Chapter 42
Alve’s keys let me in, and even though it was his building, it felt like I was intruding somewhere as intimate as Madison’s nest without an invitation. I locked up behind me to be safe, despite the others keeping an eye on things.
I had no idea what floor she was on so I moved slowly through the hallways, listening for any sign of her. When I passed through a section of the third floor, I finally heard faint footsteps above me. I sprinted for the stairs and burst out as Madison stepped into one of the suites.
“Maddie.”
She screamed, her head popping out to see me, her eyes enormous with purple shadowing beneath them, and her hand pressed to her chest. “You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?”
“Maddie, it’s time to come home. You’ve been here for hours.”
“I have work to do.”
“Work that will be here tomorrow,” I insisted, taking a tentative step toward her.
When she didn’t bolt, I took another, crossing the distance until I stood in front of her.
She opened her mouth to speak, but I did first. “I love you. You know I do. I don’t care what he said to you, what he tried to make you believe—nothing is going to change my mind about you. ”
Her gaze dropped, her bottom lip caught in her teeth. “I rely on you too much.”
“Says who? Some asshole who did his best to leash you? Because I don’t think that.”
“Jude.” The way she said my name was so full of anguish, it made my throat tighten.
“Do you love me?”
“Please, just let me wallow.”
“We’ve already done that.” The words snapped out and I immediately reeled them back. “Maddie, can’t I persuade you to wallow at home in the nest? You should rest. Panic attacks are a lot of stress on your body.”
“I’m trying to do something helpful. I can’t do that at home.”
Desperation grabbed hold of me. “Maddie, do you love me?”
She lifted her eyes to meet mine. “Of course I do. How can I not?”
“Say it.” I cupped her cheek and her eyelids fluttered closed, my omega leaning into the gentle touch.
“I love you.” She said it sweetly, but the words were dipped in sadness. “It doesn’t change what I did, though. It doesn’t make me deserve you.”
“Fuck that.” They had chosen me because they figured I would be the steady one, but I couldn’t stay quiet at that. “Fuck literally all of that. Maddie, love has absolutely nothing to do with deserving.”
“But I used you.”
What on earth was she talking about?
“How so?”
“To fill a need Tyler wasn’t meeting, to feel safe, to get out of somewhere I didn’t want to be. That’s not fair to you. All I do is take from you.”
I held her face in both hands. “Look at me.”
It took her a few seconds to comply, but she did.
“Maddie, this might sound mean, but that is the dumbest thing that has ever left your mouth, short of saying you were going to propose to Tyler. I love you because you’re you, not because you can do something for me.
He made you see relationships as transactional and survival based, but that’s not the way it’s supposed to be.
None of us want anything from you except to love you.
That’s all we’ve ever wanted. He’s the one who took.
Don’t let him take this from us. Don’t let him convince you you’re something you’re not. ”
Tears slipped over her cheeks and she sniffled, wrapping her fingers around my wrists and pulling them away from her face. “What if I hurt you?”
“Maybe you will. Humans do that to each other on occasion, but we both know you’re not the type to intentionally hurt someone.”
“I don’t know who I am. I can’t figure that out in a few weeks, when I had a whole life of carving down every part of myself.”
My heart broke for her. I pulled her into a hug, and though she was stiff for a moment, she relaxed quickly. “Part of loving someone is wanting what’s best for them. Do you really believe what’s best for you is to not be with us?”
“It feels selfish to say no.” She pressed her face to my chest, holding like she was afraid to let go.
“Then be selfish. I’ve been dreaming of a life with you since we met and if I haven’t done a good enough job of showing you that, then I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s not. I’m the one who’s fucked up here, not you. Never you.”
“You’re not fucked up, and you haven’t done anything wrong, either. I know you’re scared, we all do. No one blames you for what your past has made you feel, we just want to make sure your future isn’t like that.”
She hiccuped and looked up at me, her brown eyes shiny. “I want that. I didn’t expect to feel the way I did when I saw him again. The things he said…”
“Are wrong. Straight up. That man is a fucking liar who never deserved you.”
“I thought you just said love wasn’t about deserving.”
“Real love isn’t. What he offered you wasn’t that.”
Madison whimpered. “How do I stop feeling like this?”
“I don’t know. Time? Maybe it will never truly leave you, but that won’t stop me from loving you. It won’t stop the others, either.”
“Where are they?”
“Downstairs, in the parking lot.” I sighed, stroking my thumb over her damp cheeks.
“If we were bonded, you’d be able to feel the truth, but instead, I’m asking you to trust the words.
I’ll pair them with action, I’ll be as patient as you need, I’ll give you anything you want so long as you want to show up for this pack. ”
“I want to.” She whispered it so quietly I almost didn’t hear. “I wanted you to have someone better, some version of me that doesn’t exist.”
“Maddie, I want this version of you. I want you here, right now, with every bit of baggage you’re dragging behind you.
Don’t stop trying to move forward just because you have to go a little slower with all you’re carrying.
We have a baby on the way, and cats we all love, we’re building a home together. ”
She shuddered, her cheeks pink and eyes bright. “Okay. Let’s go home.”
I scooped her into my arms and her ankles locked behind me.
Everything would be better when she was home with us, where we could show her she was safe.
I hoped that what I said resonated with her.
She was held back by a lot of things, but maybe the glass shards of her fear could be shattered so she could walk through without being cut to ribbons.
I made it to the door to the stairs before a surge of heat swept over her, her body warming under my touch. She dug her nails into my shoulders, a fervent omega whine slipping out of her.
“Maddie?”
She gasped, tucking her face against my throat. “Apparently, I wished a little too hard to keep you forever.”
Rather than put her on her feet, I leaned her against the wall. “What does that mean?”
She squirmed in my hold. “Heat flare.”
Well, shit.
“I’ll get the others. You’ll need to be knotted.”
“No.” She held on tight, trembling. “Not yet.”
I glanced down the hallway, as if it might provide some answer I hadn’t seen. “I can’t take care of you here. There’s nowhere for us to go.”
Madison needed her pack. Betas weren’t meant to take on a heat, especially not alone.
“I’m sorry,” she gasped out. “I’m a mess and selfish and I want you. I’ve always wanted you. Don’t leave me, I’m sorry.”
“Hey, hey.” I shushed her gently, lowering us down and turning so she could sit on my lap. “Maddie, I’m not going anywhere, and you have nothing to apologize for. You’re overwhelmed, and that’s okay, but I promise we’re here when you need us.”
She clung to me, shaking, and even with the scent neutralizer coating her, her raspberry sweetness was sneaking through the particles to hang like syrup in the air.
Little whimpers tumbled past her lips, her hips rocking as the heat flare settled in. “Jude, please. I won’t ask for anything else, I—”
“You will, and I want you to. Ask for everything you never got, everything you want, for the rest of our lives, because I’m going to do the same.
We’ll all ask for things in this pack—sometimes you’re struggling and have to ask for more, and sometimes one of us will be struggling, and you can give more.
The scales don’t have to balance, Maddie.
We give out of love, not because someone is demanding we do. ”
“But—”
“I love you, and I want you to have the best life possible.”
She brushed her mouth against mine, her fingers lacing behind my head. “I love you, too.”
Sweat beaded on her brow and her breath shifted to sharp panting followed by a moan that had every hair on my body raising.
“Maddie, what do you want me to do?”
“Fuck me.”
“You’re sure?”
“Jude, please. I need you, right here, right now. I’m asking for what I want. I want you.”
What my omega wanted, my omega got, not that a hallway was the most ideal spot.
It was no easy task wrestling her out of her panties, but we managed.
Thankfully, she was wearing a dress and not leggings today, or we would’ve had to become acrobats to get her out of them while she was clinging to me.
“Let me keep you.” Her words were hushed and breathy in my ear, sending goosebumps down my arms. “Bond me.”
“That should probably be a decision for another day. I need it to be on purpose and not driven by a flare.”
“It’s not.” She kissed me, pouring her desperation into the action while her fingers got my dick free from my pants so she could sink onto it. “At the cookout, I said it would only take until the next heat flare to make you mine. I already decided before this.”
Madison groaned, flexing her hips, riding me with shallow, frantic strokes that had my brain slowing down with each descent. At the time, I thought she had only said it to please my family so they wouldn’t feel like I was being left out when she had two bonds already.
She was serious?
She really wanted me forever?
I cupped her hips, helping her move while I processed, not that I was doing myself any favors in that department. Her slick heat swallowing me up was what fantasies were made of.
My dream girl was asking to bond me.
I’d imagined this day a thousand times over, probably more. Was the setting perfect? No, but she was.
“You’re sure you want to keep me?”
She looked at me with shiny eyes, flushed cheeks, and a sweaty brow, strands of hair plastered to it. “I’ve always wanted to keep you.”
“Do it, then.” I tilted my head to the side, giving her full access to my throat. “I’ve always been yours, and I want the world to know it, too.”