just as his mother streaked into the room, dumping her purse and her bag as she went.
“Oh, my poor boy.”
“Mom, go easy. Jeez.” She was clutching at him, which aggravated his wounded arm.
But her display of emotion annoyed him even more.
Which was completely callous and unfair.
He knew that. She had every right to be upset that her son had been shot, especially considering their family’s history.
But he wasn’t feeling particularly understanding or generous at the moment.
She sat down beside him, pressing her hands to her face. “We were so scared, Devon. How could you take a risk like that? You said your job was supposed to be safe.”
Ruby and Chase came into the room. Chase was carrying a sleeping Haley in his arms.
“He was protecting someone who needed help,” Ruby said. “I already explained that, Mom. She would have been killed if Devon wasn’t there.”
His mother nodded, but Ruby’s words had only made her cry harder. “I’m just so thankful that you’re here and you’re all right. If anything had happened to you…”
They all knew the rest of that sentence. Devon practically knew his mother’s fears by heart. He couldn’t help softening. She was his mother, after all. He had made most of his decisions in the last year and a half based on not upsetting her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t expect the assignment to be so dangerous. But it’s over now, anyway.”
Aurora would be testifying in the morning. The danger had nearly passed, and if she needed a bodyguard going forward, someone else like Tanner would do it.
As soon as he’d left the Bennett Security office, he’d called Chase to let his friend know that it was safe for his family to come home.
Devon had to come straight here, to his Mom and Ruby’s townhouse, so that he could see them.
It was partly that he knew his mother would need to see that he was safe for herself.
But he also didn’t want to be alone in his sad, tiny studio apartment.
Because then his mind would start spinning uncontrollably, thinking about Aurora and how much he already missed her, how much he wanted her.
Even though he had no right. And how much of an asshole he had been to potentially hurt her.
“So, Aurora is safe?” Ruby asked.
“That’s her name? Aurora?”
Devon flinched each time they said it. “Yes. Everything is fine now. For her, and for you guys. We were worried before that my identity could’ve been compromised.
That’s why you had to stay in a hotel. But now my coworkers are confident that nobody is coming after me.
So, we can just try to get back to normal. ”
As if that were even possible. He’d lost his job. He’d lost Aurora. So no, there was no going back to normal for him. But he didn’t want to explain all of that to his family yet. He didn’t want them to know how badly he had fucked up.
“I’ll be right back,” Chase said. “I’ll just put Haley in her crib.”
Ruby smiled at him appreciatively. “Thank you.”
So that was new. Chase had been friendly with Ruby before, but now they seemed to share some deeper bond. What was that about?
Not that it was any of his business. Devon had no right to go all protective-big-brother on her, not after what he’d done.
Ruby came over to the couch and sat on Devon’s other side. “Are you okay, bro? You’ve been through some serious shit.”
Their mother tutted. “Language, Ruby.”
“Mom, the guy just got shot. That is shitty. And he was in the army. Devon’s used to hearing some salty language.”
Mom shook her head, though she didn’t argue.
Devon exchanged a glance with his sister.
They were both well aware of their mother’s idiosyncrasies.
Megan Whitestone was a woman who’d lost family to violence, who’d seen both of her sons serve the public and face danger.
She knew just how terrible the world could be.
Yet their mother insisted on observing every social nicety, as if proper behavior would somehow protect them from further heartache.
As if they could shelter themselves inside a bubble, closing themselves off so tightly against every negative word or feeling so that no one could ever hurt them again.
Devon didn’t blame her. He had done the same thing plenty of times, though for him it was all about shutting off his emotions. The Whitestones did what they had to do to get by.
Right now, Devon knew that if he let himself experience everything he was really feeling, he wouldn’t be able to get up from this couch.
He would do something ridiculous, like breaking down in front of his mom, and that would completely freak her out.
He had to be strong for her. And for Ruby and for Haley.
That was his real job. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.
“Earth to Devon. Are you going to answer my question, or are you just going to sit there looking wrecked?” Ruby smiled wryly at him, seeming to sense what he’d left unsaid—that he wasn’t okay at all. “There must be something you need. Pain meds? Ice cream? A beer?”
He cleared his throat. “No, I’m fine. Maybe a shower.”
He’d showered only a couple of hours earlier, but he wasn’t going to let himself think about that. Because those memories would lead straight to Aurora, and he could already still smell her on his skin.
He stood up. Yep, a shower was exactly what he needed.
“Okay if I use yours, Mom?” He didn’t want to wake Haley in Ruby’s room.
“Of course.” His mother got up, too. “And I’ll make you some lunch. You must be starved.”
They were keeping busy. Doing what they had to do to get by. Devon had the feeling that the next few days would be all about survival mode. He had no idea how he was going to get through them.
After his shower, Devon went out to the back patio while his mom cooked lunch.
He looked around at the yard. This townhouse was just a rental, not really theirs.
But there was grass for Haley to run around in once she was bigger, and Ruby had planted a little vegetable garden along the side.
The neighbors were quiet, and his mom and Ruby seemed to have plenty of space.
The rent wasn’t outrageous, either. It wouldn’t be so bad for them to stay here a while longer.
He had hoped to get them into a house of their own sooner, but now that he’d lost his job, that wasn’t going to happen.
He’d have to find another job soon. Otherwise, his meager savings wouldn’t cover the rent for more than a few months.
If he moved out of his own place and slept on their couch, then cut back on all his discretionary expenses, he could make this work. He could still provide for them the way he had promised.
But even as he tried to reassure himself, he felt the crushing guilt of having failed them. He had expected so much better. They all had.
He sat on a lawn chair. The patio door slid open, and Chase stepped out. “Mind if I join you? You seem like you’re knee-deep in thought.”
“Not really. Just trying to take it easy, I guess. Since that’s what everyone seems to be telling me to do.”
Chase’s eyebrow raised, like he wasn’t anywhere close to convinced. “Okay, what is it you haven’t told us? Because I can tell there’s more. You’re beating yourself up over something. What happened?”
Devon closed his eyes. So it was that obvious. “I messed up. Bad.”
“But you said Aurora was fine. She’s safe.”
“No, it’s not her. I mean, it’s not that she’s in jeopardy. I wouldn’t have come home if she wasn’t in safe hands.”
“Of course, you wouldn’t. You’d never leave the job unfinished. So, what is it?”
“The problem is I don’t have a job,” he bit out. “I don’t work at Bennett Security anymore.”
“You what?” Chase plopped down on the chair beside him. “What the hell happened? Did you get fired?”
“I quit. But I didn’t really have a choice. Aurora is Max Bennett’s sister. And I slept with her.”
Chase whistled. “Damn, Whitestone. I guess you’re not the celibate monk we all thought you were.”
“This isn’t funny.”
“Hey, I’m not laughing. But you’re the last guy I would’ve expected to end up in a situation like this. Plenty of other men wouldn’t have been able to resist the temptation, sure. But not you. Which tells me Aurora must be pretty damn special.”
Devon sank further into the lawn chair, covering his eyes with his hand. “Yeah. She really is. She’s amazing. And I ruined any chance I might have had with her.”
“Why? Just because her brother doesn’t approve?”
“Not only that. From the minute I met her, she’s been adamant that she doesn’t care what Max thinks.
But there’s a good reason Max told me to keep my hands off her.
She was in a really vulnerable place. I should’ve known that she might not be in a position to…
consent.” Just saying those words killed him. A lump had lodged in his throat.
Chase frowned thoughtfully. “So, you think you misread her signals? Took things further than she wanted? That really doesn’t sound like you. You’re sure she wasn’t into it?”
“In the moment? I was completely convinced that she was all in.” The memories passed through his mind, unbidden.
The desire in her eyes, her enthusiasm. Not to mention her explicit verbal permission.
She had told him, again and again, how much she wanted him.
More than once, she’d taken full control, making him come harder than he ever had in his life.
Around her, Devon felt like he was gasoline, and she was an open flame.
His skin started to burn, thinking of how eager she had been in his arms.
He loved that she was so comfortable with herself. She didn’t apologize for being sexual, and she didn’t hold back. He might not admit it to anyone but her, but he loved the way she bossed him around in bed.