18. Bridget
18
brIDGET
I craned over the bar, pretending to clean while I eavesdropped on the book club convening in the corner. They met at the bar once a week to discuss their favorite romance novels. I cursed the days I had been laid up. I lived vicariously through their book talks, and I’d missed the discussion about the climax of their last read.
Two of the ladies swooned over the book they were buddy-reading. A blonde with a lightsaber tattoo gushed over how amazing the hero was. A woman in a Dark Romance Junkie sweatshirt was listening as she nursed her glass of red wine. She had teenagers, so I’d given her the whole bottle.
A third woman with glasses ran in, carrying a yellow tote bag, and apologized for being late.
She was followed by a woman I recognized—a fifth-grade teacher who had been friends with Heather. She pulled off her Red Sox ball cap, dropped down into a chair, and whipped her copy of the paperback. She reached in her bag again and produced another book—the newest Whitney West novel .
I practically salivated. I’d been eyeing that one since it came out a few weeks ago.
One of Maddie’s new bakers, a Connecticut transplant with bright red hair, held the door for Hannah Jane and Isaac before hustling to meet up with the book club.
“Oooh!” Hannah Jane stage-whispered as she walked in. “Is today book club day? I’ve been dying to know what happens!”
“Shhh!” I pressed my finger to my lips. “They’re starting!”
“You know,” Isaac said, siding up with Hannah Jane. “Y’all could just read the books yourselves.”
“Oh, we read them. We just like the commentary,” Hannah Jane hissed, smacking him in the stomach. “Now shush!”
Isaac bit back a smile as he rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “You coming to poker tonight, Bee?”
I shook my head. “Not tonight. I, um… I’ve got some stuff to take care of.”
“It’s weird not having you there.”
It was odd to hear that come out of Isaac’s mouth. He had mellowed over the years. We were friends, sure, but we weren’t that close.
“Maybe next week,” I conceded.
His voice was tight. “Bridget, if there’s anything you need. Anything at all?—”
And on that note, I was done with this conversation.
I didn’t want a pity party, and I didn’t want charity. Sure—Isaac, Will, and Luca could probably bankroll my lifestyle without batting an eye, but just because they could didn’t mean I wanted it.
Things between Chase and I were strange. I was his temporary tenant and had every intention of paying him for the weeks I stayed at the cottage, even though I was actually staying in his bed. I had looked up what his rental rates were and had started saving to pay him back .
He would argue with me about the money, but I didn’t want a handout.
The door shrieked open, saving me from well-intended, overbearing friends.
Chase strutted in, decked out in his lucky blue shirt and khakis. He spotted me, and the tough-cop fa?ade broke into a smile that was slow as molasses. “Hey, darlin’.”
I moved away from Hannah Jane and Isaac, rested my chin in my hand, and returned his greeting. “Hi, Chase.”
He dropped his muscled forearms onto the bar, caressing my elbows with his thumbs. I saw him check to see if Hannah Jane was watching us.
Since she was preoccupied with her husband and covertly catching the details of the book club’s discussion, Chase leaned in and pecked my lips.
“How was court?”
“I think my lucky shirt got a little luckier since you wore it the other night.”
“Oh yeah?” I eased back and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. I slid it back over to him.
“Thanks, darlin’.”
Our fingers brushed as he took the glass from me. No amount of water could extinguish the sparks flying between us.
“How you feelin’ today?”
I plastered on a soft smile. It was fake as hell, but it had fooled him pretty damn well for three years. “Not bad.”
“We going to poker tonight?”
I chewed on my lip and subtly cut my eyes at Isaac. “I’m a little run down. I should probably take it easy when I get off.” Glancing at the clock, I calculated that the last ten minutes of my shift couldn’t come soon enough .
Chase wrapped his hands around mine, gently stroking my wrists. “Why are you hiding from everyone?”
“I’m not.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Chase…”
“Fine. Don’t go to poker,” he said. “But just so you know, I planned on inviting everyone over to my place tonight.”
I glared at him. “Bullshit. Poker is at Maddie and Luca’s.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Wanna test me? Isaac and Han are right over there. It’s been a while since Hannah and I have watched Law and Order . We either have people in our space all night or you tell me why you’re avoiding poker night.”
I didn’t want to like hearing him refer to his house as our space , but I did. “This isn’t the time or the place for this conversation.”
“You wanna have this talk at poker, then?”
I clenched my jaw, about to unleash hell on him.
Chase skated his hands up and down my forearms, brushing away the goosebumps. I hated that I had that intrinsic reaction to him.
“Why are you hiding? It’s not like you can stop everyone from just coming in here to see you. What’s the difference?”
I looked down at my hands. “I’m just not ready to face everyone yet. I’m tired of everyone asking how I’m doing. I don’t want to have to explain whatever the hell we are. I just want to be left alone.”
“They love you,” he said. “I love you. Why are you fighting it?”
“Because fighting it is all I’ve done for the last three years, Chase.” I huffed and tossed my hair to the side. “Don’t you get it? Back then, I couldn’t let myself feel those things. And now I’m just scared to.”
“Scared to what? ”
I looked down at the stretch of scratched wood between us. I didn’t want to have this conversation at all, but especially not here. “Wanda should be here soon. I need to finish up and clock out.”
“Come to poker tonight. It’ll be good for you.”
A cold sweat broke out on the back of my neck. “Please don’t tell me where I have to go,” I choked out in a whisper. “I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.”
Chase’s expression softened. His typical happy-go-lucky demeanor was replaced with the same haunted face I’d seen him wearing when I was in the hospital. “Bridge?—”
I reached down and hefted a crate of dirty glasses up onto my hip. “I’ll see you when you get back from poker tonight.”
He looked like I had punched him in the face. The kindness in his eyes flared with frustration. He clenched his teeth, but refrained from arguing.
“Love you, darlin’.”
Like so many times before, he reached into his wallet, pulled out a few bills, and dropped them on the bar. He turned and walked out, leaving the water completely untouched.
Luna was curled up in my lap, snoring away as the clock ticked closer and closer to the time that poker night usually ended. The cottage was quiet, and after an impulse buy on my way home from work, I’d gotten through half of the new Whitney West novel.
The quiet was relaxing but, if I was being honest, I missed the raucous antics of poker night.
I needed the rest, though. The bruises had faded, and I had ditched the wrist brace. But after going back to working full days at the bar, I was sore and exhausted .
I’d been better physically, but it was the mental load that was draining me the most.
Mel had been on my case about getting in with a therapist, but I hadn’t set an appointment with any of the practices that she recommended. I hated when Chase tried to psychoanalyze me, and I sure as hell didn’t feel like paying someone to do it.
He had gone to poker night without me. A sliver of me hated that, but a bigger part breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t demand to know what I was going to be doing instead of going to Maddie and Luca’s. He told me to call him if I needed anything and that he’d be back later.
For so long, I’d lived life on a leash. It was strange to be able to go out and not have to check in with anyone. To not be watching the clock. To not curse uncontrollable traffic that would make me late getting back to my prison.
It was almost unnerving not having someone track my car or read my text messages. Privacy and autonomy were strange privileges. For a long time, I ached to have the kind of freedom I had now. But now that I had it, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Going to the bookstore on a whim felt like I was breaking some kind of rule. Like at any moment, an alarm would sound, and I’d be hauled back to Kyle’s house.
Keeping my excursions to the necessities was just safer.
Headlights cut through the yard as Chase’s car came to a stop. A minute later, there was a soft knock at the door.
“Hey, darlin’. You awake?”
Luna whined, annoyed that her human had disrupted her REM cycle.
“Sorry, Lu,” I whispered as I patted her head and shimmied her off of my lap. I padded to the door and unlocked the deadbolt and doorknob .
The second I opened the door, I was met with Chase’s cocky smirk. “Hey, beautiful.” He stepped into my space, cupped my cheeks, and kissed me.
If I was feeling run down before, kissing Chase was a shot of adrenaline. Every atom in my body buzzed. Hormones flooded my brain. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him as he walked me backward into the cottage.
“How was poker?” I gasped as he squeezed my ass.
“Lost every hand,” he grunted, backing me into the bed. “Too busy thinking about you.”
“That, or you’re just a shitty poker player.”
Chase pulled back and looked at me, surprised. A wide smile split across his face as he stared at me. “There’s my girl.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t patronize me.”
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You wanna know something?”
“Hmm?”
“I cried over you in the hospital. I was terrified you wouldn’t wake up. And when you did, I was worried that you had lost the light inside that I adore.” He pressed another kiss to my temple. “But when you kicked me out of your room, then texted me and called me an asshole, I knew you were still in there.”
I snorted. “So having your balls busted is your love language?”
“You wanna know a secret about the five love languages?” He paused, waiting for my undivided attention. “There is no wrong love language. Do all of them. It’s just about making an effort.”
I slid my palms down his chest, enjoying the dips and ridges of his muscles. “I’m sorry I didn’t go with you tonight.”
“Don’t apologize.” He let out a quiet sigh. “Look, Bee, I…” He scrubbed his hand down the side of his face. “It’s a learning curve for me. We’ve known each other for a long time, but not like this. ”
“Yeah.”
Chase rested his forehead on mine, our noses bumping against each other. “I need you to be straight with me if you feel like I’m trying to control you.” Gently, he reached up and caressed my cheek, brushing an eyelash away with his thumb.
I closed my eyes and melted into his touch. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I need, beautiful. Just keep trying.” He slanted his lips against mine for a gentle kiss. “How was your night?”
“Good.”
The corner of his mouth twitched with a smile. “Do anything fun?”
I shrugged as I sat down on the edge of the bed. “Went by Scuttlebutt and got a new book, then came back here and ate leftovers.”
“Bee,” he groaned, sitting down beside me.
“What!” I laughed. “I worked all day. I was tired. I didn’t feel like going out and about.”
Chase laid back, pulling me down with him. “That’s what the beach is made for.” His voice was wistful, lulling me into a trance-like state. “The sand, sun, waves crashing… Nothing better to relax.”
I snuggled into his side. “Last time I went to the beach was back when HJ and Isaac were dating, and the poker club made a day of it.”
“Damn,” he sighed. “That seems like it was ages ago.”
“I miss the beach.” I slipped my hand up under his shirt, trailing my fingertips along the path of hair that started at his navel and disappeared below his belt. “Being able to go whenever I wanted was another life for me.”
Chase kissed the top of my head. “Are you happy now?”
Was I happy?
“I will be. ”
I grazed my fingers along the waistline of his jeans and felt rather self-satisfied knowing that I caused the flex of his dick.
A pained groan reverberated from his chest, so I slipped my fingers below his belt. His breath shuddered as my fingers grazed his coarse hair. I bit my lip. Did I dare explore further? Did I want to?
He hadn’t moved a muscle, and I worried that I had killed him.
“Chase?”
“Yeah?” His rasp was strained. Eyes clenched shut. Hands in fists. Thighs parted.
“Are you okay?”
He let out a sharp exhale. “Feels good.”
I tilted my chin up and kissed the sharp edge of his jaw.
“Dammit, Bee—” His restraint snapped and, in an instant, he was dragging me over to straddle him.
I hissed as he pushed against a sore spot on my ribs. Pain lanced through my body, jolting me from my horny stupor.
Chase pulled his hands away like I was on fire and muttered a string of curses. “Fuck, I’m— shit . I’m sorry.”
Tears burned my eyes. I bit my lip to keep from crying, but it was useless.
“Bridget, darlin’…” Chase sat up and cupped my cheeks. “I’m sorry—I… I didn’t mean to.”
“I know,” I whispered, turning my head, so I wouldn’t have to look at the agony in his eyes.
“Bee…” He choked out, voice tinged with regret. “What can I get you? Do you need your pain meds? Water?”
“Nothing,” I whispered as I slid off the bed. “I’m fine.”
“Talk to me. Please .”
It was the please that did me in. “I’m tired of hurting. Tired of having everyone apologize to me. I just want to feel normal, and I’m afraid that I’ll never get back to whatever ‘normal’ is supposed to be.”
He came up behind me and placed his hands on my hips. I could feel his thick erection pressing into the small of my back. “What will make you feel better?”
“You.”