Chapter 11
11
BEATRICE
After a day of workshops, hot-tubbing and yoga, the dress-up party begins with a bang at nine o’clock.
There are people everywhere. Some in full body paint – that’s got to be chilly! – some in costumes in a medley of colours, fabrics and styles, but all – if only loosely – are following the theme of Northern Lights.
The vegan banquet was cleared away from the ballroom an hour ago and it’s now set up as a dancefloor, ready for the evening’s DJs’ sets and the library has been allocated as the chill-out space and live music room again.
Outside, a large group of people are juggling with fire batons and flaming hoops to the rhythm of bongos, their movements deft and mesmerising, the flames carving sparkling trails through the dark night that’s descended on us.
I stride around the site, checking the crew are all happy and have everything they need for the evening. I don’t need to worry though; Jay is exceptionally organised and well-practised by now at running these events. I’m not surprised they’re so popular. His summer event a couple of years ago was featured in a ‘Best Events of the Summer’ article in one of the left-leaning papers which was amazing publicity and, according to Pete, gave his attendance numbers a real boost.
Music and a happy, low level of noise seems to emanate from every corner of the festival as crowds of partygoers move from event to event, talking animatedly. Everywhere I look, there is colour and movement. The place feels alive with joy and a celebration of life.
I actually feel a bit out of place in my smart work gear and wish I’d thought to bring a costume for myself so I’d blend in a bit better. I’m starting to yawn a lot now, after a bad night’s sleep. I’d not been able to clear the memory of Jonah lifting me onto the counter and kissing me with such intent, my whole body raged with a need to feel him moving inside me. I kept reliving the way his mouth felt on mine. It was so assured. So right. The smell of him had intoxicated me, sending shivers of pure lust all through my body.
My exhausted brain had finally allowed me to drop into a troubled sleep in the early hours, only for me to then be woken again at six o’clock by my alarm, in order to give me time to get back to the hotel before the festival got going again.
So, I’m dying to take a few minutes to myself and perhaps chug a coffee to try and wake up a bit now.
It’s going to be a long night, judging by the energy I’m seeing pulsing through the party.
After checking the ballroom and seeing the dancefloor is happily heaving, with people dancing wildly to an eighties pop track, I decide to retire to my office for a while to regroup.
Mercifully, the room is relatively quiet compared to the rest of the site and I sink into my chair, my ears ringing after being battered by the loud music, feeling relief at being able to sit down for a few minutes and gather my thoughts.
I’ve not seen anything of Jonah since this morning when we ended up having a playfight with those pillows, which was actually a cathartic release from the tension that still lingered between us after last night.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, startling me, and I pull it out and check who’s calling, wondering whether Jonah’s trying to find me. The inappropriate excitement I feel quickly fades when I see Dee’s name on the screen.
Not that I’m unhappy to see it’s her. I’ve been wondering how she’s getting on, stuck on an island with our father.
I stand up and walk over to the window, steeling myself to hear all about it.
‘Hey you, how’s it going?’ I say into the phone after pressing the green handset symbol.
‘Not great,’ my sister replies.
My mood sinks lower. Now what?
‘What’s up?’ I ask, mentally preparing myself for another of Dee’s crazy tales.
‘The bloody weather’s up, that’s what!’ Dee says, her breath expelling in a hard sigh, like she’s been punched in the gut.
‘The weather?’
‘Haven’t you seen the news? There’s a bloody typhoon or something on the way. It’s been raging away over on this side of the planet. Our island seems to be in the path of the epicentre so we’re stuck here till it passes over. No planes or even boats out of here for a few days. It’s too dangerous, apparently.’
From the tone of her voice, it sounds as if she’d rather risk a terrifying, wholly inadvisable journey than be stuck there with our dad.
‘Right. Okay. Well, hopefully it won’t be for long. Those things tend to blow over quickly, I think.’
‘Not quickly enough,’ Dee mutters.
‘Is Jem okay?’ I ask, even more worried for my business partner who’s not only stuck with my father, but my grumpy sister too.
‘He’s fine,’ Dee says stiffly.
‘Well, don’t worry about things here. We’re okay. Just stay safe and get back as soon as you can.’
‘I was thinking… perhaps you could pretend to twist your ankle before work on Monday morning, once the festival’s finished. Then you can ask Jonah for a couple of days off to recover. I should be back by then and it won’t look strange when I come back with a bit of a limp.’
My stomach does a weird flip at the thought of things coming to an end so abruptly here and handing this role back to Dee. I shake it off. It’s her job and she’s right; we need to be tactical about how to get her back here without things looking odd.
‘Er, yeah. I guess so.’
‘Great. And you’re really okay holding the fort for the rest of the weekend?’
‘Totally.’
Dee lets out another sigh. ‘Thanks, Bea. Well, I’ll see you soon, I hope. Assuming the island doesn’t sink before we manage to make it off here.’
I smile to myself. My sister is such a drama queen.
‘I’ll see you soon,’ I say. ‘Don’t do anything silly,’ I add.
‘What do you mean, “something silly”? I might make the odd mistake but I’m not wilfully negligent!’ Dee sounds affronted.
‘No. Sure. Sorry. I don’t know why I said that. Just stay safe. And look after Jem, will you. It can’t be easy for him being trapped there.’
‘Hmm.’
Her lack of positive response gives me a moment of worry. But there’s nothing I can do from here and to be fair, Jem’s perfectly capable of looking after himself. I don’t know why I’m worrying.
‘I’d better go,’ Dee says and before I can say anything else, she cuts the call.
I let out a loud sigh and slide my mobile back into my pocket. My sister is a walking disaster area. It’s one thing after another with her, although to be fair, she doesn’t have any control over the weather so I should probably give her some leeway with this one.
‘Are you Dee?’ someone asks behind me and I turn around to see a tall, slim man wearing a rainbow-print catsuit standing there with his right hand thrust towards me.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘How can I help you?’
‘I cut myself when I put my hand into my washbag and caught my finger on my razor. It won’t stop bleeding. I think I might need some butterfly plasters or something. Someone thought you might have a medical kit I could look in.’
Before I can stop myself, I glance down at his proffered hand and see the deep cut he’s referring to at the end of this pointer finger, from which bright, glistening blood is escaping in pulses and running down his hand.
My stomach lurches and I experience the unwelcome sinking feeling of horror I get when I see an injury.
I suck in a deep breath.
I know I mustn’t let it get to me – I’m supposed to be in charge and the go-to person for help – but my squeamish mind has other ideas. All the blood seems to drain from my head and it suddenly feels too heavy for my neck to hold up. A darkness is descending over my vision, as if someone’s drawing a blind down over it and gravity appears to have increased tenfold and is pulling me down to the ground. My body is no longer able to fight against it and I give in to it, dropping to the floor in a crouch then pressing my forehead against the carpet, praying I won’t pass out completely.
‘Hey? Are you okay?’ I hear the guy say, in a distant-sounding voice. It’s as if all my senses have been dulled and the only thing I can hear properly is my blood rushing in my ears.
‘I’m… I’m okay…’ I whisper, but I sound completely unconvincing. ‘Be okay in a minute…’ I’m breathing in short gasps now, trying to get more reviving oxygen into my body.
‘Dee?’ I hear a deep, familiar-sounding voice say nearby. But whoever it is, it sounds like they’re underwater.
My mind is in freefall. I can barely concentrate on anything except the feeling that I’m about to be sick.
‘She’s not here; she’s stuck on an island,’ I say, wishing my sister was actually here right now to look after me. She is always really good at pulling me out of these states. She has a knack of saying just the right thing to distract me.
I’m aware of someone kneeling down next to me and I feel the weight of a hand on my back. ‘What’s going on? Are you ill?’
I shake my head a little, but quickly stop when it sends another wave of nausea up from my stomach.
‘Just… blood. Can’t look at blood. Feel sick.’
‘Okay, I’m going to get you a glass of water. I’ll be back in a minute. Okay?’
‘Yes. Yes,’ I say, unable to fully process anything other than trying to keep myself in the here and now.
I focus on my breath. In for five, out for ten, hold for five. Then repeat. Until my racing heart begins to slow and blood returns to my head.
Someone crouches back down next to me and I’m aware of them putting their hand on my arm. ‘Here’s the water. Can you take a drink?’
After a few moments, I’m able to lift my head and I look round at whoever’s next to me.
It’s Jonah.
Of course it is.
‘You okay?’ he asks, his expression concerned.
‘Yeah, I’m okay now. Thought I was going to pass out, but… no.’
‘You scared me. I thought you were having some sort of fit. You didn’t even seem to know your own name and thought you were stuck on an island or something.’
I frown, then suck in a sharp breath as panic sinks through me. Dammit . In my dazed state, I’d forgotten I’m supposed to be Dee.
‘Um. Sorry, I’m not sure what happened. I was really woozy and disorientated.’
Jonah shakes his head, then presses his mouth into a line. ‘Perhaps you should go home?’
‘No!’ I shake my head, then reach for the glass in his hand. He releases it to me and I take a long, deep drink of water.
‘I’m all right now. As long as I don’t have to deal with any injuries.’ I flash him a sheepish grin.
‘Okay. Well, I’m just going to find the medical box for our friend here, then I’ll be back to check on you again.’
I nod, then wave a hand towards the poor guy who just came in looking for a plaster and ended up dealing with a fainting woman. ‘Sorry about all this,’ I say in his general direction, not allowing myself to look at him again in case I catch sight of any more blood.
‘No worries. Hope you feel better soon,’ he says.
I’m aware of the two of them leaving the room and as soon as the door shuts, I put my head into my hands and groan.
What a wimp! And how embarrassing to have been caught having a funny turn by Jonah.
He returns a few minutes later, by which time, I’ve got up from the floor and sat with my head between my knees to make sure I’m not going to nearly pass out again.
‘How are you doing now?’ he asks, approaching where I’m sitting in my office chair.
‘Physically, I’m fine. Mentally, I’m in a bit of a state.’ I give him an apologetic smile. ‘I can’t believe I lost the plot like that when I’m supposed to be in charge.’
‘Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens.’
‘Not to most people,’ I point out.
He shrugs. ‘No, but it’s a real thing. A friend of mine from uni can’t see blood without throwing up. There was nothing he could do about it. It’s not a failure of character, Dee, if that’s what you’re worried about?’
‘I guess I am.’ I frown down at the desk. ‘I’d be useless in a medical emergency if someone needed my help and honestly, that really scares me.’
‘Sure, but it’s unlikely you’d be the only person around to help, right?’
‘Yeah, maybe.’
He perches on the edge of my desk and looks down at me with a steady gaze. ‘Don’t let it get to you. We all have our idiosyncrasies. I know I do.’
His kindness warms me. It suddenly makes him seem so much more human and relatable. He’s nothing like the stereotypical, arrogant, bad-boy rock star I na?vely had him pegged as before I got to know him. I experience a wave of shame about judging him so harshly based on what I’d read on social media.
Looking into his gorgeous, intelligent eyes, which are full of concern, I have to push away another wave of longing.
‘What’s yours?’ I ask to distract myself from my rogue thoughts. I’m also intrigued about what he might admit to. I want to know everything real there is to know about him now.
He cocks an eyebrow and for a second, I think he’s going to tell me to mind my own business.
‘I dunno. I guess I can be a really grumpy bastard sometimes.’
I can’t stop a grin from breaking across my face. ‘No kidding.’
‘Okay, no need to agree quite so readily,’ he says, but the tone of his voice is light and teasing.
‘Sorry,’ I say with a laugh.
Bless him for attempting to make me feel better. It’s not something I would have expected from him.
‘I can be upbeat,’ he points out. ‘It just doesn’t come as easily to me as it does to some people. I guess I’ve always put up this barrier around me,’ he swishes his hands through the air in front of him, as if he can touch it, ‘and it comes across as aloofness. But I’m not really like that.’
‘I’m starting to see that.’
‘I can be fun.’
‘I know.’
We look at each other for a moment and our gazes lock. His eyes seem to darken as his pupils dilate and I see his expression soften.
A strange sort of buzzy heat rises from my chest up to my throat. Oh no, not again. I really shouldn’t be encouraging further closeness with him.
Tearing my gaze away, I stand up from the chair, closing my eyes momentarily as a wave of dizziness descends on me. But I’m okay; it passes quickly.
‘Er, perhaps I should go and check on the guy who hurt himself?’ I say, deciding I should probably put some distance between myself and Jonah now. His attentiveness is making my good sense wobble.
‘No,’ Jonah says forcefully. ‘He’s fine. I dealt with it.’
‘Oh. Okay. Great. Well, thanks.’
‘Why don’t we go out to the fire pit and get you some fresh air for a few minutes. I’m guessing you haven’t taken a break for a while?’
‘I’m fine. Really. You don’t need to look after me.’
‘Don’t argue. You need a break. Come and have a drink by the fire with me.’ He signals for me to follow him out of the room and I realise there’s no way I can refuse without seeming either rude or insubordinate.
Sucking in a steadying breath, I follow him down the corridor to the kitchen, where he makes us both a cup of coffee. Handing one to me, he says, ‘Right, let’s see what we’re missing outside.’
I walk with him to the door to the staff exit, my whole body jittery with nerves, and emerge into the fresh air. It’s just as noisy out here and we dodge our way through groups of people dotted about the lawns surrounding the house, all chatting animatedly or dancing to the low beat of music coming from the ballroom where a drum and bass DJ is pumping out tunes.
There are solar-powered fairy lights strung from every available surface, including the manicured shrubs and trees next to the house, turning the garden into a Winter Wonderland. Laughter floats over from the hot tubs and I wonder how people can bear to get in and out of them naked in this plummeting temperature.
We turn towards the front of the house where a large fire has been lit in the sunken pit at the end of the terrace. There are usually tables and chairs arranged around it for guests at the hotel to sit and have a drink in the summer months, but right now it’s ringed with large blankets, beanbags and cushions. The fire is blazing away with sweet-scented fallen branches which have been gathered from the woods on the estate. The air is crisp and cool, but as soon as we sit down in a space close to the fire, my skin begins to heat from the gentle warmth the fire’s giving out.
We sit quietly for a few moments, sipping our coffees and staring into the flames.
‘You know,’ Jonah says, turning to look at me, ‘it’s great to see the house come alive like this. The parties I used to hold here in my university holidays were legendary. They got pretty wild. But it’s all been a bit sedate around here recently.’
‘I imagine they were a lot of fun.’
‘Yeah, sometimes. I used to get fifty or more people turning up. Not that I invited them all.’ He raises an eyebrow, then looks back at the fire. ‘A lot of people were fascinated to visit a house that my dad owned, I think. Not that he ever came here.’
‘It must be strange, having a dad that’s as famous as he is.’
‘I guess I’ve never found it strange because I grew up with it. But it’s definitely been stressful at times. People expect things of you when you come from a family like mine. Things you can’t necessarily live up to. As I mentioned the other night, my whole status and success in life has always been tied to and compared with my old man’s. Which sucks, because that’s a ridiculously high bar to reach.’
It suddenly occurs to me that I might find my father a tough act to follow, but at least I don’t have to do it whilst being scrutinised and judged by strangers, then publicly torn down if I fail.
‘And some people only want to be associated with you for the reflected glory they think comes with it,’ he goes on. ‘Especially partners. It turned out Tessa was like that. My ex. Trouble is, that shit can make you paranoid about whether people are sticking around because they genuinely care about you,’ he says, his gaze flicking to mine momentarily, before he looks away again. ‘I’ve come to realise over the years that people are perfectly happy to be fake to your face if they think there’s something in it for them. I can’t stand disingenuous hangers-on.’
I catch the flash of pain on his face and hot guilt rushes through me at the thought that he might consider me to be one of those people right now. I’m not doing it to leech off him though, but to help navigate a messed-up situation for my sister.
And I’m not looking to start a romantic relationship with him either. It sounds like he’s not in the market for one anyway, if he’s freshly out of a messy break-up.
‘But then I felt like I was playing a part a lot of the time with her,’ he adds. ‘Though I guess most of us would say that about life in general. I just wish people could be straight with each other; it would save us all a lot of pain.’
I can feel my face getting hot as my discomfort about my and Dee’s ruse increases. The more I’m getting to know Jonah, the worse I’m feeling about not being entirely honest with him.
‘Jay seems really pleased with the way the festival’s going, anyway,’ I say to change the subject, so I don’t get myself caught in any more knots. The more Jonah tells me about himself, the worse I’m going to feel when I have to walk away from him and relay all his secrets to Dee. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks to book here for the one he runs in the summer and perhaps hold the winter one here next year too,’ I add.
Jonah seems to think about this, still gazing into the flames, then nods. ‘All credit to you. Having the festival here was a great idea, but it’s not going to be regular enough to keep the place profitable over the off season. We need to work on a more sustainable business model if I’m going to keep it running as a hotel and venue.’
‘Can I ask: what were your plans when you first took it over? Other than accommodating guests and weddings here?’ I ask. ‘And do you have any ideas for the sorts of things you’d like to expand into if you decide not to give the place up?’
‘Well, when I first got here, I toyed with the idea of starting a cider-making business on the site. The orchard is already well established and the fruit mostly goes to waste year on year. But I’ve not had a chance to develop it as an idea yet; I’ve been too bogged down with running the hotel on my own.’
‘Cider? Huh. You know what, that could really work. There’s a place quite nearby that’s doing that. You should check it out. It’s just a bit further into Somerset, near Bruton. The Newt, do you know it?’
‘I’ve heard of it, yeah, but I’ve never visited.’
‘You should. It’s wonderful. You could also do tours around the press and hold some tasting sessions. People love to give those sorts of things as birthday experiences. There’s lots you could do. There’s another boutique hotel quite nearby here – my dad took us there for a meal recently – it’s about the same size as this place and it’s set up really well. That place would definitely be worth a recon visit if you’ve not already been.’
‘You’re just full of good ideas at the moment, aren’t you? What’s going on? Have you been keeping them all under your hat till now so you can bring them out at the right moment and dazzle me with them?’
‘Are you dazzled?’ I ask, hoping to divert him from the fact Dee and I clearly have very different approaches to this job.
‘A little bit, yeah.’
I shrug. ‘Well, I’m just trying to help. I’d hate to see this place fail and I really don’t want to lose my job. I like it here,’ I say, telling myself I’m channelling Dee right now, so it’s not technically lying. It’s disseminating information by proxy.
‘Yeah. Well, it likes you too. I’m impressed. Really.’
Heat rises to my cheeks. ‘Thanks. That’s good to hear.’
There’s a small pause where we both stare at the dancing flames of the fire.
‘Why don’t you come with me to that place you were talking about on Monday, once the festival’s wrapped up and they’ve all left?’ he says, making me start. ‘We can take notes on what they’re doing there and start working up a plan for how to emulate it here. I’d really appreciate your thoughts on it.’
‘Oh. Er…’ I’m desperately trying to think of an excuse, but nothing immediately springs to mind. I’m supposed to be ‘twisting my ankle’ on Monday morning, to follow Dee’s plan for re-integrating when she eventually makes it home, but the idea of spending one more day with Jonah is too much of a lure. I can have my ‘accident’ in the evening after our trip. ‘Yes, okay. That’s a great idea,’ I say, before I can stop myself.
It’s only one more day. And I’d really like to be able to help in any way I can at this point. He’s clearly a good guy who’s been struggling to keep all his plates spinning on his own.
‘Great. Let’s plan to meet in the car park at one o’clock. The circus will have left by then, right?’
‘Yes, they’re aiming to start striking the site first thing and be away by midday. So even if we give them a bit of grace to run over, we should be free to leave by one.’
‘Good. It’s a date,’ His brow creases. ‘I mean, that’s a plan.’
He stands up and brushes little flakes of ash from the fire off the front of his jumper. ‘Right, well I’m going to head back to my place now then. Night.’
‘Night,’ I say to his retreating figure.
He doesn’t turn to look at me again. Instead, he disappears into the darkness, leaving me staring after him, my mind a chaos of conflicting thoughts.