Chapter 32
32
JO
When Cole said he was going to get us some more food, I threw on a pair of his sweatpants and followed him. I walked in on Cole hauling Jayden off some old man. There’s blood all over the man, who must be Ralph, and Jayden is seething.
I’m stuck, taking in all the blood, unsure if I should join in or run.
“Let’s go.” Cole shoves a bleeding Ralph in my direction. Jayden also turns, and when he locks eyes with me, his dark eyes are alive, angry, and haunted. I immediately take a step back.
“What are you looking at?” Jayden snarls.
I jump. What the hell just happened in the few minutes he’s been gone?
“Go,” Jayden growls.
I dart back to our room, skirting along the back of the couch.
The men follow, shoving Ralph in before them and slamming the door.
I try to blend in with the furniture.
Jayden locks eyes with me. “Where’s your collar, kitten?”
What? I glance at the other two. Ralph is looking as lost as I feel. What the hell is going on?
Jayden strides up to me, and I try to dart backward, but he snatches me up by the neck. He snarls through clenched teeth, “Don’t make me ask again.”
“I don’t know! In the car?” I try to claw Jayden’s hand off my throat, but he doesn’t let me go. Instead, he watches me struggle, eyes lighting up when I can’t budge his grip.
“Knees,” Jayden demands, then jerks me to the ground. “Or did you forget your place, slut?”
My knees hit the floor with a harsh crack.
“Cock-hungry whores belong in one place: at my feet.”
Humiliation burns through me.
“Jayden,” Cole says with a note of warning in his tone.
I glare up at Jayden. I hate him. I hate him and his bossy, asshole self. I snarl, “Sure, big man. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.”
Jayden leans down so fast I think we’re going to knock heads. “You think I won’t fuck you right here to teach you a little respect?”
No one talks to me like that, and I see red. “You’ll clearly fuck me anywhere and in front of anyone just to prove a point. Well, guess what? You’re a selfish asshole who only cares about himself.”
Jayden’s eyes flash a second before his hand is around my throat again.
“Jayden!” Cole barks. “Get the fuck over here and help me.”
Jayden glares at me for a second longer before glancing at Cole, who is gripping Ralph by the back of the neck. Jayden looks back at me, giving me a long look. “Don’t fucking move. You hear me? You’ll stay right there.”
I narrow my eyes at him.
Jayden smirks meanly, then gets up.
Ralph backs up, hands in the air, trying to escape from Cole and get out of the room.
“I don’t know what the problem is. I’ll give you guys anything you want,” Ralph sputters.
Jayden stalks over to the bedside and grabs a laptop there. “Couch,” he demands.
Cole shoves Ralph to the couch. Right in front of me.
Yeah, fuck this. I stand, but before I can walk out of the room, Jayden has thrown the laptop down and is gripping me by the hair. Immediately, I turn to fight him. I kick as hard as I can, making contact with his leg, but he doesn’t even flinch.
“Let me go, motherfucker.” I whirl to claw at Jayden’s face, and he simply stiff-arms me away from him. He grabs a decorative bowl of flowers with a gravel base off the coffee table and throws it on the floor. Tiny rocks skitter all over the floor.
“Knees, Jo.”
“Fuck you!”
“It’ll hurt less if you do it yourself,” Jayden warns.
I glance at the small rocks. Jayden has a strong grip on my hair, causing tears to rush to my eyes. I struggle again, and Jayden yanks on my hair so hard that I yelp. Then he shoves me to the ground.
A rock digs into my right knee, shooting pain through me. I suck in a breath and struggle to get off it, but Jayden leans into me. “No. Take your punishment for being such a fucking whore.”
I hiss. The rock hurts, and it’s digging into my skin. I try to put all my weight on my left knee.
“Now.” Jayden glances up at Ralph, who is watching us with huge eyes. “Where were we?”
Ralph trembles.
“Oh, that’s right. You were going to be a good samaritan and help your brother in need.”
Jayden leans into me, forcing more pressure on my knee, and I growl. Cole throws Jayden a harsh look, and Jayden doesn’t respond.
My knee throbs, but it doesn’t take away from my anger. Jayden is barking orders at Ralph, who gets on the computer. I can’t believe I even thought about trying to get close to this monster.
My heart pounds. Jayden leans down, whispering in my ear, “Oh, kitten. Your face is all red. Did you think you could just do anything now that you’ve cozied up to Cole?” He grabs a handful of my hair and yanks my head back. “Tsk, tsk. Silly girl. Silly, vulnerable kitten. You know what I love best?” He leans into my face. “Breaking girls who don’t know how to stop fighting.”
Hatred flashes through me. Why the hell does he have to be so horrible? I blame his harsh grip on my hair for the tears that are pricking my eyes.
I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid. How could I have let my guard down?
“Jayden, enough.” Cole’s voice sounds harsh.
Jayden lets go of my hair, and I face forward, overwhelmed by a rush of anger, shame, and loneliness. Horrifyingly, I want to cry.
Oh fuck. I can’t cry. I can’t do that. My knee throbs, and I lean into it. The pain overwhelms the need to cry just a little.
I’ll never be seen here. All I’m wanted for is something to break, and I’ve been weak to think there could be something else.
The rest of what Jayden does goes by in a blur. At some point, Cole comes over and asks softly if I’m okay. I just nod blankly. He frowns and gets in my face. “Jo,” Cole says in a warning tone.
I can’t look at him. His searching gaze scares the hell out of me. I lean into the bite of pain in my knee. It keeps me grounded.
“I’m gonna kill him,” Cole mutters. He pushes me gently, lifting my knee off the rock. Suddenly, panic runs through me. I need that! Oh fuck, don’t take that from me. I scramble to get it, but Cole leans into me. “You don’t have to sit here, little one. Let us take care of this. Go get a glass of water. I’ll be right there.”
I blink, and my vision is foggy. Oh fuck. I might actually cry after all that effort not to. My face burns, and I scramble to my feet. Jayden is hovering over Ralph, who’s working on the computer, but Jayden’s gaze darts to mine.
“Don’t even think about it,” Cole snaps.
I just need to get anywhere but here. I snatch the keys and my stuff and dart out of the room. I blindly search the house until I find the garage.
And there’s our car. I fumble with the keys until I get it unlocked and sit inside, panting.
I was stupid. This will never work. I was being stupid.
Unwanted feelings overwhelm me. I’ve never been wanted. Not by my parents, not by Kyle, and clearly not by them.
Well, maybe by Cole, but he’s a package deal with Jayden.
My hands tremble. I hate feeling things. I hate being out of control. I need it to stop. I need it to stop so I can think about what to do next.
My eyes drop to the knife I brought with me, and suddenly, all I want to do is feel the bite of the blade across my skin. To feel the relief.
This is the only thing that can help me.
I grab the blade and put the cool metal against my wrist. My hands are shaking. Not because I’m afraid of the cut, but because everything is so stopped up inside me. I just need it out. I need it out .
Carefully, I drag the blade along my skin. The burn of the slice runs through me, and immediately, I feel relief. It feels good. It feels like when I’d pick fights with my dad and would leave bloody. It feels like relief .
Why the hell haven’t I done this sooner? I let my head sag back against the seat.
I just need a minute. A minute to feel nothing but the bite of the blade. Then, I’ll figure out what to do next.