Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
There was a knock at Ruby’s apartment door. “It’s open, Mom.” She was just packing up the last of her hair and makeup supplies in her bedroom.
When she came out to the kitchen, her mom had unpacked several containers on the table, and Haley was clapping her hands. “I brought snacks.”
Ruby lifted Haley into the high chair. “Real snacks this time? Not candy?”
“I’ll have you know I brought a vegetable.” Megan opened a plastic container and handed Haley a piece of celery with peanut butter smeared over it.
“Mom, all she ever does is lick the peanut butter off.”
“So what? If she likes it, why not?”
Okay, that was a good point. Ruby grabbed a plain celery stick from the container and bit into it.
“And how are my girls?” Megan asked. “Are you excited for the big day?
“We’re all right. I guess.”
It had been a week since Ruby’s murder charge had been dismissed. One week since Chase had moved out.
And every day, she’d felt his absence. More than she even wanted to admit.
Today was Max and Lana’s wedding. It would be held at a fancy house in the West Oaks Hills owned by Noah Vandermeer’s girlfriend, Danica Foster-Grant.
A billionaire heiress and famous philanthropist. Ruby had never met her, but she was looking forward to it.
At least, as much as she looked forward to anything at the moment.
Ruby had to be there early, and her mom would watch Haley in the afternoon. Later, Mrs. Murtree would come take over so Megan could attend the ceremony.
She took another bite of celery. “I’m sure the wedding will be beautiful. Aurora’s spent months obsessing over every detail.”
“We can only hope she’ll get started planning one for her and Devon soon.”
Ruby held back an eye roll. “Mom, that’s not our business. They’re happy just as they are.”
Megan waved her hands dismissively. Haley copied her, shaking a half-licked celery piece in the air. “I know, I know. My children are determined to do everything out of order.”
“Because I had a kid out of wedlock, and Devon is too?”
“Did I say I was complaining? At least I get to be a grandma again, even if I’ve never been a proper mother of the bride or groom. There was you and Chase, but a quickie wedding by the county clerk isn’t exactly the grand affair I’ve been dreaming of.”
Do not snap. Remain calm. “I promise I’ll throw a bigger party for my next marriage of convenience.”
“You know I’m just teasing.”
Do I? Ruby thought.
Since she’d been a teenager, she and her mom had tested each other’s nerves. But they’d also supported one another and survived a lot. Including a year of living together after Haley was born.
Ruby’s mom had arthritis, so she hadn’t been able to lift the baby in and out of her crib easily. But she was a Whitestone, so of course she’d pushed herself to do too much. Megan had always been there when Ruby had asked.
“I love you, Mom. I’m grateful for you.”
Megan eyed her. “Why do you sound like you’re repeating yoga mantras?”
Ruby just smiled.
“Has Jane said anything about when that man Decker will go on trial?”
“That’s the prosecutor’s decision.”
The West Oaks DA had now charged Conrad Decker formally with Mickey’s murder. He was still refusing to talk. As they’d expected, Decker’s boss Adrian Peele hadn’t been charged. There wasn’t enough evidence to suggest Peele had ordered the hit on Mickey.
Ruby felt like it was out of her hands. She and Chase both had done their best. If Chase’s testimony about what he’d overheard wasn’t enough, then what else could they do?
And if Peele wasn’t going to be charged, then Chase wasn’t in danger as a witness.
Just as Max had said. Ruby had dismissed the team of Bennett Security bodyguards who’d been watching her apartment in shifts.
The poor guys had seemed extremely bored, and there’d been absolutely no sign of any more danger.
She just wished she’d been able to reach Nora. Ruby had been trying to let go of Mickey’s murder and his ties to the circuit, but she couldn’t erase her worries about her old friend.
“Chase will be at the wedding today, won’t he?” Megan asked. “I haven’t seen him much lately.”
Haley looked over. “Chay-Chay?”
“No, bug. Uncle Chase isn’t here.” Ruby picked a piece of lint off her jeans. “I assume he’ll be there. He’s friends with Max and Lana.”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“He doesn’t tell me everything he does.”
“But he’s your husband.”
“Mom, he isn’t,” Ruby snapped. “Not in the ways that count.” No grumpy allowed, Ruby told herself. She sighed. “You know Chase moved out.”
So far, Chase had been good to his word. He’d come for dinner, and he’d spent quality time with Haley. Reading books, playing silly games. He and Ruby had texted each day. He’d kept every one of his promises. As always.
Her mom raised her eyebrows. “But you are still married.”
“We haven’t started the process of getting divorced yet. But it’s going to happen. It was always going to happen.” And now, her voice was shaking. Like she was ready to cry. Haley kept looking over at her.
What is wrong with me?
“I know, honey.” Megan rested a hand over Ruby’s, and when she spoke again, her voice was gentle. “We expected it. But you sound upset about it.”
Ruby’s throat felt tight. “Why would I be?”
“My point exactly.”
“Chase has his own life. He deserves to have that back.”
“I agree. If that’s what he wants. But I was surprised to see how well he fit into your life. It seemed like he enjoyed being there.”
I thought so too.
When she and Chase had walked on the beach a week ago, she’d asked him if he wanted things to go back to how they were before.
But in that moment, she’d wanted him to say no. To say he didn’t want to leave them.
She’d wanted him to stay.
Even if it wasn’t possible.
“I was never supposed to end up with Chase,” Ruby said.
“Why not?”
“Because…”
Aurora and Lana had asked her the same question before, and Ruby had used to know the reasons. Because I’m not attracted to him. Because he’s too perfect.
Because he’s a cop.
But only the last excuse was still true.
Haley raised her arms. “All done.”
Ruby wiped her off, unstrapped her, and set her down. Haley toddled off to play. Megan got up to follow Haley into the living room.
Ruby trailed in after them and sat next to her mom on the couch.
She didn’t even know her next question until she heard herself ask it.
“What was it like when Dad died?”
Her mom got the sad, faraway look she still wore whenever someone mentioned Dad.
“You were younger then, but I’m sure you remember.
All the people who came here to support us, those sleepless nights.
” Megan cleared her throat. “It was a lot like when we lost Kellen. Awful. But we had each other, didn’t we?
That got us through.” She patted Ruby’s shoulder.
“But…what was it like for you?”
A crease appeared between Megan’s eyebrows. “For me?”
Had Ruby never asked anything like this before? It really sucked if she hadn’t. But maybe she hadn’t been able to see her mom’s experience as separate until now, when she was a mother herself.
“What was it like losing your partner? You don’t have to talk about it if it’s too hard. But I was just thinking, it must’ve been different from losing a dad or a brother. I’d think it would be worse.”
Megan studied her before answering. “I can’t say it was worse than what you went through. That’s not for me to judge. Losing Kellen, for me, was harder. Much harder.”
Ruby watched Haley play, feeling that instinctual terror she always did when she thought of losing her child.
“But letting go of your dad was still one of the toughest things I’ve had to go through. I’ve never met anyone else who could replace him in my heart.” She reached for Ruby’s hand. “That’s always the risk, isn’t it? With loving anyone. Getting left behind.”
“Dad didn’t choose to leave us. I’ve been left behind, and when the guy isn’t that great to begin with? It’s not so hard to get over. I think that’s why I chose Mickey in the first place. But with a really good man, who’s kind and loving and generous…”
“Are you thinking of Chase? Is that what these questions are about?”
Ruby didn’t trust herself to respond.
“You’re worried about him dying? Because he’s a police officer like your dad and Kellen?”
“Maybe.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“No. Well…I…don’t know. I think I could fall in love with him.” Just saying those words made her stomach dissolve into a million flutters. “But I don’t know if I should. When losing Dad and Kellen was already so hard.”
“Ruby, I fell in love with a person. Not a job. Your dad’s work was important to him, part of who he was.
But we can’t choose who we fall in love with.
We just have to accept that gift when it comes.
In fact, I seem to remember someone saying that when she got pregnant.
About how the best things aren’t planned? ”
Ruby smiled sadly. “I remember.”
“What if Chase wasn’t a police officer? What then? How would you feel about him?”
“I…”
Shit. She had her answer, didn’t she?
When she’d met Mickey, she’d seen a man who couldn’t have been more different from her brothers. That had drawn her. There was no way she’d ever have fallen in love with him, so it hadn’t felt like such a risk.
But Chase wasn’t like her brothers, either.
As she’d gotten to know him on a deeper level, she’d realized he was just…
Chase. He’d given hints about the sadness inside of him.
The anchor on his heart. Yet he’d chosen to be that much kinder and more giving as a result.
He was so funny and sexy and not like anybody else she’d ever met.
But the thought of taking that risk with Chase, of really trying, still terrified her, and it had nothing to do with his job.
“I think I’m afraid of loving anyone,” Ruby said.
After so many men had disappeared from her life, it was hard to believe she could find happiness with another.
“But if you could fall in love,” her mom said, “would it be Chase?”
She thought of his striking eyes. The masculine scent of him that made her knees weak. How she’d felt safe in his arms. Free.
“Maybe,” Ruby whispered.
“Then maybe you should grow a freaking pair and tell him how you feel.”
“Hey! Watch the salty language.”
“Just trying to be more like you.”
Ruby did want more than friendship with Chase. She could admit that to herself. But she wasn’t able to take the risk of admitting that fact to anyone else. Especially him.
“I don’t know, Mom. I need to think about it.”