36. Alex
CHAPTER 36
ALEX
T he hits just kept coming, didn’t they?
First there was the bullshit with Tobias. Now Connor wanted to meet someplace besides his house. Not just someplace else, either—out in Cádiz, at the tiny island fortress that was a long walk down a narrow levee out into the open water. There would be next to no one out there, and even fewer who’d care about us.
I dreaded meeting him, because my gut told me this couldn’t be anything good. This wasn’t just a case of cabin fever and him wanting us to get out of the house for a bit. I could feel it in my damn bones.
But what else could I do except agree to meet him and hope for the best?
So, a couple of hours after my shift, I walked onto the passenger ferry from Rota to Cádiz. From the pier where we were let off, it would’ve been about a thirty-minute hike, so I grabbed a taxi to the other side of the small peninsula.
The cab dropped me off by the beach, and I started the fifteen-minute walk along the levee toward the small island fort. The stonework was pale gray and brown, and even with my sunglasses on, I had to squint as the late afternoon sun beat on every surface.
The stone structure at the end of the levee was Castillo de San Sebastián, which if memory served, was three or four hundred years old. I couldn’t remember which historical era it was from, and I was too wound up to stop and read any of the placards. And anyway, I had someone waiting for me.
I pushed out a ragged, nervous breath. What was this about? We’d spent the morning flirting via text before my day had gotten chaotic, and then this afternoon, he’d suddenly changed his tune. I’d had a fleeting glimmer of hope that he wanted to get dinner or something. Maybe something touristy? Going out as a couple, even while we could still see Rota in the hazy distance from Cádiz?
But when we’d gone back and forth to figure out where to meet, he’d suggested the Castillo.
My heart sank as I walked along the levee. There was a weird optical illusion that had tripped me up the first time I’d come out here—the farther you walked, the longer the levee seemed to stretch and the farther the island seemed to be in the distance.
Connor was out there. Waiting for me. He’d texted a few minutes ago to say he was there.
But what was going to happen when I got there? When we met up inside the walls of the tiny fortress where almost no one would be able to see us?
That sinking feeling worsened.
This was it, wasn’t it? He was ending things. It was over.
Out in public enough that I wouldn’t make a scene, but far enough away from Rota and Sanlúcar that no one would care anyway? Well, at least he hadn’t waited until we were on one of our trips or something. That would suck ass, taking a train clear out to Toledo or Barcelona or wherever just to get dumped. Just doing the walk of shame out of Cádiz would be humiliating enough, thank you.
Eventually, the optical illusion waned, and the Castillo actually got closer. There was a small walled-in area before another walk would take me to the larger fortress where the lighthouse stood.
I didn’t have to go that far, though. I found Connor leaning against the stone wall, gazing out at the Atlantic. He didn’t notice me right away, so I paused for a second just to memorize the sight of him. I was tempted to whip out my phone and snap a photo, but that would be a little weird if he turned around just then.
My memory would have to do. As if I could ever forget this gorgeous man, the wind ruffling his dark hair, shorts, and T-shirt.
My throat tightened. I was about to lose him, wasn’t I? I was completely, stupidly, irretrievably in love with him, but that didn’t matter, did it?
Right then, he turned, and even his sunglasses couldn’t mask the apprehension in his expression.
Fuck me.
This is about to be over, and I never even got to tell you I love you.
I called on the same poker face I’d maintained while facing off with Tobias, and I plastered on a smile as I closed the last bit of distance to Connor. I swallowed hard, and when I spoke, I tried to keep my voice casual, as if I hadn’t clocked that there was something off about this meeting. “So, uh, why the change in venue?”
The way his face fell made my heart drop. He rested his palms on the stone wall and stared out at the water with unfocused eyes. “I got called into the Captain Tucker’s office today.”
My stomach flipped. “Oh. Fuck. I… assume it wasn’t anything good.”
He shook his head slowly. “No.” Facing me, he spoke so softly, the wind almost swallowed his voice: “Someone told her you’ve been seen coming and going from my house.”
The panicked feeling I’d had when Tobias had made his accusation had nothing on the oh shit that surged through me just then. “They saw… fuck.”
“Yeah.” He scratched the back of his neck and exhaled. “I told her you were helping me with my Spanish.”
“With your—” I blinked. “Whoa. Way to think on your feet.”
He gave a quiet, threadbare laugh. “She bought it, too, so… there’s that.”
“Good. That’s good.”
“Yeah.” He sobered and met my gaze through his dark lenses. “But she also said we couldn’t be meeting at my house for Spanish. It’s… The UCMJ is…”
“I know,” I whispered. “That’s one of those excuses we can only use once.”
“Exactly.” His shoulders sank. “If we got caught again…”
Goddammit. My eyes stung, and I was grateful for my own sunglasses. I didn’t want him to see me tearing up. He’d probably decide dumping me was an even better idea once he realized what an emotional tool I was about all this.
I cleared my throat. “So I guess we can’t…” I watched my thumb tracing a crack in the stone because I couldn’t look at Connor.
“We’ll have to be a lot more careful,” he said. “Do things a lot differently.”
This time I did look at him. “We—what?”
“If we have to start meeting in shady hotels, then… fine. If we have to start burning through leave and traveling all over Europe… fine.” He took off his sunglasses and looked right in my eyes. “But I’m not giving this up. Not unless you want to.”
I stared at him, disbelieving. “You… Wait, you’re still in? Even if?—”
“Yes,” he whispered. “Yes, I’m in.” He must’ve read my incredulity in my face, because he put his hand over mine on the sun-warmed stone. “It’ll be hard. I’m not pretending it won’t be. But you’re worth it.”
“I… really?”
He laughed softly and touched my face. “Yes. Absolutely.” And right there, out in public—even if we were far from town with almost no one around—he kissed me. Not just a light peck, either. He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me like he fucking meant it.
When he finally came up for air, he was as breathless as I was. “I want this. Everything we’ve been doing. All of it. And not just the sex.” He ran his thumb along my cheekbone. “It’ll be complicated for a while, but it’s worth it.”
I had to work to swallow past the lump in my throat. “How long do you think it’ll be worth it, though?” I didn’t want to talk him out of this, but I also didn’t want to set myself up for heartache. Well, more heartache.
“You’re going to get your retirement rolling soon. In a bit over a year, you’ll be done with the Navy.” He shrugged. “It isn’t like we have to wait very long before we can be out, you know?”
“A… A year isn’t very long?”
His smile warmed me more than the Spanish sun. “Baby, I spent a lot of years that I’m never getting back in an unhappy marriage. A year and a half or so is nothing.” He sobered a little. “And even if it was more than that, I’m still in. I’m not giving this up.”
I couldn’t fucking breathe. Since when did anyone not only take risks for me, but face down the possibility of laying low for any length of time? Especially after our CO had caught enough wind that if we got busted again, we were fucked? Anyone else would’ve taken one look at the situation and said, “Nah, I can just beat off.”
I finally managed to push out a breath and draw another. “I’m in for as long as you want me. I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but…” I thought about it, then half-shrugged. “There are seedy motels and stuff around here. We can make it work.”
Connor’s smile held more relief than I thought anyone could have in the face of realizing they could make it work with me. He drew me in and kissed me again, quickly this time, before murmuring, “We can definitely make it work.” As he pulled back, he added with a chuckle, “And there’s always FaceTime for those nights we can’t be together.”
“That’s true.” I paused, and I cringed as I said, “I, um… I can almost guarantee it was Tobias. The person who ratted us out.”
Connor’s eyebrows rose. “How do you figure?”
I sighed, then told him about my encounter with Tobias.
“Jesus Christ,” Connor muttered, rolling his eyes. “Does this guy have no life at all? No hobbies besides fucking with you?”
I laughed bitterly. “I think he’s just not over the fact that I had the audacity to break up with him.”
“Ugh, I’ve met that type. You’re supposed to stay until he’s done with you, and then he’ll dump you. Not the other way around.”
“Yeah, exactly.”
“One of my ex-wife’s friends was married to someone like that. Getting out was not pretty, let me tell you, and her ex-husband still gives her shit. She sort of joked once that she was tempted to take him back, be a horrible partner, and get him to dump her just so he’d finally ‘win’ and leave her alone.”
I grimaced. “I… hate how much sense that approach actually makes.”
Connor nodded, squeezing my hand. “Yeah. I figured it would. And with the way he acts, I’m not surprised he found out about us. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the one who ratted us out.”
I groaned. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I should’ve known he?—”
“Alex. Don’t.” Connor shook his head. “This isn’t on you. Your ex is a dickhead. We’ll just keep a lower profile so he doesn’t have any reason to go tattling to the captain again.”
I laughed humorlessly. “I’m sure he’ll dream something up.”
“Probably, but let’s not hand him anything.”
I chewed my lip, uneasiness creeping in where relief had set up shop earlier.
“Hey.” Connor drew me in close as if we weren’t out in public. “It’s not on you. And we’ll just be careful going forward. It’s going to be tough for a while. I know it will be.” He touched my face and pressed the softest, gentlest kiss to my lips. “But I’m not giving up on us.”
For all I’d told my young patient earlier that there was no shame in crying, I fought like hell to keep my own emotions under the surface. This thing with Connor still felt tenuous, as if he weren’t willing to give up on us now , but that thread might snap if I showed him what a complete mess I was.
Somehow, I kept my emotions out of my voice. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I whispered, “I’m not giving up on us either.”
He kissed me again, and his lips curved into a grin. “Just, um, let me know if you seek treatment for tennis elbow. If we both show up for it at the same time, people might talk.”
I burst out laughing, which mercifully chased away the threat of tears. “Okay, duly noted.” I brushed my lips across his. “We’ll just have to take another trip soon. So our elbows aren’t doing all the work.”
Connor didn’t say anything.
But his kiss said that we were absolutely on the same page.