Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
B illy
I sprawl on my couch and attempt to get drunk while I stare at the grey flower study spanning my wall. It’s bold and brilliant and begging for color.
Aubrey did that on purpose.
She did that to me.
She walked into my life, showed me texture and beauty, and pointed out how colorless I am. How soulless. How empty and flat and grey.
Until I met Aubrey, I thought I was satisfied.
I clawed my way out of my childhood, and fate delivered me to the side of the most powerful alpha in the country.
I wasn’t the biggest or strongest wolf in his pack, but I was the most vicious.
The most paranoid, calculating, and conniving.
I won every challenge for dominance and made myself indispensable to Brick when his life imploded.
I helped him hold his pack together when the Adalwulfs nearly took them.
Helped him more than replace the wealth that was ripped from his pack.
I had my life in complete control. I was wealthy, successful, and stood at the side of the most powerful pack in New York.
Then she waltzed in and set everything on fire.
Fuck.
I chug from a bottle of gin. I’ve downed almost the entire container, but with my shifter metabolism, the buzz is hard to maintain.
Someone opens my door without knocking. My teeth bare in a snarl as I tear to my feet to eviscerate whoever it is.
“Honey, I’m home.”
I go still.
She’s here.
Mate, my wolf howls.
I know.
I froze when she asked me.
Froze when my alpha asked me.
But as soon as she ended things, it became crystal clear: I’ve known Aubrey was my mate since the first time we met at La Résistance. I resisted fate because on some level, my subconscious registered her as a threat.
Love isn’t clean or simple. It isn’t orderly. I can’t control it.
The abused child in me feared for her life as well as my own because he was frozen in time, not knowing I’m all grown up now.
All grown up, and my tormenter’s dead.
No one will ever threaten my mate again.
If I can make her my mate.
But I’m frozen again now. At a loss for the right words to say to the female who means everything to me.
Mate, my wolf snarls.
Yes, I know.
I need to move. Need to say something.
Aubrey’s taking in the liquor bottle in my hand. The mess on the coffee table in my usually immaculate living room. I must look the way I feel–like I took a dive into Hell and stayed there. She struts over to me.
I have to speak. I am the man who brokers billion dollar deals. I can make my lips move.
“You’re my mate.” The words sound wooden and rusty.
Aubrey freezes her advance, staring at me.
I clear my throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer you at the wedding, but yes, you’re my mate. I would do anything for you, my Silver. My perfect poison. My Kryptonite. I…I need you in my life. I won’t make it without you.”
She runs to me, clomping over in her Doc Martens and taking a flying leap.
I catch her in the air, and she straddles my waist. “I love you, Billy White, the third.”
“I love you, Aubrey Cook, the first.”
“I’m here to claim you and mark you as mine, however the fuck I do that,” Aubrey declares.
The smile that forms on my face nearly breaks my cheeks. A strange sound comes from my lips. I don’t recognize it at first, then I realize it’s a laugh. “I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
She licks my ear, then bites it. I slowly rotate us, savoring the feel of her in my arms. The incredible lightness that suddenly takes over my being. This female broke my heart and then waltzed back into my life like nothing happened.
“I’ll figure something out,” she promises. “A tattoo on your ass, maybe?”
Another laugh spills from me. “You want to tattoo my ass?”
“Uh huh. With my name. Or maybe a picture of my face?”
I press my face between her breasts and inhale her scent. I kiss her breastbone. “You came back.”
“For future reference, the next time I walk away, I want to be chased.”
A third laugh comes out of my mouth. I’m so buoyant, it’s a wonder I don’t just float up to the ceiling.
“There won’t be a next time,” I growl and carry Aubrey to the couch. I sit with her straddling my waist. “I’m going to claim you, Silver. I’m going to mark you as my mate, so every wolf knows you belong to me. And if you leave me again, there will be consequences.”
“What kind of consequences?” She waggles her brows, her full lips stretching into a megawatt smile.
“The kind that involve you naked over my lap for a good spanking.”
Aubrey’s eyes grow dark. The scent of her arousal reaches my nostrils. “Mmm.” She squirms against my dick. “Maybe you should show me.”
“I will. After you tell me why you left.” Some of the heaviness descends again, like a cinder block on my chest. “Was it the violence?”
Aubrey holds my face and leans her forehead against mine. “No,” she says softly. “I mean, it scared me, but I understood. Your dad sort of assaulted me. It triggered you.”
I study her face. I don’t want to say these words.
They physically pain me to speak, but there’s so much that’s been unsaid between Aubrey and I.
We need to get it all out on the table now.
“I have a violent side. Shifters are more physically violent in general, but I was forced to fight for my life throughout my childhood. I…didn’t want you to see that side of me. I was ashamed. I am ashamed.”
Aubrey pulls her forehead away from mine, and her eyes brim with tears. They alarm me. I tighten my grip on her hips as if afraid someone might try to yank her off. Take her away from me.
“I shouldn’t have chosen that moment to ask you if I was your mate. It’s just…I overheard you and Brick talking about it in Monaco. About wiping my memory.” Her lips tremble.
“Fuck.” Self-recrimination rips through me.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I would never let a leech wipe your memories.
I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to admit to Brick that you’re my mate.
I knew it. Every one of the guys knew it.
My behavior was so erratic. I started an international pack incident when the Monaco king insulted you.
I worked from home to be near you. I co-parented a puppy, for fuck’s sake. ”
Aubrey gives me a reluctant smile.
“I guess I subconsciously knew marking you would force things to a head with my dad. Things I’d put off for far too long.
So I stalled and pretended I didn’t know for sure.
But I did, baby.” I stroke her cheek with my thumb.
“And I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you and made you feel like you weren’t good enough.
That was never it. I was the one who wasn’t good enough for you.
Not yet. But I took care of it. My dad and those assholes from Sentience will never threaten you or your friends again. ”
She studies my face. “What did you do?” she whispers.
I hesitate. This is the violent side I don’t want her to see. But if she’s my mate, she needs to know who I am. What I’ll do to keep her and our family safe. “I put my dad in the ground.”
She sucks in a breath.
“As long as he was alive, you and our pups would be at risk, and I could not have that.”
Aubrey’s eyes mist again. “Our pups?” she chokes.
My throat closes, too, but the words are flowing now. I can’t hold them back any more. “Please marry me. Let me protect you, provide for you, and be your family.”
Aubrey breaks, clapping her hand over her mouth to stifle a sob.
I hold my breath, watching her. Bracing for her reaction.
“Yes.” She nods. “Okay. I’m in, Billy White, the one and only. I’m all in.”
I fall back on the couch, limp with relief. I’ve been a zombie for the last twelve days, barely living, barely breathing, barely keeping my shit together.
But it’s over.
Aubrey’s mine.
I know we still have work to do. I have to learn to make her happy. Keep her interested. Please her in ways beyond the bedroom. I have to learn to open up. It was my silence that made her walk away.
“When you didn’t contact me, I thought you were relieved that I ended things,” she tells me.
My heart squeezes painfully. “Fuck. I was just trying to honor your wishes.”
“Yeah, don’t do that again.” She flashes a sad smile. “Tonight Madi took me over to Sentience and showed me what you did for me. I realized you must still care.”
I sit up, pressing my chest against hers. I grip her nape. “I care. I care so fucking much, Silver. I’m sorry I don’t know how to show it.”
“No, you do. You show it perfectly. You’re an ‘acts of service’ guy. I was looking for ‘words of affirmation.’ But now I know how you express love.”
My brows dip in confusion.
“It’s a love language thing. We have to learn to speak each other’s love languages.”
I hold her gaze. “I’ll learn,” I swear like I’m making an oath to my alpha. “I’m a quick study.”
She gives me another one of those brilliant smiles. “I know. You’re the guy who just mastered ASL in the last few months. Madi told me you can read a 50-page contract in five minutes and demand extensive, thoughtful changes. You’re way smarter than I am.”
“I’m an idiot compared to you.”
She kisses me. “Not true. I let my pride and prejudice get in the way of us. But now we’re a team. We’ll deal with conflicts together, not apart.”
I feel the conflict in my chest. The old me–the black and white me–with compartmentalizing walls struggling to breathe as the barriers crumble. The pleasure of the light and warmth war with the need to re-erect my walls.
I surrender to it all. This is what it means to love. To be vulnerable and open. It feeds me at the same time it shakes my world up.
I lean into kiss her, and she pulls back. “Silver.” She taps her nose. She took out the diamond I gave her and put the old silver nose ring back in. She really was hurt. “It’ll burn.”
“Worth it.” I stroke my lips across hers in a slow, savoring kiss.
Aubrey
I bite his lower lip and tug. “Where are you going to bite me?” I make my voice sultry.