Chapter 14 #2
She lifted her head, steadying herself. He stared down at her, his eyes soft and searching hers. With their faces inches apart, moonlight cast dancing shadows across his features, mirroring the turmoil bubbling in her.
He tilted her chin up to him. A second later, their lips met. His kiss sent her heart thudding against her ribs like it had when they’d first kissed in her teens.
She reached for his face when the weight of her ring tugged her back to her reality. She pulled away, her stomach twisting into a knot.
Her eyes went wide as she pressed a hand against his chest to shove him further away. “Luke…”
“Julia…” He reached for the hand that held him away from her, lacing his fingers through hers.
“Luke, I can’t.”
His brow furrowed as he tilted his head. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m married. I shouldn’t even be here. I just…” Her features pinched as she tried to excuse her behavior.
He refused to let her go even as she tried to wriggle away. “Just, what, Julia?”
“It’s been…confusing, and overwhelming.” Her voice quivered as the boat swayed under them and tears filled her eyes again.
“Why, Julia? Please tell me.”
Her gaze fell to the ring on her finger as she refused to look at him. She couldn’t explain any of this, not even to herself. “I can’t. Please, Luke, let’s just go back.”
“No,” he said with a shake of his head as she freed herself from his embrace. She clutched the railing again with a gasp.
“What do you mean no?”
“We've been dancing around this since you’ve been back in town, and I think we need to have this conversation.”
“There’s no conversation to have, Luke. I’m married. My husband is sleeping in our rented house right now with no idea that I’m reliving old memories with my former fiancé. This is…wrong. I made a mistake.”
“Then or now?” Luke asked, his voice laced with a pain that tugged at her heart as his eyes searched hers, a mix of confusion and hurt swirling in them.
She snapped her gaze to him, the question confusing her. “What?”
“Did you make the mistake when you married him or coming out with me now?” Luke asked.
Her features fell as she shook her head. “I’m married,” she repeated.
Luke heaved a sigh as he set his hands on his hips. “But not really, right?”
Her brows furrowed as she tightened her grip on the railing.
“Ally told me. This is…some sort of contract? You married him to…help his image?”
She closed her eyes. So, her sister had told him. At least she couldn’t fault him for the kiss. He wasn’t asking her to cheat, he was searching for her true feelings or trying to reignite the spark between them.
Her head slowly bobbed up and down. “Yeah. It’s true.”
“Julia…” He shook his head and flicked his gaze to the horizon. “Why?”
She uttered the only words she could. “I don’t know.”
“Please tell me you weren’t that desperate to get away from me that you married another man just to stay away.”
Was she? Was that why she’d said yes that fateful night or had there been something else? Some other spark that had led her to fall for this man? And was that spark enough to walk away from Luke again?
As the chill of the night air brushed over her again, she realized this wasn’t about the kiss.
It was about the torrent of emotions Luke’s touch had unleashed.
Memories of them intertwined with the life she’d built with Grant.
Was she clinging to a past that had long since slipped away, or was she afraid to face a present that felt more and more like a well-orchestrated lie?
“We used to plan our future on these sails, Julia? That seems like a lifetime ago now, but it still means something to me. Does it mean anything to you?”
Silence stretched between them, broken only by the water slapping against the boat’s side.
“Look, it doesn’t matter,” he said, sliding an arm around her shoulders. “This doesn’t matter, right? Your marriage…it’s not real. This isn’t cheating.”
She blew out a long breath. “We agreed no extramarital affairs.”
He nodded, his lips tugging into a frown. “Okay, so then we just wait it out right? Eight months, right?”
She glanced up at him, searching his features as she processed the offer. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking, Julia. If this is just some kind of temporary thing, that’s all I need to hear.”
She shifted her gaze back to the sea, her features scrunching.
He rubbed her shoulders. “All right, you know what? I think you’re not ready for this conversation. I think you need some sleep. Why don’t you head down and try to sleep? You always had an easy time falling asleep on the boat.”
She wanted to say so many things to him, but she didn’t have the strength. She wanted to give him a decision or at least an explanation, but she couldn’t.
“I’m sorry, Luke.”
“Don’t be sorry, Julia. I just…I want you to be happy.”
She sucked in a deep breath as she squeezed his hand before she shuffled to the cabin, disappearing below the deck.
Tears filled her eyes again as she curled on the bed, the sound of the waves gently lapping against the hull soothed her. She clutched the sheets, twisting them in a fist as she tried to sort through her feelings.
The waves rolled the boat gently, mirroring the roiling turbulence in her heart. The vast sea surrounding them seemed like a metaphor for the distance she felt from everything–from Luke, from Grant, from the woman she used to be.
She’d pushed Luke away, and she hadn’t asked him to wait for her. What did that mean? Had she come here because of a lingering love, or was the comfort of the past tugging her backward? And what about Grant? Was her loyalty to him born of a sense of duty or more?
She closed her eyes as her mind pieced together her thoughts. She had a sinking feeling of what it meant, but she couldn’t admit it. Not even to herself. Not yet.
Instead, she let her shoulders relax and her eyes slid closed, drifting off to sleep.