Chapter 21
21
JAYDEN
One Year Ago
“What the fuck?” Cole sucks in a breath, seeing Pat trussed up and tied to a chair in the garage. I told Cole I wanted to use his cabin for a few days, but not for this. I park and glance over at Cole. I’ve been torturing Pat for the past few days, but it hasn’t been enough. It’ll never be enough.
“Jayden?” For a second, anguish flashes in Cole’s eyes as he looks at Pat, sitting bound and gagged, naked in the cold.
Pain runs through me again. I could have prevented this anguish. If only I had done more as a kid. If only I didn’t lock up like a stone as soon as I saw Pat’s eyes drift over Cole. I did what I thought was enough, but it wasn’t. I thought this could make up for it. But clearly, it’s just hurting him again.
“Sorry, you can go. I’ll kill him today, and it’ll be over.”
“Jayden.” Cole’s eyes are locked on Pat. “I think you’ve lost it.”
I wince.
A smile curves across Cole’s face.
“We can go.”
“No.” Cole slips out of the car and slams the door. I follow. Within the last year, I’ve killed someone on the job, quit that job, and dumped my long-time girlfriend. I’m sure some would say that I’ve lost it. But I think I’ve just started living.
Cole strides into the garage, as usual, unafraid to commit. Cole circles Pat, eyeing him up and down. I’ve tried to keep the injuries insignificant. He has no more fingernails or toenails. I ate a few in front of him before he passed out.
“Hey there, stepdaddy,” Cole laughs. “Looking cold. Jayden been treating you well?”
Pat moans. Cole stalks around him, grinning. He looks angry and alive.
For a second, I feel lighter. Cole is happy. I gave him this. The happiness doesn’t last long, though.
Cole spends a few hours with Pat. He cuts his eyelids, foreskin, lips, and asshole off, using that pearl-handled knife he’s so fond of. Cole stops every time Pat passes out and only starts again when he’s back. He doesn’t hesitate at all. In fact, he’s a bit manic about it.
The more angry Cole gets, the more crippling guilt I feel. My best friend is here, and he shouldn’t be. And it’s all because of me.
I’ll never be able to make this up to him, even if I spend my whole life trying.