29. Chapter 29
Chapter 29
Stella
N eveah had said that the way back to normalcy for her had been to take one step after the other toward the future. Noah may or may not be mine, but I needed to shed this pain, anger, sorrow, and broken heart to move forward.
"One date to start with," I agreed.
Noah looked like a kid in a candy store—his smile was so wide. He kissed my hands. "Thank you."
When we went to bed, he got in with me as he had been the past few nights since my mini nervous breakdown. We didn't talk about it. We just did it because I didn't want to think about what it meant that I slept well when he held me; when he didn't, nightmares swarmed.
Thanks to sleep-filled, peaceful nights, I was feeling more like myself at work as well. I was not wondering when Nina would fire me for being incompetent. I was starting to enjoy my projects again, not just following rote procedures.
According to my therapist, good sleep was necessary for mental healing. I asked her if I was stupid for sleeping with Noah every night, and like a good therapist, she told me I was taking care of myself—and that's all that mattered. Once I was past the crisis, I could start to evaluate my choices. For now, there was no judgment. Yeah, maybe not from her , but I was hard on myself, struggling with who I had become, because I didn't know this new strangely strong and yet weak Stella.
"Have I changed a lot?" I wondered.
"You're the same," Luna murmured. "I don't know why you think you're not."
Aurora, Luna, and I came to Gallery Espresso after work. It was a cozy, Bohemian Cafe known for its eclectic art and worn-in sofas that invited long talks over steaming mugs of coffee.
The café was bustling with the usual crowd of artists and students, the air rich with the scent of roasted coffee beans and pastries. We found a quiet corner under a canopy of fairy lights and hanging plants.
"I feel different," I admitted. "I feel…less like a doormat, so that's a positive. I also feel like the world is full of terrible people, which I think is a negative."
"Well, the one big change is you opening up to us." Aurora squeezed my hand. "I'm honored."
"I'm not," Luna muttered. "I've been waitin' for this for years, bitch."
I smiled as I drank my latte.
"I feel like the video and our engagement are slowly leaving the front page of the gossip environment. Before you hear from Nina, I want you to know I'm leaving Savannah at the end of the year. Right after Christmas. I'm going to San Francisco. I got a job there, pays like half of what I make here…but—"
"Why the fuck are you leavin' Savannah?" Luna demanded. "If there's someone who should leave, it's Noah fucking Carter."
"Is it Noah you're running from or Savannah?" Aurora wondered.
"Noah wants us to date, try again. It's like he's two people—the one who used me as a pawn against my father, and the one who, somewhere along the way, genuinely fell for me." I sipped my coffee, the bitterness of the drink aptly mirroring my feelings. "He says he's not the same man…he doesn't care about revenge anymore. Can someone really change that much? Or am I just seeing what I want to see?"
Aurora, who had become a romantic since she married Gabe Rhodes, insisted, "People grow, Stella. Maybe his feelings for you were the push he needed to become someone better."
Luna raised a hand. "Oh, please, Aurora, you're always wanting to see the best in people."
"If I hadn't given Gabriel a second chance, then I wouldn't be living this amazing life," she pointed out. "And let's not forget Luna, who went to Gabriel to give him a push to become a better person."
Luna confronted Gabe about how his daughter and ex-wife were sabotaging his relationship with Aurora. He'd heeded her advice, and while Sophia's mother now lived in Nashville, Gabe's daughter, Sophia, and Aurora were closer than ever.
"However," Luna pointed out, "trust needs to be rebuilt. My motto is, do not rush into forgiveness ."
"You didn't answer my question, Stella," Aurora persisted. "Why do you want to leave Savannah?"
"There's too much baggage here."
"Duh! This is Savannah," Luna remarked sarcastically. "We all have baggage, hon."
I pondered Luna's words, twirling my coffee spoon absentmindedly. The warmth of the café seemed to press in around us, muffling the outside world.
"Is it your father, brothers, Noah…what, or rather who, are you trying to get away from?" Aurora tried again.
"Yes to all the above," I confessed. "I just feel like when I'm here, all people want to talk about is my grade-A tits. Apparently, I have them."
"I saw the video, so I agree." Luna winked at me.
"I need a fresh start," I admitted.
"There are no fresh starts," Aurora declared. "Your past informs you, always will. I think, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, you're running away from how you feel about Noah."
She wasn't wrong and, instead of conceding that, I drank some of my coffee.
"When Gabriel and I were having problems, I felt ashamed of myself. He'd been such a jackass, and I was still in love with him. That was a terrible feeling—like I was betraying myself."
"Nailed it." I raised my coffee cup to toast her.
She laughed. "Why do we love men who break our hearts?"
"There's no we there. I don't," Luna countered.
Both Aurora and I rolled our eyes.
"I'm not in love with Dominic Calder," she groaned.
"Of course, not," I said somberly, "you're desperately in lust with him."
"No, I'm not." Luna threw a sugar packet at me.
"He was her first," I teased Luna by telling Aurora. "And she was his first."
"Oh, that's so sweet."
Luna grimaced. "Do you know he's dating Amber Carpenter?"
"She does have bigger tits than yours." I winked at Luna, who glared at me for a moment, and then burst out laughing.
"I think she and Whit have the same plastic surgeon," I added.
That led to more laughter.
I hadn't felt this normal in a long time. I was usually grumbling and angry and, in fact, preferred not to spend time with people. Now, I realized that I was enjoying Luna and Aurora's company.
My therapist had told me that I'd heal and, slowly but steadily, I'd find my way back to…or move forward to an emotionally healthy person. This seemed like a step in that process.
"Sweet," Noah called out to me as soon as I came in through the garage door by the kitchen.
"Yeah."
"You have a visitor." He brushed his lips against mine in greeting, like we were a real couple. He'd start doing that to say hello and goodbye since I agreed to go on a date with him. He'd asked for Friday night, and I'd told him I couldn't as I had made post-work coffee plans with my girls. So, we were going to the date thing tomorrow. I had a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.
"Who?" I looked around the open-plan kitchen, dining, and living areas.
"It's JR," Noah informed me. "He's out in the gazebo."
I stilled and looked at Noah. "I don't know if I want to see him." I'd managed to stay away from my father, stepmother, and half-siblings since the sham engagement/fundraising event.
"I think you should give him a chance."
"You talked to him?" I asked nervously.
"Yeah. I have a pitcher of mint julep out in the gazebo."
I narrowed my eyes. "You're turning into an honest to God Martha Stewart."
He kissed my nose. "I like your kitchen."
"I think it's actually yours," I snapped, not sure why the 'your' remark generated such an extreme reaction.
"I would like for it to be ours ."
He didn't lose his temper when I stuck him with a barb or two, which I did all the time. It wasn't fair to him. Sure, he'd done a horrible thing, but he'd apologized in a million ways. If I couldn't forgive him, it was on me to walk away from him. It wasn't humane to keep poking at him, reminding him that he'd committed sins against me. By constantly demanding an apology, I was hurting him for hurting me—and it made me no better than the Noah who'd used me to humiliate my father.
I put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's see how the date tomorrow goes."
I saw the shock he felt at my words and saw, to my pleasure, his face suffused with joy.
"You want me to come with you?" he asked as I looked out at the garden in twilight, where JR was waiting for me.
"No…I don’t know."
"If you feel comfortable with him, ask him to stay for dinner. We're having she-crab soup."
"Like I said, a regular Nathalie Dupree."
"I thought it was Martha before."
"That was before you went all Southern with your menu."