Chapter 36 #2
He hiccuped. “Even if I stole your girl?”
“She was never my girl, man. She was always yours.”
My girl. “I think I’m in love with her.”
As he said it, he knew it was true. His heart pulsed, Faith, Faith. He loved her.
“Then I’m happy for you. But I want you to have whatever you need to get better. Because I know you will get better. At your own pace. Maybe you should take some time off work. Paid, so don’t worry about that. But you need to see a professional and get help with this.”
He’d known this was coming, and he hated it. “This feels like a punishment. Everything’s worse when I have nothing to focus on.”
“Shouldn’t you ask why that is? Be uncomfortable. Embrace the fear. See what happens.”
He flipped Noah off.
Tanner’s friend laughed. “Maybe I deserved that. But it’s still true. Trust me, if this is a punishment, it’s on me, because I’ll have to figure out how to do without you. I’ll be counting the days till you’re back. But let’s make sure that, when you do come back, you’re ready.”
“What will Max say?”
“Same thing I’m saying. You honestly doubt that?”
No. He didn’t doubt it.
“What do you think?” Noah asked.
“I think… Yeah. Time off is a good idea. I’ll be there for Faith. And aside from that, I’ll figure out what to do with myself.” He was so tired of fighting. Tanner wanted to figure out how to get back to living.
When he returned to Faith’s hospital room, Tanner found Devon standing sentinel outside. It was ten at night.
“You’re still here?”
“Of course. We’ve got your back. Kozinski’s next on the night shift.” Devon held out a coffee cup. “Nic brought this over. I think it was for you?”
“That’s okay, it’s all yours.” He reached for the doorknob, then paused. “Tell Kozinski thanks for me?”
Devon gave him a crooked grin. “Maybe you should do that yourself, after your little tiff this afternoon.”
“You heard about that?”
“Everybody heard, but trust me, we all knew Kozinski had it coming. You’ll make a decent bodyguard of him yet.”
“I will?”
“Yeah, when you’re a captain. Noah can’t deal with all these assholes on his own.”
Tanner appreciated Devon’s vote of confidence. But he was heading into a hiatus from work, not toward more responsibility.
The guys were all going to hear about that soon enough, too.
“I’m going to be taking a little time off,” Tanner said.
Devon’s eyebrows drew down. “Oh. For Faith?”
“Not really, no. I’ll do whatever I can for her. But this is really for me.” Tanner scratched his head. He was sweating, and he wondered if Devon saw any redness around his eyes. He’d sat with Noah for a while outside, long after the tears had stopped.
“I have PTSD.”
“Damn. That sucks. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
Second person today Tanner had told, and Devon wasn’t looking at him like he was an alien. Tanner had known he wouldn’t, of course. But fear wasn’t always rational.
Tanner gave Devon a one-armed hug, and his friend returned it. “Now get in there,” Devon said. “Your girl’s waiting for you.”
Faith looked up when he went in. Tanner’s heart lifted to see her. She’d showered and changed into fresh clothes, and her hair was braided over one shoulder. Dark half-moons still bordered her eyes, but her skin had recovered much of its glow.
“How’re you feeling?”
“So much better. A West Oaks detective stopped by, and I gave my statement. Sylvie left a little while ago. She and Ethan have to get a hotel until their place is cleaned. I feel really bad about that.”
“We’re all just thankful you’re well. Did the detective say what they’re doing to find Jon?”
Faith shrugged. “Not really. He seemed like he didn’t want to make any promises. It’s frustrating.”
“I know.” Tanner reached for her hand. “You told the detective about the threats against you, right?”
“I did.”
“Even if the police don’t catch up to him, Jon lost a bunch of product yesterday.
If he was working for a cartel, he’s in trouble.
And if he wasn’t working for a cartel? If he was violating some group’s territory?
He’s in even worse trouble. Same with Kyle.
They’re probably out of the state by now. ”
“I hope so.”
Tanner sat next to her. Faith cupped his cheek, and he leaned down for a gentle kiss that sent tingles of desire down his spine.
“I wish we could go home now,” she said.
“You’re feeling that much better?”
She laughed. “Maybe not. But good enough to enjoy seeing you naked. That’s my favorite new hobby.”
He flexed a bicep for her, making a goofy face. “They wanted you to stay for observation, right?”
“But I’d rather sleep in your bed.”
“Our bed.”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Our bed.”
He loved this woman, and as soon as he worked up the courage, he’d tell her. “Well, as of now, I’m available for all your personal bodyguard needs. You won’t be able to get rid of me.”
Not until Jon Townsend, Kyle Spaulding, and their drug dealer friends were either in a jail cell, or they’d left town. Or they were down in some other way. If any of them came after her, Tanner would do whatever was necessary.
“What do you mean, you’re available?”
He put an arm around her, settling back against her pillows. “The last few days, my head hasn’t been in a great place.”
She nodded against him.
“Today, it just got to be too much. I blew up at one of the other guys. I had my phone turned off because I was upset. Which was the worst possible timing.” A lump had gathered in his throat at this admission. “That’s why I wasn’t answering when you called. I can’t even tell you how sorry I am.”
Faith sat up and ran her fingers through his hair. She didn’t need to say anything. The softness of her touch said it all. But he really didn’t want her comfort right now. He was supposed to be the one comforting her.
He pressed on. “I told Noah the truth about everything. I told Devon, too. Max will be next. I’m going to take some time off work to get better.”
“I’m glad. I want you to have everything you need.”
He wanted to tell her he already did, right here in his arms. But that wasn’t fair or true.
It wasn’t Faith’s responsibility to heal him.
She just gave him all the more reason to seek out healing for himself.
Even if that meant opening up and talking about things that terrified him.
Talking about the things that happened in Afghanistan. Somehow, he’d figure out how to do it.
But he had to keep his girl out of harm’s way. What was the point of saving himself if he didn’t save her, too?
“Let’s go home,” she said. “Tomorrow we can sleep in as late as we want. We don’t even have to get out of bed.”
That did sound nice. Just the two of them in his upstairs bedroom, secluded from the world. Safe.
Tanner kissed her forehead. “Okay. I’ll tell the nurse and see what else we have to do. Then I’m taking you home.”