17. Bridget
17
brIDGET
“ I f you just did as you were told, I wouldn’t have to do this, Bridget.”
I cowered in the corner of the bedroom. Blood trickled down my temple from where Kyle had backhanded me. His gaudy college ring broke my skin on the swing.
“Please—” I begged.
Red blurred my vision as warm blood glued my eyelashes together. I raised my fingers to wipe it away, but he grabbed my wrist, slamming it into the drywall.
“Don’t you touch your fucking face,” he slurred. “I ain’t done with you yet, bitch.”
I grimaced as he shackled my wrist with his hand, digging his fingers into the veins. I could feel my pulse throbbing. I cried out as he yanked, twisting it at an unnatural angle. Pain, sharp and incessant, blazed through my hand.
“Please, Kyle,” I whimpered, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Please stop. ”
To my surprise, he dropped my wrist. I cradled it with my other hand, trying to ease the ache.
“Pathetic cunt,” he spat, drawing his foot back before landing a swift kick to my stomach.
I screamed in agony, but choked as the wind was knocked out of me.
“Wake up.”
I could still feel his hands on me, dragging me across the floor. I kicked and thrashed as hard as possible, trying to escape his grip.
“Come on, darlin’, wake up.”
“Please,” I cried. “Let me go. Just let me go.” I tried to cover my face, but strong hands had my arms pinned down. I struggled, ignoring the pain that flashed through my side. “I won’t tell, just please—please stop.”
“Bridget—darlin’—it’s me. Okay? You’re safe.”
Warmth cocooned me. It wasn’t the blissful cool of being knocked unconscious. That was a reprieve I was all too familiar with.
Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, running down my temples and disappearing into my hair.
“Wake up, beautiful.”
Cautiously, I opened my eyes. The room was dark, but I could make out Chase straddling my hips. He had my arms crossed over my stomach, holding them down. A bruise was blooming on his cheek.
“You can throw a hell of a punch, Bee,” he said with a wry chuckle. I felt his hands release my arms.
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked at the clock. It screamed a ridiculous four AM at me. I’d gotten back to Chase’s house at three in the morning. It took Kyle less than an hour to invade my subconscious.
“Oh God,” I cupped my hand over my mouth and took in what he had said. “Did I do that? ”
He shifted and laid back down beside me. “You were having a nightmare, I guess. I sat up, and you clocked me.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he yawned.
“Chase—”
Before I could get another word out, he wrapped those thick arms around me and pulled me across the mattress. “Wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
“Well.” He chuckled, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Seeing as you gave me quite the shiner, I think I’m entitled to a question.”
I was used to Chase’s weird sense of humor. I was used to his protective nature. I was used to the longing looks. The quiet comments. The lingering touches.
What I wasn’t used to was sharing a bed with the man.
The mention of his name used to unravel me. Now, I was sleeping in his shirt, wrapped in his arms.
I couldn’t decide if it was comforting or unnerving.
When I got home from the bar, the porch light was on. As was the kitchen light and the lamp in the living room. Chase was passed out on the couch. The half-gone cup of coffee on the end table let me know that he had tried to stay awake until I got home.
I’d snagged a pair of pajama shorts and my toothbrush from the cottage before coming over, but I held on to the shirt he had given to me the first night.
He wasn’t getting it back.
“What’s your question?” I asked as I rolled onto my back and stared up at the shadows painting the ceiling. Facing him was too close. Too intimate.
“What was your nightmare about?”
He didn’t play it cool. Didn’t beat around the bush. Didn’t give me a leading question like, You had a nightmare about him, didn’t you?
He was making me talk about it.
“You can probably guess,” I huffed as I closed my eyes.
“I can guess, yeah.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I wanna make this better for you, Bee. But I need you to talk to me.”
“We can talk in the morning.”
“We can talk now.”
“Chase,” I huffed as I tossed back the covers and swung my legs over the edge.
“Where are you going?” There was an edge to his voice that he’d never used with me before.
“I need some fucking ibuprofen, and I’m going to get you an ice pack for your face. And then I’m going to sleep in the fucking cottage.” I stomped across the bedroom and slipped out the door.
Shit.
I froze at the top of the stairs. My body was paralyzed with fear. Chase’s house was dark, and all I could see was the mirage of Kyle Kingsley’s house before me.
The stairs.
The white marble foyer waiting for me at the bottom.
“Darlin’.”
I hadn’t even heard Chase come up behind me. He stood behind me at the top of the stairs and put his hands on my hips.
Everything happened in an instant.
I crumbled to my knees, clinging to the handrail for dear life. The screws and brackets groaned as I cemented myself to it.
I was shaking and couldn’t stop. Couldn’t calm down. My skin went clammy and cold. Vision blurred. My breath came in short, shallow gasps.
I hugged the wall, staying as low as I could. If I fell, I could stop myself on the stairs that way .
“Please go,” I begged.
“I’m not leaving you.”
“I need you to go,” I begged, chattering through clenched teeth.
He didn’t heed my request. I felt the warmth of his chest press against my back. I pushed myself further against the wall, knuckles turning white around the handrail.
“I’m gonna pick you up, okay?” His tone was gentle yet firm. “I won’t hurt you. You get me?”
Reluctantly, I nodded.
Chase wedged his arms underneath me and lifted.
My heart stopped.
Every fear I had of tumbling down those stairs crashed into me at once. I braced to feel the lurch forward and the petrifying free-fall. Instead, he pulled me away from the top of the stairs and into his arms.
He cradled me against his bare chest, holding me as I sobbed against strong muscles.
Muscles meant to comfort and protect, not to harm.
“When will you realize that I’m not worth it?” I whispered as I wiped the tears away. “You’re going to get tired of fighting me.”
“I’m not fighting you. I’m fighting for you. And every wall you build to shut me out, I will knock it down. Every time. Don’t ever doubt it.”
His promise made my tense muscles relax and my breathing returned to normal. “I have too many demons,” I whispered. “Too many shadows.”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Shadows mean there’s light right around the corner.”
Hesitantly, I reached out and touched his tattoo. The angel wing seemed to expand and retract like a bird in flight with every flex of his muscle .
“I love you, Bee.” He cupped my cheek, drawing my lips to his. “Every part of you.”
His kiss was soft and warm—the embodiment of all his heartfelt promises and love. Chase slid his tongue between my lips, stroking mine with long, slow movements. Everything about the kiss felt like the most natural thing in the world. Gentle hands skated up my arms, shooing the goosebumps away.
Chase pulled away first, probably not wanting to push his luck. I hated that he had to tiptoe around me, worried that he would spook me.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to get out of Kyle’s house and hide—lick my wounds and recuperate. Chase wasn’t supposed to see me like this: broken and haunted.
“Whatever you’re thinking, just stop. I’m not running, and neither are you. He’s already taken too much of your life. Don’t let him have another goddamn thought.”
“It’s hard,” I confessed on a whisper. “Every time I close my eyes… I’m back there. Trapped.”
He held me a little tighter. I tamped down the urge to struggle and get out of his grasp.
“Listen to me,” he said gently. “Life rarely takes us in straight lines. It twists and turns. Sometimes it takes us backwards. Just because moving forward is hard doesn’t mean it’s not right. It means you have to fight a little harder.”
“I’m tired of fighting,” I confessed, mortified that I’d even uttered the words. “Sometimes, I don’t even want to do it anymore.” It was a painful notion, but one that entered my mind more times than I wanted to admit.
“One more time,” he said, pleading with me as he tucked my hair behind my ear. “Try to fight one more time. You’re not alone. I’m right beside you. Every step.”
“I don’t deserve you. ”
“You deserve whatever makes you happy.”
Something warm took root in my heart, splintering the concrete wrapped around it.
I looked up at him and carefully touched the bruise on his cheek. “I’m really sorry.”
He gave me a lopsided smile. “It’s alright. I know you didn’t mean to.” He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “But if anyone asks, we had a burglar, and I let him get the first swing in.”
I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped. “I’m sorry I woke you. And about all this…”
“Bridget, listen to me,” he said, his tone serious. “I want you to wake me up.”
When I didn’t argue, he picked me up and carried me back to bed.
“I’m perfectly capable of walking,” I protested.
“I know,” he said as he set me on the mattress. “I’ll be right back.”
He left the room and returned a minute later with an ice pack, a handful of ibuprofen, and a glass of water.
“Thanks,” I muttered after I washed the pills down with a sip of water.
Chase pressed the ice pack against his face, but I had a feeling that it was more for my comfort than his.
When I set the glass on my nightstand, he tossed the ice pack and slid his hands up the sides of my thin cotton shorts. “Just to be clear,” Chase rasped, “I’m about to kiss you.” He punctuated the notice by yanking me against him with one powerful tug. His brown eyes were nearly black with lust. “Because I can’t get enough of you, and I don’t think I ever will.”
The first pull of his lips latching onto mine stole the breath from my lungs. He kissed me like it was what he needed to do to know that I was okay. Like he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he had replaced the fear in my heart with love.
A soft moan escaped my lips, and he swallowed it down. He skated his hand down my side and tucked it behind my knee, drawing my leg to wrap around his hip. I conceded, and he rewarded me with his thickening cock nestling between my thighs.
I couldn’t help the wanton groan that reverberated from my chest. He was warm, safe, strong, and so fucking sexy.
I rolled my hips, teasing his erection with a delicious pressure. Chase grunted, drilling his cock between my legs. I cursed the fact that he was wearing boxers and I had pajamas on.
“I want you,” he growled into my mouth, nipping at my lip. “So fuckin’ bad.”
I felt him fingering the oversized t-shirt I had on. I felt his hands slip beneath the hem and skim the soft skin of my stomach.
Nerves skittered across my skin. “I…” My voice warbled with uncertainty.
“Let me make you feel good,” he begged in a whisper, tipping his head to kiss the sensitive spot behind my ear. “Let me take the pain away.”
My body buzzed with electricity. My panties were soaked. His hands, his lips, his tongue—they felt like heaven.
But I’d felt heaven before. And it turned into hell .
Before I could answer, Chase was sliding his hand up the side of my neck. I tensed. He drew me in for another kiss, stroking his thumb up the column of my throat.
It was too much. Too close. A touch against my neck had me back against that wall, strangled and struggling to breathe. The bruises on my neck had faded, but they had turned into scars on my mind.
I pushed against his chest, shoving him away as hard as I could .
“Bridg—”
“I can’t,” I gasped, rocketing up. I pulled the sheets up to my chin as if they could protect me from the monster lurking in the shadows.
Chase pinched the bridge of his nose. He scrubbed his hands down the stubble on his jaw and let out a frustrated breath.
He might cross lines that Kingsley painted. My brother’s words echoed in my mind.
“It’s too fast,” I whispered. I detested the fact that I was crying again. I was so tired of crying.
Tired of puffy eyes.
Tired of the headaches.
Tired of red-lined eyelids.
I was just tired of it all.
“Hey,” he sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come onto you like that.”
I was also tired of him apologizing for things that weren’t his fault. Chase wasn’t a mind reader, but I had an inkling that he thought I was expecting him to be one.
“I want it,” I admitted.
“Want what, darlin’?” he yawned.
I pulled the sheet a little closer around my body. Even though I was fully clothed, I felt naked around him. “To feel love. To be intimate.” I swiped at a stray tear. “Sex.”
Good sex, but I kept that thought to myself.
“Okay.” He looked just as unsure as I felt.
I ran my hand through my hair, tousling the blonde waves that were compliments of the braid I had worn earlier.
“But this is… It’s moving too fast. Everyone else will think?—”
“I don’t give a fuck what everyone else thinks,” he clipped.
“I do,” I countered. “You think I don’t hear the whispers about me? The rumors? The speculation? I hear it all, Chase! From complete strangers and from our friends. I fell out of love with Kyle a long time ago, if I even loved him to begin with. But all anyone else sees is a girl who hops from one relationship to the next. A girl that is so fucking insecure on her own, she latches on to the first guy that gives her the time of day.”
“That’s not who you are,” he growled.
“I’m not who you think I am, Chase.” I cupped my hands over my mouth as a strangled cry broke out of my chest. “You have me built up in your mind as your dream girl, and I’m not her. I will disappoint you every damn day. You’re gonna fight for me only to realize that what you ended up with isn’t who you thought I was. You’re going to see that?—”
“You are everything, Bridget McGrath.” Chase closed the space between us and cupped my cheeks. “I see every part of you. The good and the bad. I love all of you, and I will choose you every single time.” Before I could argue anymore, he kissed me gently and rolled back to his side of the bed. “Get some sleep, darlin’.”
I stared at the blades of the ceiling fan as it spun overhead. Chase’s M.O. had been holding me in his arms until I fell asleep. Now, he had rolled onto his side, away from me.
He was giving me exactly what I’d asked for so many times. Space.
I hated it.
I stayed on my side a little longer, hoping he’d cross the distance between us. It had only been a few minutes, but I missed the feel of his arms around me. His touch. I craved it.
I rolled over, curling around his back. The big spoon to his little spoon.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, resting my forehead between his shoulder blades. Gingerly, I put my arm around his waist. “You’ve been so good to me, and I’ve just been a mess.”
Chase took my hand and raised it, flattening my palm over his heart. The steady beat was comforting. The touch was gentle and soothing.
Jason’s admonition echoed in my mind again. He’s being patient with you, be patient with him. He might cross lines that Kingsley painted. Set clear boundaries, and if he crosses them, you walk away and call me.
I wasn’t sure what possessed me to say it, but I felt like I owed him an explanation. “He used to choke me,” I whispered.
I felt Chase’s body tense and his breathing stall.
“I… I don’t like having my throat touched. I don’t even wear necklaces or scarves or turtlenecks anymore.”
Chase rolled over, tucking my head under his chin and wrapping me in his arms, sheltering me from my demons.
“I’m scared, Chase.”
“Of us?”
I nodded. “Of moving too fast. Of disappointing you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Of being too broken. Too damaged. I don’t like being touched.”
“I’m touching you now.” It was a general observation laced with uncertainty. “Is this okay?”
“This is different. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to open up to you the way I want to.”
“You mean for us to be able to have sex.”
I nodded. The slow circles he rubbed on my back were lulling me into a trance.
“Leave it to me, darlin’.” He tilted his head, missing my lips and leaving a kiss on the corner of my mouth. “When you’re ready, when you wanna try something, you let me know. We’ll take it slow.” This time, he kissed me full-on. “I’ve waited for you for a long time. I can wait a little longer.”