20. Alex
CHAPTER 20
ALEX
A fter Madrid, I was with Connor whenever work schedules allowed, whether at his place or taking off somewhere. That was less than I would’ve liked, unfortunately. I was on call sometimes, and we both worked at least one day every other weekend (which usually lined up with each other). Plus I had to stay in the barracks once every few days for my duty rotation, so there wasn’t much we could do on those nights.
At first, we spent a lot of those nights apart exchanging sporadic texts. Over time, those turned into longer conversations, which didn’t take long to evolve into late night sexting. Sometimes, after I went home from his place, we’d end up FaceTiming until we’d both been up way too late.
Neither of us socialized much with our coworkers, so we were hardly missed at after hours gatherings. We liked the people we worked with, and we wanted to keep our workplaces friendly, but it wasn’t particularly relaxing outside of work. Plus, most of our coworkers either had families, liked to spend their time drinking themselves stupid, or both.
Connor and I…
Well, I thought the way we spent our time together was much more interesting, and he seemed to agree.
It had been a long time since I’d been with someone who was so new to this. Connor had plenty of experience with sex, but sex with a man was still new and novel for him, and I loved letting him explore and experiment. There was something sensual and decadent about lying back and letting someone map out my body with his mouth—from my collarbones to my nipples to my abs to my inner thighs, and then, oh God, the things he did to my dick.
Some guys were intimidated at first by sucking cock, but Connor had dived on in like he’d been hungry for it his whole life. Each night we spent together, he wanted more, and his technique got better and better.
“Holy fuck,” I murmured as he trailed kisses down from my hipbone one night. “God, Connor…”
He nipped the inside of my thigh, then looked up to meet my gaze. “I hope this isn’t boring for you.”
“Boring?” The word burst out of me as a laugh. I gave my very hard dick a pull. “Do I look bored?”
Uncertainty flickered across his expression, but then he grinned, and when the tip of his tongue teased my balls, my whole spine turned to electricity.
“Fuuuck,” I murmured, and squeezed my eyes shut. He thought I was bored? Hell, I worried he’d get bored once the novelty wore off. I was only the second person he’d ever been intimate with; sooner or later, he was going to want to play the field. In the meantime, anything I could do to keep him interested—to keep him hungry for sex with me—I was in. Gazing down at him, I licked my lips. “You said… You said you wanted to try topping, right?”
Connor looked up at me again, and he nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.” One eyebrow rose slightly. “Are you offering?”
I nodded. “Uh-huh.”
He grinned and crawled up to kiss me, and oh, yeah, he was in. He might get bored with me eventually, but he wasn’t there now—not if his greedy, breathless kiss was anything to go by.
When he broke away, his eyes were on fire. “How do, um…” He swallowed. “How do you like it?”
“Any way I can get it.” I ran my palms down his shaking arms. “I really like it from behind. Can’t kiss, but it means you can get all kinds of leverage.”
The whimper that slipped past his lips made my whole body hot.
“What about prep?” he asked.
I half-shrugged. “I don’t need much.”
He searched my eyes, then grinned. “All right. Let me get a condom.”
As he reached for the nightstand, I sat up. “Did you ever do anal before? Topping, I mean?”
Glancing over his shoulder, he asked, “With my ex?”
I nodded.
So did he. “Yeah, she liked it sometimes. So I’ve, um, I know how to prep and go slow and all that.”
“Okay. Okay, good.”
Connor wasn’t kidding when he said he knew how to prep and go slow. He did them both, making out with me as I lay on my back while he was on his side, and he took his sweet fucking time. I didn’t even know if he was trying to be absolutely sure I was ready for him, or if he just enjoyed winding me up. Maybe that was some payback for the first time I’d topped him. Either way, mission accomplished, because I was a pleading, toe-curling wreck by the time he finally relented.
I was trembling as I got up on my hands and knees. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to hold myself up, but I wasn’t worried—the alternative was going all the way down to the mattress and letting him plow me until I couldn’t see straight. Win-win.
Though I was more than ready for him, he still pushed in painfully slowly, and I was almost completely sure it was to tease me this time. The dead giveaway was when I tried to rock back and encourage him deeper, and he gripped my hips tightly as he gave a sexy, evil chuckle.
“You are such a bastard,” I said through my teeth.
“Uh-huh.” He eased in another fraction of a millimeter, because fuck him. “Does that mean you want me to stop?”
“It means I want you to stop fucking around and?—”
Connor slammed into me so hard, my breath lodged in my throat. I almost collapsed onto my forearms, and I was genuinely surprised I didn’t come.
“Oh my God,” I murmured.
“Better?” he asked with a grin in his voice.
I managed something in the ballpark of a yes, and he started pulling out slowly. I closed my eyes, my heart pounding as I waited to find out if I’d be treated to another punishing thrust or glacially slow slide in.
Turned out—both.
He rocked in and out slowly a few times, making me dizzy with need. About the time I’d fallen into that blissfully languid pace, he thrust in so hard it almost hurt. Again. Then one more time for good measure. And… he was back to slow and steady. Deep and hard. Slow and steady. Every time I got used to one speed, he’d switch, and all I could do was moan and beg for more.
Connor ran a hand up my back. “So when you say this position means a lot of leverage,” he whispered. “Does that mean you like it hard?”
“Very.”
The laugh was both soft and wicked, but there was nothing soft about the way he gripped my hips. “Does that mean you want it hard now?”
“Yes. Please.”
Oh, God. He didn’t hold back. At all. One or two hard thrusts was one thing; this was one after the other, relentless, and it was perfect . I braced a hand against the headboard to keep me upright, and Connor pounded into me hard enough it was difficult to draw a breath.
“This—is this too much?” he panted.
“N-no.” I almost choked on my voice. “It’s—Jesus, it’s so good.”
He moaned as if hearing me say that turned him on like nothing else.
“Fuck,” he whispered. “Oh, fuck, this is…” He groaned, digging his fingertips harder into my hips. “Fuck me like this next time?”
The sound I made was somewhere between a moan and a sob. “Anything you want. Yes. I’ll—God, yeah, I’ll fuck you like this.”
He gave it to me even harder, turning my vision white, and I cried out all kinds of things I didn’t even understand. I thought he shouted something too. Maybe that was me? Fuck if I knew. All I knew was how good this felt. How perfectly he pounded into me, driving me toward oblivion with every thrust.
“I’m gonna come,” I whined. “I’m?—”
“No,” he gritted out. “Not yet.”
I let my head fall forward. “Connor…”
“Not yet,” he repeated. “I’m gonna come, and then I’m gonna blow you.”
“Fuuuck.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “That’s… That’s not helping me not come.”
“You can hold back.” He slammed into me harder. “I want you to come down my throat.”
I had no idea what I said after that. Something that was a mix of weak protest and white-hot arousal. I needed to come so damn bad, and every time he thrust his dick home, I inched closer and closer, but if he was that eager to suck me off… God, yeah, I wanted that.
“Connor. Please. I’m so damn close. I’m so?—”
Right then, he pulled my ass flush against his hips, and he roared as he came inside me. His body jerked as if he were trying to push even deeper, and I had no idea how I wasn’t coming too. Self-control, maybe, but I didn’t think I had enough brain cells for anything besides getting railed, so who knew?
Connor pulled out, making us both moan. Then he ran a hand over my hip. “You didn’t come, did you?”
“N-no. Not yet.” I needed to, though. A strong fucking breeze would probably take me over the edge at this point.
“Good. Well, as a wise man has said to me a few times,” he murmured, shakily getting to his feet, “let me get rid of this, and then I’m going to suck your brains out your dick.”
I blinked as I watched him go. Whatever self-assuredness he’d lacked in the beginning, he’d found it. No more nerves. No more uncertainty.
And oh, fuck, when he came back and started going down on me? Yeah, those nerves and uncertainty were a distant memory. Everything he did with his hands and mouth spoke of confidence, and I was a melting, moaning mess. Then he pushed two slick fingers into my ass and bent them just right, and every time I moved my hips, he’d touch my prostate perfectly to make the whole world spin.
“Oh God,” I purred, arching off the bed.
He moaned, which only sent me higher into the stratosphere. Christ, there wasn’t a man alive who couldn’t learn a thing or two from Connor about how to suck dick. Maybe he didn’t have a lot of experience, but his hungry enthusiasm more than made up for it. I’d been with guys who could make me feel good but couldn’t get me off like this.
Connor?
Fucking hell, Connor did not have that problem.
“D-don’t stop,” I pleaded. “Don’t—baby…” I gasped as he picked up speed, and I couldn’t help thrusting into his mouth and fucking myself on his fingers. From the sound he made, he loved it, and he gave me even more. “God, Connor, I’m gonna—I’m coming. Fuck, I’m coming!”
My hips bucked, which only made his fingers drive me on, and he took everything I gave him with a low moan of pleasure.
When he finally relented, I sank back to the bed, gulping in air and shaking all over, my toes still curling from the intensity. “Oh my God…”
Connor was beside me now, his hot body pressed up against mine and his lips curved into a grin. “I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I love sucking you off.”
I licked my own lips. “I was, uh… I was getting that impression, yeah.” I drew him down to kiss me, my spine tingling as I tasted myself on his talented tongue. After a long, decadent kiss, I met his gaze again. “I’ve been with some guys who are giving head for the first time, and they’re kind of hesitant and nervous. But not you. Not the first time, and definitely not this time.”
Connor grinned. “Before I met you, I’d been wanting to try it for years . First time I got your dick in my mouth, I was ready to make up for a lot of lost time.” He somehow managed to sound both shy and smug as he added, “Still doing that, I guess.”
I squirmed against him. “Well, any time you feel compelled to make up for some of that lost time”—I gestured at my cock—“you know what to do.”
His laughter gave me goose bumps. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Please do.” I ran my hand up his chest. “So did you not know you were into guys before you got married? Or did you just never get around to experimenting?”
“I…” He furrowed his brow and his eyes lost focus. “I mean, looking back, I think the signs were there. But consciously?” He shook his head. “No, I didn’t know. Not until I’d been married… three or four years, I think.”
“Does your ex-wife know?”
“Oh, yeah.” He waved a hand. “It’s kind of funny how it came out, actually. We were out one night with friends—one of those times we actually sprang for a babysitter—and we’d been drinking. She pointed some guy out—one of the bartenders, I think—and said he was hot. That she’d totally do him.”
My lips parted. “Really? Was she trying to provoke you or something?”
“No, no. She was just drunk. I can say a lot of things about my ex-wife, but she wasn’t like that.” He laughed with a note of fondness. “She just hadn’t had a drink in a while, kind of forgot her tolerance had come down, and she was just feeling absolutely no pain that night.”
I laughed. “Okay, yeah, that sounds about right.”
“Exactly. Anyway, so she’s all, ‘He’s hot—I’d blow him.’ And I—also drunker than I’d been in a while—said, ‘Fuck, me too.’”
“Really?”
He nodded as some color rose in his cheeks. “Like I said—drunk as hell. The next morning, while we were trying not to die from our hangovers, she gave me this kind of sidelong look and asked, ‘Did you mean it when you said you’d blow that bartender?’ I said, ‘Did you?’ She thought about it for a sec, then shrugged and said it would make for a hell of a threesome. Later on, when we were both ourselves again, she came at it a bit more seriously. She asked if it had just been a stupid thing I’d said when I was drunk, or if the alcohol had dissolved my filter enough to let some truth slip out.”
I tensed. “What was your answer? And what was her reaction?”
He half-shrugged. “I told her the truth—I’d realized a while ago that I thought guys were attractive, and I was starting to think I was bi. She said if I’d just told her out of the blue, she might’ve been upset—like she might’ve thought I’d been hiding it from her or whatever—but the hangover and all that had given her some time to digest it. And by the time we actually talked about it, she’d decided it probably wasn’t that big of a deal as long as I wasn’t going to cheat on her.”
“Which you weren’t?”
“Never,” he said quickly. “And in fact it was her idea for me to give it a try. Being with a man, I mean.”
“Whoa, seriously?”
“Mmhmm. It never really materialized, though. I mean, we tried? We did the open relationship thing at one point. Swinging, actually.”
I raised my eyebrows. “No shit?”
“I know, right?” He chuckled softly. “That… didn’t last long. We never even got into bed with anyone.”
“Never?”
“Nope. The thing is, we found out almost immediately the most couples in that lifestyle are straight men with either bi or straight women. A lot of them are looking for bi women, but if they find out the guy is bi?” He shook his head. “They won’t give you the time of day. Not even if the bi guy is totally fine focusing on the women.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh my God. Insecure much?”
“Mmhmm. The straight guys don’t feel comfortable getting naked in the same room as a queer guy. And anyway, before we even got to the point of playing with anyone, I started talking to some bi women who really hated unicorn hunters.”
I tilted my head. “Those are… people looking for a bi woman for threesomes, right?”
“Yep. And I realized that was kind of what we were doing, just with men. So I didn’t want to be that guy, you know? Plus I think the more we dipped our toes in, the more Aimee figured out she’s just not wired for that. Especially since it’s usually two couples swapping partners and having sex in the same room.” He grimaced. “She’s really self-conscious about her body after having the kids, especially the emergency C-section with Landon, and I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable, you know?”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. So you didn’t get into it, then?”
“No. Right around that time, we also talked to someone in the lifestyle who warned us to be careful with swinging or even open relationships and the military.”
“What?” I cocked my head. “Why?”
“Adultery.”
“The fuck?” I scoffed. “How is it adultery if—wait, it’s still adultery if everyone’s consenting?”
“According to the UCMJ, yes.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s stupid that it’s a criminal offense to begin with, but if it’s consensual? Fuck that noise.”
“Right? It’s none of the military’s goddamned business, but I mean”—he gave a bitter laugh—“when has that ever stopped them?”
I grunted. “No kidding.” As I thought about that, my heart sank a little. “That goes for us too, you know. Are you sure you’re still onboard with what we’re doing? It’s not criminal, but the Article 134 isn’t fun either.”
I instantly hated myself for even bringing it up.
Way to go, Alex. Give him a reason to lock the door behind me when I leave and never do this again.
Connor clasped our hands together and kissed the back of mine. “I’m still onboard. I think Aimee and I were kind of spooked about the whole non-monogamy thing, so potential adultery charges were just a tipping point to make us nix it. What we’re doing, though—I’m in.”
I had no business being this relieved, but I was.
He must’ve seen my lingering concern because he slid closer and kissed me softly. “We’ll be fine. If you’re not comfortable with it, I’ll understand, but I know the risk, and I know we’re taking every commonsense precaution we can.” He brushed his lips over mine again. “I’m still in if you are.”
“I’m still in.” I gently freed my hand and curved it behind his head. “Especially if you’re going to fuck me like that again.”
Connor’s laugh was a warm gust across my lips. “Any time you want.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.”
“Please do.”