CHAPTER SEVEN
The next few hours following Caleen's talk with Pondriya and Lanerys seemed to pass in a blur. When the two elders left, the only thing he wanted was to be alone with Taveris, but—just like on countless other occasions in his life—other people had different ideas regarding his time. The headmaster and Lord Dalon came in, followed by Naveen who took one look at his companion and crossed the room to be at his side, letting Soryan circle his arms around his waist.
Caleen almost smiled at that. He was happy to see his brother allowing himself such displays of affection with his bonded. He wished he'd had that, too, over the years he'd spent with Taveris in the Academy, but he hadn't been so lucky. At least Naveen could do things differently now.
The questions started right away, mostly from Lord Dalon, but it was clear that the headmaster wanted to know as well. Caleen wondered how much Master Raizen knew about this advanced sense dragons had, but he had to assume the headmaster had no idea, just in case.
His head was a mess of doubts and questions, and the crippling realization that he couldn't confide in the people he should trust implicitly. And not just because the dragon pair asked him not to, but because—
He stopped himself. Not now. Later.
He still shared what he could. The elders seemed to think that Taveris had a good chance of waking up, but couldn't give any guarantees; no, there was nothing they could do; no, no medication could help aside from what had already been done to help Taveris's muscles recover.
If a human spent two months in a coma, their body would be weak and in need of some serious intervention, but thankfully, dragons just needed some regenerative potions and they were fine.
Physically fine, at least. But that was one more thing Caleen refused to think about.
"It's all up to Taveris now," he finally said, staring at his companion's unmoving face and wishing for anything, even the smallest of signs. Knowing that Taveris was there, somewhere, was a relief, but with no tangible proof it felt like he was grasping at the wind once again.
He could tell that neither Lord Dalon nor the headmaster were happy with what little he had told them. They were smart and experienced men, and they knew there would have been no reason for the dragon elders to ask for a private conversation if that was all they had to say to Caleen. Fortunately, they also knew that there was no use of pushing him when he'd made it clear that his mind was made up.
Only Taveris could do that. And Master Dorrat, sometimes. Neither was here to do it, though.
He immediately felt a pang of guilt. Taveris was here. And he was going to come back to Caleen as soon as he could. Caleen just needed to be patient.
Most people thought of him as a patient man. Not Taveris, though. He knew better, after weathering many storms over the years when Caleen's emotions had gotten the better of him. Caleen knew how to play his part, how to show people what he wanted them to see, and no one but Taveris knew how much it had cost him sometimes. Not his advisors, not his brother… Although maybe Naveen had some idea now, after trying to help Caleen through those first weeks after Taveris was gone. Forcing himself to put on a mask when he absolutely needed to for his few public appearances left Caleen too tired to maintain it behind the closed doors of his room as well. Naveen had probably never seen him cry before, but after Taveris's death—disappearance, not death, not death—he'd seen it on a daily basis for a while.
"Are you sure there's nothing we can do?" Naveen asked, suddenly here at Caleen's side, squatting near his chair.
Caleen was about to nod but paused to think things through. Focus. Think of what Taveris would do.
"We need to tighten security," he heard himself say, his voice growing stronger with every word. "That's your decision to make, of course," he said to the headmaster, "but I'm asking at least for the guards to this room to remain here until further notice. Soryan, I'm sorry to put this on you—"
"There's nowhere I rather be than here," Soryan cut him off. "If you hadn't asked, I'd be offended."
Caleen chuckled despite himself. "I hear you. Master Dorrat has gone after Master Oriyan, so I need you to pick people you trust the most. Please, pick wisely," he said, voice somber again. "I prefer fewer people, but ones I don't have to worry about." Which was a lie of sorts. He was going to worry about basically everyone right now, anyway. "And I don't want you here all the time, either," he warned. "You can have your shifts, but then you're getting your rest before coming back in here."
"And what about your rest?" Naveen asked, squeezing his thigh. Then he shook his head before Caleen could say anything. "I know, I know. I'm not asking you to leave him. But there's an unused bed over there." He pointed to the far end of the room where there was indeed a bed, half-hidden behind a curtain. "Promise me you'll lie down if we move it closer."
"It's too early for me to lie down," Caleen pointed out, although he had no idea what time it was. It seemed like it had been days since he'd gotten up this morning, but the sun was still high up in the sky, so it couldn't be later than five.
"I'm not saying you need to do it right now. I'm just saying you need to do it, period. Exhausting yourself won't accomplish anything."
Caleen shrugged before turning to Taveris again. He wasn't sure if he would be able to fall asleep, since he kept checking to see if Taveris was still there every few seconds. The idea that he might fall asleep only to find out it was all a dream…
Naveen squeezed his thigh again. "It's real, I promise," he murmured quietly, as if he could read his mind.
Caleen could feel hysterical laughter bubbling in his chest. Reading someone's mind seemed to be the theme of the day. He hid his face in his hands and focused on his breathing. Get it together. Think of what Taveris would do.
He took one more deep breath.
"Okay," he whispered, not sure what he was agreeing to, anymore. "Okay."
* * *
The room was finally quiet. It took a long time before everyone left Caleen be, but once the sun set, he was alone with Taveris, at last.
If only he knew what to do now.
He stared at his bonded for the longest time, now without interruption. He half-expected some changes after these two months, but there was nothing. Caleen looked in the mirror these days and saw a different person, but Taveris was the same man he'd been when Caleen had last seen him. How could it be?
"Did you hear me before? We won," Caleen whispered into the silence. "It wasn't easy and there are still factions that aren't happy about it, but the royal council agreed with me. We can get married. So, you know, take that into account as you're getting back to me." He swallowed against the bile in his throat. "You said yes, and we have a wedding to plan."
And suddenly, between one breath and another, he started crying like he hadn't done since those first days right after… After. He pressed his forearm against his mouth to stifle the sounds so he wouldn't alert anyone outside the room as he trembled in his seat. He didn't know why—was it relief, was it fear, was it simply the pent-up tension finally coming out?
Maybe all of the above.
His chest was hurting, and he couldn't catch his breath, but there was no anguish anymore. The despair he'd thought would be a fixed part of him after losing his bonded was nowhere to be found.
He was still scared. He was still worried. But he wasn't as helpless now.
"Whatever it takes, however long it takes, you need to come back," he told Taveris once he got his voice working again. "I'll be here, waiting, but you heard them. The rest is up to you."
He rested his forehead on his arms folded over the edge of the bed and concentrated on his breathing for a bit. Then he lifted his head again and focused on trying to reach his bonded. Usually, they would look each other in the eye and Caleen would be drawn in by the warm brown of Taveris's irises before he felt the connection open up and expand. Now, he needed to try to reach him a different way.
Come back to me, he repeated over and over in his head. I'm here and I'm waiting. Come back.
* * *
Caleen woke up in the middle of the night in a dark room and with a crick in his neck, and it took him a second to remember where he was and why.
Taveris.
He stood up so quickly he almost lost his balance, but he didn't care. His heart was thundering in his chest as he ignited the cold flame lamp by Taveris's bed.
He was here. Caleen exhaled with relief. He was here and he was breathing.
He didn't move, though, despite the ruckus Caleen had made.
"Wind's curse," he muttered, rubbing his palms over his eyes. He felt like crying again, but he pushed it away. It was probably exhaustion.
He stared at the bed on the other side of Taveris, one Naveen and Soryan had pulled as close as they could. Caleen would prefer to lie down in Taveris's bed, but he didn't think he'd be able to handle pressing against his bonded's unmoving form. Taveris had always covered Caleen with his body, pulling him as close as possible, as if he was trying to make up for the time of day when they didn't touch much outside of the safety of their rooms. To be in a bed with Taveris and not feel his arms around him—
Caleen climbed onto the other bed, rolling to face his bonded. He reached out and circled his fingers around Taveris's wrist. Maybe he could pretend just a little. Maybe he could pretend everything was fine and they were just lying like this. It happened, sometimes, when Taveris would lie down for a nap. Caleen would come into the room and find him sleeping, and he would get on the bed and watch him before reaching out.
He pictured it so clearly in his head that it jarred when Taveris didn't respond, didn't wake up at his touch.
Caleen swallowed hard and closed his eyes. It's okay, it's okay, he just needs time.
"I'm here," he whispered, opening his eyes again. "I'm here."
He didn't know if the words helped anything, if they reached Taveris at all. He hadn't felt the answering connection, but he vowed to keep trying.
He'd had to drift off at some point, though, because when he opened his eyes next, the sun was shining through the window.
He was still holding Taveris's wrist.
He sat up and brought his bonded's hand in for a kiss. "Hello, beautiful," he whispered, picturing Taveris's crinkling his nose at the endearment.
And then he saw it happen.
He almost fell of the bed as he hurried to come closer. Taveris's grimace didn't last long, but it was definitely there.
Caleen grinned, leaning forward until he brought his forehead against Taveris's.
"You get yourself back to me, understand? I will annoy you into coming back, if I have to."
There was no more reaction from Taveris throughout the rest of the morning, but Caleen didn't let it tamper his enthusiasm. He was going to get his companion back. He knew everyone was watching him with worried frowns, probably assuming he was getting ahead of himself, but he didn't care. He'd seen what he'd seen. Taveris might be somewhere else right now, somewhere Caleen couldn't follow, but he was on his way back.
All Caleen had to do was wait.
So he ate when someone brought him food and he changed into clothes Naveen gave him, but he was never too far from Taveris, and he never left the infirmary room. There was a bathroom attached to it, thankfully, so there was no reason for him to go anywhere else.
It was obvious that people tried to keep him busy. Lord Dalon talked to him about his discussions with the headmaster over the security and their ideas into what would happen once Master Dorrat came back with Master Oriyan. Naveen told him about how happy everyone at the Academy was after finding out Taveris was alive and how they couldn't wait to see him. Even Soryan spoke at length, which he rarely did, as he reported on who was out there keeping watch on their room and on other security measures he decided on.
And Caleen was grateful, he really was. He knew they meant well. But he was the happiest when it was just him and Taveris, and no one else.
It was during one of those times when they were alone, soon after lunch, that the inspiration struck.
He hadn't accomplished much by talking to Taveris, but it wasn't how their bond worked. They communicated through pictures, through mental images, not words. It was probably what had worked this morning. He'd been barely awake, so he was open mentally and he pictured their little moment only for Taveris to repeat it.
He sat up straight as the rush of ideas assaulted his brain. What should he send him? What would bring Taveris back to him?
Caleen thought of the happiest of memories—the moment they met, their bonding, all the first times they had. But somehow he knew neither was right for this. Then he thought of the small snapshots of their life together. Waking up with Taveris, catching his small smile when he thought Caleen couldn't see it, jokes that made Taveris roll his eyes. Again, they didn't feel right.
Whatever he sent needed to convince Taveris to get back to him. To leave wherever he was behind and hurry home.
Suddenly, Caleen got it.
All he had to do was show Taveris this, right here. Because if there was one thing that was Taveris's hot button, it was the idea of Caleen facing anything alone. He insisted on always being there, whenever possible, and he hated being left behind the closed doors when there were things Caleen had to attend without him. Showing him this—Caleen suffering alone while Taveris was off somewhere else—should be enough to bring his bonded back.
Caleen took Taveris's hand in his and tangled their fingers together.
Here we go.