Chapter 22
22
JAYDEN
Present Day
My gaze locks on Cole’s thigh as he leaves the car. There’s a dark patch, and it looks like…blood. Warning bells immediately ring in my head. He’s hurt. Why didn’t he say anything?
I quickly finish my ties on Jo, making sure nothing is too tight. The rope between her legs now sits on her bare pussy, thanks to Cole’s work. I secure Jo to the car so she can’t run anymore and take off after Cole.
I find him pacing in the darkness, about ten feet from the car.
“Leave me alone, Jayden.” Cole waves me off.
I move to see his leg. “You’re hurt.” There isn’t a lot of blood, but it’s enough. Did he get shot and not tell me when the cop fired rounds?
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” I grip Cole’s shoulder and whirl him around to face me. His eyes are wild.
“Jay! I swear if you don’t fuck all the way off!” Cole jerks out of my grip and turns as if he’s trying to hide something from me.
“What in the fuck is going on, Cole?”
Cole runs both hands through his hair, making it stand straight up. He laughs maniacally. Real fear floods me.
Something is wrong.
Cole looks around like he’s looking for routes to run from me.
I dart forward, slamming Cole back into a tree.
“What the fuck?”
I ignore him. He got hurt, and he didn’t tell me. I grip his pants and rip them down to see the injury. Cole throws me off in a second, but it’s all I need.
There are two deep, clean cuts on the top of his thigh.
My world slows down. That’s not a gunshot wound. It looks like slices.
Oh fuck. Is Cole cutting himself? Again?
“Don’t give me that look, Jay.”
I snap my gaze up to his. “What are you doing, Cole?”
He yanks his pants up, and his eyes narrow on mine. “Don’t judge me. We all deal with things differently.”
“Things?” Failure and anger course through me. I’ve tried so hard to protect him. Spent my senior year fighting anyone who looked at him wrong and almost got expelled for it. Now, I brought this woman into his life who has wrecked him more than I’ve ever seen anyone wreck him.
“None of your business, Jayden,” he snaps. “I’m not a kid anymore; you don’t have to look after me like one.”
Rage clouds my vision. I won’t let him self-destruct like this. “Give me the damn knife.”
“Fuck you.” Cole laughs. It’s unhinged. This isn’t Cole. I’ve never seen him this unraveled. Except when we were kids. Except for with Pat.
A sharp pain travels through my chest. I have to deal with this.
I take a step toward Cole. “If you don’t give the knife to me, I’ll take it from you.”
Cole takes a step back, laughing bitterly. “Like I said, fuck you, Jayden.”
I eye him. He doesn’t know what’s good for him. He needs sleep. How long has he been awake? At least a day and a half, minus a small nap.
Cole moves with me every time I move, watching me closely, muscles tense.
He can’t make good decisions, so I’ll make them for him. “Don’t make me fight you, Cole. You’re not in your right mind.”
Cole spits onto the ground. “Just because I cut doesn’t make me crazy, Jayden. Stop being a fucking cunt.”
If he won’t take care of himself, I’ll do it for him. I walk calmly toward him. I act confident, but I’m not. I spent high school fighting, but Cole spent it wrestling. I know the only way I can win this is if I fight dirty. And I don’t want to hurt him.
“I’ll give it back once you’ve had some sleep.” I won’t.
Cole shakes his head.
There’s a slight noise from the car, and Cole turns slightly to glance at it.
I strike. I throw a quick, light blow to his head. Cole doesn’t duck in time, and it glances off the side of his face. I sweep his legs out from under him, and I’m on top of him in a flash.
“Jesus,” Cole immediately closes the distance between us, gripping one of my arms to flip us. I swoop my arm out of his hold, but he has my opposite leg wrapped just as quickly. Cole bucks both of us up, and before I realize it, my other arm is trapped under his, and he’s flipping us so I’m underneath him. Cole presses all his weight into me, pinning me to the hard ground. I try to free my hand to reach into his pocket to get the knife.
“By all means, keep fighting me, Jayden.” Cole sounds bored. “It hurts. I like it.”
I stop.
Cole shakes his head in disgust. “You’re fucked up, you know that? Stop trying to help me and focus on yourself.”
I grit my teeth. I don’t matter.
“See? That right there.” Cole pushes off me, dusting off his hands and standing. “You can’t make up for the past, Jayden.”
I push up, glaring at him.
Cole gives me a frustrated look. “Pat got me too, Jay. I had a shitty mom. That’s my burden to bear. I’m sorry, but stop trying to fix me.” He turns around and stalks back to the car.
Fuck. The words hit me in the chest. We’ve only openly talked about it once. The day he told me about it at the beginning of my senior year. It rips open an old scab between us.
I watch Cole yank the car door open and climb in.
Feelings. Too many feelings swirl in my head.
I don’t need to fix myself. I just need to stop feeling. That will fix everything. The more I feel, the more the people I care about get hurt. And I can’t have that.
I can’t feel. I can’t be soft.