Chapter 6 #2
Lamar Anderson: Tired. But I’m cool. What are you up to?
Jazmyn Payne: Watching a movie with a frown.
Lamar Anderson: Why a frown?
Jazmyn Payne: Because this woman begged this engaged man to let the outcome of their one-on-one game determine if they’d be together and he basically took off his leg brace, tossed his crutches to the side and threw some flagrant fouls in order to beat her.
Lamar Anderson: Yoooooooooo! I’m weak!
I grinned, imagining his laugh.
Jazmyn Payne: What are you up to?
Lamar Anderson: Just got home from a three-day minicamp and wanted to hit you up before I crashed. Can I call you tomorrow?
Jazmyn Payne: Of course. You don’t have to ask.
Lamar Anderson: I didn’t know what you and your aunt had planned so I wanted to make sure.
I felt a pit in my stomach.
As I read his text again, I was reminded that he had no idea what was going on with my aunt.
Jazmyn Payne: If you’re free in the afternoon, that’s probably the best time.
Lamar Anderson: Aight, I’m going to sleep, and I’ll hit you up tomorrow afternoon.
Jazmyn Payne: I look forward to hearing from you. Have a good night!
Thursday morning, I walked into the rehab facility like I had every other day that week.
The only difference was that while she was doing occupational therapy, I spent time talking to Lamar.
When I heard her coming down the hall, I told him I’d call him that night.
And when she entered the room, some of the joy I felt from the call dwindled.
“How was your session?” I asked, studying her as they got her situated in the hospital bed.
Her lips turned upward. “Good,” she said weakly.
She was not good.
With each passing day, her energy depleted, and her light dimmed. I initiated conversation with hopeful optimism, and Aunt Addy replied with cheerful compliance despite how she looked. But by Saturday, it was harder for either of us to pretend.
“How are you?” I asked quietly.
With her eyes closed, she replied, “I’m fine. One week down, one week to go.”
“How are you really?”
As soon as she opened her eyes, she shook her head.
Even though she didn’t say a word, I knew the answer.
“I need to get out of here,” she murmured, just before Rose walked in.
“Look at these two beautiful ladies,” she sang with a flair.
“Rose!” Aunt Addy called out in response, flashing her a smile. “What did you do to your hair?”
“You like?” She did a little spin before she approached the bed. “As soon as you get out of here, I want you to meet my new stylist.”
I offered my seat to her, and as soon as she sat down, they started exchanging stories.
It sounded like when I got together with Nina and Aaliyah.
My heart was heavy, replaying Aunt Addy’s words, but I put a smile on my face, and I gathered my things.
To give the two women time to talk, I went to the mall to pick up a couple of outfits since I was staying longer than expected.
And maybe I’ll find something to wear for my date.
As a bottom-heavy size sixteen, looking for something cute and fashionable to wear in a small-town mall was going to take a little time.
Pants were always ill fitting unless they were spandex or Lycra.
Shirts didn’t cover my ass. And some of the prints in stores were insulting.
I had the pleasure of having two fashionable best friends—with one being a literal model, so I hadn’t had to pick out my own clothes in a long time.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as a man let the door close in my face.
He glanced back. “Oh, I didn’t see you.”
The woman he was with said something under her breath, and they both laughed.
I was instantly irritated with them. I didn’t want to assume they were talking shit about me, but the acid-like bitterness that seared through my belly all but confirmed it.
Since I wasn’t sure, I didn’t call them out.
Instead, I glared at the back of their heads as they walked toward the food court.
When I lost sight of them, I became irritated with myself.
I hate it here.
Twelve years in Richland and a date with Lamar had put my guard down enough to think a quick trip to the mall would be fine.
But I’d been quickly reminded of why I didn’t venture out in Chance—nothing had changed.
I would never feel comfortable or accepted in a place where I’d spent so long being either invisible or the target.
I let a good night with Lamar make me forget where I was.
I rolled my shoulders back, held my head up high, and ignored the nagging feeling of dread that hovered over me.
I’ll check this store and then leave, I thought as I walked into the nearest department store.
It was a small town, so I knew it was highly likely I’d run into someone.
I was prepared for a familiar face treating me like Olivia and Morgan had at the sports bar.
Mean girls, haters, and assholes, I could handle.
I’d been handling them since middle school.
But to have strangers treating me with disregard for no other reason than because of the way I look always cut deep.
I’d worked hard to avoid situations that prompted that feeling inside me, but Chance had managed to force it all back to the forefront.
Fuck this place!
Standing in the middle of the aisle, I looked around in confusion. I took a few tentative steps to the left, searching for a sign to point me in the right direction so I could be in and out.
“If you’re looking for the plus sizes, they’re in the back, Jummy,” said a grating voice from behind me.
I turned around to see Olivia Chapman with fresh microbraids and a smug look on her face. Two women I didn’t recognize flanked her.
“If you’re looking for a black eye, call me that again,” I warned, glaring at her.
She lifted her hands in surrender. “Don’t get violent, Jazmyn. I was just trying to help get you to the right department.” She looked at my hand and then smirked. “Didn’t you get married? Where’s your ring?”
“You should be more concerned about the ring around your neck than the ring on my finger.”
Her hand flew to her protruding collarbone. “There’s no ring around my neck!” she protested indignantly.
Turning on my heel, I started to walk away from her when she began running her mouth again.
“Why were you talking to Lamar Anderson last weekend?” she asked.
I continued walking.
When I arrived at the back of the store, I saw the modest selection of plus-sized clothing and sighed. After scanning everything, I managed to find one sundress and one shirt that I liked. I took a picture and was just about to send it to the group chat.
“He acted like he knew you,” Olivia stated from somewhere behind me. “How could you possibly know his fine ass?”
I didn’t bother to turn around. “Why are you talking to me?”
“Why not?”
My lip curled in disgust as I turned to look at her. “Why not?!” I spat her question back at her in disbelief. “Girl, please.”
She feigned confusion. “I know you’re not still mad about what happened when we were kids. You’re going to have to heal and let that go, sis.”
“I’m not your sis.”
“Well, then let me get to the point.” She stepped up. “Lamar Anderson isn’t active on social media, so he hasn’t seen my DMs. Do you know how to get in touch with him?”
“Why would I tell you anything? I don’t fuck with you.”
“I didn’t think so. It was a long shot to think you knew anything anyway,” she said. “Were you two just next to each other randomly, or was it a Make-A-Wish situation?”
I snatched the garments I liked from the rack and stormed away.
“You have to know you could never pull someone like him, Jummy!” she yelled behind me.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath.
I’d taken kickboxing classes off and on since ninth grade and boxing lessons for the last five years.
Everything in me wanted to throw my stuff down and roundhouse kick that arrogant look off her face.
But I knew that was what she wanted. She wanted to be able to go back and tell everyone that I lost it on her “for no reason.” Everyone would paint her as the innocent victim and me as the big, bad bully.
I’m not going to give her the satisfaction.
Forcing my feet forward, I went to pay for my items. I was cussing her out in my head the entire time.
I was still irritated when I arrived at the rehab center, so I sat in the car for a while.
It wasn’t that I was holding on to childhood trauma.
Therapy, relocation, my aunt, and time had me make peace with how I’d grown up, how my hometown disregarded me, and how being bullied had affected me.
But strangers in Chance treating me as if I didn’t matter or didn’t exist got under my skin.
And Olivia and her friends were trying to piss me off in present day.
On top of that, and much more importantly, my aunt was losing her spark with each passing day.
I was already not in a good space, but to hear Jummy and to be taunted by the monsters of Chance had pushed me over the edge.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Breathing heavily, I slumped against the headrest. I didn’t know if I wanted to scream again or cry.
It was all too much, and I just wanted the feelings to go away.
So, when my phone rang, I almost didn’t even look at it.
I didn’t feel like talking. I didn’t feel like explaining to anyone what was going on.
I didn’t feel like feeling everything I was feeling.
When I picked up the phone to end the call, I paused.
Lamar.
Everything disappeared with Lamar.
Breathing out the frustration and anger swirling within me, I quickly answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hey, what’s up?” Lamar greeted me. “You good?”
“I’m…” I exhaled. “I’m better now. I’m glad you called.”
“What’s going on?”
There was something about him that made me want to open up.
But I loved the fact that he didn’t know about my aunt, my ex-husband, or my childhood trauma.
I loved that he didn’t see me through the lens of my pain.
I loved that he didn’t treat me like I was wounded.
He didn’t see my baggage. He just saw me.
And I wanted to hold on to that for as long as possible.
“It’s just been a day,” I answered, sidestepping everything I was going through. “I needed to hear a friendly voice, so I’m glad you called. What are you up to?”
“I’m on lunch break. We’re almost done with my mom’s garden. Once she figures out how she wants the walkway to look, Bill and I can knock it out and be done with it.”
“You’ve been putting in work all week! I know you’re going to be glad when you get a day off.”
“Oh, you don’t even know.” He let out a light chuckle. “Tomorrow can’t come fast enough. These next couple weeks are necessary.”
“You have two weeks off? After being so busy, what are you going to do with all your time?”
“Well, I thought my vacation was going to start on Monday, but turns out, I have a real good day planned for tomorrow.”
I smiled, staring out the window at the visitors walking toward the building. “Oh, really? What are these plans?”
“You’ll have to wait to see.”
“Oh, I like the sound of this.”
“Good. I think you’ll like it.”
“I have no doubt that I will. It’ll be the highlight of my week.”
“What have you been doing since the last time I saw you?”
I shifted in my seat. “Like I told you the other day, my aunt and I have just spent the week talking, watching TV, catching up.”
“But you haven’t gone out in Chance?”
“If the mall counts. But my plan was to not do much in Chance. That’s how it always is when I visit. What about you?” I changed the subject quickly. “You’re the one with two weeks off. What are you doing with it?”
“I got a trip planned with the boys next week. We’re flying out on Monday, spending ten days in Dubai.”
“Oh, I love that! Special occasion or just because?”
“My boy Erickson is getting married, and he’s always wanted to go, so that’s what we’re doing for his bachelor party.”
“That’s going to be a good time.”
“Almost as good as the time we’re about to have tomorrow.”
I bit my bottom lip and ignored the butterflies that rippled through my belly. “Well, now you gotta come with it. You’ve just raised the expectations for tomorrow.”
“Cool. I look forward to exceeding them.”
All I could do was grin.
“But look, my mom just came in here like my break is over,” he continued with a laugh. “So I’ll hit you up later. And I’ll definitely see you tomorrow.”
“Take a picture of the finished product. I’d love to see it.”
“I got you.”
We said our goodbyes, and I sighed contentedly. The warmth that filled me cleared my mind and gave me the reset that I needed. He made me feel like everything was okay.
“Everything is going to be okay,” I whispered as I got out of the car.