35. Chapter 35
That walk in the park was a turning point in our relationship. Oh, we weren”t back to where we were, but we were spending time together…always fully clothed.
Were we both frustrated? Absolutely. Was I the one who was putting the brakes? No. Gabriel was firm that sex would happen when we were back on solid ground.
”Baby, come on,” he pleaded when I stroked him over his pants. ”Don”t do this.”
We”d just come back from dinner, and we were in my condo.
”Please, Gabriel.”
We were sitting on my couch, and we”d been drinking coffee when he kissed me, which led to more.
”Aurora, baby.” His breathing was ragged as I went on my knees in front of him. He put his hands in my hair. ”We can”t.”
”Why not?” I unzipped his suit pants.
”Because…fuck…,” he groaned as I freed him. ”You”re making this very hard for me.”
I stroked him the way he liked it. ”I can feel that.”
He let out a laugh as he watched me with eyes that were unfocused. ”Taste me,” he hissed.
I licked his tip where precum glistened. He watched mesmerized. But before I could take him in my mouth, he pushed away. He got up hurriedly, moving away from me.
”You”re dangerous,” he muttered.
I stayed on my knees, watching him zip up his pants and take in big gulps of breaths like he”d just worked out.
”How long are we going to do this?” I demanded, rising. I was throbbing. Desperate for release.
”You and me?” He quirked an eyebrow and when I nodded, he grinned, ”Forever.” My eyes widened, and he chuckled. ”Not the not having sex, that we will get to hopefully sooner than later. But you and me? I want forever.”
I slumped on the couch. I didn”t know what I needed from him to move past my fears and insecurities. I didn”t know what else he could do. We were doomed. I wanted him, he wanted me, and we were at an impasse because I wouldn”t give him my commitment.
”We used to have sex before,” I sulked.
He sat down next to me and kissed my nose. ”You”re adorable when you pout.”
I glanced at him with irritation. ”What do you want from me?”
He stroked my cheek. ”Everything.”
I sighed. ”You didn”t have that before, and you had sex with me.”
”I was an idiot before.”
”Why can”t you be an idiot for a little while now?” I demanded, suppressing the urge to cross my arms and stomp my feet.
He put his hands on my thighs, and I pushed them away. ”No. You can”t just me off anymore. I wanted to suck you off.”
”Jesus, do you have any idea how difficult this is for me? You say the word suck, and I”m ready to come in my pants.”
”I feel like you”re keeping sex off the table as a way to make me compliant,” I threw at him.
He leaned back and laughed. ”I can”t believe you just said that.” He pulled me into his arms, and I rested my head on his shoulder.
”I can”t believe I said that either. I must be desperate for you.”
”You must be.”
”What are we doing, Gabriel?”
”We”re trying to build trust.”
”I trust you to give me an orgasm,” I muttered.
He stroked my hair. ”I really fucked up, didn”t I?”
”You”ve made up for it.” He had. For months now, he”d been an attentive boyfriend. He”d taken me home and introduced me to his parents. I was half in love with his father. Atticus had a raw sense of humor and, like his wife, an irreverent attitude towards life. I”d met Rafe, his brother, a few times as well.
Sophia had been away at camp for part of the summer, but we”d spent some time together. The one person who I”d managed not to see, thankfully, was his ex-wife.
He”d set boundaries with his ex-wife, which were working. She couldn”t just walk into his house, and he never walked into hers. He talked to her at her doorstep if he needed to, and it was always only about Sophia.
She was pressuring him for money, and he was happy to give it, but his lawyer had counseled him against it.
He was open with me, transparent. He spent time with me. He”d not interfered anymore in the work I was doing with Rhodes Hotels. He was doing everything right, but I felt it wasn’t real, that he”d go back to who he used to be.
Even though it left me frustrated, I was, in some ways, happy we were not having sex. Before, I”d sometimes felt that I was a booty call for Gabriel.
It was at the start of fall when the other shoe dropped as I was waiting for it to.
”Baby, I”m so sorry but I have to cancel.” He”d called me while I was getting ready for a dinner date. It was Friday evening and every other week when he didn”t have Sophia, we were together.
”Of course. It”s fine.” I could feel my heart ready to jump out of my chest.
”Fucking hell, Aurora,” he roared. ”Don”t you even want to know why?”
”Sure. Why?”
”Because I”m needed in Houston. We had a shooting at our hotel there.”
”What? God, I”m so sorry, Gabriel.”
”Yeah. I have to go, baby. I”ll call you soon.”
He hung up, and I felt like the world”s worst person. How could I have been such an ass to him? He had a life, and it wasn”t like he was the only one who sometimes had another commitment; I had things like that happen as well. I had an emergency on a project just a couple of weeks ago due to a water leak on a project in Atlanta. Luna had been unable to go because she wasn”t well, so I”d had to take care of it.
Why was I doing this? Was it because each time Gabriel groveled, it felt good? It felt like I was important? Was I afraid that the minute we became a real couple, he”d show his true colors again, and I didn”t want to lose this attentive Gabriel? It was all kinds of messed up.
I called Luna.
”I thought you were on a date with Gabriel.”
”He canceled.”
”Not again.”
”Why would you say that?”
”Because that”s what he used to do.”
”There was a shooting at the Rhodes Hotel in Houston.” He was trying so hard to be the man I needed him to be, and I couldn”t stop waiting for him to screw up so I could say, I told you so. It was petty and sad. It wasn”t the kind of person I wanted to be.
”Fuck. Is he okay?”
”I don”t know,” I told her how our conversation had gone.
”Aurora, hell, I was ready to blame him too without hearing him out,” she confessed. ”This is going to take time.”
”It”s been months. How long am I planning to punish this man?”
”Maybe your reluctance has less to do with Gabriel and more to do with you?” Luna ventured.
”I want him. I love him. I don”t trust him.”
”Have you ever trusted any man you”ve been in a relationship with?”
I thought about it. I”d not been in that many relationships, but the truth was that I”d never trusted anyone. Even the wonderful people at Savannah Lace. Luna was a good friend, and if she disappointed me, it would hurt, but I would survive the damage. If Gabriel hurt me again, it would destroy me.
I used to trust blindly, but that changed after my father had refused to help me even when I”d told him what the men Mama was spending time with tried to do to me. He”d been impervious.
”You should call 911 when you”re in trouble. Look, I have a family now, and I don”t have the space and time to take care of you. You just have to stay with your mother, Aurora. I”m really sorry. And…ah, don”t call me again.”
Had it started then?
I probably needed therapy to unravel all my insecurities. But that was a long-term solution. Right now, I knew what I had to do. I”d hurt Gabriel, and I needed to fix that.
I called the only person I knew who could help me.
”Aurora, darling, how wonderful to hear from you.”
”Betsy, you know what happened in Houston?”
”Yes, Gabriel let Atticus and me know. He”s at the airport waiting for a chartered flight.”
”I messed up…and now I need a favor.”