Best Mistake Ever

Chapter 12

12

JONAH

I keep a low profile on Sunday and don’t see Dee at all, leaving her to make sure the festival wraps up successfully.

I’m weirdly nervous about seeing her today though.

Sitting and chatting with her by the fire on Saturday night felt strangely intimate. With the soft light from the flames playing across her gorgeous face and the way we had to lean in close to hear what each other was saying, it once again felt like we had a genuine and unusual connection to each other.

Chemistry.

I regret talking about Tessa now because it seemed to kill the closeness building between us. From the expression on her face, Dee was clearly uncomfortable discussing something as personal as the breakdown of my last relationship. But seeing her looking so vulnerable after nearly passing out, I’d wanted to let her into my head. To show her I have vulnerabilities too. To remind her there are genuine reasons for me being the grumpy bastard she has me pegged as, after my less than friendly behaviour towards her.

No wonder she’s pushing me away now though. She must be totally confused about what I’m all about when I’ve been so hot and cold with her.

I feel like I still barely know anything about her and I have to admit, I’m intrigued. I’d like to know what makes her tick.

Her reluctance to let me in is actually more of a turn on than when she out and out flirted with me.

As Dee predicted, the whole festival is wrapped and packed up by midday and as she’d promised, you wouldn’t even know it had happened, apart from a few large patches of flattened grass where the marquees and tents had been, which will spring back in no time.

It’s an impressive operation that her friend, Jay’s running and I have to admit, I’d be more than happy for him to use the place to host his events in the future. It could turn out to be quite a lucrative thing if we manage to come to an arrangement about fees for the hire of the place, especially if he’s wanting to book out a long weekend in high season as well.

I’m really buzzed by the idea of it. I loved seeing the place being used to its fullest and I’ve had a lot of people approach me to say thanks and tell me how much they’ve enjoyed being in the hotel. It made a real change from people coming over to ask for a selfie or to tell me how much they love my dad. And it warmed my soul to be complimented on something I’d brought to fruition outside of my family’s fame. Something I’d achieved as me, rather than my father’s son.

Hopefully, the interest shown in the hotel might actually translate into more room bookings in the future too, especially if they go on to tell all their friends and family about the place.

It’s heart-warming to hear that other people love the house and grounds as much as I do.

For the first time in a long time, I feel proud again to be the guardian of the place.

I’m excited to plan what else we can do with it.

It occurs to me that I haven’t felt this level of excitement about the future in ages and a lot of that is down to Dee. It’s uplifting to be around her positivity. Infectious.

And the return of my enthusiasm for the project is most welcome.

On that note, at one o’clock on the dot, I see Dee coming out of the staff entrance to the house and make her way over to where I’m waiting for her by my car, ready to take the trip to the boutique hotel she mentioned yesterday.

It’s a great idea to scope out competitors, something I’ve not done in this area yet. I know I should have undergone more research before launching into running a hotel myself, but I was too excited to get stuck in and Tessa never seemed interested in coming along with me to look at places, so I just kept letting it slide. Looking back now, I can see how na?ve I was to think I could just launch into this business without doing the research or having the experience needed to make it a success. But I guess I was so hell-bent on proving to myself and to everyone else – particularly my dad, if I’m honest – that I could make it work on my own merit and without help from anyone else.

That I’m more than just a pale imitation of him.

What a short-sighted idiot I was.

No wonder the hotel’s been struggling. With Dee’s help, insight and intelligent ideas, I have a good feeling about turning the place into a going concern now though.

And I’m looking forward to being inspired today. It’s about time I felt something other than despair and lethargy towards the project I was once so excited to get my teeth into.

Perhaps we can visit some of the cider-making businesses later in the week too. I was heartened to hear she thought it would be a good idea to start a press here. It’s something I’ve been toying with for a while and the more I think about it, the more enthusiasm I have for the idea.

But one step at a time.

‘Hi,’ Dee says as she reaches me. ‘Ready for our research trip?’ She gives me a grin which makes me think she’s not feeling the same worries about the state of things between us as I am, which is a relief. I really don’t want to mess up the relationship we’re tentatively building between us. I’d hate to lose her now.

‘Absolutely. Let’s go.’ I open the passenger door for her and motion for her to get in. She does so with a nod of thanks.

Walking round to the driver’s seat, I roll back my shoulders, trying to trick my body into relaxing.

It’s a fool’s errand, of course, because as soon as I slide into my seat next to her and her familiar sweet scent hits my senses, my cock’s immediately back on high alert.

She must sense my agitation because she turns to me and asks, ‘Everything okay?’

I force myself to smile at her. ‘Fine,’ I say. ‘All good.’

But it’s really not.

We spend the twenty-minute journey east chatting about our favourite parts of the festival.

I love hearing the passion in her voice as she talks about the workshops that most caught her imagination.

Notably, the lube wrestling isn’t mentioned.

‘You know, holding the festival at the hotel reminded me why I love the place so much and why I wanted to be able to share it with other people,’ I say.

I feel her looking at me and when I glance over, I see she’s smiling, waiting for me to go on.

So I do. ‘I love how it has the potential to bring people together – to give them a platform for adventure, whatever that translates to.’ I shake my head. ‘Ugh! Listen to me, I sound like a cheesy bloody inspirational quote.’

‘No, no! I like it,’ she says, with real warmth in her voice. ‘We could use the essence of what you’re saying in our marketing campaign.’

‘The essence. How very tactful of you.’

She just laughs at my gruffness and I can’t help but smile back.

A minute later, the sign for the hotel appears and I turn into the driveway and follow it past lush, green lawns and into the visitors’ car park.

This hotel isn’t dissimilar in style to Gladbrooke House and I can see exactly why Dee thought it’d be helpful for me to come and visit. It has the same type of Bath-stone facade and extensive grounds, which are immaculately kept.

As we walk towards the front entrance, she puts her hand onto my arm, urging me to stop for a moment.

‘I hope this is okay: I called ahead this morning and told them we’re thinking about hiring the hotel for our wedding venue and that we’d like to take a look around,’ she says in a low voice.

Her cheeks are pink and she’s having trouble looking me in the eye. ‘I thought it would be useful to see one of their luxury rooms, as well as the spa and the other facilities and I didn’t think it’d be wise to sneak around in case we got caught. I gave them fake names so hopefully they won’t twig we’re from a rival hotel.’ She takes a breath. ‘What I didn’t consider was that they might recognise you, so you might need to pretend you just look like Jonah Jacobson or something and that you hear that comparison all the time. Sorry to put you in that position.’

I nod, my mouth lifting at the corner at her obvious discomfort at asking me to tell a white lie. Or is it because we’re going to have to act like an engaged couple?

‘Yeah, no problem,’ I say, and I see her visibly relax.

I, on the other hand, am anything but relaxed.

‘Okay, so otherwise, are you happy for me to do most of the talking?’

‘The lying, you mean?’ I joke, but I’m alarmed to see her face fall.

She shifts on her feet. ‘I like to think of it more as playacting because we’re not going to hurt anyone with our ruse. And I booked us in for afternoon tea, so we’ll be paying our way.’

Her voice is plaintive, as if asking for my blessing, or perhaps my forgiveness.

‘Er, yeah, sure. I didn’t mean to suggest anything by that. I’m not calling you a liar. You don’t strike me as the type to take advantage of people.’

If anything, my response increases the look of tension on her face.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask, worried now. ‘We don’t have to do this if it’s too stressful. We can just go in for afternoon tea and take a cursory look around afterwards.’

Dee clears her throat and seems to give herself a mental shake. ‘No, no. Let’s do it. It’ll be helpful to see the whole set up. That’s what we’re here for, after all.’ Her professional self is fully back in place now and she looks me directly in the eye this time, her expression assured. ‘Okay.’

‘Okay then, fiancée. Let’s take a look around our wedding venue.’

She grins at this and gives a jerky nod.

Instinctively, I reach out my hand, offering to take hers, then check myself, realising this is probably a bad idea and withdraw it again.

She’s noticed the gesture though and gives a little frown as if worried she didn’t respond quickly enough and has offended me.

‘Forget it,’ I say. ‘I just thought for a second that it’d look more convincing, but we don’t need to.’

‘No. You’re right,’ she says, her mouth forming a determined line. ‘It’s a good idea.’ She reaches out and slides her hand into mine, smiling up at me.

My heart turns over and my skin prickles where our fingers link. The sensation travels up my arm to my throat, where a rapid pulse begins to throb.

Yeah, this wasn’t such a good idea. What was I thinking? The last thing I need to be doing is touching her right now. I’m having a hard enough time as it is keeping my mind on the practical reason for being here and not how she’s making my pulse race.

Seeming not to notice my apprehension, she begins walking again towards the reception to the hotel, which is housed in one of the rooms off the main entrance. Once there, she charms the friendly events co-ordinator, who thankfully doesn’t seem to recognise me. The hotel is quiet, so we barely see anyone else – and those people we do see don’t give us a second glance – as she proceeds to lead us on a tour, showing us the bar area and lounges, in beautifully appointed rooms which have light pouring in through large picture windows, before taking us outside and onto the patio with its outdoor kitchen and terrace.

It’s refreshing to feel like a normal person doing normal things. When I was with Tessa, she would insist on making sure everyone knew who we were and that we expected special treatment because of it. I found it excruciating at times, so not having to put on an act here is a relief and I start to relax and actually enjoy myself as the tour continues and Dee chats animatedly with our host.

She leads us next to the spa, pointing out the heated outdoor pool, which has a large hot tub adjacent to it, with views out over the fields. The spa itself has an indoor pool, steam rooms, a gym and treatment rooms, all well-kept and immaculately decorated. Throughout the tour, Dee keeps hold of my hand, giving it a small covert squeeze whenever she sees something that seems to particularly interest her. This place is set up much better than Gladbrooke at the moment, but the inspiration it’s stirring in me shoots thrills of excitement through my veins.

This is exactly what I want to be aiming for with my hotel and it feels great to be finally giving plans for the future the attention they deserve.

Outside the main entrance to the spa, she finally drops my hand – leaving me a little bereft at the sudden loss of contact – and we walk through a courtyard planted with well-established plants and flower beds, past a rack of bicycles available for guests to borrow, then over a large, striped lawn with a huge circle marked out on the grass. I wonder for a second what it’s there for, then I see that there’s the letter H in the middle of it.

‘It’s a helipad for guests travelling here in helicopters,’ our tour guide tells us.

I turn to Dee and she raises her eyebrows at me at the exact same time I do it to her.

We grin at each other, enjoying the shared moment.

I love that she seems to instinctively know what I’m thinking.

‘Very cool,’ Dee murmurs.

‘If you’ll follow me, we’ll walk round to one of the luxury suites where the bride and groom would normally stay,’ she says, beckoning us to follow her.

We stroll around to the far side of the hotel, past tennis courts – in a much better state than the ones at Gladbrooke are currently in – to some newer-looking cottages. As we walk in through a gateway set into a gap in the hedge, which gives the rooms privacy from the rest of the site, I see an outdoor bath sitting under one of the windows, then as we walk around the corner, there’s a hot tub for the exclusive use of the suite.

‘Nice,’ I say, widening my eyes at Dee.

She nods back and smiles. ‘This is wonderful,’ she murmurs to me.

‘And here’s the suite,’ the hotelier says, unlocking the door and opening it, motioning for us to go inside.

It’s a beautifully appointed room, decorated in greens and pinks, with swathes of fabric scooped across the ceiling, giving one the impression of being inside a large, luxurious tent.

‘The bathroom has a steam room in it and there’s a massage table in case you fancy a treatment while you’re staying with us,’ she adds.

We walk into the bathroom, which is palatial. The shower cubicle is huge and has a tiled bench in it where guests sit to steam themselves.

‘Wow,’ Dee says, widening her eyes at me.

‘I’ll leave you to look around for a few minutes if you like,’ our guide tells us. ‘Just pull the door closed behind you when you’re done.’

‘Thank you,’ Dee says, smiling at her.

She gives us one last friendly nod and leaves us there alone.

‘This place is amazing!’ Dee whispers, her voice full of awe.

‘It sure is. I love all the luxury touches,’ I say, ‘and the lighting design is fantastic.’ I point to the huge, designer light pendants which are made up of circles intertwined with each other.

There’s a moment where we just look at each other, perhaps thinking about what it would be like to be actually staying here. Together? At least that’s what I’m thinking.

I allow myself to imagine for a second what it would feel like to pull her towards me and kiss her. To taste her. To explore her body with my mouth…

I clear my throat and walk out of the bathroom and back into the main room, my eyes drawn to the huge bed. I have to tear my gaze away from it as I feel her follow me out and come to stand next to me.

The air seems to be pulsing around me, as if my need for her has a life of its own and is escaping into the air around us.

Oh man, I have to get out of here. Away from temptation.

She seems to sense my agitation because she says, ‘Jonah?’ in such a way, I suspect she’s thinking the exact same thing as me. Her eyes are wide and her pupils large and dark against her irises as she stares into mine.

But is she? Can she be feeling this irrevocable pull between us and the drive to give in to it that I am? Surely not after what she said to me the other day about maintaining our roles.

‘Are you hungry?’

The flash of warmth I see in her eyes is welcome, but I don’t smile back. If I do, I’ll lose it completely and I’m determined to remain professional around her. I promised her I would, after all. And she’s right about us setting those boundaries. I’m her boss, so it wouldn’t be a good idea to cross that line.

Even though the restraint I’m clinging on to feels tenuous at best.

‘Yep,’ I say stiffly.

For more than you know.

‘Okay. Let’s eat,’ she says, breaking the intense eye contact between us and leading the way out of the suite.

I’m glad now that she’s walking in front of me down the narrow path, so she can’t see my frown of concentration as I try to will my deviant cock to calm the hell down.

In the restaurant, we’re shown to our table and she gestures for me to take the seat with the view across the large front garden, where a few people are braving the cool weather to play croquet on the lawn.

Our waiter takes our coats and tells us what to expect from the afternoon tea that Dee’s ordered for us.

‘We’ll take one glass of champagne as well,’ I tell the waiter, who smiles and nods before retreating, leaving us on our own.

‘You’re in need of a drink, are you?’ Dee says with a small smile. ‘I hope it’s not my company that’s driving you to it.’

I let out a snort of laughter. ‘Actually, it’s for you.’

‘Oh!’

‘To say thanks for all the hard work you put into hosting the festival at such short notice. I know it was long hours and I’m grateful for how much effort you put into making it a success.’

Colour has risen to her cheeks at my compliment. ‘Well, it was my absolute pleasure. I really enjoyed it.’

‘It looked like it.’

She’s smiling, but her eyes don’t meet mine.

We’re interrupted by the waiter returning with her drink.

‘Thank you,’ she says again, taking a small sip. ‘You’re not indulging too?’

‘No. I’m off booze at the moment,’ I say.

She doesn’t press me on this, which I’m grateful for.

The waiter re-appears with a three-tiered cake stand filled with delicious-looking sandwiches, mini cakes and scones and places it between us on the table.

‘This looks amazing,’ Dee says with real pleasure in her voice. She’s such an upbeat person to be around, I realise. Whenever I’m with her, she’s nothing but positive about the things going on around her. It’s refreshing after the crap I went through with Tessa, who was very difficult to impress.

‘You have a really great attitude, you know, so positive,’ I tell her, deciding to let her in on what’s going on in my mind. I’ve always been really bad at thinking good things but not saying them aloud to the people I’m with, but Dee’s inspiring me to be more open with my feelings.

‘Oh, thanks,’ she says, choosing a sandwich and putting it on her plate. ‘I guess I’ve trained myself to be that way. Growing up, both my parents were really negative – especially towards each other – and I’ve been determined not to fall into acting that way myself.’

‘Sorry to hear that. Are they still together?’

‘No. They got divorced when we were twelve.’

‘Ugh. That’s a tough age to have your family ripped apart. At least mine were never married and barely even lived together because of my dad’s touring so it didn’t feel like much of a change when they split.’

‘That’s good,’ she says, biting into her sandwich and making a face of pure pleasure.

I have to look away as my entire body reacts to it.

‘So, did you and your sister live with your mum or your dad?’ I ask her, to distract myself from the desire that’s now rushing through my veins.

‘We split our time between both to begin with, but eventually I ended up living mostly with my dad while… my sister lived with my mum. She moved into this artsy sort of commune, which was always messy and full of people and I found it really wearing. Especially when I was trying to do my homework.’

I start to work my way through the sandwiches as she talks, suddenly realising how hungry I am.

‘Mum has a really hands-off approach to parenting, the complete opposite to our dad, which I found difficult. I’m an independent sort of person, but sometimes you just need your mum to be the adult, you know? But most of the time, it felt like I was parenting her.’

‘And your sister?’ I ask.

Dee seems to pause for a moment and stare at the plate of cakes, the colour returning to her cheeks again. Perhaps it’s the champagne that’s bringing about both the flush and the chattiness. Whatever it is, I like it.

‘Um, well, she kind of likes doing her own thing so it suited her better to live with my mum.’ She picks up a scone and stabs the middle of it with her knife, slicing it into two perfect halves before slathering them both with cream and jam. ‘Did you go on tour much with your dad?’ she asks, still not looking at me.

I finish eating the cake I’ve just stuffed into my mouth and shake my head. ‘Nah. Not often anyway. My brother and I were at boarding school most of the time. I went along to a few gigs in my late teens, mostly for the party scene afterwards, but I barely spent any time with the old man. He’s never really been that interested in being a parent either. I spent most of my childhood trying to get his attention, without success. He’s always just treated us like mini adults, letting us do whatever the hell we want, as long as we don’t get in his face. And if we did, it usually resulted in him paying someone else to deal with it.’

Dee nods and takes one of the small cakes from the plate now and pops it into her mouth, her brows drawn together as she chews. Once she’s swallowed it, she says, ‘Yeah, it’s the same sort of story with my mum – apart from the paying-off thing. She has very little patience for anything that isn’t about her and her art. I can see why she and my dad got divorced, to be honest; they’re polar opposites of each other.’

‘Just like you and your sister, from the sounds of it.’

‘Yeah.’ Dee takes a gulp of champagne, then bangs the flute down and says, ‘So, anyway, enough about me. Perhaps we could go for a walk around the grounds before we head back?’ She picks up her champagne glass again with what looks like a trembling hand then raises it to her lips and tips the last drops of liquid into her mouth, before replacing it with studied carefulness this time onto the table and gesturing for the waitress to bring our bill.

I’m a bit confused by her sudden abruptness and apparent need to leave the restaurant when we were having such an interesting conversation. But then, perhaps she feels it’s getting too personal again for her liking.

The waiter brings the bill and I pay it before Dee has a chance to offer. ‘It’s a business expense,’ I tell her forcibly.

‘Oh, okay. Great,’ she says with a warm smile. The champagne has given her eyes a real sparkle and I experience another rush of longing to lean over and kiss her.

Instead, I stand up from my chair and signal for the waiting staff to bring out coats, which they do quickly.

She leads the way out of the restaurant, then the hotel, thanking all the staff she encounters on her way out.

We head away from the hotel and across the lawn towards where the person on reception told us the river is.

‘What do you think of this place?’ she asks as we stride purposefully down the hill.

‘It’s terrific. Food for thought.’

‘Right?’

‘Yeah. Lots of things to think about. This place makes me realise that Gladbrooke has a lot of untapped potential.’

‘It really does. It’s crying out for an upgrade.’

‘Yeah. There’s just the small matter of finding the funds to do it.’

‘Hmm.’ She stares thoughtfully down at the ground.

‘I guess I could try and persuade my dad to hold off on selling the place for a bit longer and try and get a loan from the bank to do the refurbishments. I’ll need to put a business proposal together for it though, so I can be confident I can pay it back once the hotel’s up and running properly. I’ve been reluctant to do that up till now because… well, I guess I didn’t want to do it on my own.’

There’s something a little sad in the smile she gives me when I turn to look at her, or perhaps it’s wariness.

‘You don’t think I should do that?’ I ask.

She shakes her head. ‘No, no, I do. It’d be a shame not to. It could be a really profitable venture.’

‘Yeah. We just need to get the level of luxury right.’

‘And use its natural assets. You have that wonderful lake. You could get some rowing boats and hire them out to guests. Perhaps arrange picnics for them to have on the bank in good weather. And put up a pagoda to hold wedding ceremonies in, maybe.’

Bad memories rush back into my head and I give a shudder.

She frowns. ‘Too twee?’

I shake my head. ‘No, no, nothing like that. It’s just… I hate the idea of returning to the scene of the crime.’

When I glance at her, I see her nose is wrinkled. ‘What crime? Did I miss something? Was there a death there or something?’

‘Only the death of my reputation,’ I try to joke, but it falls flat.

She blinks at me, appearing confused. ‘Sorry, I don’t get what you mean.’

I stop and turn to stare at her. I thought everyone in the country had witnessed my humiliation. I’d have thought Dee would definitely know about it. She seems pretty social media savvy. But from the look on her face, I’m guessing it’s somehow passed her by.

‘You mean you didn’t see the meme?’ I ask incredulously. ‘I thought the entire human race had seen it. It certainly felt like that the weeks after it went viral.’

‘I’m afraid I didn’t,’ she says.

I’m really surprised by this, but I can hear the clear ring of truth in her voice, so I know she’s not taking the piss.

‘The way Tessa and I broke up?’

‘Nope. Sorry. You’re going to have to fill me in.’

‘You don’t want to hear this shit.’

‘I really do. Please. Tell me.’

From the expression on her face, it seems she means it too and she’s not going to let me get away with brushing it to one side.

I sigh, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut now. But there’s no point keeping it from her; she’s bound to find out at some point from someone else. And I’d much rather she heard the full truth about it from me.

‘You know those romcoms where the audience knows that the girl’s with the wrong guy at the start of the movie but she spends the whole time kidding herself she really does want to be with him, even though he’s clearly a loser?’

‘Yeah, my sister, De-Beatrice has made me watch a few of those with her. They’re not really my bag though.’

‘Then at the end, the guy she’s meant to be with all along crashes some big important event and proclaims his love to her in some vomit-inducing grand gesture and she falls into his arms and everyone breathes a sigh of relief that she’s finally made the right choice?’

‘Yeah…’

‘Well, I’m the loser in that scenario.’

‘What? What are you talking about? You can’t be.’

‘And yet that’s exactly what happened with me and my ex.’

‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘Nope. At least that’s the narrative she’s made famous on her social media channels.’ I rub my hand over my hair, then look at her with a rueful expression. ‘I keep asking myself how the fuck I became that guy.’

‘You don’t know?’

‘Well, yeah. I do. Through poor judgement and a certain degree of self-importance.’

She shoots me a confused frown and I realise I’m going to have to tell her the whole sorry tale now. I can’t just leave it at that.

And the thing is, I want to. Because, instinctively, I trust her. I don’t believe she’ll hold it against me. It just doesn’t seem in her nature to do that. She’s too kind.

So, I let out a long, low sigh and let it all flow out of me.

‘I met Tessa at a party backstage after one of my band’s gigs, about three years ago. We were just starting to break through and things were going well for us. She was often at the muso parties I went to, so I’d seen her around a lot. She was a real party girl, always the centre of attention in any group. She’s a beautiful woman and she really knows it. Famous for being famous, one of those types. When I met her, she’d just started to get traction as an influencer on social media and a high-profile spirits company were starting to sponsor her posts. She was absolutely in her element. As was I. I’d been on a real high about becoming a professional musician before the press – then everyone else – began to tear me down, but after months and months of bad reviews and a lot of shit posts about me and how untalented I am appearing regularly on social media, it all began to wear a bit thin. I got pretty depressed about it, to be honest. It had been the first time in my life I’d felt as if I was doing something of some worth, but I wasn’t allowed to enjoy it.

‘I started drinking and partying hard. And a lot. Tessa came along for the ride with me, which wasn’t great because we just enabled each other. It got so bad, I started turning up to gigs absolutely shit-faced and couldn’t play. So the band kicked me out. That was the point I realised I needed to change something in my life. It turned out it was the dream of being a musician. It brought me nothing but trouble. In the end, I realised I wasn’t cut out for a career in the music industry. I was never going to equal my old man. So I took the decision to step away and not perform in public any more.

‘I spun out after that and ended up in rehab. My dad offered to let me stay and recover at Gladbrooke and I got really attached to the place again. So when he decided to sell the house, I had the bright idea of taking it on and running it as a boutique hotel. It felt like an opportunity for a fresh start and the chance at a new direction in life. Not that I had any experience in being a hotelier. At all. Tessa wasn’t exactly delighted by the idea either. She wanted to be the girlfriend of a rock star, or the lauded son of one of the most famous rock stars in the world, I guess. That was great for her profile. But being the girlfriend of a depressed hotelier, not so much.’

I flash Dee a rueful grin, but she presses her mouth into a hard line and shakes her head.

I’m grateful for her understanding. The humiliation of what happened has hung around me like a bad smell for so long, it’s great to finally start feeling like I’m shaking it off.

‘As soon as I made the decision to give up being a musician, she started to lose interest in me. But she came along to Gladbrooke, albeit reluctantly. I thought she was actually up for giving this new lifestyle a go with me at first. That she loved me enough to try, at least.’

I tear my gaze away and stare straight ahead, hoping she won’t notice the heat flooding my face. This is really hard to talk about, but surprisingly, I feel okay telling Dee about it. I don’t think she’ll go and blab the whole thing to other people.

‘It came to a head when she started documenting our life, but flat-out lying about a lot of what we were doing and how solid our relationship was. I really wasn’t into the idea of being involved in that. I was resistant to being in photos anyway, especially when she was advertising things. It didn’t sit well with me. I’m actually a very private person when it comes to my personal life, and I’m especially sensitive after all the shit the press wrote about me when I was partying and performing, so I wasn’t keen on putting my life out there for people to scrutinise.

‘This really frustrated Tessa though. She used to get angry with me and accuse me of trying to sabotage her livelihood. I have to admit, I wasn’t happy about what she did for a living. I find the whole influencer thing really objectionable. The falseness of it grates on me. But it was her career, so I put up with it.’

We reach the river and I gesture for us to sit down on the grassy bank. She nods and sits, wrapping her arms around her knees and waits for me to continue with my story.

I flop down next to her and stare off across to the other side of the bank, where a mature weeping willow dips its branches into the slow-flowing water.

‘Things hadn’t been going well between us for a while by then. I’d become aware of her distancing herself and she started making threats about leaving so, in a drunken moment of madness, I asked her to marry me, stupidly thinking it would make her more willing to stay and give the hotel more of a go with me if she felt secure in our relationship. Before that, I’d been really against marriage. It was the main thing we’d argued about. She wanted it; I didn’t. Anyway, this seemed to placate her and she treated it like a real marriage proposal and accepted.’

I shrugged. ‘So that was it. We were engaged. She spent ages organising this big, flashy engagement party down by the lake. I thought when she suggested it that it’d be a small gathering of close friends, but Tessa had pretty much invited her entire social media friends list, which I was pretty pissed off about. She was clearly making it into an event she could use to promote herself online with, rather than it being about the two of us celebrating with the people we cared about.’

I glance at Dee and see she’s pulling a face of antipathy at this. Her support gives me a warm feeling in my chest, which allows me to continue.

‘What I didn’t know was that she was cheating on me the whole time with the guy who ran her social-media campaign that paid her as an influencer, who also happens to be the son of a famous actor. When we first moved to Gladbrooke, she convinced me to hire him as our Events and Marketing manager, so he was always around.’

I shrug, aiming for nonchalance, but I’m aware of how tense I am and it must look really awkward to her because she shoots me a look of horror.

I quickly turn away to stare blindly at the water flowing past us, fighting back the sinking feeling of humiliation that’s plagued me for months. ‘Anyway, Jack, the Events guy, turned up as we were having some photos taken in front of the lake. He was clearly really drunk and barged his way into the party. I could see Tessa was uncomfortable with him being there and I stupidly just assumed it was because he was an employee and hadn’t been invited. Anyway, not long after arriving, he came storming over to us, where we were standing in front of the lake. I was in the middle of refusing to have any more photos taken – we’d been there for bloody ages and the photographer must have taken hundreds already – so I was acting a bit grumpy with Tessa.’ I raise my eyebrows at Dee, letting her know I realise I was out of order being like that at my own engagement party.

‘Really? That doesn’t sound like you,’ Dee says, deadpan, then shooting me a teasing smile.

I grunt, then smile back at her. I like the way she handles my grouchiness. She has a lovely way of batting it away without taking it to heart. Something Tessa was never able to do. She took everything to heart, as if everyone else’s bad moods were a personal insult aimed directly at her.

‘The grumpier I got about the photos, the angrier and more aggressive he seemed to get, shouting comments like, “At least try to look like you’re pleased to be engaged to her,” at me. I didn’t understand what was going on at first. I thought he was pissed off that I wasn’t taking the photoshoot seriously. I could sense Tessa getting upset and I stupidly thought it was because he was being such a dickhead and ruining our party by being so drunk, but then she broke away from the shoot to take him to one side, away from everyone. I could tell from her body language and tone of voice that she wasn’t angry with him; she was actually trying to calm him down and placate him about something. I guess I kind of knew it then, in the back of my mind. They’d always been really chummy and flirty around each other, with little “in jokes” between them, from the very first time I saw them together. But I’d ignored it, convincing myself she wouldn’t cheat on me. Not with him. That she genuinely loved me. Pure arrogance, on my part.’

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. That doesn’t sound like arrogance. Just having faith in someone you cared about.’

‘Hmm, yeah maybe. Anyway, the longer she talked to him, touching his arm and staring intently into his eyes, the more worked up I got, till I’d had enough and went over to where they were standing and demanded to know what the hell was going on. I wasn’t exactly subtle about how frustrated I was with the two of them and they both turned on me as if I was the one making trouble. Tessa told me to leave them alone, that she just needed a minute to work something out with Jack. He’s even got a hero’s name. Fucker. But I’d had enough by then and told her to ignore him, that he wasn’t even invited and he should fuck off and leave us alone. And that’s when he rushed at me and shoved me – hard – so I stumbled backwards and nearly fell on my ass. I saw red and was advancing towards him when Tessa told me to leave him the hell alone. I was so stunned that she was defending him, it stopped me in my tracks. And that’s when he told me – and the entire gathering of gawping onlookers, including all my friends and family – that he was in love with her and she was in love with him, not me. That they’d been having an affair for months and she felt trapped by me and the situation that I’d “forced her into”. Which was bullshit, by the way. I’d never made her do a thing. She chose to move here with me, even if she regretted it afterwards. Clearly, she was just humouring me about making the hotel work and was waiting for me to come to my senses and move back to London. I guess at first she was just whiling away her time with Jack, until it became clear he was the better bet and she could capitalise on the drama between us all. They’re quite the power couple now, apparently, after their social-media status skyrocketed post Darcy meme.’

‘Hmm. It’s funny,’ Dee says. ‘You don’t always get to know the real person till they’re forced into something they have to fight against – or for.’

‘Yeah. I was blinded by her effortless cool. Tessa was an exciting person to be around. She’s one of those people that make things happen. You know the type?’

‘Yeah, I do.’

‘I guess she reminded me of the fun I used to have at my uni parties at the house. I stupidly thought a combo of her and the house would be amazing, but it turned out they cancelled each other out.’

We sit quietly for a moment, both staring off across the water. The whole side of my body next to her is prickling with awareness.

‘So what happened after Jack accused you of trapping her?’

I take a steadying breath, the memory of that awful day making adrenaline surge through my veins. ‘I saw the moment she made up her mind about which of us to take sides with. And which she was happy to shame.’

I scuff my shoes against the ground, not able to look at her now. She doesn’t say anything, just lets me talk. Now I’ve finally started to, it’s all pouring out of me, as if it’s been trapped inside me for too long and I can’t stop it.

‘I’d never been so humiliated in my life. I felt totally alone, like I’d been made to look a laughing stock in every way possible. So I lost my rag. I stormed towards him, in what must have looked like a really menacing way, and he responded by aiming a punch at me, but missing me completely; I think he was too drunk to have landed anything at that point anyway. I swung back at him in retaliation, catching him right on the nose, and he went down. I’m not proud of it. I shouldn’t have done it, I know that, but I was so fucking angry. I was in a blind rage. Anyway, Tessa was right there at his side, checking he was okay and when she saw I’d broken his nose, she went mad. She got up, yelling at me that I was a bully and a gaslighter and that she’d never loved me, that Jack was right, I’d tricked her into something she’d never wanted.’

I take a shuddery breath deep into my lungs. ‘I told her she was a crazy bitch – again, I’m not proud of using those words. Totally unacceptable.’ I rub my hand over my face in agitation.

‘That’s when she ran at me and shoved me hard in the chest. I lost my footing and stumbled backwards into the lake. The water was freezing, but even worse, she’d pushed me into a really shallow, muddy bit, so when I resurfaced, I looked like a bloody swamp monster. I was so furious by this point, I resembled something from a horror movie emerging from its dark lair. And the reason I know this is because one of Tessa’s friends filmed the whole thing on their mobile and in the aftermath of this entire shitshow, Tessa and Jack edited it into a meme where I call her a “crazy bitch” and she pushes me into the mud in retaliation. They plastered it all over her social media to the delight of her hundreds of thousands of followers. A “Reverse Darcy” they called it, referencing that scene in the Pride and Prejudice BBC drama where Darcy comes out of the water looking like a hot hero. According to the internet, I personify the exact opposite of that. It was everywhere, that meme, for ages. I couldn’t leave the house without someone shouting that fucking catchphrase at me. So I just stayed at home and drank and let everything go to hell. Till Harry staged an intervention and forced me to get sober. And just as I was getting back on my feet, I hired you. And thank God I did. You’ve really helped me get back on track with what I’ve wanted to do with the place. It feels much more possible again now. So thanks for that.’

I look at her now, wondering what sort of expression I’m going to see on her face. I’m hoping hard that it’s not pity.

It’s not.

She’s smiling at me, like she gets where I’m coming from. That she gets me .

Incredibly, I think telling Dee about what happened with Tessa has taken the sting out of it and the pain I’ve been carrying around with me since she left seems to have dissipated a little.

‘You’re most welcome,’ she says, her voice full of warmth.

We stare at each other for a little longer than colleagues should.

My heartbeat picks up and I feel it thumping away in my chest.

There’s a moment where I think she’s going to say something else and I hold my breath, hoping it’s that she’s changed her mind about wanting to kiss me again.

My gaze automatically drops to her beautiful mouth and I have to forcibly wrench it away and look back into her eyes.

Her pupils are blown and she blinks rapidly, like she’s trying to hold something back.

The air between us is heavy with possibility.

God, I really fucking want her. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop these feelings surfacing, no matter how hard I try.

Dee suddenly breaks eye contact and I jump a little as she slaps her hands onto her thighs then starts to get up. ‘I guess we ought to get back.’ There’s an expression on her face that I can’t read now. Is it confusion? Frustration? Or is she just tired of my company? Did I go too far giving her a blow-by-blow of my break-up with Tessa?

I want to ask her what’s going through her head, but something in her manner warns me not to. It’s as if she’s decided we’ve concluded everything we need to deal with here and now and she’s keen to get back.

My heart sinks. I was having such a good time with her and was actually feeling better after talking to her about all my shit with Tessa.

But I guess I went too far.

She’s not my counsellor; she’s my colleague.

So, it really is time to go.

We walk in silence back to the car park, get into the car and I drive away without us exchanging another word.

It seems we’re both out of conversation now.

And I’m not sure why, but this feels like the end of something.