Chapter 14 #3
“We are not surprised you didn’t say anything, Addison,” Mom replied with pursed lips.
She shifted her focus back to me. “Why didn’t you say anything, Jazmyn?
When we talked, you said you two were shopping and gardening and reading a book for a book club.
You didn’t say anything about this.” She gestured to my aunt.
I lifted my eyebrows. “What was I supposed to say?”
“That your aunt wanted to dye her hair blue!”
I laughed again. “What’s wrong with blue hair?”
“You’re not some teenager, Addy,” Dad pointed out. “Don’t you think this is a little young for you?”
“What is everyone going to say?!” Mom exclaimed.
“Everyone who has seen it loves it,” Aunt Addy told them. “And the only person whose opinion matters on the subject”—she pointed to herself—“loves it.”
“I just don’t want you to need something, and they treat you poorly because they’re judging you by your appearance,” Mom explained. “If you have to go to the hospital, I don’t want them to not try to save you.”
My aunt looked from my mom to my dad. “Miranda. Richard. I’m on hospice. I won’t be going to the hospital.”
“Speaking of hospice,” Dad started, scooting to the edge of his chair and leaning toward his sister. “Jazmyn is heading home on Friday. We wanted to know how you felt about staying with us.”
Aunt Addy shook her head. “No thank you.”
“Addison,” he protested. “We want to take care of you and make sure you’re okay. You can’t be here alone.”
“Then you can come see me right here. In my home. Where I’ll be.”
I know that’s right!
“How would it look for us to leave you here alone?” Mom asked. “We have the space.” She pointed to Monica. “You can bring your nurse.”
As they went back and forth, I really didn’t understand how my parents thought Aunt Addison would want to leave her home and live with them. They meant well, but they missed the mark.
“Her speech and her enunciation are a little off, but that mind of hers is sharp as a tack,” Mom pointed out later, when we were alone.
Aunt Addy had gone to her room to rest, and Monica and my father were discussing her care in the kitchen.
“It’s tough seeing her not moving around on her own though,” she continued, pulling a frown.
“Yeah, it is. She was moving a lot better when she was fresh out of rehab. We did a bunch of stuff in July, and she’d get out of her chair. But she started declining again. Her energy seems to be decreasing.” My voice cracked, and I bit my lip to keep my emotions in check.
My mom pulled me in for a hug. “I know you’re looking forward to getting back home. Aaliyah’s birthday party is this weekend, right?”
“I’m looking forward to the party, but I’ve enjoyed spending this time with Aunt Addy,” I admitted, releasing from the embrace. “It was an unexpected stay, but I think it was necessary.”
She patted my knee. “You’re a blessing. We were ready to come right back up here if we had to.”
“I know. But I was already here, and I didn’t have work, so it worked out.”
“School starts on Monday?”
“On Tuesday.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Are you happy?”
“I mean…” I gestured in the direction of Aunt Addy’s room. “Not with this situation.”
“Of course not. I just worry about this being the second significant loss in the last couple of years.”
“Second?”
“First your divorce and now this. You’re up in Richland, and I know you have your friends and your job, but I worry about you.”
“My divorce doesn’t compare to losing Aunt Addy … at all.”
“But it was a loss. He was your husband.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, please.”
“I worry that when Addison passes, you will shut down like you shut down after your divorce.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t shut down. I just … took the time to heal from the situation and to unlearn what I’d been taught.”
As if she hadn’t heard anything I’d just said, she continued. “And when we lose Addison, who has always been your closest confidant, will you shut out your friends? The rest of your family? I don’t want you to be lonely.”
“Why would you think I’d shut my family and friends out?” I looked around the empty room in confusion. What is she on?
“Because that’s what happened after your divorce,” she said emphatically. “You abruptly cut ties with Tyson, no questions asked. And then you abandoned the idea of marriage and relationships.”
Making a face, I shifted uncomfortably. “That’s not exactly what happened.”
“Then why haven’t you dated again? Why do you insist on being alone?”
“I never said I was abandoning relationships. Abandoning means to give up completely. I said I was not interested, and that means I was not concerned with it. There is a difference, and that difference matters.”
She brushed her hand over my locs and then cupped my cheek. “I’m afraid you aren’t processing your pain and—”
“Mom, I’m fine. My pain has been processed.
The healing I had to do was from thinking I had to live a perfect little life that didn’t fit me with a man who wasn’t worthy of me.
It wasn’t the breakup with Tyson that I needed to heal from.
I had to heal from the realization that striving for perfection, living up to other people’s expectations, had taken a lot from me.
Because if we’re being real, I never should’ve married that man in the first place. ”
“You didn’t have to marry him, honey. I mean, he seemed perfect for you, so we were happy to see you married.”
“No, he didn’t seem perfect for me, and he wasn’t.”
And if you knew me better, you would know that.
“But I married him anyway, so that’s on me,” I continued.
She gave my shoulders a squeeze. “What I would recommend, to help you during this time—”
“I’m going to hold your hand when I tell you this,” I interrupted as I clutched her hand. “You’re my mom; you’re not my therapist.”
“Honey, I’m not treating you like one of my clients.”
“You sure about that?”
My dad and Monica came back into the living room, and we changed the subject.
Aunt Addy woke up, and the five of us had dinner. My parents made a plan to come back the next day and coordinated care with Monica. I retreated to my room, still thinking about what my mom had said.
Abandoning the idea of relationships and marriage is not the same as not being interested, I argued to myself.
And I kept repeating that thought anytime my mind strayed.
Picking up my phone, I called Aaliyah.
“Hello?” she answered.
“Do we all have to have a date for Saturday or just you?” I asked.
“Well, hello to you, too.” She snickered. “Yes. But your date doesn’t have to be a date date. It can be anyone you want to bring.”
I cleared my throat. “Okay.”
“Is there someone you have in mind?”
“Is there someone you have in mind?” I countered. “Your party is in forty-eight hours, and last I heard, you were into Lennox. Is he still the one?”
“Lennox is no longer a contender.”
My eyebrows shot up. “What? Since when?”
“Officially last night,” she said, before giving me a quick rundown of what had happened over the past week.
The bartender, I thought with a rueful smile. I know more about him than the men she’s actually going on dates with.
“Lennox went out of town for work or something. He’ll be back on my birthday. But I’m going to let him know it’s not going to work the next time we speak,” she continued.
“Interesting…”
We spent twenty minutes discussing her birthday-date dilemma and her upcoming date. When she turned the conversation to me, I didn’t plan on saying anything, but it burst out of me.
“So, I was talking to my mom, and she basically said that she thinks I haven’t ‘processed my pain’ from Tyson,” I told her.
“From Tyson?!” Aaliyah screeched. “What?”
I laughed. “Exactly!”
“Why would she think you were still hung up on him?”
“She said I abandoned the idea of relationships and marriage because I ‘lost’ my husband. And I never abandoned the idea, and I certainly didn’t lose my husband.”
“He lost you!”
“Okay!” I agreed.
“Where did that come from?” she wondered.
“She was saying that she was worried about how I handle significant losses since Aunt Addy is…” I swallowed hard, unable to say it—especially when that wasn’t the focus of the conversation.
“My mom basically was saying that she’s worried about the way I handle loss because I haven’t had a man since the divorce. ”
“I don’t think Tyson had anything to do with that. But…” She dragged the word out. “I do think the experience jaded you. I mean, it would’ve jaded me, too. That asshole had been cheating the whole time! But I think the experience made you apprehensive to trust and open up to someone.”
I slowly nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Yeah,” I sighed.
“You’re going to meet someone who is going to make you comfortable enough to try again. Until then, you said you were going to have sex this summer. So maybe take a page out of Nina’s book and get back on the horse.”
I giggled lightly. “That’s the same exact thing Aunt Addy said.” I closed my eyes, and I saw Lamar. A quick flashback of our time near the river washed over me. “Mm.”
“Who are you thinking about bringing to my party? Maybe whoever you bring will help you get back on the horse.”
A throb between my thighs sparked an idea.
“I have someone in mind,” I told her. “But if he can’t come, I’ll figure something out.”
“He? Who is he?”
“I met him in Chance, actually. But he lives in Maryland.”
“What? How cool is that?”
“Yeah, he was only here visiting family, but we became friends.”
“And he’s just a friend?”
“Suddenly, I gotta go,” I told her.
“Hmm. Interesting…”
We burst out laughing.
“This is the longest I’ve gone without seeing you,” she told me. “I’m going to give you the biggest hug.”
I smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.”
We said goodbye, and then I made another call.
“Hey, what’s up?” Lamar answered over the commotion in the background.
“Hi, are you busy? I just have a quick question.”
“I have a few minutes for you. You good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I was just wondering if you were busy on Saturday?”
“Practice in the morning, but free after three o’clock.”
“Well, my best friend’s thirtieth birthday party is Saturday. It’s an overnight thing. I know it’s last-minute, but would you want to go with me?”
“Is this you asking me out?”
My face got warm. “Yes. Was that not clear?”
He chuckled. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you. I’ve only been trying all summer.”
“You’ve been in training camp all summer,” I argued with a grin.
“Yeah. But I’ve been wanting to see you all summer, too. So text me the details.” He yelled something to someone in the background. “We just found out we made the cut, so I gotta go, but I’ll hit you up tonight.”
Grinning, I bit down on my bottom lip. “Congratulations! Talk soon.”
Jazmyn Payne: Anyone up?
Nina Ford: Not Jazz sending a “you up?” text like one of these trash ass men Aaliyah’s matching with on TenderFish!
Aaliyah James: You know I can see your text too, right?
I laughed out loud.
Jazmyn Payne: Just confirming I’ll be bringing a date on Saturday.
Nina Ford: Is it that man you fucked in Chance?
Aaliyah James: You fucked somebody in Chance?! Is it that guy you said you made friends with?
Nina Ford: Sounds like she made more than friends! Sounds like she made it clap!
Jazmyn Payne: I made a friend and there may have been some benefits. But we’re friends so I asked him to come with me to the party. And I’m just preparing y’all now, so you don’t embarrass me and make it something it’s not.
Aaliyah James: Nina, you hear this? Jazz thinks we’re going to embarrass her in front of her boyfriend.
Nina Ford: He must’ve knocked the Mario coins out her pussy if she’s giving us this type of warning days in advance.
Cackling, I changed the subject.
Jazmyn Payne: Aaliyah, which man did you decide to bring? Or are you still in denial like Nina is about her dating situation?
Nina Ford: I’m not in denial. I’m just making questionable decisions.
Aaliyah James: I’m not in denial. I’m under duress.
Jazmyn Payne: I’m so weak! I needed these laughs. I can’t wait to see you two this weekend.