Chapter 29
“… and I told him to go on record and say we’re friends, so I don’t know why it bothers me,” I told Aunt Addy late Saturday night.
Mom and Dad were sleeping in the guest room.
Monica had gone home at noon and was slated to come back Sunday morning.
It was the first time since I’d arrived that I was alone with Aunt Addy to update her.
And while I’d planned on going to bed twenty minutes earlier, when I peeked in at Aunt Addy, she had her eyes open.
So I sat in the chair next to her bed and started chatting.
Her frail form was shocking to me because I’d just seen her a couple of weeks ago.
My fingers gently rubbed her bony hand. She was staring at me, and the sparkle had dimmed from her eyes.
Her light had dimmed. As I talked to her about the latest with Lamar, I found myself missing her—the things she would’ve said, the jokes she would’ve made, and the advice she would’ve given.
“What do you think I should do?” I wondered aloud.
I stared at her, and she stared right back at me.
“Even if the entire internet weren’t a dumpster fire, I told him I wanted to be with him, and he didn’t say anything back.
I told him I loved him, and he didn’t say it back.
And what’s wild is that both times, I felt him feeling it, too.
I know it sounds delusional, but I don’t know how else to explain it.
I could feel that he wants to be with me.
I could feel that he’s in love with me. Maybe he isn’t trying to be in a relationship and he isn’t ready to say the words yet, but I feel it.
” I paused. “As delusional as it sounds.”
She blinked.
I looked around her room. “Enough about Lamar—look at all these flowers.” I gestured around the room. “This is incredible! Those are my favorite.” I pointed at a bright mix of blue, lavender, and pink flowers. “Oh wait, no, those…” I looked at the bouquet.
Standing, I crossed the room to the mix of white flowers in the same crystal vase that my flowers had come in. “Who got you these, Aunt Addy?” I plucked the card from the bouquet.
Ms. Addison Payne, aka Aunt Addy, the two most important women in my life speak highly of you, so I just wanted to give you your flowers and let you know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. —Lamar
I put my hand on my heart as I read it again.
My head spun around before my body as I looked at Aunt Addy. A hint of a smile tugged at her lips before her eyes closed.
“Aunt Addy? Did you know about this?” I put my hands on my hips. “Aunt Addy?”
She was asleep.
“Good night. I love you,” I whispered, before making my way to my room.
I climbed into bed, still thinking about how I’d talked to Lamar before and after his practice, and he hadn’t said he had sent flowers.
And since it was one o’clock in the morning, I didn’t want to call him and disrupt his sleep on game day.
But I was tempted because those flowers and that note had touched my heart.
Jazmyn Payne: Good morning! I know it’s game day and you’re in the zone. I just wanted to let you know that I saw the flowers you sent to my aunt. Thank you. I know they put a smile on her face. You are the most amazing man I’ve ever known, and I am thankful to have you in my life.
I almost put I love you in the text, but I didn’t want him to feel pressured to say it back. I didn’t want him to not be focused on what he needed to be focused on—which was the game.
Jazmyn Payne: Your talent is yours. There is no one who can take that from you.
Do what you know how to do. You are not just valuable.
You are valued. That team needs you and you showed up at the right time.
I need you and you showed up at the right time.
You show up. That’s who you are. So, show up today and handle your business.
Play your game. Don’t worry about anything else but playing your game. You got this!
Sitting at my aunt’s bedside on Sunday afternoon, I watched her like a hawk until kickoff.
My dad, my mom, and my aunt all watched the game in my aunt’s bedroom.
My mom didn’t care for sports, but she wanted to be in the room with Aunt Addy.
The four of us watched the Monarchs take the field on offense, and we rooted and cheered.
Every time I looked at my aunt and she was awake, she had a smile on her face.
“Oh, my goodness gracious,” my mom cried out as the Nighthawks kicked a field goal.
“That’s it. That’s the game,” my dad concluded with a shake of his head.
I looked at Aunt Addy, and her eyes were closed.
“Addison, you didn’t want to see that nonsense, did you?” my dad questioned, looking sadly at his sister. Turning to me, his eyes widened. “That was a nail-biter! But I guess the better team won.”
I made a face. “I don’t know about better…”
The game was close and had five lead changes, but the Monarchs lost to the Nighthawks by three points.
Lamar played extremely well, and I had no doubt that they were celebrating him.
I wanted to look for the team interviews and press conferences on social media.
But I wasn’t in the mood to come across any slander.
Jazmyn Payne: I see they had to try to double team you in order to keep you from sacking the quarterback. That is how you know you are a beast on the field and that your impact is felt. You are a difference maker. In the game and in life. So proud of you!
Lamar Anderson: I’m starting to think a pregame message from you is what gets me in the right headspace to play.
And a postgame message from you is what gets me through a loss.
Thank you. I needed that. And I’m glad Aunt Addy liked the flowers.
I was able to set up next day delivery with hers so I just wanted to make sure she had something from me.
Jazmyn Payne: Well, that didn’t just mean something to her. It meant something to me. You are incredibly thoughtful and sweet. And I promise to send you a pregame and a postgame message for as long as you want me to.
Lamar Anderson: For as long as I want? I’m going to hold you to that.
Jazmyn Payne: Please do.
Lamar Anderson: Is it limited to just for when I’m playing? Because I feel like I need a word from you before everything I do.
Jazmyne Payne: Consider it done. I send you messages before the game because I want you to feel the way you make me feel. And I’d do the same thing if you were going into work, running your business.
Lamar Anderson: And you said you’ll do it for as long as I want?
Jazmyn Payne: As long as you want.
Lamar Anderson: What if I say I want it forever?
My eyes widened, and I read it three times. Even though my mind was sure he just meant he always wanted me in his life, my body interpreted his words as saying he wanted me forever.
He has to know how that sounds.
Jazmyn Payne: I’d say consider it done.
Lamar Anderson: Good to know. I’m about to talk to some reporters and then get out of here. But I’ll call you when I get home.
Jazmyn Payne: Okay interviews! Do your thing! Win or lose, I’m so proud of you, Lamar. Talk soon!
Aunt Addy slept most of the rest of the day. I sat by her bed with a book in hand, but I didn’t read it. I just stared at her.
Ever since my mom had put things into perspective, I’d thought about Aunt Addy’s death differently. I was still extremely sad for me, but I wasn’t sad for her to be released from her pain.
“You told me that I was deserving, and if I was inspired by anything you’ve ever done, I needed to be inspired by the way you lived your life,” I murmured.
“And I am. I’ve always been inspired by you and in awe of you.
You always lived life on your terms. You always did things your way.
You always made the most of every opportunity. You are fearless. Even now.”
Around nine o’clock, I went to my bedroom.
I was feeling a lot of different emotions, and I didn’t want to unload on Lamar fresh on the heels of his loss.
I didn’t want to talk to Nina about it because she’d just reunited with her man after his business trip.
I knew Aaliyah was preparing for a presentation she had to do for work in the morning.
I’ll talk to them tomorrow.
As if he could sense my need, my phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Is everything okay?” Lamar asked.
Blinking rapidly, I put my hand over my heart. “I’m okay. Is everything okay with you?”
“Yeah. I’m about to crash, but I wanted to hear your voice. But you sound like something is wrong. Talk to me.”
“I was just thinking about Aunt Addy.”
“How’s everything going? I mean, I know, but … how is she?”
“She’s been sleeping a lot, so the meds are doing their job because she doesn’t seem to be in any pain. I was talking to her earlier, and it got me to thinking about this summer.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I’m really glad I met you.”
“I’m really glad I met you, too. I thank God for that wing craving every single day. And I’m here. For anything, anytime. I hope you know that.”
My stomach fluttered. “I do.”
He was quiet for a moment. “And the way you say I make you feel is how you make me feel. You know that, right?”
“Yes.”
“You make sense. From the moment I met you, you’ve just made sense.”
My cheeks heated. “Good. So do you.”
We said good night, and his warmth coated me. His words were as powerful as any hug.
But I wanted to see him.
Searching for Lamar’s postgame interview, I smiled when I saw a clip with Sports Athletes News Station.
“Lamar, you played a great game today,” the interviewer started.
“Even though things didn’t go the Monarchs’ way, you had eight tackles, two of those tackles for a loss.
The defense keeps getting better and better each week.
You keep getting better and better. What do you think about the offensive performance today? ”