37. Connor
CHAPTER 37
CONNOR
I was relieved that Alex and I had figured out a strategy, but I couldn’t lie—this new arrangement was driving me out of my mind.
I enjoyed the sexting and the hot FaceTiming. When we met up two or three times a week in hotels, that was fun as hell, even if it was stressful. And the secretive glances we exchanged whenever we passed in the hall at work—those were sexy.
But I missed everything else. The lazy afternoons in my pool or lounging in the cabana. Curling up with him on the couch to watch a movie (or make out when we were supposed to be watching a movie). Having a beer on the back porch while we watched the sun set over the neighbors’ palm and banana trees.
Most of all, I missed having him beside me in bed. Not just the sex, but the affectionate touches and just… having him there. I hated waking up alone in the morning, and even more than that, I hated waking up alone from a nightmare in the middle of the night. It wasn’t that I enjoyed interrupting his sleep, but there was so much comfort in having him there with me.
I also knew he was still having nightmares, and every time he mentioned a rough night, I really felt the distance between his apartment and my house. I wanted to be there, holding him and stroking his hair until he stopped shaking and we both went back to sleep.
And I couldn’t lie—I missed the sex, too. Having him for a couple of hours in a hotel two or three times a week just didn’t cut it. All the sexting and fooling around on FaceTime helped, but it also just made me want him more. Every time I watched him onscreen using a toy on himself, I ached to take its place. I wanted to be the one stretching him open and moving inside him. I wanted to come in him—his mouth, his ass, I didn’t care—instead of all over my hand and stomach.
Every single time, my need for an orgasm was satisfied, but my need for Alex was even more intense than before. If I didn’t get my hands and mouth on him soon—and for more than a hurried rendezvous in a sleazy hotel—I was going to lose my damn mind. Those meetups scratched the itch, but much like watching him play with himself, they only made me want him more. They made me intensely aware of every second we didn’t spend together.
Tonight, we were in a hilariously dumpy hotel on the outskirts of Jerez de la Frontera. The décor was decades out of date, there was a weird smell I couldn’t put my finger on, and one of the lights buzzed like a pissed-off mosquito.
I didn’t care, because I was tangled up with Alex, holding him close and kissing him lazily as we basked in the afterglow of our orgasms. Eyes closed, I ran my palms all over his amazing body, just memorizing all the planes and contours as if I’d never touched him before. I was mesmerized by this closeness and this intimacy with him. Every time his fingertips trailed across my skin or his lower lip dragged across mine, something in me melted. He turned me on, but this went so much deeper than that.
How did I land this incredible man? How did I get so lucky?
No idea, but I had, and I savored every breath and touch as if this was the one and only chance I’d ever had. Just like I had the first time we’d tumbled into bed together, when we’d sworn it would be a one-time thing because we’d known it was a bad idea.
Maybe still being here was stupid. Maybe it didn’t make sense. But I loved it, so I didn’t question it.
After I had no idea how long, we finally came up for air. Alex drew back and met my gaze, his eyes full of sleepy satisfaction.
I ran my fingers along the shaved edge of his jaw. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to concentrate during the department head meeting this afternoon?”
A sly grin curled his lips. “Hard, eh?”
Rolling my eyes, I nudged him with my foot under the covers. “You know what I mean. And yes, there were a few moments when I was really glad no one asked us to stand up.”
Alex chuckled, sliding his palm up my chest. “Well, I’d apologize for being a distraction, but I think we both know I’d be lying.”
“Uh-huh. I don’t think there’s a contrite bone in your body.”
He pressed his lips together. “C’mon, now you’re just handing me double entendres.”
I groaned and touched my forehead to his shoulder. “Yeah. I knew it as soon as I said it.”
He just laughed and patted my back.
The conversation fell into a comfortable lull, and we lay there for a while, occasionally kissing but mostly just holding each other. I realized after several minutes that Alex seemed to be lost in thought.
“Hey.” I nudged him gently. “You still with me?”
“Yeah, I am.” He shifted onto his side and rested his hand on my waist. “I was just, um… I’ve been thinking, and I didn’t want to bring it up in the heat of the moment, but…” He chewed his lip.
My pulse jumped, because I wasn’t sure which direction this conversation might go.
I wasn’t ready when he whispered, “It’s just us, you know? And we’ve both had physicals since we started sleeping together.”
Just us? Physicals?
But then the piece clicked into place. “You want to go raw.”
Alex nodded, a hint of shyness in his expression. “Yeah. I do.”
I stared at him. “Are you sure? We can wait until you’ve seen my results. I won’t be offended.”
He was already shaking his head. “I trust you.”
I swallowed, and as my thoughts began to settle, I couldn’t help grinning. We had had physicals. I hadn’t touched anyone since him, and I believed him when he said he hadn’t either. “I’m game if you are.”
“I am.” He grinned, and then sheepishly added, “Can’t promise it’ll be a marathon fuck the first time—I’ve, uh, never done it without a condom before, so I don’t imagine I’ll last long.”
“Never?”
He shook his head. “You’re the only one I’ve…” He hesitated, then barely whispered, “You’re the only one I’d ever even consider it with.”
My heart fluttered. “So… skip the condoms?”
“Skip the condoms.” He drew me in closer and kissed me. “I can’t wait.”
“Neither can I,” I murmured against his lips. I was glad he’d waited until we weren’t getting ready to fuck to bring it up. This really was something to talk about when dicks weren’t hard and no one was thinking with their little heads.
But goddamn, it made me want him. Probably sooner than my over-forty body was ready, too.
I could live with it, though. Even if we didn’t get our first bareback round in tonight, we’d get there.
Eventually.
When we could fucking see each other again.
I forced back an irritated groan. “I really miss doing this all the time.”
Scowling, Alex nodded. “Me too. It’s fun when we can do it, but… yeah, in between…”
“It sucks.” I paused. “We need to go somewhere again. Out of town where no one knows us. So we can actually be together for more than a few hours.”
“Yeah, we do.” He trailed his fingertips up my abs, the featherlight touch making the muscles contract. “Where haven’t we been yet? And do you even have any leave left?”
“I have plenty. Not enough to take a couple of weeks somewhere, but a long weekend? I could swing that.”
Alex pursed his lips. “Where do you want to go?”
I thought about it. “What about Ibiza?”
He raised his eyebrows. “You want to go get shitfaced and party?”
“Is that the only thing there is to do there?”
“Well, no. But that’s why most people go.”
I shrugged. “I’m not most people.”
His little smile made me warm all over. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
I chuckled. “Right, and I’m not opposed to partying a bit, just to say I partied on Ibiza. But…” I sobered. “I’d be perfectly happy just renting a nice place and spending the time there with you.”
Surprise flickered across his face. “Really?”
“Um, yeah?” I grinned. “Or hadn’t you noticed how much of our other trips we spend in our hotel?”
He laughed softly. “Okay, point taken.” Humor fading, he said, “I think Ibiza could be fun. Even if we just rent a place on the beach and don’t go anywhere.”
I slid closer to him, wrapping my arm around him. “I’m all for staying in and seeing how much the furniture can handle.”
Alex snorted. “Maybe that should be our bucket list—break a bed in every city we go to.”
“Ooh, I can get onboard with that.”
“Of course you can.” He leaned in closer and brushed his lips across mine. “Guess we don’t need to bring condoms, but we better pack a big bottle of lube.”
I bit my lip, shivering as my mind filled with pornographic thoughts of our trip to Ibiza. “Guess we better.”
He grinned and kissed me again, and hell, maybe this old body could handle another round tonight after all. Maybe not fucking, since neither of us needed to be sore, but we could definitely get each other off.
So we let those pornographic thoughts carry us into another round of trying to break this hotel’s bed.
Oh, hell yeah. I couldn’t wait for Ibiza.