Chapter 17
17
BEATRICE
It’s been a painful, lonely week, with no contact from Jonah and still no sign of Dee and Jem. From the messages she’s been sending me, it sounds like the storm’s wreaked havoc in that part of Europe and a lot of people have been trapped and grounded whilst waiting for it to blow over and for safe travel to resume again.
I pretended to her that I’d gone through with the ‘twisting my ankle’ plan so she didn’t have to worry about that while she was clearly really stressed about the situation on the island. I feel bad about not telling her right away about being fired, but I figured there wasn’t anything she could do about it and the last thing she needed was more bad news. Jonah clearly hasn’t been directly in touch with her either, so at least that’s a blessing.
I can’t imagine what state they’ll all be in when they finally make it home though.
It sounds like it’s been a real ordeal.
Just as I’m thinking this, there’s the sound of the door opening to the flat and I hear voices as Dee and Jem come inside and head towards the kitchen.
I feel a surge of relief that they’re back. At least I’ll have some friendly faces around me now after carrying around the memory of the hard look on Jonah’s face just before he walked out on me.
But when I hurry out of the office and find them having what appears to be a whispered conversation in the kitchen, neither of them has particularly happy expressions on their faces.
Uh oh.
‘Hey, you’re back,’ I say stupidly.
Dee comes straight over to hug me and I sink into her arms, feeling a sudden overwhelming need to cry. But I hold it back, steeling myself against it. I don’t want the first thing they have to do, after stepping in through the door, is mollify me.
‘So, you finally escaped from the storm,’ I say into her hair.
‘Only just,’ she replies, but there’s a heaviness to her voice that shoots worry through me.
‘Is everything okay?’ I ask, pulling back to look her in the face.
There’s a moment where I think I see a flash of sadness in her eyes, but she quickly covers it with a smile. ‘All good. Just glad to be home safe. The journey back was mostly smooth,’ she says. Again, there’s a hint of darkness in her voice and I wonder for a wild second whether there’s some subtext there meant for Jem to hear.
‘So, are you two still speaking to each other?’ I joke, wanting to test out this theory.
There’s a slightly awkward pause before they both say, ‘Yes.’
Liars.
There’s definitely something going on here that the two of them don’t want me to know about.
‘How about you?’ Dee asks quickly before I can say anything more. ‘How did the festival go?’
‘Oh. Great. It went really well.’ I force back a wave of sadness as I remember how much fun I’d had organising and running it. I’m feeling almost nostalgic about it now, even though it only ended a few days ago.
Having sex with Jonah seems to have turned my world upside down and inside out and it’s making everything else feel very distant.
‘You don’t look very happy about it,’ Dee points out, her eyebrows knitted.
I try to smile and brush away her worry, but to my horror, my eyes fill with tears.
I’m going to have to tell her everything and I don’t even know where to start.
‘I… er… I’ve got some bad news, I’m afraid,’ I say in a shaky voice.
Her frown deepens. ‘Are you okay? What’s going on?’ She looks panicked now.
I sense Jem shift next to me, but I can’t look him in the face. He’s got some bad news of his own coming, but I can’t get into that right now.
‘I made a real mess of things, Dee. I’m so sorry.’
‘What do you mean?’ She moves closer to me, her head cocked to one side.
‘I… I had to tell Jonah I was pretending to be you and… he fired me. Well, you. He fired you.’
She stares at me for a moment, clearly trying to unpick what I’ve just told her.
‘Right. Okay. And why did you have to tell him?’
This, of course, was the trickiest bit to explain.
‘Um.’ I clear my throat. ‘We, er. We started to get close.’
Dee widens her eyes. ‘When you say close…?’
‘We kissed.’ I screw up my eyes, not able to look at her now. When I finally open them and peek at her, her expression shows a mixture of surprise and delight.
Weird.
‘And he kissed you back?’ she asks.
‘Yes.’
‘Wow. So, you two are a thing now?’
I shake my head. ‘No. We ended up sleeping together, but he’s really angry with me for lying to him about who I really am. I think it’s over now.’
Jem makes a strange noise in the back of his throat. Apparently, he’s uncomfortable listening in on us talking about our sex lives – or lack of them in my case, because he mutters, ‘I’m just going to check on my email in the office,’ then strides out of the room before we can say anything.
Dee is staring at me like she can’t quite process what she’s hearing.
To my frustration, a tear pools in the corner of my eye, then slides down my cheek.
‘Oh, Bea! You poor, poor thing,’ Dee says, breaking out of her trance and wrapping her arms around me again. ‘Don’t cry. At least, don’t cry about me losing my job. I don’t care about that. I’ll get another one. I was never any good at it anyway and I was fooling myself it would all magically work out and help turn me into some famous artist. What was I thinking! Clearly, Jonah wasn’t interested in a relationship with me either. He wouldn’t kiss me back.’ She attempts a smile but I can see in her eyes that she’s hurting. Badly.
‘I don’t know how it happened,’ I say in a begging voice. ‘I never meant it to, I swear.’
‘Yeah, well. Sometimes these things creep up on us and take us out at the knees.’
I give her a grim frown. ‘I never believed in love at first sight before. And then I met Jonah.’
‘So you love him?’ she asks me in a gentle voice.
‘It sounds crazy, I know. I’ve only just met him, but there’s something about him… I just know, deep in my bones, that he’s the man for me. It’s an instinct, not something I can explain.’
‘That’s love for you,’ Dee agrees.
‘I can’t believe this situation. It’s so messed up!’ Another tear escapes from my eye and I brush it away angrily.
‘Are you sure there’s nothing to be done here?’
‘Yes. I’m sure. You should have seen the way he looked at me when he left. He doesn’t trust me any more. He can’t. Not after I lied to him the way I did.’
‘Because I made you.’
‘You didn’t make me. I chose to do it. I could have said no.’
‘Hmm. I’m not sure about that. I basically emotionally blackmailed you into doing it.’
I bat away her words. ‘Well, it doesn’t matter any more. It’s done and can’t be undone. We’re both just going to have to move on with our lives in different directions.’ I take a breath. ‘Speaking of which, I need to let Jem know something. I’ll be back in a moment and we’ll talk some more and see if we can work out what we’re going to do about getting you a new job.’
She opens her mouth to reply, but I don’t give her the chance to speak before walking out of the kitchen and into the office.
Jem is sitting at his desk, staring at an email which is up on his computer screen.
He turns to look at me with a strange expression on his face. It’s as if he knows what I’m about to tell him.
‘We didn’t get the funding,’ I say, wanting to get it over with quickly. ‘So it looks like this business isn’t going to work out the way we’d hoped, barring any miracles.’
He just nods once, but surprisingly doesn’t look either shocked or devastated. ‘Yeah, well, maybe it’s for the best.’ He leans back in his chair and rubs his hand over his face. I see now that he looks exhausted.
‘Really? How so?’
‘I’ve been wondering whether this type of software is where we want to put all our effort. Especially with the rise of AI.’
‘Oh.’
‘And.’ He pauses, then looks me right in the eye. ‘I’ve been offered a job, which I’m seriously considering taking.’
‘Oh,’ I say again, only this time with a sting of hurt. He’s really giving up on running a business with me that easily? But then I know he needs money to pay for his mum’s care and it doesn’t look as if he’s going to be making much, if any, of that if we’re going to have to start all over again.
‘Sorry, Bea. It’s a great opportunity, but it’ll be intensive and won’t leave me any time outside of it to work on something new with you.’
There’s a small cough behind me and I turn to see that Dee’s come into the room.
Jem darts a glance at her, then looks back at me. ‘It’s based in London. I’ll be working for the guy your dad introduced me to this week. The one who owns the island we were just staying on.’
‘I see.’ This feels like another blow, though at the same time I’m really pleased for Jem. He’s a brilliant, incredibly kind man and deserves to be successful. ‘Okay. Well, far be it for me to stand in your way. I want you to be happy and if this is the way to make that happen then you have my every blessing.’
‘I’m really sorry, Bea. I wanted to make this business work with you, but it looks like it’s not meant to happen.’
I nod stiffly. ‘Yeah. We should cut our losses. And you should definitely take that job, if it’s something you want to do.’
He looks down at his keyboard and nods. ‘I think it is.’
I feel the air move behind me as Dee shifts on the spot. ‘So, you’re going to take it?’ she asks. Her voice sounds clipped and I spin around to see she has a pained expression on her face.
‘Yeah,’ is all Jem says.
There’s a strange tension in the air now, but I can’t quite put my finger on why.
‘What’s going on with you two?’ I ask, looking between them both.
‘Nothing,’ Jem says, getting up from his chair. ‘I’m going to head home. I have things to arrange,’ he says, squeezing my shoulder as he passes me and walks past Dee, who’s hovering by the door.
Neither of them say another word to the other.
As soon as he’s gone and we hear the sound of the door clicking back into place, Dee gives me a tight smile.
‘Okay. I’m going to go and see Jonah and sort this mess out.’
For a second, I wonder whether I’ve heard her correctly.
‘What?’
‘I’m going over there now to explain the whole thing to him and tell him he’s an idiot to walk away from you.’ She swivels on the spot and starts to walk towards the door.
After a stunned second, I hurry after her.
‘Wait, Dee. Don’t go. He’s not going to change his mind.’
‘You don’t know that. And anyway, it’s me he’s really angry with. If I deflect his annoyance from you towards me, maybe he’ll have the good grace to see what’s really at stake here and come to his senses. I suspect he already knows he’s made a mistake, because he’s not stupid. He’s hurt and he’s put up a protective wall around himself and he just needs someone to make a chink in it and let in the light – point out the obvious. That he’d be crazy to give you up.’
‘But—’
‘I’m going to look after you for a change. You’ve been such a good sister to me and I’ve taken advantage of that too many times. You give so much to other people, especially your family, and it’s not fair that you don’t get to have what you deserve. It’s time you started putting yourself first and you should tell Dad to sod off if he doesn’t agree with the way you want to live your life. He’s too bloody controlling, always has been. Let’s be real here: we’re never going to live up to his expectations so why even try? That way madness lies. Jem will be totally fine too. You should do you for once.’ She puts her hands on my shoulders and looks me directly in the eye. ‘You’re not my mother and I don’t need you to be – not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for me – but it’s time I sorted my own life out now. And I’m going to help you sort yours in any way I can.’
‘What are you?—?’
‘Wait here. I’m going to fix this,’ she says. And before I can say another word, she’s out of the door and getting into her car, then pulling quickly away from the kerb with a screech of tyres.
I stare after her, my mouth hanging open, wondering what the hell’s got into my sister.