14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Beau
W e were at The Peregrine, a rooftop bar in downtown Savannah, with a view that stretched across the city skyline and out toward the river. The warm summer breeze drifted through, cutting the sticky heat just enough to make it comfortable. Strings of lights crisscrossed overhead, casting a golden glow over everything. It was a good spot, trendy without trying too hard, and it felt like a world away from the chaos that had been my life lately. The mood inside was festive, a low hum of conversation and clinking glasses filling the air, but my mind wasn't exactly in party mode.
I glanced over at the table where the others were sitting. Gabe and his wife, Aurora, were huddled together, her head resting on his shoulder as they laughed about something Noah had said. Stella, Noah's wife, was leaning forward, teasing Lev, Luna's brother, who was holding a whiskey neat, and grinning at her. Luna and Aurora had already finished a round of margaritas and were working on their second. Everyone was relaxed, catching up on old times like we hadn't missed a beat.
But the heaviness in my heart refused to lift.
I leaned against the railing, staring out at the city below.
"Hey." Gabe came to stand next to me, sipping a bourbon on the rocks. He always knew when I needed a minute, so he didn't push. Just waited for me to speak.
"I'm a fucking dad."
Gabe grinned. "No shit."
"I'm in love with Pari."
"Hard not to be in love with your kid," Gabe agreed.
"Yeah."
"But that's not what's got you all wound up and not even looking at all the talent here." Gabe waved a hand around at all the good-looking women who I'd usually be sizing up as a potential bed mate. I'd get a suite at Gabe's hotel, and spend a night fucking someone's brains out until she and I couldn't walk straight. I'd go home, and then go to work, and forget about that woman. I'd rinse and repeat whenever I had the itch. Sometimes, I'd have a relationship that lasted a few weeks, like it had with Asha, when I'd apparently knocked her up. I now even had the freaking DNA evidence of that. Hopefully, that was a one-time thing, only because I always suited up.
"I don't seem interested in the…ah…talent," I stated, my voice low. "Things at home are complicated. Mira, Pari, and I…it's starting to feel like we're a family. But we're not. Not really."
Gabe raised an eyebrow, taking a slow sip of his drink. "Why not?"
I let out a breath, and ran a hand through my hair. "She's my baby mama's sister, dude. And, because it's temporary. She's not staying. She's got her own life to figure out, and I don't know whether the right thing is to let her go or if that's going to end up hurting her. And Pari."
Gabe nodded, his face serious now. "What do you want?"
I grunted. "Mira. I fucking want her."
"That the reason you're almost celibate?"
"Not almost . I've been keeping it in my pants since she knocked on my door," I confessed.
Gabe chuckled. "Never thought I'd see the day the mighty Beau Bodine fell."
"I'm not in love with Mira." I knew that to be true. Right? What the hell did I know about falling in love?
My plan had been to keep doing what I was doing with women, and adore the nieces and nephews that Nova and Anson, and Katya and Trevor gave me; play the cool uncle. Now, I wanted to raise Pari with Mira, and then I wondered if maybe there would be other little girls like Pari, who Mira and I could also raise together. I was obviously losing my ever-loving mind.
"You're not in love but you are in lust. What's holding you back?"
"Everything," I muttered, swirling the whiskey in my glass. "What if I'm wrong? What if she doesn't want this? What if she's just here because of Pari, and I'm the guy making something out of nothing? I don't want to hold her back from whatever future she's supposed to have."
Gabe didn't say anything at first, letting my words settle in. That was the thing about Gabe—he wasn't quick to offer advice unless he had something solid to say. Finally, he sighed and leaned against the railing next to me.
"Look, Beau, from what Nova and you have told me—Mira is already in it, whether you want to admit it or not. I haven't seen you guys together a lot but when I have, I have, like everyone else, been hit with fuckin' electricity," Gabe said, his voice calm but pointed. "You keep saying you don't know if it's real, but maybe you're scared because it is real, and you don't want to see it."
I looked over at him, frowning. "You think I'm scared?"
"Yeah, you are," he remarked. "You've always been the guy who doesn't do relationships. Hell, you've practically made it a lifestyle. But maybe that's changing, and you don't know what to do with it."
And wasn't that the truth? White fucking picket fences and Beau Bodine were a poor match.
I let out a dry laugh, shaking my head. "I don't know if I'm cut out for this, Gabe. You're right, I've never been the guy who thought about settling down."
"Never say never," he responded with the cliché. "How are things with Donna? Any better?"
"Christ on a crutch! Mama is still pissed off, and I don't get it. Mira's been great with Pari, but Mama acts like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, letting her stay in my house, taking care of my daughter. She's angry with Mira for keeping Pari away from all of us—but I've explained to her time and again that it wasn't Mira's fault." I was frustrated with my mother. Katya and Trevor were behaving, but Mama, she was off the fucking deep end when it came to Mira.
Gabe took another long sip of his drink, considering my words. "Your Mama is protective, sure, but that doesn't mean she's right. Mira's not some outsider swooping in and wrecking your life, Beau. Donna's got her issues, that's her problem. You're a grown-ass man. If you want Mira, go after her."
I stared down at my drink, the ice clinking softly against the glass. "But what if it falls apart? What if I can't give her what she needs? What if she can't give me what I need? What if I fuck it all up, and I have an upset Mira taking her anger out on my daughter?"
Gabe chuckled softly. "Beau, if you're thinking this hard about her, it means you already care more than you're willing to admit. And if it feels like y'all are a family, maybe that's because you are. You're already in it, man. Stop trying to talk yourself out of something good. Also, what the fuck? Mira is a sweetheart. I doubt she'd know how to take her anger out on Pari."
Gabe and Aurora had met Pari and Mira once when they came over. It wasn't a long visit, but both my friend and his wife were instantly charmed by Mira and my daughter—unlike my freaking mother.
I was about to respond to Gabe when a familiar voice cut through the noise.
"Beau," Fallon's voice was smooth, cutting through the night like a blade.
I turned to see her. She was perfectly composed as always, a drink in hand and a calculated smile on her face. Had I always known the smile was calculated or was I just now seeing it?
"Gabe," she nodded at him, her tone polite but distant. Gabe gave her a quick hug. He didn't like Fallon, never had. She reminded him too much of his ex-wife, he'd once told me. Too Savannah society.
She turned to me. "How are you doin', baby?"
I straightened, trying to shake off the tension from the conversation. "Fallon. It's been a minute, sweetheart." I hugged her, and to my chagrin, she lingered. She didn't step back far and snuggled up to me. She did this, and it never bothered me before, but after how she'd gone after Mira, it didn't sit right. I smoothly shifted away. I had plenty of experience getting rid of clingy women.
Her smile was sharp, her eyes flicking between us like she was piecing something together. "Gabe, have you noticed that Beau's busier than ever? He's always otherwise engaged when I'm free."
I could feel Gabe move next to me; the air between the three of us suddenly charged. Was Fallon always like this? I never noticed, but she had a way of making a situation uncomfortable. She had, I could see it clearly now, a knack for turning everything into a veiled comment, a polite insult wrapped in concern.
"No, I haven't noticed that he's busier," Gabe said smoothly.
Fallon ignored him and focused on me. "All okay at home, baby?"
"Yeah." I kept my tone even. "It's going real well."
Her eyes sparkled, and she stepped a little closer. "And Mira? How are things with her? Is she getting better at handling Pari?" Her unspoken question hung between us: Are you fucking her?
"I've seen Mira with Beau's kid, and she's a fuckin' blessing," Gabe defended Mira, his tone easy, but he didn't like how Fallon was insinuating that Mira was in over her head.
This was why I'd been avoiding Fallon, because it had become apparent that she had some issue with Mira, just like Mama, and never missed an opportunity to make Mira sound like she was on the edge of falling apart.
"True that! Mira's doing great," I drawled. "Better than most people would in her situation."
Fallon's smile didn't falter, but there was something colder in her eyes now. "Well, I hope you're being careful, Beau. You don't want to rush into anything that could end up hurting Pari."
I forced a smile, the conversation with Gabe still running through my head. "I certainly intend to be very careful."
Fallon hesitated for a second, her eyes remaining on mine before she finally gave a tight nod. "I better get back to my friends. It was nice seein' you, Gabe."
"Fallon." Gabe gave her a perfunctory nod.
"Call me, baby," she said, her voice sultry, before turning and disappearing back inside, leaving me alone with Gabe.
My friend shook his head, chuckling under his breath. "That woman's got an agenda, I reckon."
"What kind?"
"Of getting into your pants."
I grimaced. "Fuck no! We're friends, Gabe. Been there and done that. Neither of us is—"
"She is," Gabe cut me off. "Don't kid yourself. There's a reason she's all kinds of pissed off with Mira. She can see what we all can—you and Mira have some real good chemistry."
"I wish I could see it as clearly as y'all apparently can," I muttered, taking a sip of my drink.
Doubt plagued me. Maybe Gabe was right. Perhaps I was already in deeper than I knew how to handle.
"I need the restroom," I told Gabe and went inside, wondering if I shouldn't go home and be with the two people who were taking over all the real estate in my brain.