Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Chase drove them toward home. On the way, Ruby was quiet, but he could almost hear her mind working.
He hadn’t known for certain that Ruby’s murder charge would be dismissed today. But he’d heard rumors from Shelby.
“Congratulations,” he said. “How does it feel?”
“It’s amazing. But strange, you know? All this time, it didn’t seem real that this could be happening. That Mickey was dead, and the police thought I was responsible. That I could lose Haley over it. But now, it’s the good news that doesn’t seem real.”
“Like you’re scared to believe it?”
“Exactly.” She pushed out a breath. “I doubt I’ll completely relax until Decker’s convicted. But that won’t be for a while.”
It hadn’t all been good news today. But Chase didn’t want to ruin this moment by telling her.
That morning, the chief had called Chase into his office. A rep for the police union had been there.
You’re suspended pending an investigation into your actions. Turn over your badge and your weapon.
Yeah, he didn’t feel like sharing that just yet. Chase only wanted Ruby to feel happy today. Relieved. He liked protecting her, and that would be a hard habit to break.
“Do you really think Jane is right?” Ruby asked. “That I could go back to how things were before?”
“If anyone can make that happen, it’s you.” Chase forced himself to smile.
This was all he’d really wanted. For Ruby to be cleared and for her family to be safe.
“Is it?” he asked. “What you want?”
Ruby glanced over at him, her expression full of uncertainty.
In the last couple days since the raid, things had seemed fine between him and Ruby. At least on the surface. But there’d been an awkwardness he couldn’t pinpoint. Like she’d been keeping something from him.
They’d been affectionate. But they hadn’t had sex again. Even though he’d really wanted it. Maybe she’d seen the end of their marriage coming and had already been thinking about moving on.
Fuck, he didn’t want to think about the end.
“You could probably get your job back at the salon,” Chase said. “But I bet you could find something better. Even open a place of your own.”
“You think so?”
“Absolutely. There’s no stopping you.”
“That’s an idea. We know that Noah is pretty irresponsible with his money.” She grinned. “Maybe he’ll give me another loan.”
“The guy clearly has so much cash he doesn’t know what to do with it.”
They were laughing together, even though Chase felt like he had a knife buried in the center of his chest.
What kind of an asshole was he that he was thinking of himself right now?
He didn’t want Ruby to go back to her old life. He wanted what they had now. Waking up next to her, coming home to her and Haley. Feeling like he belonged to someone.
But he remembered what she’d said the other night. Chase had told her he never wanted to hurt her, and she’d said, You couldn’t.
He couldn’t hurt her because she didn’t feel that much for him.
And he didn’t blame her. Ruby had been completely clear about what she expected. He’d always known he was the one at risk of getting hurt.
Ruby was playing with her seatbelt. “Could we go to the beach?”
“The beach? Right now?”
“The minute I get home, Devon and my mom are going to be all over me, wanting to know everything. I just need a few minutes. I’d rather go to the beach. With you. Will you take me?”
“Why not? I’ll help you play hooky for a little while.”
“Always swooping in when I need rescue.”
“You know me.”
At the next intersection, he turned toward the ocean. A few minutes later they’d parked and were walking along the sand, their shoes in their hands.
“How have things been at work?” Ruby asked.
“Better. My partner’s speaking to me again. Catching the real murder suspect won me back some credibility.”
The union rep had claimed the investigation was routine.
But Chase had violated orders by continuing to investigate the Waverley murder when he’d been instructed not to.
He’d also gone outside West Oaks PD’s jurisdiction and gotten mixed up with a Los Angeles police operation.
Not to mention going after a suspect with no backup and injuring the guy.
Chase had to admit it didn’t look that good.
They’d reached the water. Ruby walked into the surf.
“You probably want to get back to your old life, too,” Ruby said. “Your cousin hasn’t rented out your house yet, has he?
Chase’s heart wrenched again. She was talking about him moving out? “Um, yeah. I mean, no. No, he hasn’t rented the place.”
“Haley and I really like having you around. But if you want to get back to normal, you don’t have to worry about us.”
“I don’t mind. It’s nice having someone to worry about.”
“But do you? Want to go back to how things were before?” She looked over at him.
No, he wanted to shout.
But how could he say that to her? Make that kind of demand?
What was he even thinking, anyway? That they’d stay married? Forever? Were either of them remotely ready for a commitment like that?
“I’m sure you’ll like having your space again,” he said. “I won’t take up more than half your mattress anymore. You won’t have to hear my snoring.”
“You never know. I might miss those things.”
“I’ll definitely miss the dance parties.”
Ruby watched the waves lap at her ankles. “Some things don’t have to go back. I like how close we are now. We’re better friends.”
“We are.”
“I don’t want to stop hanging out with you.”
“We can still hang out,” Chase said. “You can call me anytime you want.”
“And you can come over for dinner whenever you feel like it. You don’t even have to bring takeout. I’ll pressure-cook something.”
“Looking forward to it.”
They resumed their walk, dodging a frisbee game. Neither of them mentioned the friends-with-benefits arrangement. That was clearly over. But Chase did still want to be an active part of her and Haley’s lives. He didn’t want to lose this bond with her completely.
He didn’t think he could bear that.
Chase still considered Devon his best friend. But in many ways, Ruby knew him even better than Devon did, and not just when it came to sex.
She knew he sometimes had a peanut butter cup craving right before bed. She knew about his relationship with his dad. She knew he was bad at painting, but that he was willing to try.
Ruby knew sides of him that nobody else did.
“It won’t be that different,” he said. “In fact, it’ll be better than before.” See? Here’s me being an optimist.
“I like that. It’ll be better.” Ruby turned and hugged him.
It’s going to be okay, Chase thought. He’d get over this ridiculous obsession once and for all. They’d be close friends, and they’d both be able to move forward.
But then Ruby looked up at him, and he could’ve sworn he saw the same longing he felt.
Was that possible?
If she kisses me, I’ll tell her. I’ll tell her exactly how I feel, even if it’s stupid. Even if it could ruin everything. Because if there’s the slightest chance…
“We should head back,” Ruby said. “Before Devon sends his bodyguard friends out to find us.”
His hope collapsed like a sand castle when the tide came in. “True.”
She held onto his hand as they walked back toward the car.
They drove to Ruby’s apartment building, and they both waved at the Bennett Security bodyguards keeping watch outside. Upstairs, Haley was waiting with Devon and Aurora.
But when Chase parked, he couldn’t get out. “You know, I think I’ll head back to my place tonight.”
Ruby had already opened the door. She turned back to face him. “What? Why?”
“I want to go to the gym in the morning before I’m on duty. I haven’t done that in a while. It’s a much shorter drive from my house. It’ll save a few minutes.”
He didn’t have work in the morning. Because he was suspended. But this way, he wouldn’t have to tell her that.
He wouldn’t have to sleep next to her, knowing they were just counting down until the end.
“Oh.” She blinked at him. “You’re right. That’s totally fine. But you should tell Max where you’ll be. So he can send another security detail for you.”
“I will.” That was the last thing he wanted to think about.
“Haley will wonder where you are, though.”
Chase shrugged. “She should get used to me not being there anymore, right?”
“She should.” Ruby looked out the window at the building. “Do you want to come in? Get your things?”
The thought of packing up right now made him want to punch something. All the more reason to hit the gym. “Nah, I’ve got enough at the house. I’ll come by tomorrow. We can have dinner together. You and me and Haley.”
“She’d like that.” Ruby was hesitating, hand still on the door.
“You’ll be okay?” he asked.
“Absolutely. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Chase.”
“I’ll see you.”
He watched her go inside and kept sitting there, long after the door to the apartment building had closed.