Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
In the hallway, Tanner found two familiar faces. One was Nic, Sylvie’s boyfriend. The other was Max Bennett, Tanner’s boss. The two men had been conversing quietly.
Inwardly, Tanner cringed, though he maintained a stoic expression.
Nic and Max were friendly with each other, though they weren’t “friends” as far as he could tell.
Their backgrounds couldn’t have been more different.
Tanner hadn’t liked Nic much at first, either.
But the guy was head-over-heels for Sylvie, and he’d moved on from a pretty dark past. Tanner had to admire that.
Maybe Nic could give him a few pointers.
Max patted Tanner’s arm. “How’s your girlfriend?” He’d never met Faith as far as Tanner knew. He must’ve heard from Sylvie or Noah about their relationship.
“Getting better. They’re going to keep her a little longer.”
“You need anything? If you think she’s still in danger, you can have your pick of guys to guard her door.”
“I could stay, too,” Nic offered. “Or grab food. Coffee. You name it.”
“Coffee would be great, actually. Black.”
“I’ll be right back.” Nic smiled, obviously happy to have a task. Tanner had mostly needed to get rid of him to have a word with Max. There was no getting around this, and Tanner knew he should be the one to broach the subject.
“I’m, uh, sorry about what happened earlier. With Mrs. Zhang.” There was no way Max hadn’t heard. Noah would’ve told him so they could do damage control with the wealthy client. “I meant to call you myself, but…”
“Don’t worry about that. Sounds like it was just a misunderstanding. You have much bigger priorities at the moment.”
“I take my responsibilities very seriously.”
“I know you do. That’s why I can count on you.”
But would you if you knew all of it?
He owed his boss a candid explanation, but Tanner couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not here, outside Faith’s hospital room. Not just a few yards away from the waiting area, where a bunch of his teammates were sitting.
“Right now, though,” Max said, “you can count on me. Sylvie told me how important Faith is to you. Whatever you need, just ask.”
“Thank you.” The muscles in his shoulders unclenched. “That means a lot.”
Max gripped his shoulder again, then let him go.
Tanner wandered over to the waiting area. He spotted Devon Whitestone and nodded in greeting.
And Kozinski was here, too. What the hell?
Noah jumped up from his seat. Sean was next to him.
Noah pulled Tanner into a hug, cursing so loud a nurse looked over and frowned. “I can’t believe this mess. It’s nuts.”
“Tell me about it. What’s Kozinski doing here?”
“Showing his support. Like all of us.” Noah frowned at him. “Sean said this has something to do with Faith’s ex? Like that package she brought to the office before?”
Tanner caught his friends up on the details. Noah and Sean each knew bits and pieces. Yet he tried not to reveal anything Faith had told him in confidence.
“I’ve been talking to the task force,” Sean said.
“Jon’s delivery was heroin cut with fentanyl.
Like you thought, Tanner. Bigger profit margin, and most buyers don’t have a clue it’s not pure.
Just a few months ago, we had a prosecutor collapse in the middle of a courtroom when he was handling the same kind of evidence in front of a jury. Shit goes right through the skin.”
“I’d heard that, too.” Which was how Tanner had realized what must be happening to Faith. Even in small doses, street fentanyl was incredibly lethal to people who had no tolerance for opiates. Death within minutes unless an antagonist like Narcan was administered.
“Your friend Sylvie will need to have her house decontaminated,” Sean went on. “West Oaks is putting together an arrest warrant for Faith’s ex-husband, based on the camera evidence of him delivering the package.”
“What about the people who were going to pick it up?” Tanner asked. “Faith said it was probably Kyle Spaulding.”
Sean shook his head. “There’s reasonable suspicion to bring him in for questioning. But unless Kyle confesses, or Jon is willing to point the finger, we might not be able to hold him. Just for the other misdemeanor assault charge.”
So, once again, they had little on Spaulding. Faith was terrified of the guy, but that wasn’t enough.
“I’m relieved Faith is okay,” Sean said. “I need to head back to L.A. Anything else you need, man?”
Tanner appreciated the offer. He’d never had so many people looking out for him. It felt good, but also a bit uncomfortable. He was used to being the one looking out for his friends, not the other way around. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks for all you’ve done.”
“I just wish I could’ve done more and prevented all this in the first place.”
After Sean had left, Tanner turned to Noah. There was so much he needed to say. He thought maybe he could get it out, and if he hesitated even a few minutes, he’d lose his nerve. “Can we go outside and talk?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
Tanner double-checked that Faith wasn’t alone. Myra and Sylvie were with her. Plus, a handful of Bennett Security bodyguards were still in the waiting room. So he had little to worry about.
He and Noah went through the automatic glass doors into the parking lot. Tanner sat on a concrete bench. The streetlights bathed the lot in pale yellow, and cars drove past on the nearby boulevard.
“I missed your call earlier,” Tanner said.
“Yeah. Kozinski got in touch, bitching and moaning about you. I was surprised you didn’t pick up.”
“I was…walking. Needed to clear my head.”
Noah sat next to him. “Not the first time I’ve heard that from you.”
Very true. Even before his concussion, Tanner had relied upon time outdoors to keep himself steady. He’d been convinced he’d defeated PTSD. But he’d had all sorts of crutches. His mantras, his walks. An unfailing positive attitude, masking the uncertainty inside.
Out with it, he thought. It’s time.
“Remember how I told you a while back I had PTSD? Because of being wounded in Afghanistan after you left the teams?”
“Of course.”
“It’s not really past tense anymore.”
Noah paused, studying him. “Okay. How long have you been having trouble?”
“The concussion. Six months ago.”
“Jesus, Tanner. You’ve been keeping this to yourself that long?”
“At first, I thought it was purely physical. I hoped it would go away on its own as soon as my injuries were healed. But then the nightmares came back. It just seemed to build. I couldn’t face the fact that I’d gone backwards. It was so…demoralizing. Knowing I’d failed.”
“You didn’t fail. You were on a different part of the path.”
Tanner snorted. “Bumper sticker.”
“What?”
“Never mind.” It was what Faith would’ve said, and Tanner didn’t feel like explaining their inside joke.
“I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t letting my problems affect work.
When I was working, I felt like myself. Focused.
I could tune out all the other noise and just do my job.
But today?” Tanner shook his head, sighing.
“Today, I was a mess. I couldn’t keep it together.
” He’d been distracted. Even confused. He could’ve put Mrs. Zhang in real danger—not just by missing something important, but by overreacting.
Tanner had just wanted to keep protecting people. But he couldn’t do that anymore. PTSD had robbed him of so much. He wanted to cry, thinking about it.
Fuck. His eyes were stinging.
“I’ve been wondering for a while if something could be wrong,” Noah said. “You seemed off for months. Then after I realized you had feelings for Faith, I thought that explained it. The way you acted that night at the restaurant, flipping out on that guy who ran into her.”
“Yeah. It was because of my feelings for her, but also…not. It was more than that.”
“And I was more than happy to accept the easy explanation. I should’ve paid closer attention. I should’ve asked.”
“I wouldn’t have told you. With Faith… Is it okay if I talk about her with you? I don’t want to be an asshole.”
Noah nudged his shoulder. “You are anyway. But I forgive you. Tell me whatever you want. Not like I was in love with her.”
Tanner’s heart raced at those words. “With Faith in my life, in my…” His cheeks were burning, which was embarrassing.
“In my bed, I feel genuinely happy for the first time in a while. She’s the best thing that’s happened to me, maybe ever.
I thought I could conquer my issues out of sheer willpower to be worthy of her.
For a few days, it even seemed to be working.
But then the nightmares came roaring back.
It was like the highs were higher, but the lows were lower, too. And…”
His voice was breaking up. “Today, when Faith tried to reach me to ask for my help, I wasn’t there. I was too wrapped up in my own shit. And she almost died.”
He felt Noah watching him. But Tanner couldn’t meet his friend’s eyes. The words kept flooding out of him.
“I can’t ignore this anymore or wish it away or pretend it’s not beating me. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know. I don’t…”
A tear streaked down his cheek. A thousand more wanted to follow.
“You’ve never told me what really happened when you were wounded. I heard you were shot. Captured.”
“Five days,” Tanner murmured. Yet it had felt like five years. He’d been trained for it, and he’d done everything he was supposed to do, swallowing down the horror and bearing the pain until he was rescued.
The nightmares and the panic only came much later.
“I don’t know how to talk about it.” Anytime he tried to imagine saying the words, he drew a blank.
How could he describe what it had been like?
Thinking he’d die in that darkness, knowing what they’d done to Scotty’s remains.
His thoughts of Scotty’s family, his own.
Wondering how Mom and Dad and Kaylee and Brayden would feel when they heard he was dead. Mutilated.
“That’s okay.” Noah put an arm around his shoulders. “I love you. You’re my brother, and I love you. No matter what.”