Chapter 18
18
JONAH
I’m in my office, totally failing to look at anything work related, or to pick up the phone to my dad and tell him I’ve decided to quit the hospitality business, when I hear the sound of a car driving fast up the driveway, then coming to a screeching halt in the car park.
Going to the window, I look out to see Bea’s car has just pulled into a parking space at an untidy angle.
So maybe it’s not Bea.
Maybe it’s Dee?
My stomach flips at the thought of seeing either of them right now, but especially Bea. I’d told myself not to think about her any more – not that I seemed to be able to remotely manage that because everything I look at here reminds me of her – and the last thing I need is her, or her evil twin, turning up and wrecking my head again.
The car door swings open and a woman with a blonde bob gets out.
It could still be either of them.
Until she starts to walk towards the staff entrance to the hotel and I know in an instant which sister it is.
Dee.
As I watch her stride purposefully closer to me, I find myself amused by the realisation that I can tell the two of them apart instantly, despite them being identical.
There’s just something missing as I gaze at my ex-employee. The real one. No lurch in my chest. No quickening of my pulse. Nada.
Leaving the office, I walk into the corridor to meet her as she bangs in through the door.
She comes to an abrupt halt in front of me, her face set in a scowl of displeasure.
‘Hello, Dee. Did your sister not tell you you’re fired?’ I state, folding my arms.
She blinks at me slowly. ‘Yes, I did get that memo. And I’ve come to tell you that that’s fair enough, I deserve it, but Bea doesn’t deserve the treatment she’s getting.’
I let out a snort, taken aback by this verbal attack. ‘How so?’
Dee lets out a deep sigh. ‘Can we go for a walk in the grounds or something? I don’t want to do this in the corridor.’
I shrug. ‘It doesn’t matter to me where we do this. You’re still fired.’
‘Noted,’ she says dryly, swivelling on the spot, then walking back out of the hotel.
I stand there for a moment, considering whether I should actually follow her or go back to my office, just to show her who’s calling the shots, but something in me wants to hear what she’s got to say. I’m intrigued to see what her next play is. Is she here to try and get her job back? Or something else?
Pushing away a strange surge of hope, I take a breath then follow her outside.
She’s waiting impatiently for me, scuffing her toe against the gravel of the car park, but when she sees me emerge, she starts walking again towards the gardens in front of the house.
I catch her up and we walk in silence for a few beats, before she finally draws in an audible breath and says, ‘Look, she only did this because I begged her to.’
When I glance at her, her face is a picture of remorse – something I never thought I’d see.
‘Seriously, Jonah. It’s not her fault. The mere thought of hurting you, of hurting anyone, gives her the horrors, I can promise you that. She’s beating herself up badly for how this all turned out. She is and always has been the kindest, sweetest, most giving, caring person I’ve ever met. And I know I’m bound to say that because she’s my sister, but she’s also been my nemesis all my life because she’s always done everything perfectly. Up until now, anyway. She’s never been in trouble for anything in her life because she can’t allow herself to make mistakes. It’s because of our dad. He’s such a tough person to please but she’s somehow managed to do it. Which is no mean feat, believe me. I’ve been trying all my life too, but I still haven’t managed it. Not once. But Bea, she’s something else – so resilient in the face of everything going completely tits up. She always knows what to do to fix things. Problem is, it means she puts everyone else and their wants before herself. Particularly me. She even cut off her beautiful hair to help me out. That’s love.’
‘And what’s this got to do with me?’ I ask, though I feel a sting of shame at how cold that sounds. But I’ve got to protect myself. I’m not being humiliated and lied to again.
‘For God’s sake, Jonah, you don’t know how lucky you are to have her in your life. She’s the most loyal person you could ever hope to meet. And she loves you. Really loves you. I’ve never seen her like this before. She’s absolutely bereft. For someone who puts being successful at work above all else, she absolutely couldn’t give a shit about it right now. All she can think about is you and how much she’s hurt you and how she can’t fix it. It’s driving her crazy, I can tell.’
‘Not my problem,’ I re-iterate. ‘I’ve got my own shit to deal with.’ But there’s less conviction in my voice now. For some reason, my heart’s started pounding hard.
Dee lets out a loud, frustrated sigh. ‘Get over yourself, will you? So you’ve had some bad luck and humiliation in the past. So what? We all have. It’s how you move on from it that counts.’
She comes to an abrupt halt and I stop too. We turn to face each other.
‘Okay, so she made a mistake,’ Dee says, holding up both hands. ‘It turns out she’s not as perfect as we all thought. Which is actually a relief to me. And sure, it wasn’t a great thing to do to you, but she accepts that and she’s sorry and wants to fix it. She’s not leaving you, Jonah; she’s in for the long haul. Anyway, I just thought you needed to hear the truth. The whole truth. It’s up to you, of course, but take it from me: you’ll rue the day you turned down my sister’s love if you decide not to see her again. She’s one in a million.’
And with that, she turns on her heel and walks away from me.
I watch her go, my head buzzing with thoughts.
She’s right of course. It’d be madness to let my fear of being made a fool of again stop me from having a relationship with Bea now. I know, deep down, that she’s truly sorry for how things turned out and that she never meant to hurt me.
It’s not fair for me to keep punishing her. Especially, as she pointed out, I also seem to be intent on punishing her for what happened with Tessa too.
But then, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight about anything at that point.
I’m thinking straight now though.
I want Bea back. Very, very badly. And not just as an employee, but as my partner.
Because I’ve fallen in love with her.
She’s all I can think about. The way she moves, the way she smells, the beautiful curve of her smile and the warmth of her body when it was pressed to mine. We fit so perfectly. Even if it was an impulsive, inelegant coupling. A heat-of-the-moment thing.
So fucking hot.
But there was tenderness beneath the desire too.
I still feel it now.
I want her back in my life.
I’ve been so afraid to put my trust in someone again, it’s blinded me to what I actually need. It’s Bea. She’s my perfect fit. And, despite what I said to her, I do understand now why she went along with the stupid ruse she and Dee cooked up between them. She did it because she cares deeply about her sister and that’s something I can’t ignore. I want that too, to be in her circle of warmth and love and protection.
Even though it hurt to hear she’d been pretending to be someone she wasn’t, I can’t let that stop me from taking a leap of faith and trusting her again.
Dee’s right: if I carry on pushing everyone away, I’ll never be happy.
Feeling an urgent need to sort this whole mess out as quickly as possible, I pull my mobile out of my pocket, look up Bea’s number and tap out a text, asking her to meet me here.
She doesn’t reply right away and I pace through the grounds, past the lake, feeling a swell of love for the place again now that my strongest memory there is of playing in the water with Bea – and of the way she kissed me, even though she knew she shouldn’t. She did it anyway. Because she couldn’t not. Just like I can’t not be with her.
I make it over to the apple orchard before my phone buzzes and I slide it out of my pocket, my heart in my mouth as I open the reply and read it.
She’s coming. Right now.
Relief floods through me and I flop onto the ground by one of the largest trees and put my head into my hands, listening to the blood rushing in my ears as my heart pumps it hard through my veins.
Thank God.
After finally electing to stop being such a dick and contact her, I’d immediately become terrified she’d decide she didn’t want anything to do with me after all and would refuse to come over. So her acceptance is extremely welcome.
Not that I know for sure that this thing between us is salvageable. She might still turn up just to tell me to sod off.
I guess I wouldn’t blame her, after the way I acted when we’d slept together.
The mere memory of it has me immediately hard and I have a visceral flash of the way she smelled, the softness of her skin under my touch and the small moans of pleasure she let out as I slid inside her.
Jeez.
I’ve been trying so hard not to think about that. How I felt before, during and after it. Just how much I wanted it to happen again. But I’ve been battling with my ego ever since and punishing myself – and her – for things that don’t matter any more.
She matters though. We matter.
We’re good together. More than good.
I need to pull myself together before she gets here though or I’m not going to be able to speak to her without stumbling over my words in my rush to be able to touch her again.
Somehow, even in the short time I’ve known her, she’s been able to turn my world upside down. Or maybe right it. Performing with her gave me back the feeling of joy I used to experience when playing my guitar and for me, that’s massive. But – just for the moment at least – I only want to perform for her. Share the intimacy of musically connecting – with her.
I get up and pace around the orchard, my nerves humming.
I don’t know exactly what I’m going to say to her once she gets here, but I’m sure as soon as I see her, it’ll become clear. I know I want her back in my life. And hopefully, I’ll be able to persuade her to come back to Gladbrooke in some capacity, even if she’s not working here any more.
After what seems like an endless twenty more minutes, my phone finally buzzes with a text and I look at it and see she’s arrived and is asking where to find me. I drop her a pin and sit back down to wait for her to emerge through the trees.
It doesn’t take her long to make it over to where I am and my heart soars when I first hear the crunch of her feet on the hard earth, then see her walking through the orchard towards me.
Getting to my feet, I brush bits of soil off my jeans and try to adopt a relaxed-looking stance as she draws nearer.
As she gets closer, I can see her expression is one of strained worry and I feel a surge of guilt for causing her that pain. I’d thought that meeting in the trees would be romantic, but from the stiff way she’s moving, she’s clearly wondering what the hell I’ve got planned here.
So I stride towards her, making sure I put as much warmth into my smile as I can.
This seems to have the right effect, because the frown drops from her face and she gives me a heartbreakingly tentative smile in return.
Seeing this just about breaks me and without another thought, the moment I reach her, I lift my hands to her face and draw her towards me, kissing her hard.
There’s no hesitation on her part either; she kisses me back with just as much passion and purpose and we sink against each other’s bodies, our arms wrapped tightly around each other, as if we’re afraid to let go in case we lose each other again.
It’s so absolutely right, her being here with me, kissing beneath the apple trees.
‘I’m sorry I pushed you away,’ I mutter against her lips, once we finally break apart for breath. ‘I was afraid I was being made a fool of again, even though I knew, deep down, you’d never do that to me. My fear of rejection got the better of me.’
She pulls back a little to smile at me. ‘I totally understand. And I don’t blame you for the way you reacted. I probably would have done just the same if I’d been in your shoes.’ I see her swallow. ‘But you do believe that I never meant to lie to you and hurt you, don’t you? I really thought I was doing a good thing for everyone when I first came here. But I messed up by not being able to leave. I pushed it too far and ended up having to lie to cover my bad choices and I’m truly sorry for that.’ My skin tingles as she cups my face. ‘I fell in love with you.’
I can tell from the expression in her eyes that she really means that.
‘I love you too,’ I say, completely certain that I do. How could I not? She’s absolutely perfect for me and I can’t imagine never seeing or being with her again. My life would be very much more the poorer for not having her in it.
The look she gives me now is full of relief and pure joy. ‘Thank goodness,’ she murmurs, her voice sounding a little hoarse, as if the emotion of the situation has got the better of her and she’s holding back happy tears.
‘Let’s sit down,’ I suggest, gesturing to a patch of soft-looking grass under one of the trees.
She nods in agreement and we sit down, so close our bodies are pressed together from the tops of our arms to our thighs. Sliding a hand along her back, then cupping her shoulder, I pull her in even closer to my body and kiss the top of her head, breathing in the wonderful, familiar, sweet scent of her.
‘You know, because of my dad’s fame, I’ve always felt like my relationships were conditional. That my partner was only with me because of it. Tessa was the perfect example of that. She was clearly a music groupie, I knew that from the moment I met her, but I fell for her hard anyway. I know, I’ve been screwed up about what happened with her and it made me paranoid, but when I found out about you and Dee, I was afraid the two of you were playing some sort of game with me. When Dee failed at getting my attention, you stepped in and took over. I actually thought you might be the “good cop” to Dee’s “bad cop” to mess with my head.’
She shoots me a wry smile. ‘Honestly, it was almost impossible to act as if I didn’t find you incredibly attractive whenever I was around you. It was actually torture, especially when you started paying me more attention and I knew I couldn’t return it. I wanted to so much.’
‘Same. It nearly killed me to stay professional around you.’
We look at each other now and our gazes lock. There’s such heat in her eyes, such need. I feel it too, thrumming in the air between us.
I’ve never experienced this kind of intensity with anyone else and it’s the best feeling in the world.
Glancing down at her mouth, I see it curving into a smile. Without another thought, I lean in and press my lips against hers, feeling them open under mine and I slip my tongue into the heat of her mouth and run my fingers into her hair.
This is exactly what my body’s been craving since the last time we touched and it’s the sweetest feeling to be able to have it again.
I’m never letting her go.
‘What made you change your mind about seeing me again?’ she asks when we come up for air.
‘Your sister coming over to read me the riot act,’ I say, smoothing down the front of her now rather wild-looking hair, ‘and for once in my life, I listened, then gave myself a talking to about how I’d been behaving – like a bloody stroppy child. It helped that it was Dee that said it to me though. Seeing her made me miss you even more.’
She lets out a surprised snort. ‘I never thought it’d be my sister fixing my relationship for me. It’s always been the other way round with us. But something’s clearly happened to her recently to make her grow up a bit.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. I don’t know what, but I intend to get it out of her the moment I see her again.’
‘Intriguing.’
She grins at me, her eyes alive with happiness. It’s a beautiful sight.
‘Thank you for giving me another chance.’
The sincerity in her voice sends an arrow of guilt through my chest.
‘Yeah, well. I figured I was being an idiot to let what happened to me in the past inform what happens to me in the future. Especially if it meant losing you. I’d much rather lose face than lose you.’ I huff out an embarrassed laugh. ‘Listen to me, I sound like an inspirational bloody quote again.’
‘I know exactly what you’re saying,’ she says, hugging me tightly.
‘Good. Because I guess life is messy. Love is messy. Nothing and no-one is perfect. I get that and I’m prepared to figure it out with you because I love you. You were right, we are meant to be together; I genuinely feel that.’
‘So you forgive me?’
‘Yes. Because I know the lies came from a good place. I’m in awe and, honestly, jealous of your love and devotion to your sister. I don’t feel like anyone’s ever given me those things the way you have to Dee. And I want that for myself. From you. I want in, Bea.’
‘Well then, you’re in, because that’s exactly what I want too. I think we can give each other what we need.’
‘But if we’re going to make this work, we both have to promise not to lie to each other again.’
‘I promise.’
‘I promise too.’
‘Good. Well, that’s sorted then. Let’s do everything we can to make this work.’
‘Agreed.’
‘I’m excited.’
‘Me too.’
‘I can’t wait to put all our plans into action.’
‘Speaking of action…’ I waggle my eyebrows at her. ‘I wouldn’t mind getting some more of that right now.’
‘What? Here under the tree?’ she asks, her eyebrows raised in mock outrage.
‘Sure, why not? I intend to have sex with you all over this estate and we may as well start right here.’
Her laugh rings out into the cool, fresh air around us. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard since I last heard her singing.
‘All over the estate? That’s a lot of ground to cover.’
‘Then we’d better get started,’ I say, pulling her towards me again and kissing her hard, feeling her body respond.
And I know for certain that this time, I’m with exactly the right person at the right time – that we both want the same things – and it’s only going to get better from here.