9. Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Stella
I managed to avoid Noah every time there was a partners’ meeting.
Spring gave way to summer, but I continued to remain a basket case. In fact, I think I was getting worse.
I missed my garden. So, so much. I wanted to drive by the house to see who was living there, but I really didn't want to do that, either. It would hurt too much. When Rose told me it had sold with all its furniture just as is, I had taken my money and refused any further information about the future residents of my beautiful home.
Luna and Aurora tried their best to get me to socialize, but I just couldn't get myself to do much beyond work with others. The one time in months that they'd managed to get me into a bar, Noah had been there with Eden. I saw them kiss and my heart shattered. I stayed home for four consecutive weeks after that, only going to work. I even had all my food and basics delivered.
I was, I knew, clinically depressed. If I could afford it, I'd just stay in bed day after day.
I was even ignoring my father's summons. I didn't owe him any money, so I really didn't have to listen to him any longer. I simply stopped answering the phone when he or his assistant called. I didn't respond to his voicemails. I didn't even hear them or delete them. I just ignored them and him. JR and Gage left messages that I didn't read, either. If it wasn't about work, I was flat out of bandwidth.
Maybe I should move, I thought. I had nothing holding me to Savannah. I'd always wanted to live in San Francisco, maybe I could find a job there. I knew a couple of my old classmates from college were there. I needed to reach out to them, see what the market in the West was like. But that would require me to spruce up my resume, and everyone knew finding a new job was a full-time endeavor. Right now, I was barely able to fulfil the demands of my current professional role.
Nina tried to talk to me—and I gave her the, I'm fine, just busy speech. But sooner than later, they'd see I was sucking at my job, and they'd fire me. I wasn't a partner anymore; I was more dispensable than ever.
I wanted to ask Nina if I was delivering decent-enough work, but I didn't have the courage to hear her tell me she was disappointed in me.
My projects were all running on time, my team was doing their work well despite my not investing my all as I used to. And that made me feel like even more of a failure. Apparently, whether I showed up for work or not, everything at Savannah Lace would be fine. I was utterly dispensable.
I had no value as a lover, daughter, sister, and now employee. Life sucked balls, big time!
It was after the July Fourth weekend, when I'd spent all three days of the long weekend in bed with bags of Oreos and movies like Bridges of Madison County , that drove me to ugly cry, when I knew my time was up. I had declined all Fourth Of July barbecues by lying that I was going to New York to see friends, including the Savannah Lace company event that Nina hosted in her huge backyard, one I had hosted in my garden the previous year. How things had changed.
"Stella, Nina wants you in her office." Nova peeked in to let me know.
"Thanks, Nova." I picked up my notebook and was almost out the door when Nova put a hand on my shoulder.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes," I replied automatically.
When Nova continued to look concerned, I sighed exasperated. "Why do you ask?" Why is everyone asking? What the fuck was going on?
"Now, don't take this the wrong way, hon, but you always wear makeup, and you don’t have anythin' on, and haven't for days."
Yeah, so the way my mornings were going, I just didn't have the energy or desire to slap stuff on my face to make it look better . I looked down at what I was wearing and was relieved to see I had paired a black sheath dress with ballet flats, which were the same color. Hallelujah! A couple of weeks ago, I had come to work in one brown and one beige shoe. I hadn't bothered to go home and change, just stayed in my office all day.
"Do I look that terrible?" I asked, not particularly interested in the answer. Who gave a flying fuck how I looked? Why the hell did it matter? I'd taken such care of myself when I was seeing Noah, especially that last night, and what had that gotten me? Flawlessly made-up face for a sex video. That's what it had gotten me. Well, the world could go fuck itself now.
"You always look beautiful, Stella." Nova flushed contritely.
"Right." I knew how I looked; I'd seen it minutes ago when I was in the restroom washing my hands. I had dark circles around my eyes. I was pale. My lips were dry. I looked washed out. "Partied too hard last night," I lied in explanation.
Nova didn't believe me, but I didn't bother convincing her. I felt adrift. I'd lost everything—and my heart hurt. It was difficult to think about mascara when your life was a shambles.
Nina's office door was open. However, I still knocked on the glass. My boss and friend smiled when she saw me.
"Close it behind you," Nina requested, and I did so.
I sat down on a chair and put my notebook on the desk, ready to take notes.
"How are you?" Nina asked.
"Good," I murmured, staring at my notebook like my life depended upon it. She was going to tell me that my work was subpar. I just knew it.
"I wanted to thank you for the amazing work you did on the Miami Beach Rhodes Hotel project," she began.
Startled, I looked up at her, wondering if she was messing with me.
"Gabe has been singing your praises to one and all, which is why we had an amazing project come our way."
I licked my lips and waited.
I wondered if Gabe was being nice to me because Aurora asked him to. That must be it. Luna and Aurora were worried about me. Nova was worried about me. I wish they'd stop. I just needed some time to wallow, and eventually, I knew I'd come out of it. This wasn't the first time I'd fallen into depression.
"The chairman of the Savannah Art and Heritage Museum approached us. They have funding to build a botanical garden, and want you to work on it."
Nina was excited, and I knew my tepid, Oh wow , response wasn't what she was expecting. This was a big project that would raise Savannah Lace's profile as a design and architecture firm, which we were still building. Well, not me. I wasn't part owner any longer. I was merely an employee. I didn't know why it continued to hurt so much, but it did.
Get over it, Stell. There is no profit in feeling pain. Move the fuck on!
"The museum bought up all the land around the museum and want it be a botanical garden that will serve as a living exhibit, extending the cultural and historical exploration outdoors," Nina was gushing now. " And they want you . I'm so proud of you, Stella. Of all that you have achieved."
I wanted to feel her words, but it was like I was living in a fog. Nothing was piercing through. I just nodded blandly, thinking about the museum. It was in the historic district of Savannah, near the river, known for its beautifully preserved architecture, cobblestone streets, and lush squares.
The museum itself was housed in a beautifully restored building that reflected Savannah's iconic antebellum architecture. It used to be a cotton warehouse that had been painstakingly renovated. The interior blended original architectural elements like hardwood floors, grand staircases, and high ceilings, with modern amenities.
"Who's the chairman of the museum board?" I asked absently.
"Birdie Rutledge," Nina informed me.
I took a note of that. Yeah, so this wasn't making much sense. Birdie was friends with Whitney, no way she was asking for me. She was also Eden, Noah's current girlfriend's mother.
"Was she asking for me, or were you suggesting me?" I closed my notebook and leaned back.
"Actually, it was Silas who insisted it was you . He's the one sponsoring the botanical garden."
I didn't know Silas Rutledge, who was Eden’s older brother, well. He was an acquaintance like so many from the Savannah society set.
"And Birdie is okay with that?" I felt numb. I realized I wanted to quit my job. I was exhausted from constantly questioning if I was walking into a trap set by someone trying to screw me over, just like my father, stepmother, half-brother, Noah... and who knows who else.
"Birdie is not calling the shots on this." Nina tapped my notebook, the one I was staring at, with a painted nail. "What's going on with you?"
I shrugged. "Nothing."
"Is it because of the partnership? You know I tried to keep you on but it wasn't possible. You helped me start this company. You're the lifeblood of—"
"I'm fine, Nina, really ." I knew no one was believing my lies, but then, I wasn't putting much effort into them. I didn't care whether anyone believed me or not. I just wanted to be left alone.
"Are you on board for this project, or do you want someone from your team to work on it?" she asked, her tone going from personal to business.
My team was working at 150%, so I knew no one had the bandwidth to take this on. We were a small team of five, and we were always stretched. Hell, I had three projects, so adding a fourth one would mean even less sleep. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. It wasn't like I was sleeping much, anyway.
"I will run this project."
"You don't look okay, Stella," Nina said sadly. "I wish you'd talk to me."
"Is it because I'm not wearing makeup?" I demanded softly. "I don't feel like it. My skin needs a break." I need a break. Everything inside me needs to rest, recuperate, disappear.
"It's got nothing to do with that, and you hardly ever wear much. It's what's happening, what I can see. Stella, we're friends, darlin'. You can tell me—"
She stopped when Nova knocked on the door, opening it. "Nina, your one o'clock is here."
I got up. "Should I book a meeting with Silas?"
"Nova will set that up for you." Nina rose as well. I clutched my notebook to my chest, looking down at the floor as I made my feet move fast so I could get out of Nina's office and away from her scrutiny.
I was stopped short right outside her door. I smelled him before I bumped into him.
"Sorry," I muttered.
His hands were on my shoulders. "No problem. Are you okay?"
I looked up at him and said what I'd been saying to everyone for the past many weeks when they asked that question, which I fucking hated with a passion. "Yes."
I stepped away from him, and walked back to my office. Nova fell into step next to me.
"Silas can meet you around two today. I checked; your calendar is open. Will that work for you?" Nova asked.
"That's fast."
Nova grinned. "He was coming over to meet Nina, but she had to cancel, so he asked if you were free."
"Sounds good. Thanks, Nova."
Before she could, once again, tell me how I could talk to her the way everyone was saying I could to them, I went into my office, and shut the door behind me.