Chapter Fifteen
“Hold still.”
Troy tried to bite his tongue, but couldn’t keep the frustration from his voice. “I’m fine. I really don’t need an MRI.”
The technician nodded and spoke with a soothing tone that indicated she was going to ignore his protests. “I understand. The doctor’s ordered a full battery of tests for you both just to make sure there are no issues.”
“Brian’s getting an MRI too?” Troy lifted his head, even though he could only see the bulk of the white machine looming. “Is he here?”
“He’s in another exam suite. I’m sure you’ll see him soon. Now let’s relax and hold still.”
When the scan started, the machine erupted with a loud hum that made Troy’s ears ring. He cringed. He’d never realized how noisy the world was. Since the helicopter had appeared out of nowhere two days before, they’d been shuttled from it to a large boat powering to Kiritimati.
The crew had been welcoming, offering up Troy and Brian their own little cabins. There had been no way to say no; no way to sleep together. Nothing to do but try to smile when Brian gave a little goodnight wave and disappeared behind a closed door.
In the berth that was little more than a closet, Troy had slept fitfully, aching for Brian and their beach. Did Brian feel the same way? Troy kept wanting to reach for his hand.
He stared at the inside of the MRI machine, the noise merciless.
Am I really here? Is this really happening?
He wasn’t sure whether to be afraid of waking up again under the mosquito net in their teepee, or exhilarated to have Brian’s arms around him and the gentle tide returning.
You’re saved! Why aren’t you happy?!
And he was—of course he was. He’d see his family again any minute. He couldn’t wait to hug his mother and brother and everyone again, to see them safe and healthy. To tell them he loved them so much and was sorry if he hadn’t shown it enough.
But Troy twitched with anxiety, a boulder lodged in the pit of his stomach.
All the lights and noise and people, and where was Brian?
Was he okay? He’d seemed okay on the ship.
They’d sat together in the ship’s galley, eating chocolate ice cream and sharing a grin even though they both puked it up soon after.
Peter and others had talked at them endlessly, never leaving them alone.
He and Brian hadn’t touched each other at all, a new awkward distance between them, especially as they’d been interviewed by the US Coast Guard, who’d flown a Hercules plane to Kiritimati to pick them up.
Innocent questions about their time on the island seemed…
charged. Troy had let Brian do most of the talking, and Brian hadn’t said much.
On the bumpy flight to Honolulu, Brian had leaned over and reminded him of the hundred thousand commercial flights a day. Reminded him he was safe. He’d squeezed Troy’s forearm briefly with his palm, a flash of warmth and promise that had left Troy desolate.
What happens now?
He hadn’t seen Brian since they’d been put in separate ambulances at the Honolulu airport, the piercing sirens made all the more ridiculous since they were fine.
Trapped in the MRI machine, he wanted to either scream or curl up and go to sleep.
He didn’t have a clue where to start figuring out his feelings.
Was it just over? And what was it anyway?
The room fell blissfully silent, and the technician’s squeaky steps crossed the floor.
“All done. Feeling okay?”
The table he was on slid back out of the machine with a whir. “Yes. I told you, I’m fine.”
Her smile didn’t falter. “Okay then. Just a few more tests and you can rest. You’ve had a long journey.”
He wanted to stubbornly argue, but she was right about that. He’d barely slept, but he’d relax when he saw Brian again. “Yeah.”
“You’re remarkably healthy, all things considered.” She nodded to his foot, the skin on the end of his big toe scarred a faint red. “Doc said that was likely a centipede? Must have hurt like the devil.”
“Uh-huh. It was bad.” Memories rippled through him: Brian finding him in the darkness, then always nearby, his voice comforting and touch cool on Troy’s fevered skin.
“You must be excited to get back to your life.” She pulled over a wheelchair, and he dutifully sat so she could wheel him out and down a hushed hallway past curious glances from other staff and the odd patient.
My life. After truly living day to day for the first time since he was a little kid, he had no idea what his life looked like anymore.
When the door opened, Troy hoped to see Brian but expected to see a nurse. Instead it was his mother, who burst into wailing tears.
“Oh, Bongbong!” Muttering in Tagalog too fast for him to understand, she rushed to the side of the bed, throwing herself practically on top of him before he could even sit up.
Troy held her tightly, not trying to stop his own tears as he inhaled her flowery perfume.
He smoothed his hand over her short, dark curls, his voice cracking.
“Mom. I missed you so much.”
Wiping her eyes, she stood, tiny at five foot nothing. Her face glistened, eyes roving over him and hands running down his arms as if to check for breaks. There were circles under her eyes, but she still looked far younger than fifty-one. “Too skinny!”
“I’m fine, Mom. We ate pretty well, all things considered.”
“We’ll do all your favorites when you get home. Chicken adobo and kare-kare.”
“That sounds amazing. Mom, I’m so sorry.”
“For what? Did you cast a magical spell and make a cyclone?” She smoothed a hand over his hair and kissed his forehead. “I prayed every moment for you. God heard me. Oh, Bongbong.” Fresh tears glistened in her eyes. “My brave son.”
“But if I hadn’t freaked out at Ty and rented the plane—” He looked past her into the empty room. “Where is he?”
Sniffing, she pulled up a chair. “Gosh, so much commotion here, especially with all those clickers outside. Don’t know how they got here so fast with their cameras.”
The thought of dealing with the paparazzi made him cringe, but he wouldn’t be deflected. “Mom, where’s Ty?”
Her face tightened, and she looked down at her hands as she clasped them. “Boy is…”
An awful, sickening fear had bile rising in Troy’s throat. “Where is he?” He shot up to sitting. “Mom, what happened?”
“Shhh. It’s all right. Boy is in a hospital place. Rehabilitation.”
Just like Troy was “Bongbong,” Tyson had always been “Boy” to their mother and the rest of their family on her side. Nicknames were a Filipino thing he’d never questioned. “He’s in rehab?”
She pressed her lips together and nodded.
Troy exhaled and flopped back down to the too-soft mattress. “Oh, thank God.”
“You aren’t upset he’s not here to see you?”
“As long as he’s in rehab, that’s all I care about. He’s really okay?” He brushed his feet rhythmically against the metal frame at the bottom of the bed. How strange it was to be on a proper mattress again. Didn’t feel real.
“Yes, really, Bongbong. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Troy exhaled with a smile. Growing up, he’d known he was in trouble if she actually called him his real name. “Thank God he finally saw reason.”
“Well, your girlfriend was the one who talked him into it, praise the lord.”
His stomach dropped. “My girlfriend? Savannah?”
She clucked her tongue. “Who else? She’s on her way from New York City. She was crying on the phone. So happy.”
“Oh. We broke up before I left.”
“A silly fight.” His mother waved her hand dismissively. “All in the past.”
He wanted to argue, but there were more important things. “Tell me about Ty. He’s doing well? Following the program?”
“So they say.” Her smile was forced. “After you went away, he was at the rock bottom. The rest of the tour was canceled of course. The authorities said you were dead, but I knew better. I prayed day and night, and God answered.” Her eyes welled and she leaned over to kiss his forehead with dry lips.
“Oh, Bongbong. I knew you would return.”
After you went away. His throat thickened. “It’s okay, Mom. I’m here.”
After sniffling, she cleared her throat.
“When they said there was no hope to find you, Boy took it very badly. We all did, of course. I’d come down to Sydney with your Auntie Gloria and Uncle Jojo.
We wanted to be close when they found you.
But then they said they weren’t going to look anymore.
” She clenched her jaw. “We told them you were alive, but…”
“It’s okay, Mom. They were just doing their job.”
“Yes, well. Boy went out of control. So angry. Drinking everything, and all the other too.”
The other. Suppressing a shudder, Troy thought of his father on the black and white kitchen tiles. “But he eventually agreed to rehab?”
She nodded. “Savannah convinced him. She flew home to LA with him. He’s been at the center for almost two months now.”
“Nick too?”
Muttering a Tagalog curse, she shook her head. “That one says he doesn’t need it.”
“Idiot. But I’m glad Ty listened.” Troy owed Savannah a huge thanks, and probably an apology too. Even if she wasn’t the right girl, he cared about her. The words rolled over in his mind, nausea curling through his belly.
The right girl. Did he even want a girl anymore? His palms got sweaty. Where was Brian?
“Boy sure wouldn’t listen to me. And why should he?” His mother’s lips trembled. “Why should he listen to me when I did nothing before? When I let your father kill himself?”
“Mom…” Troy grabbed her hand. “Dad made his own choices. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should have stopped him. Now look, Boy is poisoning himself too.” Her nails dug into his skin.
“I pretended your father was okay. I let you deal with too much. It should have been me dealing, not looking everywhere else but at the bad truth.” Trembling, her voice broke.
“Can you forgive me, Bongbong? I wish I could go back and be different.”